To Know An Apple
'Alright Applejack, don't worry, you got this all under control.' sighed the orange mare as she trotted reluctantly to her destination, that being Fluttershy's cottage.
Now don't ask why she was doing this. If you tried, she'd probably just give a glare and shoot a hoof right to your skull, followed by a sudden rush of blood going to her cheeks. However that wasn't this case and she was very thankful for that.
"Hey Applejack, where you off to?"
Well, so much for that prayer.
Gazing upward, the gal soon saw sight of Rainbow Dash, her more then hot headed -but still rather close- best friend.
The cyan Pegasus did a few tricks as she swooped down to meet her earthy companion. A smile immediately enhancing her features as if what she just pulled was for the wonderbolts to see and to be quite frank, if that was what she was going for she wasted her time. Not even she was impressed but then again she didn't want to be seen out in the open either, especially by Rainbow.
So thinking about dare devil tricks were far from her mind.
Seeing that Applejack was less then talkative, Rainbow raised a brow quite curiously and spoke in a soft tone. "You ok? You seem dazed."
"Huh..?" Her face seemed to be looking in a completely different direction then Rainbow, fancy that.
Never the less, the Pegasus took the hint and shook her head, only to soon swoop herself right back in the sky.
"Well whatever, I'm late for cloud control as is, later AJ."
And like that, the visit turned shorter then the goodbye. She swore, it was like she was trying to beat a new record of her speed every day. She was a dot by the time her neck even glanced the way the rainbow flew off.
Show off.
"Darn it Rainbow, now I'm even more nervous..." She sighed as her head bowed, her hooves feeling heavier then they were mere minutes earlier. She was also pretty sure she could hear her heart thumping as well. I mean, what if she came back to spy on her and what she was doing? It was bad enough she even wanted to see the monster when she obviously should have been working.
Yet imagining his smile, caused her cheeks to falter to that deep red hue again and his chuckle alone made her spine tingle. It had to be a sin to feel that good around him of all pon- er... whatever his kind was... Draconequi? That's it.
Still, then again, she was going for a good reason right? She was going to get her hat back. The darn critter ran off with her hat before she could even shout a holler at him and mind you, she was quick on her feet when anypony messed with her orchard, let alone her prized hat.
So again, why was she so darn nervous about this visit!? All she was doing, was getting her hat back. That's it, nothing fancy, just getting her hat!
Looking up finally, she could see that Fluttershy's cottage was just up ahead, darn it all for her good memory about the place.
She gave a gulp as her brows arched in defiance for whatever would come her way through this door. Whatever happened, she was going to beat that Draconequus senseless and deman-
The sudden explosion from behind the cottage, brought more then a jump to AJ's feet as she wobbled her way out of her thoughts and into a full charge of her hooves.
"What did that monster do now...!" She mumbled as she soon stopped dead in her tracks, seeing Fluttershy's old chicken pen completely destroyed. Oh he was going to pay for that, nopony messes with AppleJack's fri-
A squeak was heard in the bushes, followed by a laugh only she knew all too well. It seems she wasn't spotted yet but she could watch in curiousity first before making any assumptions. Which she was finding hard to do.
Looking up, she soon saw Discord lower himself down with a snicker and chuckle at Fluttershy's cowering. That just irritated Applejack even further.
"Oh come now Fluttershy~ That explosion was tame compared to what I could have really done! Beside's you needed a new pen, yes?" He held his talons out, stating so.
"Y-Yes, b-but you didn't need to do th-that."
Discord gave a roll of the eyes as if a part of him wanted to reach in and kill a part of himself for even hearing those words. Like the explosion truly was nothing compared to what he really could have done, which Applejack knew all too well of.
The thought of half her apple orchard being upside down and growing poison joke all over the field just brought that much more red to her cheeks then she needed.
"Well well, if it isn't my favorite Apple~"
That sounded way too close.
And yet with a slow turn of her eyes, there meeting her was his red orbs and soon she screamed as she fell back, seeming completely vulnerable and at the abomination's mercy. Which in turn, again, just made him laugh. In fact, he was having a riot.
She swore she WAS an apple at that moment, as her face was hardly the same color as her coat anymore.
"Oh dear..." Whispered a worried Fluttershy, surprisingly being the rescuer first before AJ as she trotted up next to her fallen friend. "I hope you're alright... You weren't too close to the explosion were you?"
"Nah, she was just being nosy~" Discord trailed with a sickeningly huge smile, as if proud of her for that.
Finally, she could respond though. "No I was not!"
And with a kick of her hooves upward, she soon found herself back on her feet and glaring up at the constant smiling mix-matched creature. Leaving Fluttershy to cower at them both a bit before finding her voice again, even though it was rather meekly.
"C-Can we not fight? Please? Oh! I know! I can make you some tea. Would you like some?" She sounded desperate and rightfully so as Applejack looked ready to punch a new one unto the devious and cruel jokester.
Yet Discord turned to his small companion and snickered. "Gladly."
+++
She swore, her glare could not pierce any harder at the calm, smirking Draconequus as he sipped his tea like a gentlemen, just mocking her for being so hostile and he so, ugh, reformed.
She refused to believe he was, he never would be. He was Discord! The same creature that tore her from her friends with lies and deceit. The same abomination that caused Equestria into a state of panic and chaos! THE SAME-
"S-So um..." Fluttershy's hoof was tapping her lips as she tried to think of something to say to break this awkward tension. "H-How's the apple farm?"
The glare never faltered as she bluntly and harshly responded. "Fine."
"Oh, thats, good...?" She looked at Discord in defeat and he in response just waved his paw at her to leave, that he had it handled. However Fluttershy was not convinced and made a face at him before looking back at AJ worriedly.
Yet something seemed, off.
"Where's your hat?" Fluttershy was surprised she didn't notice it sooner.
... And then it all clicked.
With a gasp, Fluttershy placed both hooves now across her lips, as if whatever she was about to say was going to stir something she didn't want. So in this case, she decided that perhaps Discord was the only one to really resolve this, which she didn't want to do.
So she frantically searched the room for the hat but knowing Discord, he probably stuffed it somewhere she couldn't find it.
Yet that wouldn't stop her. Being the kind-hearted Pegasus she was, she stood up and with a polite "Excuse me." She trotted off to go looking for Applejack's prized possession.
However, minutes upon minutes passed and still no sign of Fluttershy. This only caused the orange earth pony to narrow her gaze.
She swore, her own glare probably could beat Fluttershy's stare at that moment.
Yet that cocky, son of a-
"So... Did you really come back for this?" His tail pulled out her hat at that instant, placing it upon his head as he spoke. "Or did you come to gaze upon my devilishly, handsome face?" He did a pose at that moment, stroking his chin and neck as if he was a model.
Yet she didn't give him the satisfaction of any response except for one word. "Hat."
To this, Discord chuckled and began twirling the hat in his talon. "I think you're lying~"
How dare he.
HOW DARE HE!
At this, the athletic mare trampled over the table and stomped up to the Draconequus, absolutely slamming her face into his with a growl. To this, the puppeteer of sorts was actually a bit surprised.
"You listen here you rat! You think you can just walk up to my orchard, mess with MY apples AND steal my hat all in the same day!? Do you think I'm stupid because I'm a farm pony!? Well you listen here, buster, I may be an earth pony but I'll buck you so hard..." Her hoof slammed into his chest. "I'll make you wish you were never born!"
Yet to her surprise, Discord soon smiled right as she spoke and once she was finished he whispered simply. "Kinky." He then licked her nose with his snake tongue after that retaliation and this caused Applejack's eyes to not only widen but her face to return to that dark red she had on earlier.
This caused a hoot for the old creature and he soon fell back laughing really hard.
Yet Applejack was like a statue, unable to move or breathe for that matter. Yet she did finally lean back shyly and allow her ears to fall as she blushed. For some reason her mind would not stop the motion and thoughts that soon protruded her mind and she hated him for that.
Discord seeing this after his laughter died off, he gave a smile and stood back up, floating near her and whispering in her ear. "You know, you're really cute when you blush~"
And that was it. That was the one sentence that threw her off and after some mumbles and gasps, she in her desperation, conked him right in the forehead with her front hoof, which this surprisingly connected to the Draconequus and he slammed into the cottage.
Yet she took no time to hesitate, Applejack dashed for her hat, placed it on and ran off to her home at Sweet Apple Acres. The blush still present all the way to home.
As this all happened under a minute, Discord was chuckling as he rubbed his head, a worried Fluttershy running in from upstairs to check on the scene, only to gasp once more at the mess in her home. It wasn't like Applejack to do this, sure she could get hot-headed but never in her life would she let her anger get to her where she'd destroy her home... Then again, it could still have been Discord's doing.
So as she trotted up to the Draconequus, with curiosity and uncertainty, Discord then snickered once more.
"That mare, she's got quite the punch."
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Why the hell would you do that? I mean it wasn't that bad a story, in fact it was quite good. Discord X AJ seems fun, I mean AJ is the Straight man (stock character) to Discord's comedy routine. Also RD had a purpose, she was the embarrassment factor that AJ felt.
Does the artist of the Cover Art know your using it?
Short and sweet. I have to admit, Discord seems less gentlemanly and suave in this, and you've got that annoying
habitpreference of capitalizing ponies' names wrong (like Applejack being AppleJack and Fluttershy being FlutterShy), but it wasn't all bad. I'm glad I read this.3118582
Sorry about that, I like calling them that way, its my personal way and I just sorta stick with it but if it really bothers you so much. I can gladly revise it to the normal standard.
3118261 Oh, whoops.
Better let her know ;;
3118227 Because no one else will support this ship but me and Craine. I guess? I don't know ;w;
This was actually to my liking. Why'd you stop at one chapter?
Lol I rather liked this I'd like to see another chapter
3120094 Its just a one-shot sweetie. If I updated it I'd have to take it out of the one-shot group. Besides I like it the way it is -w-
3120284 Lies and slander good sir! It is not that good for an extra chapter! Goodness.
3120472 Well... Crap.
3120472 I completely disagree I found it to be light hearted and enjoyable. I particularly enjoyed Discord teasing Applejack. It's your story and I can respect that but it was well written. I believe your selling yourself short
3120525 Aww... Thank you. I need more comments like this.
Well, I should try and write more then hmm?
3120534 lol yes I think another chapter would be great. I mean it's not like it's gotta be clop for Mara's sake. I can tell you had fun with this and in the end that's what matters. I'm sure you've gotten some negative feedback b4 but just remember "Haters Are Gonna Hate!" so just tell I'm to Piss off and have fun. :)
3120564 This is staying as a one-shot darling.
But Yeah, I did have fun and that is indeed all that matters.
You have helped inspire me to try writing again. Some idea's are now popping in my head again, that hasn't happened in gosh who knows how long?
So thank you~ again
3120622 lol glad I could help :D
What's all this then?! About you never becoming a better writer?! Crazy talk--that's what it is. So long as me, or any willing author has a THING to say about it, you shall improve! YOU SHALL FLOURISH! Now sit back, relax, and listen to this old fool's (overtly) honest critique.
This. Was. Adorable.
I'm gonna come right out with it; I very much liked the climax of this tale. It was connected from beginning to end, and the anticipation was your greatest hook, I think. It always pleases me to see AJ's character captured as it should be: her being a stubborn bitch. Yes. All of my yes. Doing this always leaves readers--or me, at least--guessing, as far as what horrible consequences her stubbornness will have. And you sold that aspect exceedingly well.
Just as I thought it would, AJ's chemistry with Discord was beyond entertaining. I heard and saw all of Discord's mannerisms simply by the words chosen. This made the ending scene all the more hilarious. No, seriously, I think my neighbors would've called the cops, I laughed so hard. The tone? Cute. The execution? Acceptable. A joy to take in for anyone who's up for something new.
Now, young writer... Brace yourself.
The pacing of this story put the quality in mortal danger. It was slow. Too slow, and I think it the words chosen were responsible. I spotted an unsettling number of run-on sentences that would doom any important scene to *pause for dramatic affect* 'The Skim'.
Example ahoy:
I couldn't even...
Heed this carefully: avoid run-on sentences at all costs. Why? Because they're long, boring, and no one likes reading them. How? By being direct with your words, which brings up my next issue.
Your narration was passive, and, I'm sorry to say, boring. More than once, I found my huge, s**t-eating grin fall as I read on. And on. And on. Lots of your sentences had too many 'filler' words. Words you could've very much done without.
Example ahoy:
Perhaps you could've wrote:
Or something like that, I don't know.
In the future, try to be more direct. Shorten your sentences for maximum effect. It will do wonders for your writing and will get your point across without torturing your readers. Every sentence you write should have a purpose. Be it revealing something about the character(s), or moving the story along, you must stay focused. If you're worried about word-count, and meaningless crap like that, make your chapters (oneshots) more eventful.
You still with me? Great. Because I've one last issue to point out--the most important issue, in fact. Unnecessary 'telling'.
As you can tell, I won't lie to you; there were unnecessary tells everywhere! EVERYWHERE! From blatantly 'telling' us how the characters felt, to 'telling us what happens after you've 'shown' it.
Examples ahoy:
For starters, simply stating that he laughed, would show us that he, indeed, had a 'hoot'. Because he's a dick like that. Also, this sentence ties in with my earlier gripes about filler-words and run-on sentences.
Perhaps you could've wrote:
Eh? Eh??
There... The longest comment I've given on Fimfiction. I, in no way, planned to undermine or discourage you by pointing these out. As I said, I want you to FLOURISH! Understand, young writer, that there are MANY us helpers out there. You just have to ask.
Now go forth. Write. Read. Learn! FIGHT! WIN!!!!
Craine...
PS: And don't discourage yourself. It's only a matter of time before your see and feel the changes. Trust me.
3120783 Holy-
Ok I was NOT expecting such a HUGE comment. Especially on this story.
However critique is very appreciated and I am happy I even gained any positive feedback let alone some teachings of my mistakes.
I think I kind of know what you're telling me, though, as far as the story went.
It paced slowly only because I was not direct in my words and I was worrying too much about the word count. Also as far as passive wording goes I honestly don't know better? I don't know how to really make it spicy ish. If that makes any sense let me know. XD
But yeah half of your lessons did get through and another half was confused as hell.
The problem being I don't write to be a writer. I just write for fun in general.
However I got you to laugh, smile and enjoy yourself even at the mistakes so I have to say I must have done some things right and that's all that matters~.
But again I will do my best to re-read your critique and try and fix myself up. At least to some degree.
But again thank you for the read, comment/critique and fave. Any kind of comments make me have some form of hope and I really need that to even think of fixing up my work.
So bless you Craine for being such a wonderful teacher and writer.
3120834 Any time...
stogiefresh.info/edu-health/images/saliva02.jpg
Any time.
3120850 Holy crap I'm still getting faves. I am certainly not used to this attention.
<3 You're the best Craine
Good story, now if it wasn't a one shot story..
3120972 Goodness you all seem so obsessed into making this have chapters xD. It does not deserve those chapters friend, it just does not.
Beside's, using the imagination is fun on what happened next :3
probably more hi-jinx3120984
areyoufuckingcoding.me/img/meme-impossibru.jpg
WE NEED MOAR CHAPTERS!
(And yes, you are a good writer, I would read the rest c;)
But then again.
Its up to you....
3121522 Aww, thank you, means a lot to hear you say that
3121524 Welcome.encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTxyATmsC2in_EV5nGYdva6ZbChH8Xcqg4bzlNPICNego00yppR
3119649
Well something has to be done then.
If only I had an idea of what I could write...
3122781 Yes! Write something about this! Conform to the AppleCord ways! CONFORM!
Hm... Applecord, eh?
Okay, now this looks interesting. Very interesting indeed...
Huh, not bad at all, for someone who's just starting out.
I would give some critique, but I would probably just be retreading what 3120783 has already left in his beast of a comment.
Anyway, I quite enjoyed this, and I do hope you keep writing and improving. This gets a like from me.
Also, Applecord needs to be a thing. I might have a whack at it myself, actually.
3123031 COOOONFOOOOORM!!!!!
3125082
I AM CONFORMING.
ENGAGE THINK.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m08celcrnT1r3isxuo1_500.gif
3125094 OH GOD WHAT HAVE I STARTED.
But yes thank you, I'll learn to not do runner on sentences more and try to write more actively. But I also have learned that if I type direct too much I will actually make the audience miss something a few times because of how quick it can be a read.
So some small passive is needed in certain points.
Also if you do write an AppleCord story I will SING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS
AAKJSDKAJSLHSDSJ
That was really good! I will admit I liked the original one more, but this is also incredibly enjoyable. I hope people come out with more Applexcord fics, since if I tried to make one it would probably end up...badly
3215838
Well, nothing could EVER beat the original as Craine is just brilliant.
But hey if you made a creepypasta AppleCord I'd love it even more. Any AppleCord is good AppleCord friend
I agree with my commentating precursors, this was really cute!
Poor, flustered AJ.
3258872 Poor AJ indeed!
Thank you for the comment despite
i agree, this needs more chapters. splendid and adorable. very nice!
3267157 Well... I guess I could try and think of something on how to continue this if you all really DO love it that much.
3269841 i believe it should be continued. she was so adorably flustered and i like how you plaid discord. ive seen him plaid down right evil but you plaid him as the trickster ((least that's how i seen it)) and i thought it was very well down, that goes for the story as a whole as well. a continuation would make me and((no doubt)) many others happy
3296092 Well I'll try and wrack my brain to see what I can make up.
This really feels like a first chapter.
3321260 That's why I shall plan a new chapter.
3321422
REALLY?!
i1.ytimg.com/vi/febQR3k9hHc/maxresdefault.jpg
*squee*
assets.diylol.com/hfs/34d/090/8e3/resized/princess-luna-double-meme-generator-huzzah-the-crazy-has-been-doubled-df158f.jpg
3323690 Yes, I shall plan a nice, wonderful chapter
that's gonna suck so much you'll wish I tore my fanfic off the site.I laughed so hard, I got funny looks from my brothers... xD
Very good First Chapter~ Will read more.
...This first chapter was just too cute.
I love how absolutely flustered Applejack gets around Discord. It's amazing how he can rile up a pony that's normally so levelheaded and down-to-earth. Also, I read this whole chapter in a voice that was half-country and half-sassy. It made the whole thing twice as hilarious. 
My favorite part was when he licked her nose. So adorable and so funny at the same time. 
This is just an insignificant inconvenience, but while the run-on sentences were personally fun to read, they were also a bit long.
As a little comment, I've been interested in Applecord for a few months, and this story, along with An Apple a Day by Craine, has really increased that interest. Before long I'll completely forget about Fluttercord and just start shipping Applecord as my OTP.
P. s. I've read other awesome Applecord fics, like Love Needs No Reason by Evowizard25 and Ah Must Be Kiddin' Myself by The Masked Mare, but does anyone know of an official Applecord group?