A little confusing in the middle. At one point in time, I wasn't sure if it was Cadence or Luna. The characters are too different to easily confuse them, so...

3123910

It's supposed to be confusing XD

3123915
It was confusing to the point of disrupting the flow of the story.

EDIT: Just to clarify, disruption as in I had to stop reading and reread several paragraphs multiple times to try and picture the scene in my mind.

3123917

Really?

Hmm, something to think about.

3123919
I still like the story, but that middle part got confusing in the bad way, not the good kind of confusing

Reading this it makesvme wonder how he does get into a relationship with her when he goes to the past.
Unless he somehow forgets about what happens here.

So let me gets this, he first saw Candace and heard of her as the queen and all of the suddenly Candace transform into Luna? Boy it will be weird considering that for him, she is his aunt.
I can't wait to see what happen the moment he said Celestia is his mom

Mama always told me: "John, don't stick ya dick in crazy." If only the poor man's mother told him the same great advice.

3124002

He never saw Cadance at all.

I was merely trying to leave her name out until you were all properly mind fucked

Cadance is locked away with Celestia. Luna was simply mad enough to think ahead about this particular scenario....because well, she's nuts

3124043
Indeed she is I can't wait to see Alex kicking her ass

Dayumm.
MORE!

That and it's easier for me, you get something to read and I don't have to slave away all day writing stupidly long chapters :P

B-but I like stupidly long chapters...

3124049 Kicking her ass? she bitch slapped him through a house.

3124201
Your point?

3124203 just curious how he would go about doing that when her magic is working on him and she obviously has a few cheat codes enabled.

3124208
There is always a way. Lets list…she kill someone in front of him, she is a tyrant, she put her mother in jail as well as his girlfriend, possible will not allow him to see neither and perhaps will try to rape him…eeyup at some point she will just will awake his rage and when a human go ballistic bad things are doom to happen

Excellent!

3124221 I still feel like that would be an ant going ballistic on a bear. She obviously subdued the royal guard, Celestia, Cadence, and the element bearers so we can safely assume that brute force isn't in the cards. He can try and get tricky and use her advances to try and pull an advantage but like he said:

Ever occur? Who in their right mind would ever plan for this?

If he wants to think his way around a mind like that it is going to take a lot of creativity and what would most likely be a very long term plan. Plus he is going to have to get over the evil eye that has stumped him so far.

3124251
That is easy, as soon as he enter rage the eye lost its effect and just feed the rage, I never said brute force, and even do he is not a genius he is not dump either he assist unicorn school he knows that Magic need a degree of concentration, and now what can make Luna angry, he just need to use the right words without fear he can speak his mind, and throw her out balance, make her more unstable so much she don't see the pony behind her until its to late, its team work, he just need to find courage, determination and rage, and Luna is going to give him just that

inb4 he spends the next few chapters in Luna's sex dungeon.

3124319

No sex dungeon.

Just kept trapped like a pet in her room

wait... I thought it was supposed to be cadence not luna... on that note luna has caused me to soil good clothes... bravo queenie, bravo.

First and second story was good. Judging from the story description/intro thingy I doubt I'll enjoy this at all, so I am not gonna give it a chance.

Darker than The Royal Break Up Chronicles? Death penalty?
F*** this! I'm out of here.

3124384

Suit yourself, but the next story in the series won't make much sense if you miss out on this one.

3124393 TRBUC was simply a human abuse story, ending with a punishment worse than death, and you say this will be darker?

Why does it surprise you that you might scare some of your readers away?

You know what, we've been reading your stories long enough and enjoyed them too much to wait to see if they get in the featured box, Eli, if you would do the honors.
Dude, you're the one with the controller, you go and favorite him.
True...alright then, I'll go do it!
Well at least there wasn't a fight.
~Sylpheed and Eli

3124439

It doesn't surprise me, that's why I put up the warning

Man... you and your Luna stuff. I love it. Just love it. I'll need to go back and read the story that comes before this. *followed*

Wow, Luna in one chapter makes what Cadence did in "Alicorn Instinct" look like a simple wedgie!
.....Man...

So fuckin tracked!
Let the adventure BEGIN!!!11!

So is this a time skip to the future or an alternate timeline?

What I don't get is why she didn't just kill her sister and cadence? Did she think it would be crueler to let them chill in a dungeon for eternity? Would they respawn cu'z divinity? Is Luna still sane somewhere deep inside and holds some love for them, and following that is she being posessed by Nightmare or just plain apeshit?

I Dunno, I'm interested.

That was kinda scary at the end.

Meh, i've seen creeper in Cybertron's sea of rust.

In the Words of Sigmunt Freud "She has issues"

Dang! This is scary! But i've Always had a thing for superpowerful overly possesive girl friends that just can't leave the guy they are crushing on alone so this fic is nothing but gold for me!!

I hope there is a happy ending to this.
The Alicorn Instinct was good but it just left a bad taste in my mouth with the ending.
Anyways enjoying the story so far.

WARNING- This story is going to be VERY dark. Seriously, The Royal Break Up Chronicles will have nothing on this! Also note that while it sounds familiar to Luna's Chronicle, said chronicle will look like child's play compared to what happens to Alex

My sure reaction to this after reading this story completely, once its done.
blog.timesunion.com/running/files/2010/08/HolyGrail017-600x330.jpg
I've read worse.
Side Note: Sorry but 'Xander' has to be one of the dumbest nicknames I've heard.
Also, the one sole truth that revolves around everypony in the mlp: fim is that everyone is bat-shit crazy.

3124780

Xander isn't that bad of a nickname. My mate is called Xander...and have you never watched buffy?

THAT WAS DOWN RIGHT FUCKING HILARIOUS MOTHER FUCKERS. I'm ashamed of this but what she's doing is fucking hot.

I like it

Only to freeze as I felt the unmistakable sensation of someone breathing on my neck.
"Found you…" she whispered playfully.

Okay. Can you bring me a fresh pair of pants?

Interesting but yet it seems pretty tame so far.

3125179

Just you wait

Mfw reading this story.

If I saw Luna just straight up kill some pony and then be like " Yo, bitch get ur ass over here so I can luv you and shit" I can honestly say I wouldn't have the balls to run away. I would probably just stand there like an idiot.
Also, I loved the ending. Great clifffy-hanger.

At first I was Immensely confused at what was happening
Now, I'm more interested in what's happening because Damn that was scary and so fucking VIVID

3125328

We all would. Personally, I would smile widely, then faint.

Oh hell yes! Zamairiac always delivers the best stuff.

Ponies are my crack and Zamairiac is my dealer.

I wonder how Celestia is going to react to him?

Can't wait for more! http://mylittlefacewhen.com/f/2586/

3124627 Have you seen the lever that transformed and did the carlton dance?

what the actual fuck....
that shit was awesome!

3125386
Well, if you smiled at her before you passed out, it would probably increase the chances of her not doing nefarious deeds to you while passed out.
I guess that's a bonus...

3125460

After fainting from a traumatic experience, would such deeds wake you up or would you sleep through them?

Okay, maybe I'd go Leeroy Jenkins and just charge her. Maybe if I could ride on her back, I'd be safe from her madness...

...I have terrible ideas.