Ch. 1: Out of the Oven, Into the Frying Pan
Out of the Oven, Into the Frying Pan
---{Third-person}
What is life after death? Some believe that there isn’t any, and make a point to state that their one life on Earth is all they get. Others believe that a person remains alive as long as someone else remembers them. Then, there are the people that separate potential afterlife locations. They refer to these places as the paradise of “Heaven” and the dreaded fiery pit of “Hell”.
There seems to be a lot of confusion over how the realms of Heaven and Hell work. An idea exists that “good” people go to Heaven while “bad” people go to Hell. However, the real separation is actually much simpler than that. You see, charity and sins aren’t weighed on some scale that causes souls to rise to Heaven or plummet to Hell. The only thing that matters in the end is what that soul chooses to believe before they die.
It doesn’t matter if a person is considered “good” or “bad”. Even the most generous, kind, and self-sacrificing person can end up in Hell if his heart is not in the right place. When one performs actions separately from the will of God, their good works amount to nothing.
Such is the case with this poor, unfortunate soul.
---{Protagonist}
I was unable to breathe, yet I couldn’t faint from being short of breath. I couldn’t see and I couldn’t blink. I walked forward and felt a ground moving beneath me, but it also felt like the air was stationary around me. I was getting nowhere.
Is this what a zombie feels like? I thought.
I almost chuckled at the thought. If the movies were anything to go by, then there was no way that I was a literal zombie. The thought of eating human brains still grossed me out. I was able to question my own existence, which proved that I did exist. Plus, I was still able to feel worried, an emotion that zombies couldn’t imitate even when faced with a shotgun pointed to their heads. Yep, I was still human.
Of course after I discarded that train of thought, another worry quickly took its place.
“Hello?” I mouthed, “Where am I? Is anyone out there?”
Sure, I had tried to say that as loudly as possible. But no matter how much I tried to vocalize, the sound of my voice didn’t even reach my own ears. Lowering my head with an inaudible sigh, I continued walking. I tried to recall what had happened for me to end up in this dark, quiet place.
My name is Dilan Shier, I recalled, I was a medical clerk for five years. Yesterday, I let my best friend convince me to drink more than my usual limit. He made some stupid joke about a sledgehammer. His other pal called a cab. Then…
I stopped walking.
Then I saw the headlights of a Ford.
I would have started breathing heavy if this place didn’t somehow prevent that.
Am I… dead?
I turned around and looked wildly, but it was the same darkness in every direction.
But why this emptiness? I was good! Well, mostly. Shouldn’t I be in Heaven?
I looked down again at the invisible ground.
Was I… not good enough? Were those volunteer hours at Second Harvest and those blood donations not enough to counter my rebellious teen years?
I sat down to cry, but neither a whimper nor a tear left my face.
So this is it then, I figured, There’s nothing I can do but wait in the darkness of Hades until the end of eternity when the Lake of Fire claims me and all the other bad souls.
---{Third-person}
Fate, however, has a wry sense of humor in mind for this man.
---{Protagonist}
“NOOOOOOOO!”
What? I looked up from my dry crying. Where is that scream coming from?
“Hello?” I mouthed, but I still couldn’t hear my own voice.
I looked in the direction of the scream, but I couldn’t see anything. At least, that was the case until an indigo blob of something came rushing in front of me.
Is that a… cloud?
It looked like some kind of gas cloud. Although, it was quickly proven to be a solid object when it slammed right into me and knocked me over. But instead of logically falling to the ground on my side, I was pushed upward so that I was floating just above this solid cloud.
“Ow,” I mouthed.
Okay, maybe it’s not a cloud, I deduced, So what is it?
Then, my eyes opened wide. The not-cloud caught on fire. I didn’t know how or why, but it literally ignited in freaking flames! I wished that was the weirdest thing that happened, but it got even more disturbing. A face appeared in the flames, and it looked like a woman screaming in pain!
My invisible hand moved to cover my mute mouth. I felt like throwing up, but souls of the dead had nothing to heave.
Oh man. Oh gosh, I rambled in horrified thought, Oh gosh. Oh man. Oh my gosh!
It was only mildly comforting that the vision was shrinking in size. Either that or it was somehow getting farther away from me. I almost felt like I was falling. But the direction away from where I thought the floor was made no sense for me to fall.
My eyes were again blinded by empty darkness.
---
Light tried to burn into my eyes.
Wha? I questioned voicelessly.
The darkness moved out of my sight with my eyelids. I could see light reflecting off the ground that I was on. I couldn’t help but smirk at the sight. I never thought I’d be so happy to be nearly blinded by a sunlight glare. I audibly sighed.
I was breathing again. I could hear sounds again, even if it was just a cross-breeze. I could even hear the sound of my own chuckling. I was alive! I chuckled like a little school girl.
“Wait…” I paused. My eyes narrowed to the point that the lids looked like widescreen bars.
I did sound like a girl.
This requires some investigation, I thought.
I felt sore all over, so it was a little taxing to lift my head. I pushed against the ground with my hands before I stood up… and promptly landed on my other side.
Okay, I’m having trouble coordinating balance right now, I observed, Not surprising since I was dead for who knows how long.
This time, I tried pushing just enough so that I would be on my hands and knees. That resulted in significantly less toppling. However, something wasn’t quite right. My back felt parallel to the ground, but my legs felt like they were straightened. I probably would have questioned that if I wasn’t so busy looking at where my hands were supposed to be.
“Uh…” I uttered. (That voice was still too high.)
I didn’t really know what I was looking at. They looked like two black cylinders ending with blue, metallic bracers. I tried lifting my right hand. The braced cylinder on the right rose. I put it back down and lifted my left hand. The cylinder on the left rose. Twisting and bending what felt like my wrist caused similar twists and bends in the cylinder. These cylindrical limbs were mine.
While looking down, I noticed an obtrusion just below my line of sight. I reached up a cylinder-hand to brush the thing away. The resulting pain felt like my nose and mouth had been kicked.
“Ow!” I yelped. I turned my tube-appendage wrist side up so that I could rub the hurting spot on my face. It looked like I was rubbing the obtrusion more than anything.
---{Third-person}
Three… two… one…
---{Dilan Shier}
“This thing is my face,” I gasped, “Wait, but a face this long would mean… I’m some kind of animal?”
I needed a look at the rest of me to be sure.
“Wow, I can turn my head almost all the way a- whaaaaa?” I drawled.
What was more surprising than my neck’s larger circumference of rotation was the rest of the body that I saw. It was black, sleek, and had a weird patch of purple closer to the rear. A longer stare revealed that there was a light blue, crescent-shaped mark inside the purple patch. Further back was something akin to an indigo smoke-cloud, as if flowing out of a creature’s tail bone.
Th-That cloud… I remembered.
---
The impact. The fire. The woman’s face. The silent scream.
---
But, I mentally stammered, what does it mean?
I had no answer. Standing there for a moment longer, I could see more of that cloud substance curling around my head. I reached a cylinder-hand to feel it. It was much softer than the cloud that had hit me in Hell. In fact, it felt like I was touching the hair on my head.
“What does all of this mean?” I asked to no one in particular.
My vocal question had no more of an answer than my thought question. Maybe I was going completely nuts. Acting upon that idea, I tried slamming the underside of my right cylinder against the top of my head.
*Clang!*
Metal? I blinked in confusion. Looking up and around, I could see a blue outline around my line of sight. What is this, some kind of helmet?
Whatever the alleged headgear was, it seemed to be about as hard as whatever adorned my cylinder-hands and cylinder-feet.
Maybe I should stop calling them ‘cylinders’, I thought, I’ve already established that I’m in the body of some kind of four-legged animal. Maybe they’re more like hooves.
Once again, I turned my eyes to look as I raised my right… ‘hoof’.
Though, I’ve never seen a hoof that could imitate a wrist’s bending to such a degree, I noted as I bent it a couple of times.
Okay, this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. That went without saying. Maybe a look around where I am can give me some clues as to what I am.
It was amazing how little thought I had put into my environment after coming back from the dead. Though, waking up in a body that wasn’t mine probably had something to do with that lack of observation. Better late than never, I figured.
The light glare that had nearly blinded me earlier had come from a piece of broken glass lying on what appeared to be a stone floor. It was a couple feet away from a broken window. Said window broke the monotony of the stone wall around it. It looked like the sun outside was moving down, so that probably meant it was the afternoon in whatever this place was.
The best educated guess I could make was that I was in a building with stone walls, broken windows, and decorative stone pillars that had vines growing over them.
…
“Well, that gets me absolutely nowhere,” I scoffed, though it sounded more like a snort.
“Heh,” I smiled wryly, “That sound is a good indication that I’m some type of horse.”
And the pitch of my voice was a sign that I had lost the key aspect of what I used to be. However, it gave me an idea.
“I am the night,” I whispered, “I am the terror that runs like the wind. I am… Bat Mare!”
The echo was the only audible audience I received for such an amateurish performance.
Okay, Shier, I exhaled, You’ve had your fun, but now it’s time for some serious planning. What are you going to do?
Idly, I took a few steps forward through the long, stony room. Walking was easier than I thought it was going to be.
This place clearly isn’t helping you figure out where and what you are. So, the best solution would probably be getting out of here and finding somebody else to question.
I spotted a staircase at the end of the room and decided to walk over to it.
---
After getting out of the stone building, I found out that it overlooked a cliff area. I spied a bridge a few meters away.
Man-made structures usually pave the way to civilization, I conjectured. So, I went over to the bridge.
The bridge consisted of wooden planks tied by ropes to either end of the drop. I spotted a loose rock and kicked it over the edge. I tried to listen to the impact after the rock passed the layer of fog under the bridge. I didn’t hear a crumble, though.
“Watch your step,” I told myself as I walked along the planks of the bridge.
It sagged a little under my weight and started to wobble a little around the half-way point. On instinct, I reached out two arms to the ropes on either side of me. I breathed a sigh of relief when the wobbling slowed down considerably.
Wait a minute, I thought. When I looked down at the planks, the hooves that should have been my arms were still planted firmly on one wooden plank. What am I holding the ropes with?
Two quick turns of my head to either side revealed a pair of feathered appendages. Each was gripping the ropes in a manner similar to how fingers would. I was so befuddled and dumbstruck.
Wings, I thought, I have flipping wings!
The slowly swaying bridge shook me out of my disbelief.
Right! Cross bridge first. Question anatomy later.
---
I was never afraid of heights, per se. I was afraid of potentially falling from said heights. So by the time I had scampered the rest of the way across the bridge, I was breathing heavily out of relief just as much as I was in exhaustion.
That would’ve been anticlimactic, I thought with a shaky smile, Escaping from Hell just to die from a bridge fall.
I sat my hind quarters down while I caught my breath.
All right. Now that that’s over…
I once again stared at the arm-wings that were spread out on my back. They were the same shade of onyx as the rest of my body. I’m not sure how I flexed and bent some of the larger feathers, but there were clearly nerve signals working in those things. Like the wrist joints in my hooves, they made absolutely no sense.
How does a horse have wings? I wondered, The only time I’ve ever seen a horse with wings was that one page in mythology about the Pegasus.
I let out a huff.
Just more questions. Like, if I flapped these things hard enough, would I actually take…?
At that moment, I noticed that the feeling of being on the ground was disturbingly absent.
“… flight?” I squeaked.
I looked beneath myself. I could see an expanse of green treetops. The path I was on looked a lot smaller. A quick look behind me confirmed that simply flapping my wings enough times was keeping me airborne.
Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! I did not think this through!
That thought somehow activated a folding reflex. My wings snapped close against my sides and I felt a rush of air passing me. Clenching my teeth, I ended up acting on some unknown instinct for the second time today. A feeling of stretching arms led to a much slower descent. I held my wings out a straight and wide as possible.
My trip to the ground was delayed and my body was taking a slight detour. In translation, I was gliding forward. I let out a breath that I had been holding.
“I guess that answers if I can fly,” I remarked, “The answer is ‘kind of’.”
The air passing me from the front felt kind of nice. I could have fallen asleep if I wasn’t holding out my wings for dear life. Still, it seemed like gravity was no longer going to be my executioner. Although, there was one new worry I had.
“How am I supposed to land?”
---{Narrator}
A purple sea serpent was running a comb through his magnificent, orange hair. He had just finished aligning his scales and they shimmered like glitter. Nothing really bothered him in this river, at least not on a regular day.
“Woah!”
“Hmm?” Steven Magnet looked around for the yelp.
What he saw was rather puzzling. It looked kind of like one of those ponies he had met a while back. But when the mare’s hooves touched the ground, they slid underneath her. She tumbled head-over-horseshoes until she eventually plopped into the river with a small splash.
Curious, he stashed his comb away before sliding over to check on the poor darling. He was glad to see her raise her head out of the water, gasping in air. Upon closer examination, he could see the pony’s black body with rather garish adornments on her head, chest, and hooves. Though he cringed a little at the sight, he shook his head and decided the stranger’s overall health was more important at that moment.
“Are you all right, Miss?” he asked politely.
---{Dilan Shier}
I spat out water before regaining some semblance of breathing. Who put that water in my targeted landing zone? I shook my head a bit before standing up. Whatever this body of water was, it was thankfully shallow.
“Are you all right, Miss?”
“Huh?” I snapped my gaze over to the source of the voice. “Woah! A talking water dragon!”
“Actually, I prefer ‘sea serpent’, if you don’t mind,” the water dragon replied in a flamboyant guy’s voice. “You took quite a tumble just now. Are you hurt?”
It’s a giant talking sea serpent, I thought, What am I supposed to make of that? Wait, what did he ask me?
Oh, right! Was anything hurt? I decided to give my body parts a quick once-over via small movements of each.
Let’s see. Front hooves? Check. Hind hooves? Check. Tail? Check. Wings? Check.
“I believe I am okay,” I answered.
“That’s good,” the sea serpent smiled, “It would be a shame to meet a new face that’s been injured.”
“Yeah, that would certainly be,” I chuckled nervously.
I’m actually conversing with it, I thought in disbelief, I’m holding a conversation with a mythological beast of the ocean.
A light bulb clicked on upstairs.
Wait a second. This is another sentient life form in this world. That might mean I can get some answers!
“Listen, um,” I paused, trying to think of the right way to phrase what I was going to say next, “Where exactly are we?”
The sea serpent looked surprised at my question, but he answered all the same.
“We’re in the Everfree Forest, Miss.”
Everfree? I pondered, Never heard of it before.
“Has anything strange been going on around here?” I pitched.
“Well, not until you stopped by,” it- er, he responded, “I don’t think I’ve seen any ponies visit this river since those other six mares came by several months ago.”
Ponies, huh? I echoed, I guess I’m not quite as big as a real horse. Wait… other six?
“Do you know where those other six came from?” I asked, almost feeling guilty for asking so many questions.
“Since they came along that path,” he pointed at the path that continued on the other side of the river, “I’d wager that they trotted over from Ponyville.”
A village just for ponies? I held back a chuckle. That probably would have been more surprising if I wasn’t talking to a giant sea serpent.
“Thank you,” I told him, “I should probably get going now.”
But before I had taken three steps through the water, I was suddenly lifted up by a giant, scaly tail.
“Allow me, Miss.”
I had no objections to the kindness of a stranger, especially when said stranger looked large enough to gobble me up if he was ever angry. I was gently lowered to the dirt on the other side. I shook off some of the water that hung on my hide.
“Thank you again,” I said as I turned around and trotted away.
“No problem,” he insisted, “Take care now!”
---
As the available sunlight grew dimmer, I picked up the pace. I didn’t know a whole lot about this world in which ponies and sea serpents could talk. However, I did know that it wasn’t safe to be lost anywhere late at night. I didn’t want to know what lurked in these woods. Unfortunately, a loud roar decided to show me anyway.
My whole body shook as I slowly turned my eyes to see… the lion.
“Oh… crap,” I muttered.
I thought it was a lion, but its bat-like wings opened up and a scorpion’s tail straightened behind it. My mind was shaking too much for me to draw out the right mythological memory.
A chimera?! I internally screamed, Oh, double crap!
I mustered up the most courageous action that I could take.
I ran.
---{Narrator}
A manticore’s roar interrupted her brew. She sighed as she thought of one more thing she had to do. The zebra resident of the hut in Everfree opened her door to take a look see. She was surprised and opened her eyes wide to the pony being chased by the beast outside. Grabbing her cloak and her pouch of dust, she galloped out to declare the statement that she must.
“Kuwa wamekwenda mnyama mchafu!”
The green smoke produced an illusion of terror and fright. It convinced the manticore to retreat into the night. But the pony she had saved fell faint in trembling. Her adrenaline burst must have caused some mental disassembling. With a huff and a puff and a plop on her back, the zebra carried the stranger into her shack.
---{Dilan Shier}
I didn’t know when or how long I was asleep. But at some point, I woke up. I was in a bed no less. I almost thought that the recent events had been a dream. However, a quick look at my not-hands and the dark muzzle in my lower vision quickly invalidated that theory. Having lost the battle for reality, I looked around the bed I was on.
My surroundings were unfamiliar. It kind of looked like the interior of a house. There were hanging vines and masks around the walls. They kind of reminded me of this one guy’s Jamaican souvenirs. My fascination with the décor was quickly forgotten when I felt something missing. Actually, I was missing a lot of somethings.
I raised a hoof and felt my head without the metallic clang. My black chest was without the armor-like cover. To top it off, all four of my blue hoof bracers were gone. I was completely naked.
Fortunately, it didn’t take long to see all of the pieces of armor about a foot away from the bed. I sighed in relief, though I immediately raised an eyebrow at my own relief.
Why do I even need that stuff? I wondered before thinking, Oh, right. It would be nice to have some kind of protection against monsters like that chimera.
Satisfied with my conclusion, I rolled off the bed. I felt impact with the floor, but I was okay to stand up. I reached over for the helmet, but then paused.
How exactly am I going to grab this? I don’t have fingers.
As if to prove my point, I continued moving my hoof toward the helmet. When contact was made, I lifted up my hoof expecting the helmet to slide back to the floor. To my surprise, I felt something akin to fingers grasping that piece of metal and it lifted in conjunction with my hoof.
What… is this? Are my hooves magnets or something? Weird, but it feels so much like grabbing with hands.
I let out a frustrated sigh.
“The more I find out, the less about this world I understand,” I remarked.
I turned the helmet in my “grasp” so that I could slide it over my head. It briefly caught on something before sliding on snugly.
What was that? I wondered as I felt around for any obstacles above my head.
As it turned out, there was a bone-like protrusion. The sensation was almost chilling. I could feel my hoof with the protrusion just as much as I could feel the protrusion with my hoof.
A horn? I guess that kills my Pegasus theory. But then, what exactly am I?
There were just more questions without answers. Sighing in defeat, I turned my attention to the rest of my outfit. It seemed the other pieces also responded to my “grip”. It made me wonder if phantom phalanges were a thing here. Though, it required a bit more effort to lift and adjust the chest plate. I guess difference of weight still applied for this bizarre form of grabbing.
Four aligned steps later, I had all of my hoof bracers in place and tightly clamped. I felt a bit safer. As usual, however, my mind decided to conjure up a new worry.
Who undressed me in the first place?
The only way out of this bedroom appeared to be by way of an opening covered by an old drapery. I walked in that direction and lifted the curtain. What I saw next made my eyes open in awe.
This second room had shelves aligned with bottles filled with several different liquids. Most of which I had no clue of the true contents. In the center was a bubbling cauldron, like those found in a fairy tale about witches. Sitting off to the side at a circular table was… a black-and-white creature with a Mohawk. The creature was sipping a drink in a coconut half.
It had the stripes and coloration of a zebra, but I had never seen a zebra that looked quite like that before. It paused in its sipping and its eyes looked at me. The silence was so thick that someone could have cut it with a knife.
“Ah, good,” it said with an accented woman’s voice, “You are awake. Might you have a moment I may take?”
She motioned with her free hoof for me to come closer. I gulped before walking over to the table. All the while, I tried to calm my nerves.
Come on, Shier, I thought, You talked to a sea serpent with a mustache and walked away from it. How dangerous can a zebra with a Mohawk be?
Despite my comparative argument, my legs still felt stiff as I eventually arrived at the table. The zebra made another motion with her hoof. I felt compelled to sit down and I did so.
“I did not think we would meet so soon,” she says with a neutral expression, “What brings you back, Nightmare Moon?”
I blinked. “What’s a nightmare moon?”
I wasn’t sure what I had said to cause her to perform a spit take. But the wall to my right was immediately coated with a fresh coat of hot water. Soon, her confused blinking took the opposite pattern to my confused blinking. For a few seconds, she leaned closer and stared. I didn’t like this invasion of personal space.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked with a hint of warning in the womanly voice I had.
Two more seconds passed before she finally leaned back to her original sitting position. She closed her eyes and hummed in thought. I was about to ask her what that was about. Then, she opened her eyes.
“Your soul is visible by the windows called your eyes,” she recited, “Yet unlike hers, yours is one free from deceit and lies.”
I tilted my head, still very much confused. “What?”
“Perhaps the beginning is from where we should start. Introductions are in order so that I may understand your heart.”
“Do you always have to speak in rhyme?” I asked while scratching my neck.
“No,” she answered.
The thick silence returned.
“O…kay, then.” I decided to break the ice first, “I’m Dilan Shier.”
“Zecora is what you may call me,” she responded, “How did you enter Nightmare Moon’s body?”
“You’re saying this body belongs to someone named Nightmare Moon?” I reiterated.
Zecora nodded sagely.
Nightmare Moon, huh? I mulled.
“I don’t know for sure,” I admitted, “That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out ever since I woke up in this world.”
“This world?” she echoed, “Are you saying that you are from another?”
I nodded. “That would just about sum it up, brother.”
My eyes snapped wide open and I held a hoof in front of my mouth.
Did I just finish one of her rhymes with a slang title? I wondered.
Zecora, however, didn’t seem fazed in the slightest. In fact, she was still sitting there as if expecting me to continue. I lowered my hoof and sighed.
“I’m from a world in which humans are the dominant sentient species,” I explained, “At least, that was the world I knew before what I assumed was my death. After that, I wandered through a darkness shrouded plane that I guessed was Hell.”
I looked up at the decorative ceiling.
“Some unknown amount of time later, another presence came flying in and was screaming. A strange force pulled me up as the other presence caught on flames.”
I turned my gaze downward and shivered.
“It was a horrible sight. I would’ve vomited if that were possible in Hell.”
I looked at Zecora again.
“When I woke up, I was in an old stone building and in this body.”
Zecora sat there with her eyes closed. Again, she hummed in thought. I couldn’t tell if she believed me. I knew I couldn’t believe me. This all sounded like someone’s idea of sick humor. Finally, she set her cup down on the table and stood up on all fours.
“I know of many things regarding magic and lore,” she stated, “But your case is one I have never heard before.”
I didn’t need a translator for that rhyme. She didn’t know what I was either. Still, she seemed determined to do something. On one of the shelves, several books rested. She grabbed one in her mouth and walked back toward me. I noticed it had a picture of a unicorn’s head on the cover.
“In these pages covered by a hardback,” she explained, “You’ll find some information that you lack. While the answer you seek is not crystal blue, the tale of Equestria’s heroes might give you a clue.”
She turned the cover with that creepy phantom finger touch. (The one where it looked like there was nothing there, but the object responded as if she were touching it with fingers.) The first page held cursive words that were surprisingly in English. I thought this was going to be in some weird symbolic writing that I wouldn’t be able to read.
Eh, what the heck? I shrugged. I’ve got nothing better to do.
The Mare in the Moon (Updated)
Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria…
---
And the new bearers used the reconstructed Elements of Harmony to cleanse the malice and hatred, restoring to the world the younger sister and the true Princess of the Night.
I flipped the page, but I was already at the back cover. I had no idea what to make of this story. It seemed so unreal, and yet the details taken into crafting the plot and setting made it believable. The only thing I could really find fault with was the fact that I had no frame of reference to imagine how the song by ‘Pinkie Pie’ went.
“You have many questions,” commented Zecora.
I looked up to see Zecora carrying in a wooden tray with several items on it. She set it down on the table after moving the book slightly out of the way.
“That is good, but right now I think you need some food.”
A grumbling noise vibrated my belly.
My gosh, I thought in whisper, How long has it been since I’ve eaten anything?
Saliva started dripping from my mouth as I looked at the tray in front of me. I didn’t even care that it was all vegetation. With my state of hunger, Zecora probably could have placed liver and onions in front of me and I still would have drooled.
Without a second thought, I dug right into the tray’s contents. A red sliced fruit full of seeds got devoured in a couple seconds. Strips of what felt like cabbage were gone in an instant. Cherry tomatoes were popped in and vanished. A whole apple? Chomp! Gone.
Sooner than I would have liked, the plate was empty. Luckily, my stomach was in the opposite condition. A satisfied burp escaped my lips. I slapped a hoof over my rude mouth.
“Excuse me,” I muttered.
Zecora chuckled at my enthusiasm in eating. I joined her, though only briefly. I still had questions.
“Was that story fiction?” I asked.
“Non-fiction,” Zecora replied while shaking her head, “and an inspiration to us all. For it shows us that true friendship is the power to make evil fall.”
This world consciously seemed impossible. Yet, everything I experienced in it felt just as real as my life on Earth. So if sea serpents could talk, chimeras hunted, and ponies could fly, was it really all that difficult to believe that an intangible concept such as friendship could be used to vanquish the darkness?
Well, kind of, but I was a bit low on counter-arguments at the moment.
“But then where do I fit in?” I asked aloud, “How has Nightmare Moon’s body returned and why am I the one controlling its actions?”
“To help you search for those answers, I will do what I can,” she said while donning a brown cloak, “But to find and reach that goal is one that is up to Dilan.”
I couldn’t believe she found a way to be so cryptic and still rhyme with my name.
How the heck does she do that? I wondered.
“If you are ready to seek a thrill, perhaps you would like to accompany me to Ponyville.”
Ponyville, I echoed, That’s the town that the sea serpent mentioned.
“I suppose that’s as a good a starting point as any,” I nodded. Something else occurred to me, though. “Wait, I look like the bad guy… er, girl. Won’t that attract unwanted attention?”
“It is healthy to acknowledge a warranted fear,” replied Zecora as she opened the door to the outside, “But overcoming it will show greater courage, Shier.”
She did it again! I mentally exclaimed.
She was right, though. Sitting around and being scared of the unknown never helped anyone. It was better to know if I would face shame sooner rather than waiting around for it to bite me in the butt.
“Lead on, Zecora!” I told her as I stood up from my seat.
---
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I thought I learned my lesson about submitting stories that I haven't "completed" yet. Apparently, I was mistaken.
I like it I'm watching
I like this more philosophical take on the general HIE story, I just hope that the mane 6 don't instantly befriend Dilan, and then fall in love.
3120930, Sir (or Madam. I can't really tell on the internet these days), I can assure you that neither romance nor shipping of any sort shall take place in this fic.
3120938 we applaud that
Flower Trio - Panic!
Shier: No.
Um... why exactly does Zecora have Starswirl's journal?
Very interesting... I await the next chapter.
3125210, Uh... last I checked, Starswirl's journal had stars and a literal swirl on the cover, not a unicorn's picture. The book in Zecora's possession is a copy of an excerpt from "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide".
... Hmm. I guess it doesn't make any sense for her to have that book either. Man, I suck at filling plot holes.
...
3123063, Hey, you should totally write that.
Me? I'm going to be busy walking this story in a different direction.
3125366
After using the Internet for a long period of time, getting distracted many times along the way, I have deduced that I was incorrect and that you were correct.
3120938 Good to know, also you should be able to tell my gender rather easily, just read the rules of the internet. They clearly state that there are no girls on the internet.
3126050, Ah, but you're forgetting the unspoken rule of life:
Girls never play by the rules.
3126637 The internet is not life, it is deceit and lies, and by that it abides.
\
(Damn no Zecora emoticon )
3234142, Except by that logic, that rule in itself is a lie, which means that it doesn't follow any rules at all. It's a paradox! There is no answer!
51st like
To TundraStanza,
Here is some respectful advice based on my immediate reaction.
You, generally, should not switch perspectives like this. It is too quick to get used to in such bursts and too unsettling to run into the tag you put before the switch. Let the audience settle into one perspective so we can focus on the story you are telling rather than trying to figure out what is going on with the perspective at each change.
Also, there is no need to indent and separate your paragraphs by a space. Just do one. As this story is not a formal letter, you should be indenting. This kind of miss-formatting can immediately kill my interest. However, you blurb interests me so I will see what I think if the content.
From,
The Smileyrat
Post Script:
Having read this story, I can say that it is reasonably well written and some of my prior concerns were less of a problem than guessed. Still, the formatting can be improved. I would very much enjoy it if the quality of the formatting at least matched the quality of the story it-self.
you turned him it to a pony
Strangely enough, I have yet to hear of a religion that actually believes in this. It is usually just "believe in our religion, or go to hell" or "accept our Lord and savior Jesus Christ and you will go to heaven".
I'm super surprised that he isn't freaking out about the existence of hell, and that apparently he is destined to hell because of minor trouble making, or for breaking some obscure law that he couldn't possibly know. God, it sounds like his universe's god is a prick.
the whole announcing of the perspective change makes the story feel a bit clunky to me, but not enough to distract me from the story too much
Boom! God promotion! I'll read the chapter now.
I had to really gag my way through the beginning of this. I generally hate it when stories delve into the afterlife.
Okay, I have to give you some serious props for the clever way you used Zecora's penchant for rhyming to get across how our protagonist's name is pronounced. You, sir/madam, have earned yourself an imaginary cookie
A complete nightmare moon story, finally!
This world consciously seemed impossible. Yet, everything I experienced in it felt just as real as my life on Earth. So if sea serpents could talk, chimeras hunted, and ponies could fly, was it really all that difficult to believe that an intangible concept such as friendship could be used to vanquish the darkness?
Well, kind of, but I was a bit low on counter-arguments at the moment.
XD OMG this was my favorite line!!!!!!!!!
3123063
Said the talking magical unicorn..
Damn, that was a lot of rhyming. Congratz
I wouldn’t do that if I were you, apple seeds contain cyanide. Basically, SPITITOUTSPITITOUTSPITITOUT
Nice
Yeah but, ponies kinda, you know, panic
9086341
Eh... you would need 6 apples to have any effect on an adult human, now imagine on a horse.
10165602
you also need to break open the seeds with your teeth to get the cyanide out
I love his being weirded out by Zecoras rhyming.
10165602
I ate several apple cores at once before. The high was glorious, but I ended up in hospital because that several is like 10 or so.
I really shouldn't, but I got a serious case of butthurt from that sentence. Everything up to that was widely universal - and then that one line just killed it. Not sure if this is at all valid, since it's just my jimmies that got rustled, but still.
And yes, I'm applying butthurt ointment as I type this (pardon the greasy fingers), so... moving on.
Otherwise, a fine first chapter. Oh, well. ;)
9623536
considering some ponies won't wait until the a threat is fully executed if they think one is there he is risking a pounding.
like a valiant protestor i see!
why does this shitty story has so many likes?
with fragile relationship building up like house of card, i expected everything to come crashing down. in satisfying manners.
but no. luna is still a psycho. nightmare still being treated like shit.
and this is story sets after discord's redemption. letting all-powerful being taht cannot purify by element of harmony. roaming around under supervised of a single meeks pony.
yeah...
11087749
Okay...now how about you learn some English, and come back and rewrite this comment?