Insufferable
Main Characters: TWP, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, Luna, Twilight, Rei
Cameos: Celestia
Original Write Date: October 24, 2011
Octavia is a very proper mare. Her mane is always well-groomed. Her coat is always perfectly shiny. Her bow tie is always on straight and perfectly cool. Her double bass is always well-maintained and in the finest condition and definitely not a cello. Her cello was left home for this concert since it was not needed. Everything about her rang perfection and she expected nothing but perfection in return. This night, she is not getting what she expected.
She is giving a regularly-scheduled concert with her normal quartet. It is a very special night since the princesses and their special guests are in the audience. One of the guests is somepony Octavia had seen before. Unfortunately, another guest is being disruptive. After playing with a handheld device (with Princess Celestia joining in and playing too), he is currently sleeping. Octavia’s anger is not just hers. It seems as though the other guests, Princesses Luna and Sparkle and a white pegasus, are also upset at the sleeping stallion. She makes note of those facts so she can complain in the next Night Court. She finishes her set, takes her bow and quickly glares towards the still sleeping offender. The fact that his glasses are almost falling off just adds to Octavia’s ire.
Back at the palace, The Wandering Physicist is checking websites on his laptop. He is enjoying laying on the really comfortable palace beds. They are almost as good as those in the TARDIS. There is a knock at the door.
‘Enter.’
The door opens, and Twilight Sparkle enters the room. She is looking a little annoyed. She gets more annoyed when The Wandering Physicist just smiles at her. She snorts as he makes room on the bed for her.
The Wandering Physicist, Twilight Sparkle and their new friend Tsukiyo Rei are in Canterlot to report an unusual occurrence. Rei is not really from this reality. She is from a parallel reality and stuck here. At the recorded suggestion of the parallel world’s Queen Luna, they are in Canterlot to inform the princesses about the situation. The Wandering Physicist tried getting out of this duty, but the only other dimensional expert, The Doctor, was conveniently off-planet at the moment. While in Canterlot, the princesses are treating their special guests to all of the finest culture Canterlot can offer. The group has just returned from a special concert. The Wandering Physicist slept through most of it.
After what she feels is a long enough glare, Twilight finally gets on the bed next to her friend. She immediately renews the glare.
‘Just because it wasn’t Paul and Storm...’
‘Arr!’ /* Excited Arr! */
Twilight develops an eye twitch. ‘...does not mean you could behave like that.’
‘Ah come on! You know Celestia would love Paul and Storm.’
‘That is not the point.’ Twilight hisses. ‘The point is to do something with a little culture.’
‘Arr.’ /* Dejected Arr! */ He frowns, then looks up and smiles. ‘In-N-Out should be open still. I bet we can get some of the guards to take us to the fly-through.’
Even the temptation of the greatest food on the planet can not calm Twilight down. ‘Listen. If you promise to behave yourself, I promise to do something very special for you when we return to Ponyville.’
The Wandering Physicist pretends to think for a moment. ‘Hmm. Nope!’
‘Yeah... I knew that was a stupid thing to say the moment it left my mouth.’ Twilight sighs and lays down on the bed. ‘What is the latest on EqD?’
‘Bah. The editor-in-chief is going on about Trixie again. Nothing new.’
Twilight moans and rolls on the bed. She bumps into The Wandering Physicist’s side. After a brief bit of embarrassment, she sighs and settles in. She jumps a bit when there is a knock at the door.
‘It’s open.’
Twilight quickly picks herself up as a young pegasus enters. She flops herself down on the bed in front of Twilight and The Wandering Physicist. Twilight grumbles. The Surfing Physicist sets his laptop on the new pony’s wings.
‘I’m bored,’ Rei moans.
‘This is the worst computer table ever.’
Rei groans.
The Wandering Physicist looks at Twilight. ‘Also, your horn is interfering with my wifi.’
Twilight groans too. ‘Well, there is only so much we can do in Canterlot at this hour.’
‘Told you I should have brought a Wii.’
‘Yeah, like you need more ways to embarrass me in front of the princesses.’
‘Your queen seemed to be fine with it,’ Rei chimes in.
‘Princess. Princess Celestia,’ Twilight corrects.
‘Although... My queen was upset, so I had to be mad too.’ Rei adds.
‘Princess! We have princesses! What don’t you get about that yet?’ Twilight snaps at Rei. Rei giggles. ‘Oh. Funny.’ She turns to The Chuckling Physicist. ‘It is like you two are related or something.’
The Wandering Physicist misses typing and accidentally punches Rei in the back. Known only to The Wandering Physicist, Rei’s parents are really her reality’s versions of The Wandering Physicist and Luna. And now he has just given his alternate reality kid her first spanking. Twilight laughs at the accident.
‘Ow! What the frak was that for!’ Rei complains.
‘How the frak do you know the word frak?’
Rei rolls her eyes. ‘Pul-ease. I have been around all of you speaking Equestrian for almost a week now. It wasn’t that hard to pick up.’
‘Wait a minute. You learned a new language in a week?’ Twilight is shocked.
Rei shrugs. ‘It was easier than Zebra.’
‘Zebra!’ Twilight is aghast.
Rei just shrugs and goes back to being a table.
‘I know something we can do.’ The Devious Physicist says, looking up from his Twitter feed.
Twilight knows that look. ‘I’ll inform the guards to go easy on you in advance.’
‘It is nothing like that.’
‘How come I get the feeling that isn’t the whole truth?’
‘No! It is perfectly peaceful. We just get a bunch of supplies and a tent and head on over to Celestia Park.’
Twilight facehoofs. ‘We are not joining Occupy Canterlot.’
‘That’s what you said when I tried starting Occupy Ponyville.’
‘You are a time traveling alien! If anything, you are in the one percent!’
‘I am a time traveling alien. I am not in any percentile.’
‘Yeah! He is out of this world!’ Rei adds.
The Wandering Physicist and Rei laugh at the joke. He lifts his computer in time as she falls off the bed laughing. Twilight snorts at them. After the laughter dies, Rei remains laying on the floor. She stares out of the window.
‘You know, we had a space program on my planet.’
‘We have a bit of one here, too.’ Twilight says.
‘No. I mean a BIG space program. Lots of ponies living in space. The queen even visited the moon once.’
Twilight falls off the bed, and The Wandering Physicist laughs hysterically. Rei looks at both of them, confused.
Twilight pulls herself up. ‘That is not funny!’ She snaps.
‘No! It is hilarious!’
‘I don’t get it...’
‘Let’s just say that Luna visited the moon once in our universe too.’
‘Oh? How did she find it?’ Rei asks.
‘Not that pleasant,’ comes a voice from the window.
The friends turn to see Princess Luna entering through the window. The Wandering Physicist is able to control his laughter to a point. A glare from Luna brings it down to an over-sized grin. Rei quickly gets up and bows to Luna. Luna rolls her eyes at the act.
‘Princess! What brings you here at this hour?’ Twilight asks.
‘We’re out of bananas if that is what you’re here for.’ The Wandering Physicist says.
Luna grimaces. ‘I am here to remind you about our meeting in the morning and to advise you to get some sleep as not to miss it.’ The last part was directed at a certain stallion. ‘If you would kindly unseal the door, I will take my leave in a more conventional manner.’
‘Door’s not locked,’ The Wandering Physicist replies. ‘And my sonic is...’ He looks around him. ‘Odd. It was next to me when Rei got here.’
The other ponies look around the room and Twilight finds it next to her. Rei starts laughing.
‘Twilight flank-soniced the door!’
Twilight replaces the sonic on the bed and The Wandering Physicist opens the door.
‘I take my leave now. I look forward to seeing you in the morning.’ Luna sighs. ‘Before I go to bed..’ She mumbles to herself.
‘Goodnight, princess!’ Rei cheers.
‘Goodnight, princess,’ Twilight bows.
‘I hope your night is serene.’ The Wandering Troublemaker smirks.
Luna stops to shudder then leaves. Rei snickers again.
‘I hope my flank isn’t as big as yours when I am your age.’
‘I am only six years older than you!’ Twilight roars.
‘Calm down before you reach level forty,’ The Wandering Pokè Master sighs.
‘Well, I, for one, am going to take the princess’ advice,’ Twilight states.
Twilight gets up. She fails her anger roll and goes over to The Wandering Physicist. She gives him a goodnight nuzzle despite her leftover ire. He returns the nuzzle.
‘Sleep well.’
‘Actually sleep,’ Twilight replies.
Twilight just nods at Rei and leaves. Rei gets up and stretches her wings.
‘I’ll be seeing you too. I’ll be on MK7 if you get bored.’ Rei starts leaving. ‘You know, as weird as this sounds, I would not be unhappy if you two were my parents.’
Rei smiles and leaves. The Wandering Physicist is shocked at what he just heard. He sighs under the weight of the information he carries and returns to his computing.
The next night, Octavia is groomed to perfection. She sports her best and coolest bow tie. A regal air surrounds her. Everything about her says ‘I am better than you and you know it’ in the loudest Royal Canterlot voice known to ponykind. Night Court will not know what hit it.
The pony Octavia is with, on the other hand, is not as well-groomed as she would like. Her friend Vinyl Scratch has nothing to do this night and thought it would be awesome to tag along with her friend. Vinyl knows that Octavia is a regular at Night Court, and the show entertains her more than the various music they hear (and debate) together. Vinyl is wearing her trademark sunglasses and her trademark big grin known to annoy Octavia the most.
Octavia is in line for the open court segment of the night where anypony can bring a matter to one of the princesses. Despite Princess Luna’s popularity, her open court has shorter lines and tends to get more direct results. Octavia takes advantage of this to put forward motions she knows are of importance to all ponies, despite the failure of her petitions to banish both rap and country music to the moon for a thousand years. The pony before Octavia finishes, and she moves up to take her place before the princess. Vinyl gets out a secret bag of popcorn to watch the show.
‘Octavia!’ Luna greets with a hint of sarcasm. ‘What brings you back here this week?’
‘Dear princess, a great injustice has befallen me,’ Octavia says, bowing.
Luna rolls her eyes. ‘What is it this time?’
‘There was a major disruption at my last performance.’
The princess groans. ‘Is this like the time with the school trip?’
‘Those ungrateful brats cared less for music than they did for unleashing ancient evils upon us!’
‘Evil, my flank...’ the pony behind Octavia scoffs.
‘Not only are you talking about two different school trips but when you addressed the trip in question, I am sure you scared a number of young foals from getting music-related cutie marks.’
‘They had to be taught a lesson about manners!’ Octavia shouts, losing a bit too much of her composure. Vinyl snickers from the audience. Octavia calms her anger and readjusts her bow tie.
Luna audibly groans this time, much to Vinyl’s enjoyment. ‘Children do not normally sit still though a classical performance, but they do enjoy the experience.’ Octavia snorts. ‘Very well. Miss Octavia, what disruption are you bringing to my attention this time? I am sure your mane was in perfect order so it was not a stray strand.’
The whole court laughs at the current patron, but she just dismisses them as foul common ponies with no class. Octavia takes a few deep breaths before beginning.
‘This is a matter I believe your highness had noticed as well.’ Octavia begins. ‘For, you see, this disruption was within your royal delegation.’ Luna facehoofs, not caring about protocol at this point. ‘Ah! I see you know of the perpetrator in question. All I ask is for his identity, and I will teach that foal a lesson, with your blessing.’
‘Just this one time I will allow you to do what you wish.’ Octavia silently hoof pumps inside. ‘But if you wish his identity, all you need do is turn around.’
Octavia is aghast. She turns to see the offending stallion stand right behind her. Vinyl practically chokes on her popcorn as she laughs at the look on Octavia’s face. The offending stallion steps up as Octavia falls back in shock.
‘What is it, James?’ Luna sighs.
‘We’re out of hot water,’ The Dripping, Towel-Wrapped Physicist says.
Luna rubs her temples in frustration. ‘And this is important for Night Court why?’
The Wandering Physicist shrugs. ‘I just wanted to cut to the highest in the chain of command, and you’re my favorite princess.’
The audience, minus Octavia, lets out a collective ‘aw’ at the last statement.
Luna controls her anger. ‘That is not a matter for royal consideration.’
‘How about if I suggest heating up that large pool in that nearby courtyard as a large bath?’
‘That is a fountain containing a statue of my sister!’
‘So...’
‘No! Are you quite finished embarrassing both yourself and this once esteemed institution!’
‘Almost. I just need to point out that I found a Wii, and there may have been a mishap with the big TV...’
‘Out! Just out! I will deal with you after my duties are finished!’ Luna yells at a level just short of her Royal Canterlot voice.
The Insufferable Physicist smiles and happily leaves the court. Luna takes a short recess to calm herself down. Octavia stews over the outrage that she has just witnessed. Not only did that offensive stallion insult the princess and mock the whole concept of open court, but he was the one who fell asleep at her performance! Justice must be served.
Vinyl goes over her friend. ‘Best. Night Court. Ever.’
‘How can you say such a thing!’ Octavia cannot contain her ire. ‘That awful stallion disrespected the princess and - worst of all - me!’
‘Calm down, Tavi.’ Vinyl starts escorting her friend out of the court. ‘We just found out he is a guest staying at the royal palace. It would not be wise to start a fight with him.’
‘Vinyl, please. Fighting is so beneath me and my stature.’ Octavia regains her attitude. ‘I am merely going to present him with a reasoned opinion that he is sure to find acceptable and justly administered.’
‘To the pony called James. Kiss my flank. Love, Tavi,’ Vinyl mocks.
‘You are so childish,’ Octavia says with a hair flip.
Octavia makes her way out of the court as Vinyl holds the door for her friend. She scans the hallway for the offensive stallion and finds him planted just outside as if he were a dog waiting for his master. His wide (and somewhat handsome) grin and kind eyes do nothing to abate Octavia’s anger.
‘Hi!’ The Wandering Physicist greets.
‘Sup!’ Vinyl replies.
‘Not much. You?’
‘Same. Loved your performance in there.’
‘Heh, heh. I really didn’t mean to upset Luna that much. I violate Wheaton’s Law when I’m in a place that I really don’t want to be in.’
‘I hear that.’
‘Do you two know each other?’ Octavia grumbles.
‘Right! James, this is Octavia. Tavi, this is The Wandering Physicist, aka James,’ Vinyl introduces.
‘I know DJ Pon3 from her visits to MC RC’s theatre near mine,’ The Wandering Physicist explains.
‘How is Rip?’ Vinyl asks.
‘Doin’ good. Rolling ones but doing good.’
‘I have to sit in on your game again some time.’
‘Word.’
The Wandering Physicist and Vinyl start reaching up to brohoof. Octavia’s eyes go wide, and she slaps them apart before they touch.
‘No!’ Octavia shouts. ‘No friendships! Not with that jerk!’
‘Vinyl isn’t a jerk.’ The Wandering Physicist protests.
Octavia turns to him, red-faced. ‘I meant you! You are an uneducated, classless cad! You have insulted a lot of honor today and I will be the one that enacts vengeance!’
The Wandering Physicist raises an eyebrow. ‘So... You are challenging me?’
‘Yes! Is your skull thick too?’
The Wandering Physicist pulls out a DS. ‘Okay! Standard six vs six battle. I’ll go easy and not use any ubers. You can use whatever you wish, but I will stomp you.’
Octavia is taken aback. ‘What, what are you talking about?’
‘Tavi, he is challenging you to a Pokemon battle. You know, a game.’
‘Such, such a thing is beneath me.’
‘Aw!’ The Wandering Physicist complains. ‘How can fun be beneath you?’
‘Fun is not beneath me!’ Octavia fumes. ‘When I said challenge, I meant something more high class, such as a debate or using instruments.’
‘Ah! I know! I just need to find a fourth and a copy of Rock Band, and we can go all night long.’ The Wandering Physicist covers his mouth. ‘I didn’t really break the big TV.’
‘I do not wish to partake in your electronic entertainment. I want a real instrument.’
‘Come on. I am trying to meet you halfway here.’
‘Hmpf! You are a classless brute! I see I was wasting my time trying to educate one as thick-headed as you. I take my leave!’ Octavia starts walking away. ‘Come along, Vinyl.’
Vinyl shrugs. ‘Sorry, bro.’
‘Meh. It is okay. Even the best of us have days when our fillyfriends overreact.’ Octavia stops in her tracks over what she just heard. ‘Besides, I should know better than to pick on young fillies.’
At the last jab, Octavia turns around. She screams in rage as she jumps The Insulting Physicist. Vinyl tries desperately to separate her friends. A whistle is blown and palace guards start rushing in.
In an unused conference room in a secluded wing of the palace, a small group of ponies have gathered. One of them is Princess Luna flanked by two of her guards. The guard with the eye patch is giving everypony a fierce glare. Another is Vinyl Scratch, looking a little beat up and missing her trademark sunglasses. Next is Octavia looking a little beat as well, her perfect mane and cool bow tie ruined. Her face is buried in her hooves as she contemplates the scandalous stories that will be spread about her now. Last is The Very Beaten and Bit Physicist. He has a small grin as he fixes Vinyl’s sunglasses. Luna is flying just off the ground as she scowls at the three ponies in front of her. She is trying her hardest not to revert to becoming Nightmare Moon again. Needless to say, she is in full Royal Canterlot mode.
‘FIRST THOU DISRUPT OUR COURT THEN THOU DARED START A BRAWL OVER A PETTY ARGUMENT! WE SHOULD HAVE THEE IN THE STOCKADE FOR A YEAR FOR THIS!’
‘I am so sorry,’ Octavia meekly squeaks.
‘SILENCE!’ Luna actually blows the group backwards a centimeter or two with that last shout. ‘THOU ART THE MOST ANNOYING PEST WE HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED!’
‘And she knows me and everything,’ The Snide Physicist adds proudly.
A magic blast sends him into the far wall. The sunglasses are caught in the air and magically repaired by Luna before she returns them to Vinyl. The princess lands and start pacing. She takes a deep breath and forces Royal Canterlot mode off. Octavia starts crying a little.
‘Miss Scratch, since you are not one of the offending...’
‘-- or dying --’ The Injured Physicist interjects.
Luna growls. ‘Since you are not one of the offending party and actually tried to break up the conflict, I would like to know what you believe was the cause?’
‘Well, to be perfectly honest, it was just their personalities, from what I could tell.’
‘Miss Stick-Up-the-Flank and Mr Everything-is-a-Joke you mean?’
‘I know some good one-liners about eating foals if you are talking about me,’ The Offensive Physicist proves.
‘To be fair to him, at least,’ Vinyl adds, ‘he did offer what sounded like a fair reconciliation.’ She looks over at Octavia. ‘Somepony was just too stubborn to accept it.’
Octavia is instantly back to normal. ‘Reconciliation? He said we should play video games! How common and droll is that!’
‘I happen to enjoy playing games with my sister. Those are some of the most fun times we have together,’ Luna shoots.
Octavia winces. ‘I’m sorry.’
Luna sighs. ‘I still have court for a few more hours. I will think of an appropriate punishment then.’
‘I’ve already been blasted by magic after a little filly beat me up!’ The Wandering Physicist protests.
Luna smiles. ‘Then you can take a lot of punishment, you’re saying?’
‘Eep.’
Luna laughs and turns to leave. ‘Guards, I want you to wait outside. No pony in or out without my direct order. Understood?’
The guards salute and follow the princess out. The door locks behind them. Octavia looks worried for her future. The Wandering Physicist rejoins the other two ponies. After a second, he snickers. Then, he starts laughing harder. Vinyl joins in. Their laughs echo around the room. Octavia stares at them in shock.
‘You! Shall not! Pass!’ The Wandering Physicist mimes striking a staff to the ground.
Vinyl falls over laughing. ‘Brilliant! So true!’
‘How can you two laugh at a time like this! The princess is probably devising a million punishments right now. We’ll be lucky if she just has us tied up an thrown in a dungeon.’
‘The way she was looking at Jimmy here, I think she would have him tied down, but not in a dungeon.’ Vinyl jokes.
‘I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I won’t say she hasn’t tried.’
‘You dog, you.’ Vinyl and The Wandering Physicist high hoof.
‘Are you two insane!’ Octavia shouts.
The Wandering Physicist and Vinyl stare at Octavia for a moment.
‘So, did you read today’s Pony Arcade?’ The Wandering Physicist asks Vinyl.
Octavia lets out a very primal scream of rage. ‘My life is ruined! My reputation is ruined! The princess is going to banish me! I’ll be sent to some backwater hole whose taste in music is somehow worse than country! Oh my Celestia! They will be into techno country dubstep! I should just end my life now and get it over with!’
‘Tavi. Calm down. It is not that bad.’ Vinyl motions to her friend. ‘Come on. Come over here and chat with us.’
Octavia gives Vinyl her best ‘you should be paying attention to me~~~~~!’ look then turns away. Vinyl groans and goes over to her friend. They sit with their backs to The Wandering Physicist. Vinyl puts a foreleg around Octavia’s shoulder. Octavia leans into her friend.
‘Thank you, Vinyl,’ Octavia sighs. ‘Am I an important pony?’
‘The most important,’ Vinyl comforts.
‘I don’t want to go to prison.’ Octavia moans.
‘Don’t worry.’
Octavia sighs contently.
‘On day one, I will show everypony you are my bitch and they would have to go through me to get your fine flank.’
Octavia calmly sits up, turns to her friend and yells, ‘I HATE YOU!’
Vinyl falls over from the yell. Fortunately, her years of DJ-ing have made her ears near-invulnerable to loud noises.
‘Wow. I haven’t been outside of a couple-fight in a while. I forgot how fun they were to watch, too.’ The Wandering Physicist observes.
‘We are not a couple!’ Octavia snaps.
Vinyl shrugs. ‘Tavi, it kinda looks like we are given how much we do together, and the way we act.’
Octavia gets up, only to go stand, on her hind legs no less, in a corner. She hangs her head.
‘Great. My career was ruined before I met that uncivilized oaf. No wonder I was asked to be a spokesmare for all of those groups...’
The Wandering Physicist turns to Vinyl and mouths ‘really?’ Vinyl shrugs and nods.
‘Just one humiliation after another...’
Octavia raises a hoof and swings it at the wall. Before she hits, she is stopped. She looks over and sees The Wandering Physicist holding her hoof. He is treating her quite gently despite the almost dire situation.
‘No. You are a wonderful musician. If you damage your hooves, you will lose all that makes you special.’
Octavia stares at The Wandering Physicist and blushes a little. She pulls away from him. ‘Whatever.’
‘Don’t you go all bi-curious on me now,’ Vinyl taunts.
Octavia turns away in a huff. The Wandering Physicist shrugs and finds a nice wall to lay against.
‘Whatcha thinking, Jim?’ Vinyl asks.
‘I was going to try resting until Luna returns. I don’t want to be too tired if she is going to tie me up.’
Vinyl laughs again. ‘Sounds like a plan.’
The Wandering Physicist lays against the wall. Vinyl finds a spot on the floor and lays down too. Octavia looks at the others. Vinyl pats a spot next to her and gets the brush-off. Octavia just moans and leans against a corner.
The Wandering Physicist wakes to a very angry face staring into his. It is not Luna’s as he expected. Nor is it Octavia’s as he might have guessed. It was Twilight Sparkle’s and she looked to be about level thirty-nine and needed only a few more experience points to go full Rapidash.
‘Whatever I did, I promise you I was asleep,’ The Guilty-Until-Proven-Innocent Physicist pleads.
Suddenly, a foreleg goes around The Wandering Physicist’s neck. He sighs in relief when he sees it is white, not dark grey. A small moan is then heard and a pair of dark grey forelegs are stretched in front of his face. He goes deathly pale when he realizes the situation he is in.
‘Okay. I have no idea how this happened. Seriously.’ He tries one last time.
There is a small ‘eep,’ and his face is smashed into the ground.
‘Pervert!’ Octavia declares.
A very amused chuckle and a very annoyed groan are heard from the doorway. Octavia quickly collects herself from what she hopes looked like a murder in self defense and not in cold blood to see both princesses and Celestia’s prize student standing in the room. She looks around for Vinyl in hopes that her friend will back her up and finds her wrapped around Octavia’s recent equusicide. Before Octavia can make it a double murder - in self defense of course - a sharp ‘ahem’ is heard.
‘I believe my sister has something she would like to say,’ Celestia says with a jab to her sister.
Luna jumps for a moment, looks away a bit and says, ‘I am sorry for forgetting you in here last night. I was just so tired after court that it slipped my mind.’
‘Are, are we still in trouble?’ Octavia stammers.
‘I would say...’ Luna starts.
‘No. I think you have been through enough,’ Celestia finishes. ‘Now! Who wants waffles!’
The Dead Physicist meekly raises a hoof.
The Wandering Physicist and his friends are joining the princesses for a light breakfast. His head is bandaged. He sits between Twilight and Rei in order to mitigate any more embarrassment. Octavia is making sure to stay as far away from the stallion as she can. Vinyl is trying to cheer her friend up. Rei giggles at all of the rumors that have been circulating. Luna is staring at her breakfast and sighing about everything. The only pony that does not seem frazzled by the previous night’s events is Celestia.
‘So, Miss Octavia, Miss Scratch,’ Celestia begins, ‘how was your first stay at the castle?’
Octavia attempts to drink but spits her juice across the table at the question.
‘It was pretty fun,’ Vinyl answers. ‘The bed was bit lumpy, though.’
‘I didn’t do anything!’ The Defensive Physicist shouts.
‘Duh. It was all Tavi.’
Octavia sprays another glass of juice across the royal dining table.
‘Oh really?’ Celestia asks. ‘What happened?’
‘Well, it was cold. She was shivering and found the most obvious source of heat. I just sniped the spot by the wall for the most heat.’ Vinyl chuckles.
Octavia buries her face in embarrassment. The Wandering Physicist dodges Twilight’s glare, then Luna’s and ends up staring at the ornate and well-crafted ceiling that was seemingly too advanced a design for the age of the building. He makes a mental note to check it out when he got back to his TARDIS. Rei’s childish snickering continues at his side.
‘It seems our Mr. Wanderer is good at creating disruptions outside of the court room,’ Celestia chuckles.
‘You have no idea...’ The Wandering Physicist muses while admiring the intricate detail on the individually carved pegasi that seem to dance around the ceiling.
‘Hmm, I’ll just have to do something about that.’
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Well, I hear the Sea of Tranquility is nice this time of year.’
Luna’s horn flashes for a second, and The Wandering Physicist is psychically kicked under the table. The psychic kick goes well with the physical jab from Twilight.
‘Actually, I believe you have imparted enough wisdom about the situation you were called here for. You are free to leave at your discretion.’
‘Yes! I’m free!’ The Excited Physicist jumps up and double hoof pumps, knowing full well that Luna and Twilight would give him hell later.
‘As for you, little Octavia, I have heard from my sister that your name appears quite regularly in her court records. I think you should pay back the state for all of the time you take up.’
Octavia has recovered enough of herself from the embarrassment earlier. ‘Forgive me, princess, but I seem to have left my cheque book in my other tie.’
‘Actually, I was thinking you could give music lessons at local schools. Wouldn’t that be nice?’
‘Extremely,’ Octavia groans.
‘You can start with South Canterlot Fundamental. First year.’ Luna adds with a devious smile.
‘That is...’ Octavia says in horror.
‘That is right. The class you so rudely insulted in your last encounter.’ Luna says with an evil laugh.
‘Awesome!’ Vinyl cheers. ‘What do I get?’
‘They will approve your marriage license,’ The Wandering Physicist jokes.
A whole bowl of the finest fruit in Equestria flies across the tables from Octavia’s location straight to The Wandering Physicist’s face.
After quickly showering and packing, The Wandering Physicist is ready to leave. He waits in the main foyer for Twilight to be ready. Rei is staying behind because there is still more she can tell the princesses. A set of doors open, and a pair of ponies walk out. Octavia and Vinyl are having another of their petty squabbles.
‘I don’t care if that mare is one of the royal guards and I somehow inspired her. I still found what she said insulting,’ Octavia complains.
‘Tavi... You just have to accept your public image for what it is.’
‘Hmpf. I prefer the image I crafted for myself.’
‘Then you should be seen with a pony like me more than Vinyl,’ The Wandering Physicist interjects. ‘Or at least some other stallion.’
Octavia shoots The Wandering Physicist a glare then turns away. She starts heading out of the palace. Vinyl follows her friend, stopping long enough to brohoof with The Wandering Physicist. Right before the mares leave, a whistle stops them.
‘Octavia, I look forward to seeing you again.’
Octavia thinks. ‘Hmm. As do I.’
‘Besides, you still owe me a game of Rock Band.’
Octavia thinks for a moment, adjusts her bow tie to maximum cool, fixes her mane, turns to The Wandering Physicist and flashes the perfect smile because, damn it, she is.
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Occupy Canterlot?
Ahh, Trylestia I do love you so!
The amount of times TWP has been hurt here is as bad as... dammit, I have no anime references. Anyone got some?
2669587
Ataru? Ranma? Hayate? Saito? The guy in Love Hina? Honestly, the head smash before breakfast makes me think of a 'Da-ring no baka!' Lum and Ataru moment
this might be worth listening to once. just once though.
Keitaro is a good option.
Favorite scene in this whole book!
I like a different type of Octavia.
Also, I hate Miss Stick-Up-the-Flank Octavia.