The Wandering Physicist Adventures

by WanderingPhysicist

A Date to Remember

Main Characters: TWP, Rei, Lucas, Twilight, Spike, Pinkie
Cameos: None
Original Write Date: January 2, 2012

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The Wandering Physicist stumbles into The Power Block in the middle of the afternoon. He is not coming from his living quarters above the store as would be expected but from the street. He makes his way across the store and starts heading up to his home.

Lucas closes up shop since there are few patrons left in the store, then heads up stairs after his boss. The living area is empty, but Rei eating a snack at the table. Under the table, The Wandering Physicist is curled into a ball and shaking visibly.

‘Hi!’ Rei greets cheerfully.

‘Uh... Boss?’ Lucas looks under the table. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m dying, Lucas. I really am. No regeneration for me.’

‘Boss! What is wrong! Maybe I can help!’

‘I did it, Lucas. I finally did it. It is over now.’

Lucas looks up at Rei. ‘Do you have any idea what he is talking about?’

Rei looks under the table. ‘BWAH!’ She jumps back and cowers on the ceiling. ‘There is something under the table!’

Lucas sighs and looks under the table again. ‘Boss, what did you do?’

The Wandering Physicist looks back meekly. Rei swoops down and looks under the table too.

‘I asked her. I finally asked her out. I asked Twilight on a date.’

‘Yatta!’ Rei cheers. Somehow, streamers and confetti shoot out from around her.

‘That is great, boss!’ Lucas congratulates. ‘What did she say?’

‘YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES’ Twilight cheers as she bounces into the library.

Spike rushes into entry hall. He finds the over-ecstatic Twilight bounding around the room like a crazed schoolfilly. When she gets too near a bookshelf, her waving tail knocks over a row of books

‘Twilight!’ Spike shouts. ‘What is it? Why all the excitement?’

‘YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES’

‘TWILIGHT!’

Twilight stops her bouncing and smiles at her friend. ‘Yes?’ She giggles.

‘Twilight, I am happy for whatever you are happy for, but what are we happy about?‘

Twilight beams her happiest smile. ‘He did it. He finally did it.’

‘Who finally did what?’

‘Mr Wanderer. He finally asked me out.’ Twilight claps her hooves excitedly.

‘Way to go!’ Spike cheers. About freaking time.

Then something sparks in Twilight’s mind. She instantly collapses into a nervous heap on the floor with her tail in her hooves. ‘He asked me out?! How could he ask me out!? Why would he do such a thing to me!’

Spike is confused. ‘Uh... I thought you wanted to go out with him?’

‘I do! But I am not ready! I don’t know anything about going on a date! I have to study!’ Twilight bolts up and starts digging through all of the books she knocked off of the shelves. ‘SPIKE!’

Spike uncovers his ears from the yell he saw coming from kilometers away. ‘Twilight. I am standing right next to you.’

Twilight grabs Spike by the shoulders. ‘Spike! I need every book we have on romance and dating. Right now!’

‘Twilight, are you sure going to a book is a good idea? Shouldn’t a date be romantic and exciting by being spontaneous?’

‘I don’t know!’ Twilight starts digging through the first book she finds. ‘Is that in a book? Because if it is not in a book, it is not true! OH! Where is a good dating book when I need one, which is right now!’

‘I think you are overreacting a little.’ Spike takes the five-year-old farmers almanac from Twilight and sets it aside. ‘Let’s just get you a nice cup of calming tea, and I’ll help you pick out something nice to wear.’

Twilight glares over Spike. ‘What to wear!? What to wear!? This is my first date. EVER! I don’t have anything to wear since I never needed it before!’

‘We could always ask Rarity if...’

‘She would make fun of me for never having been on a date before.’

‘What is the big deal? Everypony has to have a first date at some point in their life.’

‘The big deal!? He is several times my age! Do you know how many first dates he has been on?’

The Panicking Physicist has moved from under the table to freaking out on the couch. He is currently controlling his hyperventilation via paper bag.

‘Don’t tell her this is my first first date. Please. I beg you. She can never find out.’

‘Haven’t you two been out to dinner together before?’

The Hyperventilating Physicist lowers the paper bag. ‘Do you think she has the wrong idea? What if she thinks this is just a meal between two friends?’

‘I really doubt that, boss.’

‘Yeah!’ Rei joins in. ‘She is smarter than all of you put together. She is probably picking out a pretty dress right now!’

‘OH MY PIZZA! What am I going to wear!’

‘OH MY CELESTIA! What am I going to wear!’ Twilight shouts while throwing the contents of her closet all over her bedroom.

‘Why don’t you just wear that pink dress that Rarity made for your coronation?’ Spike suggests

‘Are you insane!’ Twilight snaps. ‘He hates pink! He’ll think I am insulting him!’

Spike cringes back. ‘If he doesn’t like pink, how come he is such good friends with Pinkie Pie?’

‘Yeah? Why is he such good friends with me?’ A new voice chimes in.

Twilight and Spike turn to see Pinkie Pie standing in the room under several layers of Twilight’s dresses, coats, cloaks and saddles.

Pinkie shakes all of the clothes off her body. ‘Hi!’

‘Pinkie!?’ Just what Twilight needs. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I’m here about your date, silly.’ Pinkie answers with a grin. ‘I thought I could help out.’

‘Thank you, Pinkie, but, I don’t think you... Wait. How did you know about my date?’

‘Given your reaction, how does the whole town not know?’ Spike mumbles.

Twilight turns and growls at Spike.

‘That is how I heard.’ Pinkie beams. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if every restaurant in town is hoping for your imminent arrival.’

Twilight moans but cuts it short with a scream. ‘Where is he going to take me?!’

‘So... Where are you going to take her?’ Rei asks.

‘Where am I going to take her!?’ The Wandering Physicist panics from under a couch cushion.

Lucas sighs. ‘You have a time machine. You two can go anywhere in the universe.’

‘I have a time machine! I can take her anywhere in the universe!’

‘I just said that...’

‘No! She knows that! She’ll be expecting something extraordinary! I am going to come up short!’

Lucas groans. ‘I remember you telling me once that you really wanted to take her to the restaurant Milliways. Why not go there?’

The Wandering Physicist lets out a high pitched whine. Rei prances back and offers The Wandering Physicist a cup of tea.

‘Here. This will calm your nerves.’

The Wandering Physicist leans forward and sips the tea. ‘Much better. Good girl.’

Twilight tentatively drinks a cup of tea while sitting on her bed. The cup and saucer shake despite using her magic to levitate the drink. Across the room, Pinkie shoos Spike out of the room.

‘Thanks for you help, Spiky! I’ll take it from here.’ Pinkie waves as she closes the door.

‘Okay... Just take good care of her,’ Spike replies. ‘Don’t worry, Twilight! I am sure your date will go well.’

‘Thanks, Spike,’ Twilight sighs.

Pinkie finally gets the little dragon out and shuts the door. She sighs and goes over to Twilight.

‘Thanks, Pinkie.’ Twilight sips her tea. ‘I am feeling calmer with you here.’

‘Anything to help a friend!’ Pinkie cheers. She looks around nervously and her hair falls flat. ‘Now, I have to be serious with you for a moment...’

Seeing Pinkie with her hair down, Twilight begins to shake. Her tea starts spilling as she starts losing control of her magic.

‘Now, I know you like Mr James Hayate Wanderer a lot. You also know that he and I have a pact to never let the other go unhappy.’ Twilight nods in acknowledgement. ‘Good. Then know this,’ -- Pinkie approaches Twilight and stares into her eyes -- ‘if you hurt him, even if it is just a little bit, I will snatch up all of the pieces before you can even think about making a move. Got it?’

Twilight just nods her head and squeaks.

Pinkie smiles and her hair poofs out to normal. ‘Okie Doki Loki!’ She prances down to the lower level. ‘Now, let’s find you something to make you pretty!’

Twilight whines and hides under her covers from the perfect storm of nerves.

The Well-Groomed and Properly-Dressed Physicist is trying to hide under his bed, but he can only fit his head and forelegs under. Lucas and Rei are trying as hard as they can to pry him out using magic and force respectively.

‘You’re going to have to come out for your date.’ Lucas groans as he tries a float spell on the bed.

‘Nooo!’ The Wandering Physicist cries as he tries to hold to the underside of the bed.

Rei tackles The Dangling Physicist to the ground. ‘Got him!’

The filly lets her prey free and flies up to sit on the floating bed. Lucas helps his boss up. The Wandering Physicist runs his hooves through his mane until it is back to its normal level of messy. He lets out a groan.

‘You’re scared, aren’t you Boss?’

‘Yeah....’ The Nervous Physicist moans. ‘Look at me. I can stand down entire Dalek armadas, but Twilight Sparkle makes my stomach do backflips.’

‘It is okay to be scared on your first date,’ Lucas assures.

‘Were you scared on your first date?’ Rei asks from her bed/airplane.

‘Me?!’ Lucas stammers. ‘I was... I mean I will... I mean.... Hey! Who wants something from the fridge? Or my fridge... At my apartment...’

Rei starts laughing. ‘Ha ha! You haven’t been on a date yet. Silly Lucas.’

Lucas blushes. ‘Shut up... You haven’t either.’

Rei leans over the edge of the flying bed-tress. ‘So? I’m the filly. You’re supposed to ask me. Not to mention I am cute, so I am set!’

Lucas moans as loud as his employer.

Twilight has come out of hiding and is joining her friend in trying to find a nice dress to wear. She is sitting in front of a mirror as Pinkie holds up various dresses before her friend.

‘Ooo! This one is pretty! So silky!’

Twilight examines herself. ‘I don’t know... It make me look a little...’

‘Sexy!’

‘No...’

‘Overly attractive!’

‘Not that...’

‘Slinky!’

Twilight looks a little ashamed. ‘A little too trashy.’

‘Oh silly, Twilight!’ Pinkie takes the dress away. ‘That isn’t as trashy as you think.’ She starts digging through the dresses again. ‘Ooo! Look at this fluffy one! Shiny.’

While Pinkie is looking through the dresses, Twilight looks back at her friend and bites her lip. After a big sigh, she breaks the silence.

‘Pinkie. I don’t know if you are the right pony to ask about this, but...’ Twilight swallows. ‘What if... what if he wants to...’

‘Wants to what?’

Twilight looks around nervously. ‘You know...’

Pinkie drops the dress she is holding and blushes. ‘What makes you think I know anything about that, silly?’

‘What? No. I... I am just worried he might want to. I mean, he is older than me...’

Pinkie laughs. ‘Don’t worry about that. You know he will be as timid as you about that.’

Twilight laughs nervously. ‘Right...’

‘Now! Let’s find you a dress!’ Pinkie goes back to finding a dress from the piles on the floor.

Twilight rubs her hooves nervously. ‘I mean... I have this book...’

‘You mean this one!’ Pinkie pulls a book from under Twilight’s bed.

Twilight’s face drops as Pinkie holds the book over her head. The title of the book reads ‘Egghead’s Guide to Ultimate Sex’. Twilight then shrieks as Pinkie bucks it out the window.

‘PINKIE!’

‘Don’t worry.’ Pinkie pulls another book from nowhere and tosses it to Twilight. ‘Here. This one has pictures!’

Twilight looks at the book. The title of the book reads ‘Egghead’s Guide to Ultimate Sex - Illustrated Edition’. Twilight levitates it up and opens it. She instantly blushes.

‘Oh. My.’

While Pinkie starts going through the dresses, Twilight keeps ‘reading’ the book. Her cheeks keep getting redder, her wings point skyward and horn keeps glowing brighter. Pinkie pulls up a nice, simple and practical dress.

‘How’s this!’

Twilight screams in surprise. ‘I’ll be right back!’ She runs out of the room with the book in tow.

Pinkie shrugs, giggles to herself and starts looking for other dresses to offer Twilight.

The Wandering Physicist, Lucas and Rei are back seated around the kitchen table again. All of the parties have calmed down, except Rei who is really enjoying the crazy emotions flying about her. She hopes that The Wandering Physicist asks more ponies out on first dates so she can watch him freak out more.

‘What if...’ The Wandering Physicist starts, ‘she wants to...’

Lucas moans and slams his head into the table. ‘BOSS! Don’t ever ask me anything like that ever again!’

‘It is a legitimate ques... OH MY SAGAN! WHERE IS REI!’

The stallions looks around the room. Rei is nowhere to be found. Before they can get up to look, they hear her coming up the stairs. She happily trots back to the table with a small box in her mouth. She sets the box in front of The Paling Physicist.

Rei beams. ‘Just remember to be safe.’

The Tortured Physicist lets out a loud groan and slams his head into the table.

‘Great. I am getting sex advice from my daughter.’

Rei freezes in her seat. ‘What,’ she squeaks.

Lucas is stunned. ‘Uh.... Boss...’

The Wandering Physicist’s eye snap wide. ‘Oh no!’ He sits up. ‘Did I reveal one of the secrets of the universe again? I tend to do that by accident when I am panicking.’

Lucas waves a leg in front of Rei’s face. ‘Yeah. She is gone.’

‘Oh sh....’ The Worrying Physicist panics. ‘What was it? Was it that she likes Stormy? Or was it that she likes Inkie? Or was it the Lucas one?’

‘What!’ Lucas snaps to attention.

‘Oh monkey trumpets,’ The Alarmed Physicist mumbles as he looks between his frozen allies.

Twilight has returned to her room. She is wearing a nice dress that Pinkie helped pick out. She is blushing beet red as Pinkie brushes her mane. Pinkie is humming a sweet song to herself.

‘I am so sorry I did that.’ Twilight mumbles as she stares at the ground. She can never look at Pinkie again without feeling embarrassed.

‘It is okay!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘Better to take care of that now rather than later when it would make things really awkward.’

Twilight goes from red to white as she thinks of the horror of The Wandering Physicist catching her doing such a disgraceful thing. Then again... She blushes again.

‘There!’ Pinkie sets down the brush. ‘You are all pretty now!’

‘Thanks, Pinkie...’

Pinkie notices Twilight’s face and giggles to herself as she gets a wicked plan. ‘You know... If you need help with page one-thirty-seven, you can always call me...’

Twilight’s magic goes of spontaneously, and the two mares are teleported to the main hall. Spike shouts as they almost fall on top of him.

‘Whoa... Spin-y...’ Pinkie falls over.

‘Twilight, are you okay?’ Spike worries.

Twilight shakes her head clear. ‘I am fine, Spike. My magic just got away from me for a second there.’

‘Are you sure you are okay?’

‘Don’t worry, Spike,’ Twilight assures. ‘Just working my nerves out.’

‘Wasn’t the first time this evening,’ Pinkie giggles.

‘PINKIE!’

‘Anyway, you look great, Twilight.’ Spike compliments. ‘He is sure to be impressed.’

Twilight blushes and starts fiddling with her mane. ‘Really? You’re just saying that.’

Pinkie slaps Twilight’s hooves. ‘Stop that. You don’t want to mess up you mane.’

‘Sorry. I just can’t control myself when I get nervous.’

‘At least you don’t have any secrets you could accidentally blurt out like at Fluttershy’s fashion show.’

Twilight looks around nervously. ‘Selene is really Princess Luna!’

‘Really!’ Spike is surprised.

‘Well, duh,’ Pinkie rolls her eyes.

Twilight turns from lecturing Spike not to tell anypony. ‘Wait. What?’

‘Yeah. A lot of us know that already.’ She starts counting. ‘Mr Wanderer, me, The Doctor, Rei, Celestia. I think Trixie and Inkie know too... Hmm. Who else?’ Pinkie starts pondering.

Twilight sits down calmly. ‘Oh. I didn’t know it was such a wide secret.’ She snaps to Spike, ‘That doesn’t mean you can tell anypony though.’

Spike sighs, ‘Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.’

‘Good.’ Twilight nods.

There is a knock at the door.

‘Not good.’ Twilight hides behind Pinkie.

Spike rolls his eyes and answers the door. The Wandering Physicist is standing there. He smiles from behind a bouquet of flowers. Behind him, Rei and Lucas watch from a relatively conspicuous location. All around, it seems their friends are watching from various vantage points without getting in the way of the couple. Twilight gets up from behind Pinkie and goes to the door. She levitates the flowers out of The Wandering Physicist’s grip.

‘Thank you. These are sweet.’

‘Both literally and figuratively.’

Twilight giggles.

‘No. I am serious.’ The Wandering Physicist replies.

Twilight giggles again as she sets the flowers aside. A silence falls over the couple. Their eyes meet, and they blush.

‘You look stunning,’ both say at once.

They both look away again. The Wandering Physicist is the first to look up.

‘Shall we go, Miss Sparkle?’ He offers a foreleg to hold.

Twilight takes the foreleg. ‘I would be delighted, James.’

The couple walk off together for their first real date.

Author's Note:

TWP Timeline: His first date EVER! He chose the perfect mare to ask out. First time Twilight refers to him by his name.

Story Timeline: TWP and Twilight become an official couple. Rei accidentally learns TWP is her father (sorta). First mention of page 137.

Fun fact: 3, 7, 13, 17, 31, 37, 71, 73, 137, 173, and 317 are all prime. 137 is my favorite number for this reason. I love all of the primes! Note: 1 is not prime. Your grade school maths teacher lied to you.

Comments

[Staccato Beat]

First!

Also, this is a great chapter. Very funny.

[VedaQuila]

all I could was howl with laughter or face hoof. No seriously.

[survivor]