Diamond in the Rough
Diamond Tiara sat at her desk, hunched over as she wrote intently. Graduation was a week away and she would soon be out in the world and making a name for herself. But she was full of regrets over the year. She faintly heard her father call to her that it was nearing bedtime. She ignored him, determination on her face. The crown she used to wear as a filly lay unused for years and her hair became more lush and full and seemed to flow like a white and violet waterfall. She was almost a full adult now and she had grown up on the inside as well.
Upon her desk was a framed photo of her as a little filly, before she found her mark. She was sitting on her father's back with a beautiful lavender earth pony with bubblegum flowing hair leaning on them, the mare's silver-blue eyes bright with sheer delight. The mare was very clearly her mother. The family looked very happy together, all of them smiling so bright it could almost compare to Celestia's sun. Her father had no bags under his eyes showing he was tired and worn. Diamond Tiara didn't have a sneer on her face she often had in her youth. In fact, she looked very innocent and gleeful.
Diamond paused for a moment, looking at the picture. Bittersweet emotions flickered over her face, ranging from joy and sorrow to calm and annoyance. After a rest and timing how long she had before her father would enforce bed for school, she began to continue her task, determination flaring in her eyes, though a smile was upon her lips.
While she worked, she also made a mental note to personally delivery it to everypony in school. After all, she couldn't just write a letter and not personally give it to them and take their feedback face-to-face. It wasn't polite. And Diamond Tiara had years to make up for being impolite and rude. A bittersweet look flickered over her eyes as she cleared her mind, focusing on her first letter- to her teacher.
****************************
Dear Miss Cherilee,
I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me over the years. You are the best teacher I could have hoped for and as graduation is nearing I just wanted to express my gratitude to you. When I was little and used to terrorize Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom, you often scolded me and I would ignore it. But now that I am older I feel that I know exactly what you mean underneath all those lessons. I have become the mare my mother never got to see and I have you partially to thank for that.
You motivated me to do what I could and to be who I was meant to be. Although I cannot ever atone for all that I did and how downright mean I was, you worked so hard to put me on the right path. You are an inspiration to me and I cannot thank you enough. I hope I can become a mare as sweet and loving as you- even though our class was probably the most stressful you had experienced.
Thank you.
Diamond Sapphire Tiara
****************************
Dear Daddy,
Well, your little filly is all grown up. I wanted to say I'm sorry for all the chaos I made for you so many years ago when I was nothing but a bully. You always told me that mom would want me to be as bright as Pinkie Pie's smile. You also said she had a phrase that a pony needed to always show love otherwise they would become like a dark, mean shadow. I didn't get it at first and thought you were silly. But after Silver Spoon really hurt Apple Bloom, I realized you two were right.
I have a lot to make up for and beginning this week, I'm going to finish righting all the wrongs I made. Thank you for being so understanding and helpful trying to get me on the right path.
I love you!
I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out. I'll make you proud!
Your princess
****************************
Diamond yawned before turning off the light and headed to bed, too tired to write anymore. All the other letters would come with time. But for now, she had to get some sleep for her last week of school. It was going to be bittersweet and she hoped she would leave with no regrets.
She fell asleep soon after her head hit the pillow, the letters laying on her desk in their envelopes. Although she had made some mistakes in her past and regretted them tremendously and knew it was simply because she was mourning her mother, she couldn't think of any regrets she had.
Diamond Sapphire Tiara was a strong young mare just like her mother was and by Luna she was not going to part with the fillies and colts she grew up with on a sour note. Tomorrow would bring more letters, more aches and more forgiveness to herself. It would never fully fix the mistakes...
But she was a diamond in the rough, after all. It takes a lot of smoothing over to get a diamond perfect. And she had a lot of edges left to file.
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Nice story
Everypony has to grow up someday.
Did she ever reconcile with Babs?
3114564
If enough people ask for it, I can do a continuation and involve Babs, Snips, Snails and the rest.
Babs Seed, Babs Seed,
What's Diamond Gotta do?
Got regret back from her past,
Will her friendships really last?
Babs Seed, Babs Seed,
Diamond's a good, good seed.
Lol to my epic (fail) song.
Plz do Babs.
3114615
That was very creative. Haha. Again, if this gets enough popularity with my readers, I'll do another segment with the rest of the school fillies and colts.
3114626 Something is wrong with the like button. IT WON'T LET ME LIKE IT MORE THAN ONCE!
3114663
Haha. We should probably tell the IT part of the site about that problem
3114626 How about twenty likes, and then you'll read a sequel. Oh look I'm number 20, sequel please.
Oh my Celestia! I bucking love it!!!
3115712
Sneaky, sneaky. But I suppose this means I probably should add more, eh?
3115829
I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure how well Diamond Tiara's POV would take
3116057 Definitely.
Notbad.jpg.
I suspect it's going to take more than a thousand words for Diamond Tiara truly to make amends, but at least she's making the effort, and truth be told, I'm weary of all those efforts to paint her as Worst Possible Pony, so thank you for a look at her other side.
3116381
Why thank you
3116392
My logic was simple: She's a bully in the show. Babs had a reason to be a bully. So why didn't Diamond Tiara? It was clear she was close to her dad but no mention of a mother. Logic kinda clicked and this was born after 5 hours of turmoil last night and 2 hours straight writing today.
My wrists hurt after changing tactic several times over
Nice work, Although I do feel you could have maybe done more than one chapter, it's a good concept there is no doubt in my mind about it but Putting it all into one chapter seems a bit like a wasted opportunity, my advice maybe consider writing more or another few chapters but again it's your fic so keep up the good work, I look forward to more. If there will be.
The first impression I found from this story was that it could basically be summed up by the first paragraph. She's writing letters to atone for her regrets because she's grown up, having thrown away both her past self and her tiara. After reading the line:
I could walk away from my computer and call the story read. Message received.
However, as the saying goes, first impressions can be deceiving. And while the words 'The End' would find themselves right at home after that first paragraph, there was a good reason for them to remain on vacation for a few hundred more words. The first paragraph creates the illusion of completion with the beginning and ending completely defined, but the middle is left to the imagination. At least for the moment.
Whether it's a prequel, a retrospective story, or simply has a flashback, a story that's told out of order loses its suspense because we know how it will end before we run out of words to read. If I were to write the story of the race from 'Fair Weather Friends' and started with Rainbow and Applejack feeling bad about tying for last place and losing to Twilight, there really wouldn't be any point in telling what happened during the race because we already know how it ends. The ending has been spoiled, and the suspense is lost with it.
Therefore, in order to tell one of these kinds of stories, the focus needs to be on the 'how' rather than the 'what'. Even if we know Applejack and Rainbow tied, it would be interesting to find the reason they tied was because they were abducted by aliens and taken on an extraterrestrial adventure to defeat the evil Melgor and his Zubdinian army. We know the 'what', but the 'how' can still hold a reader's attention. In your case, the 'how' refers to how Diamond got from point A to point B. How did she change as a pony and why? With the ending already set in stone, your primary source of intrigue comes down to answering this question, and you chose to use these letters as your means of doing so.
Let me see if I can infer how Diamond's past transpired. Diamond and Silver kept fighting with the CMC as in the show. Then Diamond apologized to the CMC for being such a mean filly after her mother died. Later, finding Diamond crying by her mother's grave, Apple Bloom helped console her, and Diamond and Apple Bloom became friends. However, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were hesitant about it due to their history with each other until Diamond and Sweetie Belle found something in common and started doing something together. This resulted in Diamond neglecting Silver and the two of them having a falling out. Eventually, Scootaloo accepted Diamond as a friend as well and Diamond joined the CMC as an honorary member of some sort.
The letters present some interesting fodder for a Diamond redemption fic. Silver Spoon being the unreasonable one is something I hardly ever see, and usually I only see the 'Diamond joining the CMC' event when Diamond's cutie mark is revealed to be fake all along. With the story being told in the form of these letters instead of a more linear format, we're getting a glimpse of a story, a taste of it. However, the story itself has no conflict, instead opting to look back at when the conflict actually took place.
That's why I see this less as a story and more as a proposed scenario where Diamond abandoned her canon self and adopted a less egotistical outlook on life. It's similar to a piece of Diamond artwork that captures her in this way. It's a quick, little imagine spot that provides an optimistic hypothetical future for people who want to see Diamond end up as more than the one-dimensional bully that many think she is, and for what it is, it's a good one.
Though I'm confident that this story would be more interesting as a multi-chapter 'coming of age' sort of deal, it does a fine job of just asking that simple 'what if', setting up a friendly, upbeat mood for Diamond's future, and giving it a bit more depth than just 'she turned good.' I do think it could have used a bit more explanation in the areas of what made her apologize to the CMC, why exactly Silver Spoon despised the CMC more than Diamond, and why Diamond was writing a letter to her dad when he was right downstairs, but you presented something worth contemplating, and something is always more interesting than nothing.
You did mention that she didn't have her cutie mark twice in the second paragraph. Just thought I should mention that in case you wanted to fix it. Aside from that, there really weren't any significant grammatical/syntactical mistakes that I saw. Nice work there.
I'd call this story a spoonful of strawberry gelatin. It was just a little taste, but I definitely see a delicious full dessert that could be made if you cooked up a big tub of it.
Make the most!
3116593
When I glanced at that novel of a comment I cringed in fear that I had done something wrong. However, after reading it, I felt a little more confident in my abilities. It seems this concept is one that people would like to see more of. And frankly, I had a fun time being challenged to see why she was the way she was in her youth. I think, after much debate after this being up for less than a day, I may make it a multi-chapter thing.
And as far as my repetition in the second paragraph... My bad.
I thought I took that out in editing before I submitted it. I'mma fix that.
But thanks for boosting my confidence in this. I think over the next few weeks I'll work on this and create a multiple chapter story.
3116543
So, that takes you up to about seven-ish people who want me go more in depth with this story. And I think I just might do that.
Every DT sympathy I see has to do with an absent mother. Why does it seem like there isn't any other explanation for her behavior in the fan base? Well, other than total BS ones like her being in love with Applebloom or some s***.
Maybe she's jealous of Applebloom because the apple family has a closeness to it that hers does not?
Does Filthy Rich own a failing business due to a larger use of market stalls in Ponyville, and takes out his anger either on DT or it at least influences her attitude?
Maybe she really is just a generic rich girl bully thought up by the creators/writers with no real reason for her behavior?
So many possibilities, and yet still, all I see is absent mothers.
3135785
Well, I certainly cannot speak for other authors but I chose to go with the absent mother approach in that I am in DT's shoes. My own mother passed away 2 years ago to cancer and I can relate to feeling cold, heartless and not giving a buck about the world. So, naturally, that fueled the thoughts to write this since I know the feelings well. And I also know the regret that comes from behaving like an ice queen.
Sure, it may be overrun and I'm sorry if it's so tedious to see, but I had very deep personal reasons to go with this.
3138034
Ah. I suppose it's understandable then; please excuse my ranting.
Sorry to hear of your mother's passing, may her soul rest in peace.
3139986
Oh don't be like that darlin'. I wasn't offended. Takes an awful lot to offend me
Actually, I just figured if I explained my position it would add a lil more depth. Though I do agree, the stories often have that in common.
I wouldn't mind writing a story from DT while she's bratty and down-right-evil... I see myself doing a grimdark version, too...
But those thoughts aside, thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. But the family is fine and I'm writin' again cause lord knows she'd haunt me if I didn't.