I have no heart and my avatar makes everything sound sexual. Also, It's pronounced "sam-ee".
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Watching old movies is the newest Scootaloo’s hobby. Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, has rather bad experience with the film industry. How will she react when she finds out that her biggest fan decided to explore this, previously unknown, aspect of her show business career?
Inspired partially by “Rainbow Factory” by AuroraDawn, and Bones’ episode “The Suit on the Set”
Cover art by Art-Anon
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Conceptually there's something there, but the stilted and awkward dialogue, combined with the shoddy grammar, lexicon, and syntax, make it difficult to read.
Good attempt. I suggest digging into some of the writer's resources in the community so you can work on your cohesion. On a side note, avoid using technology that we haven't seen in the show or that can't be logically derived. DVD players and the internet are not something that belong, nor are home movies, really. It's rather lazy to just import that stuff to get to your core concept. A better option here would have been to build off Rainbow Dash's new love of pulpy fiction by setting the story a year or two in the future and having Scootaloo run across a book that Dash wrote, (see: Spike At Your Service) and was ashamed of.
Mm... I'm going to abstain from voting this one up or down, I think. The idea is funny, but the execution of it falls a bit flat in spots (the library scene in particular; it's mostly just Pinkie being random and breaking the 4th wall, and doesn't really add anything to the plot), and you really need a good proof-reader. Your tenses (past vs. present) are all over the map, and you've got a bunch of weirdly-constructed sentences with words missing. For example:
"I didn't knew that too" is complete nonsense, for example.
It should be more like this:
Not bad for a second effort, but again, a good proof-reader will help you a lot.
While the idea is good, I wouldn't put in in Comedy or Random categories. Besides that, though, the overall plot was pretty good, there were a few tense mistakes, but overall enjoyable. Especially when you don't think too hard in Pinkie and Twilight's scene
3103725
Mm... partially agree, partially disagree.
Given that we have seen things like fairly modern-looking turntables and speaker-stacks ("A Canterlot Wedding"), I think one can reasonably get away with an early-to-mid-1980s technology level if the story requires it. So... no DVDs, laptops, or internet, but you can still have videocassettes and laserdiscs (perhaps using a "magic crystal" pickup instead of a laser) if need be.
(Although that still wouldn't quite work for the story, since there never was a time when laserdiscs killed off videotape so thoroughly that there was a whole generation that never saw a cassette, so the joke wouldn't quite work.)
3103725
Thanks for feedback ;) I feel grammar and "flow" of writing are my weakest sides, and will try to improve it.
3103801
Interesting, I was quite sure about "comedy" and "random", but not certain about "slice of life"
3103784
Yes, I think I need to find one... I started to write in English only recently, and these are still baby steps
3103835
The art direction of the show mandates any sort of technology appear "old," to fit with the fantasy inspired theming. When the show goes to make visual gags it uses whatever the "oldest" tech is to get away with the joke, which is why you see arcade cabinets or a laptopless turntable. They are the oldest available technology that still conveys the visual gag. To wit, those items only show up in the context of said gags and therefore can't really be seriously considered when trying to build the world; they are representative. (On a further note, the turntable showed up around the late 70s, still before the invention of readily available home movies).
Further, what we *do* see of the film industry in the show dates it in the rough period from the invention of talkies to the mid to late 60s. We see a cinema, but it's in the old style where one would simply walk in at whatever time to see the rotation (and again, it's still a one-off gag to parody the Scooby-Doo interludes). What we see of home projection is Rainbow Dash teaching the pegasi how to properly funnel the water: film projection.
Moreover, you can't get away with VHS because you can't get away with VCRs or televisions. In the context of this story, you especially can't get away with it because it implies the technology has been around for a long time.
All of it is besides the point, though, because the book option flows much more organically and fits the style a lot more cleanly than trying to smash in a history of movie making and some convoluted backstory about acting.
Did she just explain how to destroy the Death star?
Scoot find a very good motivation to fly
3103929
In your opinion, perhaps, but that opinion's not universally shared (obviously), and as you're not one of the showrunners, it's not one you can demand that everyone else adhere to just because you prefer it.
Me, I think that if it's seen in the show, then it exists.
Love, I lived through the 1970s back when these things were invented; I expect I'm rather well aware of what technologies were and were not readily available in what years, thankyouverymuch. (And the turntable goes back a hell of a lot further than the late 1970s. Philco introduced the "modern" transistorised turntable in the mid-50s, and there were electron tube-based ones for at least a couple of decades prior to that.)
I remember my school and the local library both showing a mix of programmes on 16mm film and videocassette well into the mid-'80s, so Rainbow Dash using a 16mm projector in the library isn't incompatible with that.
Your desire to have them stuck at a 1950s-and-earlier level of development is just that - your preference. You don't get to dictate that every author must adhere to it.
I could see where this was going, but you know what? I liked it! :3
maybe try writing this and actually try not making it stupid this had potential and you killed it with bad humor
The ending could have been much better.
3334455
For example?
3336379 Literally almost anything.
Hmm,this is good.Moar,pwese?
3824099
Well, I'm planning to write another one-shot soon. Until then, there's also "The Great Barn Robbery" and my longer (but also darker) stories.
So in other words Scootaloo watched the movie and then saw Rainbow Dash appear. It scared her so bad she performed something to Rainbow's Sonic Rainboom?
4692192
More or less
Irony.
5916934
In hindsight, I should've seen that coming.
You have no idea
Creepypasta reference or I'm mistaken?
6416770
More like The Ring reference. I guess the creepypasta was also based on it.
The ending was too quick. It really needed an escalation and a heart-warming scene, I think. Funny or just cute.
Anyway, it was really good except for the end.
8402027
I was thinking of rewriting my old fics somewhat, but I'm busy with the current ones.
8402657
If you still want to rewrite this just change sequel with sequels and make sure that you get rainbow factory RD explain to this RD what pinkie and Twilight are speaking but in ways she can understand and force her confort scoots after the ending