• Member Since 24th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

Darkness Shade


Just an avid writer that recently got into the FiM fandom, enjoyed the show, had some silly thoughts, and so started writing a story that's gotten pretty big in a short time. Also Apps is best pony!

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Ryan was a guy who, while not having a great life, had one that was passable and wasn't anything to gripe about; however he felt lost in what it had all become...but that changes soon enough when he finds himself in a place that's like his world but not, and comes to find friendship with those residing there; in particular one southern gal starts to catch his eye and so a tale of silliness, laughs, love, and even action begins as he adjusts and finds a way to make a new start in Equestria...and on Sweet Apple Acres.

(My first ever MLP:FiM fanfic since this series is just so awesome and AppleJack is also mah fave pony. I go a little crazy with how I set stuff up but I hope ya find it an entertaining read.)
5/11/14: Over 20,000 views?! You guys are crazy, but that's awesome so Thanks!
3/31/15: Over 30,000 views now...good heavens. That's a lot of reads. Hahahaha. Thanks guys! :pinkiehappy:
11/4/15: And now over 40,000 views. And certainly more fans thanks to that. Haha. Awesome!

Chapters (25)
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Comments ( 354 )

Ok, first thing I'm going to tell without reading the whole story :

It's a fucking huge wall of text o_O
I can't read a 9k words paragraph without some break in it. And no matter how good the story may be it's a huge turnoff.

Read this and try to edit the story, it's going to make it more agreable to read for your readers.

This link

Not going to enjoy the story at all, the first chapter is riddled with all the incohérences and bad clichés of the HiE genre.

Ryan is bland and unrelatable. He don't seems to care about being alone in a new world, with talking mythical creatures and magic and NO humans, and with no way to contact his friends and familly.
He don't struggle at anything, right from the start he's already friend with the main cast, and he's already giving surname and petting the ponies right after meeting them; it's really way too fast to be this friendly and intimate with them.

"Magical aura? Me? Heh, that can't be right; humans don't have magic in my world. Not in the sense you do anyway, I suppose; we're kind of grounded more in science and such...though others like myself do like to believe in things more...magical if you will, then what we see."

"Interesting...is this why you haven't had much trouble coping to such a jarring change in your environment?"

"Probably Twi; I can't say all humans would react how I do if they were in this situation but a small percentage probably wouldn't have much of an issue."

This explanation is ridiculous. Any normal human being in these condition is not going to take being isolated in a new world full of magic and mythical creature really well. Maybe someone with brain damage is not going to give a shit, but any other one is not going to pet and give lovey-dovey surname to a bunch of talking animals he just met.


You obviously given a huge amount of time on this story, but the first chapter is so unoriginal, cliché and unrealistic I'm not going to read more, I've seen these premises in hundreds of stories, it's not appealing for me.

so much happned in chapter 2

3105424
Haha, not sure whether that's a good thing or bad thing; I'd like to assume it's positive but in my short time here so far I'm finding out comments cover the whole spectrum. Either way, I hope yer enjoying reading my story. :)

3104691
To be honest, you don't seem to be a fan of this genre much at all which begs the question as to why you would go reading it/looking for it still.
That aside, looking at that guide shows that for the most part I do follow the rules: when the characters talk, paragraphs change. I will admit that there are a few parts that, while glancing over it, I could combine into bigger paragraphs that still stay logical but from what I can tell the chapters are in line with how it says to group things.
While there are moments where it's all text describing the scenario or what's going on, the stories I've written over the last decade plus (of which this is my first pony one) have a lot of character interaction and dialogue, which obviously means everytime someone else speaks, it's going to go on a separate line. Seeing as you linked the guide, and it clearly states this as well, I'll assume this isn't new to you.

The only thing I can tell after looking over everything is you don't like that it appears cluttered and I can only wager a guess that's your wall of text comment. If I did double-spacing instead of single it would be more spread out but that seems unnecessary not to mention just artificially lengthens the size of the chapter for no real reason when most of the items are indented properly to denote changes.
I suppose there is one other way of looking at it you might be that I didn't think of till writing this and that is you see all those little lines as one part of a paragraph, when each paragraph is part of a larger section that covers a particular scenario or situation that is happening at that moment. When that scene is over, that's when I feel it appropriate to use a double-space to denote the passage of time without always directly stating it in the following section's start. That way pieces of dialogue and actions that are happening in the same space stay grouped together to keep up coherency for the reader. There are moments in my past writings (and most likely in this story as well later on) where I use the double-space break to separate a scene into another piece even if the current setting and situation doesn't change, but that's mostly to avoid that massive block of text issue you seem to dislike as well.

Now as for that other comment; yes, there isn't much of a struggle but that's partly to the fact that humans are capable adapters, and can be remarkably so regardless of the environment. While the brain damage comment is a bit much (especially since that's a bit insensitive to those with real brain damage as well as just an unneeded insult towards one's intelligence), I've met and known many people over the years that I've lived that have been the most atypical "normal" that you can get, assuming our definitions of "normal" are the same (let's assume sociable, maintains a job, lives, loves, and enjoys life to be normal) and yet they have had interests and beliefs in things beyond our reality: fantastical ideas and concepts, things that just don't exist in our world.

Having known those people for so long, I'm rather certain a good number of them would pretty much just shrug and not be all that phased, focusing more on the moment at hand rather than freaking out all needlessly, hence the comment in the story about "a certain percentage probably wouldn't have an issue with it." Would most people act crazy outside such a comfort zone? Assuredly so; but would all of them? Not likely and it's not because of any issues with their mental states, it would be because they are capable of coping and adapting and spending energy on that instead of freaking out and accomplishing nothing. This is also true of how Ryan doesn't spend anytime openly worrying about those who would miss him other than a few moments here and there where he brings it up to his friends before letting the issue drop; he's the kind of person not to worry others with his thoughts so just because it hasn't particularly been written that it bothers him, is not proof that it doesn't. I've known people like this and wager you do, the type that don't wish to bother their friends with their negative feelings and so just smile, let it sit inside, and try not to worry about it too much. When always given multiple things to deal with and whatnot, prioritizing what to worry about most is always key.

Lastly, I do agree that the first chapter of something is a good way to hook someone into reading your story but it's not always necessary or done that way; I've seen many a story that is a slow or maybe even ridiculous start but down the line things are revealed that give light to why it was that way or how so and so acted how they did. I've always felt the plot points and twist-ups like that are a reward for those that decide to give a story a chance instead of just dismissing it at first glance. It's not the way everyone does it, but I always felt great satisfaction when revealing a point in a story that explains some odd circumstances or behaviors and then seeing the readers joy/surprise/genuine enjoyment in finally have the dots connected (or in having been right in their guess about how the dots connect) that makes it seem a bit less silly or cliché. A writer has to have fun in more ways than actually writing after all.

In the end, whether you read the rest of the story or not is up to you, I don't care either way as you're free to do as you wish but I saw your comments as an invitation to a bit of intelligent dialogue between one who loves to write and another that loves to read. And that's what matters the most with written word: it's ability to get people talking over anything and anyone.

Have a nice day!

This is a very interesting story I'm not too sure how to feel about it on the one hand the bqttle with discord was fun, you didn't go into him explaining human history and bemoaning how absolutely warmongering and hateful we are and you solve the whole "meat problem" that most HiE ppl have nice and quickly (which has always been a pet peeve of mine.) On the other hand the problems that I have with it are wierd like ya I've just been stranded in a completely new world fill with no humans but a jack tonne of mythical animals.....huh wll moving on, I guess that bugs me because I know the normal response would be for him to freak out a bit or be sad or something but I also am glad for that because it cuts out so much moping and feeling sorry for himself. And the same split feeling goes for stuff like RD and luna's feels for him, his magic, the nicknames...ect. (oh and the whole spike+rarity thing but thats just me). So on a whole its a good story that come close to an unreadable gary stu/wish for fill ment fic but always manage to pull itself back and become a darn good read so I'd give it a 7/10 and a tumbs up keep up the good work.

3113866
It's nice to see comments, especially ones like this that point out both good and, well I wouldn't say bad, but less polished points. Haha, I'm glad ya liked the Discord battle though, it was really fun to write and definitely one of the things I wanted to do when I first started this story. I felt leaving out a rant on humans and instead noting his distaste for humans in a few choice dialogue bits would work better, especially the bits he said after he was getting thrashed by everyone; there is a an underlying reason as to why he apparently holds a grudge against the humans that once existed in Equestria...and by extension any other human given his irritability and somewhat mocking tone towards Ryan.

The "meat problem" was actually pretty simple to work out just by going through things in the show that are shown, hinted at, and always danced around but never specifically stated; I wanted to try and stay within the show's...I suppose canon as best I could with things like that and make it a bit of a non-issue so it doesn't drag out needlessly. To be honest, I'm not sure why it's such a problem after all: we've seen Fluttershy have no problem catching fish for...I think it was beavers and Rarity's dad fishes so it's not a stretch to assume they partake in it. The other things are just fun to poke at since it can make yer mind kind of break since, like he said, the idea of Pony butchers is a bit peculiar...but again, not out of the realm of possibility. XD

As for the bits with his character, I've read a few HiE stories so far since finding this sight and yes, it's a decidedly normal reaction to freak out as many stories of this type show; another reviewer noted something about this and to cut to the chase there are people that just aren't phased by things like that and would rather spend their energy on the moment then worrying about something out of their control. In this case being stuck in a world populated by, in your words, a "jack ton of mythical animals." Haha, is it typical? No, not really, but people like that exist and so why not write from that perspective? As you noted, it helps cut out a lot of BS and needless drama.

That's not to say Ryan doesn't have those thoughts, as they do pop up every so often through the story when he thinks a bit too much, but he quickly pushes them aside since he's got plenty of good friends to help keep his spirits high. That's not to say it's not always present, he just tries to not focus on it and, much like the other point, put energy into more important matters at hand. As for the Dashie and Luna thing it's more to add some points of conflict that are realistic and aren't some massive magical threat trying to destroy everything: for Dashie, it's a guy that's not put off by her attitude and brashness which puzzles her and makes her confused on what she's feeling while for Luna it's seeing someone that is but isn't someone she loved a long time ago and how to handle that with those thoughts and memories. It helps the characters seem more realistic in how they feel and think...something like that anyway.

As for the rest of the stuff, I like Spike and figure the dude deserves some smiles so even though I know not everyone likes him and Rarity being together, I just felt like it would be a simple thing that wouldn't bother people too much. The magic bit was to try to create some realistic way that he would be able to help his friends with crazy things that happen, the whole fight with Discord would've been pretty impossible to write without him having some type of ability and the fact that he seems oddly adept is explained with the whole Darkness Shade thing; I've been writing stories with characters like him for quite some time (though this is mah first pony one) and you are right, it's a hard balancing act to make your character strong enough to pull his weight, but not so much that he's unrealistically so and overshadows the real characters. I mean, that's why no matter what he threw at Discord, it still took the Mane 6 to finish it off...he even stated such, knowing he was just buying time for his friends. Still though, he's nowhere near as strong as Twilight, Celestia, Luna...a lot of the true magic users that inherently know how to handle it so if they ever decided to, they could totally gang up and mess with him. XD And well, Ryan just likes making those that wish to be his friends feel unique and one way he likes to do that is with nicknames so while they might not be everyone's cup of tea, it's just how he rolls.

I'll take that 7/10, that's still passing after all and your review backs it up well so there's no room to complain. I'm still writing to it, should have an update sometime this week so I hope you'll continue to read it. Reviews like yours are always appreciated because you show not just the bad, but the good, and leave it open for intelligent conversation. I know my reply is kind of long, but when people take the time to say something about mah story, I like to reply to all their points as best I can.

Have a Nice Day and Keep on Reading!

3115550 wow I am now seeing a few things in a new light the was you explain all my worries away makes sense I'm definitely looking forward to see what you do next now. The problem I have with spike x rarity is that you haven't really defined their ages yet so I have to go by the show and it never really defines there ages the only thing I can think of is that if the CMC are around 10 years old and twilight hatched spike while seeming to be that age then I guess spike is like 8 or 10 years younger than rarity who seems to be about the
same age as twilight which I'm guessing is
around the 20 years old mark so ya it kinda
creeps me out a bit to have a 10ish year old dating a 20 something other then that I'm fine (unlike twilight x mac which has so many holes in it I could use it as a fishing net).

3115790
Haha, I'm glad my explanation was helpful. :pinkiehappy:
And ya know, I never really thought about that angle since it never really dawned on me if the way age variances work here is the same in Equestria seeing as there isn't really anything to go by from the show...as far as I know anyway. If there is I'd be glad to see it since as I made clear I like to try to stick to conventions shown or hinted at in the show as best I can.

So far I haven't really made it anymore than how it is on the show with Spike and Rarity in terms of she knows about his crush and dotes on him, but I haven't really made that push to them actually being a couple; while they are a little closer than the show, well, shows, I'm not sure if I'll ever push it farther than that unless, as you noted, I ever clarify ages so people don't feel squick over it.

Anyway, like I said I always love hearing things from those that read mah stories and I'm happy to see you're looking forward to what's coming next. I actually just finished typing where I think I'll have the next chapter end so assuming I don't change mah mind and can proofread it I should have it up by Wednesday evening, Thursday at the latest, so it's coming. XD Should have another Pony Tails up as well.

Also, that fishing net analogy? Beautiful! :rainbowlaugh:

3117304 guess I was reading too much into it but then again spike hasen't ever been that subtle. As for the age thing you only get the smallest hints at ages, aging and stuff like fluttershy saying she's a year older then pinkie and the cmc's class looking like a primary school class so most of its up to your head cannon for their exact ages just so long as the ages make sense.

*rubs the back of his head with his right hand and looks a little sheepish* thanks

3119365
Yeah, Spike has never been subtle...he probably doesn't even know the word. After all, the joke was it was a horribly hidden crush so. XD
Yeah, it's all guess work for the most part so that's probably why it's best to keep the ages vague and make general comments about them/only note things like characters being simliarly aged or noting it's a birthday without an age like I did with Ryan's.
Haha, you're welcome dude, it's just such a perfect analogy for something that has no logical backing to it. And...well, I might not get the chapter posted tonight, but I'll do what I can to get the Pony Tails posted at least. :pinkiehappy:

You know,Discord being peaceful is the last thing anyone who isnt out of the story would guess,And chaos by nature should be the least expected thing...So keep calm,flutter on, and keep up the great work?

Hmmm...it'd be very interesting to see a picture of his cutie mark I mean I can picture what I imagine it looks like but I'm interested on you vision. Also if Ryan has wings now it might be hand to have the shrink or whatever when not in use like in the anime heaven's lost property 'cause I can't imagine full human size wings would be easy to sleep with or get through crowded areas with *random thought* if his wings are like pegasi wings I would be a bit nervious if I had to ever stand behind or walk behind him....if ya know what I mean

3127047
Hahaha, yeah, I've seen people mention that before that chaos by nature is what is least expected and Discord being good was not what most would expect but then you get the problem that if some people expect it, then he won't be but then they won't and he will and....mah brain hurts now. XD Anyway, I will keep up the great work so thanks! :pinkiehappy:
3127400
I'll try to draw it up, I do have several ideas for what it looks like if we're being honest so I'll draw the ones I have in mind and try to pick one that I like the most.
With Ryan's wings I guess I should've been clearer that they aren't permanent: they're merely temporary thanks to magic so he doesn't have that issue of them getting in the way with everything. Much the same way Dark had them, as long as he has the willpower and mental ability to maintain the magic he can keep the wings as long as he likes; once the need for them is up or he sustains enough injury or stress that he can't keep the focus up, then they'll disappear. So thankfully they won't really be an issue as he'll only have them when he needs them....though if I'm reading yer insinuation correctly, seeing as I suppose they are simliar to Pegasi wings, yeah, that would be an issue should certain things happen. Hahahaha. :rainbowlaugh:

3130605 ahhhh I see that wing explanation is much more interesting. so there a bit like a super saiyan transformation? Like situational enhancers powered by his magic and maintaned with his will

3130834
That's actually a good analogy, especially considering the bit I just wrote for the next chapter pretty much fits that description. Well done! :twilightsmile:

3130891 *pats self on back* ya I am pretty awesome aren't I.grrr I wish I could meme on my phone.

3130996
Haha, that's okay. Ya still get "Pats for Patrick" on this one. :yay:

3104563
Indented paragraphs is the form in which "proper" printed books are written and printed in. While spacing between paragraphs is more popular than indenting when it comes to fanfic, there's actually no problem with writing either way. When it comes to personal taste, I actually prefer indented paragraphs opposed to spaced paragraphs - I usually get better immersion in the story that way, normally leading to a better reading experience.

Now, if the story was published with no indenting or spacing, it'd be a wall of text. That being said, this simply isn't my cup of tea, either.

3148499
Those are some good points about formatting and nice to see some people get both ways of doing it.

And fair enough, I know this story isn't for everyone but I do like hearing from all potential readers regardless of if they liked it or not; at least when I get comments from people saying they just didn't feel it I can have some grasp of why I would get dislikes for the story. There's nothing worse for a writer than having your story down-voted and not knowing why people down-voted it.

Thanks for commenting and have a good night! :pinkiehappy:

(Keeps reading)
Of course it would be twilight to find him
(Keeps reading)
Of course he is in some way injured and wakes up amid the MANE FREAKING SIX!
(Keeps reading)
Well pinkie is pinkie lol
(Keeps reading, sets down phone)
Look dude, good writing, and good story... Had it not been used several thousand times before lol

Well that relationship wasn't rushed in the slightest...
•__•

Wow you just keep getting better and better mate. I gotta say the whole second entity/soul or what have you always bugs the crud out of me because a lot of writers use it as and easy way to exposet(made all the worse when the make it the persons logical side or brain that they can have a conversation with) and the later facepalm plot where the voice in his head possess him or gets it own body or something. You on the other hand have taken the very interesting route of making the disembodied voice not only simpathic but also able to be hear by anyone without being a jackass to the "host" and I was emensly relieved to see a limit placed on the possession moments.

Okay, in all honesty, I was ready to just leave this story alone and go on to others... But then I read your comments.

Dear god, you get descriptive in those! If that's how you reply to comments, then I want to see how you do with your story.:pinkiehappy:

3149154
Yer comments dude were just great; had me laughing with how emotive you're being.

Sadly, yes, in the short while since I found FiM Fiction and began posting the story I wrote long before that, I have discovered that a good number of things I've started this story with are rather over-used. All I can say is I had never read an MLP story, let alone a HiE one, before writing mine and it's only through pure dumb luck that I even stumbled upon this site in the first place so I figured "What the heck? Might as well post it here too and see if anyone cares for it.". So I did and the responses have been what I've expected after having spent some time reading other stories here and getting a larger grasp on the overall situation involving pony fics.

I would only hope that, though the story starts with such apparent to me now cliches, that the later developments and goofiness/action that I bring about would be worth such a...typical start. Much like I said to a previous commenter though, I can't make anyone read what they don't want to so it's up to each individual person to decide if it's worth it as long as they give it a fair chance. :twilightsmile:

As for yer amusingly emotive final point about Apps and Ryan's relationship, the way I looked at it in the beginning is that Ryan, as I've explained in the comments before, is a person whom the fear of being alone hits him hard. He's not one to openly tell that (or his other fears) to others, because he doesn't want to worry them, but having a nightmare about it shook him up more than usual. That was partly seeing as the nightmare sunk in a few things that he was trying not to focus on since, while important, he didn't see any point wasting excess energy on them until he got settled where he ended up. At that point he could worry about the home he left behind and all that other stuff that seems to happen within the first five minutes of most other HiE fics. So while that makes him seem a little, uhm, eccentric and odd compared to most humans flung into weird situations, it's just how his mind operates but in my experiences still makes him simliar to a percentage of people I've encountered in life.

Hence the bit where he just started rambling to himself about the stars and whatnot before AppleJack showed up to see what was buggin' him. Which takes us back to the original point in that AppleJack is kind, she'll help anyone especially someone in need of it: in this case, Ryan with his mind shook up from worry.
Since she's not dumb by any stretch, she just looked at his problem straight-forward and was like "Okay, I'll keep ya company" and so that kind of kindness sticks with a person. If you'll note, it all stays pretty much just that for quite a few chapters; sure they've got the nicknames and there's this sort of teasing flirt stuff going on but I've seen plenty of opposite gender friends that do that in real life so it's not outside the norm. They might snuggle, but it's just platonic between friends...though that doesn't mean I didn't avoid making it silly with the teasing and the flirting and just the two of them being good-natured about it. I don't wanna spoil anything, but by the end of 4th Harvest is when it all comes to a point so to speak after a little more than a month has passed with all that happening. I've seen people hook up in much less time so I don't think a month is unrealistic to start dating someone. In the end it can just be labelled under AppleJack being AppleJack and that's why she's awesome. Haha.

As always, thanks fer your comments and I hope ya do give the other chapters in this story a chance despite the opening chapter being more of the same so to speak. Have a great night! :pinkiehappy:

3149206
Hahaha, well thank ya for the compliment. You can't see it, but I'm probably lightly blushing since praise is usually something that flusters me so...something Ryan inherited from his author given he acts the same way. :twilightblush::rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, I've written this concept before a good number of times so I'm pretty adept at getting it down to where it's not troublesome or just a really cheap plot device like you noted other writers screw up with. I get what yer talking, where it's just the main character or what have you "arguing" with him/herself over a point...the whole heart vs brain thing if you will.

Haha, Dark would certainly love the positive notes about him there but yeah having his past be what it was made the disappearance of humans from Equestria much harder and personal to both Celestia and Luna so that the fact Ryan did show up had a much larger impact than it normally would...even before the big revelation about him. I think part of why Dark is so relaxed about being passive within Ryan's collective consciousness is, well, I haven't really written much about it, but he doesn't regret what happened to him. Ya know, dying and all that against Disky. He more regrets, and this he has noted a few times, that he left Luna alone and that simple fact possibly played into her descent into madness as Nightmare Moon. :fluttercry:

This is why Dark doesn't see any need to force his will and take over control of Ryan's body unless it's some type of emergency or a moment just overpowers him emotionally (like the kiss with Luna). I knew I wanted some way that Dark could have some time in a physical body simply because Ryan, being Ryan, would want his friends to have a moment of happiness if it was possible. As you can see, though, the ability to do that is very stressful on the one casting it so it's not something that will be used all that often, if ever again because of that fact. As for the others being able to hear him, well, it's a land of magic so it's not inconceivable that he could project his voice mentally to others should he so choose to. XD

Will Dark ever get his own body? *hems and haws* Of that I'm not sure; I don't think he ever will because the dynamic just works better how it is but...I wouldn't rule out maybe making a non-canon Pony Tails one day where that happens. I mean mah three fave ponies are Apps, Dashie, and Luna and well Apps is the only really happy one at the moment. Dashie still is dealing with the heartbreak and Luna is still somewhat haunted by her memories. Both things to work on and build with in future chapters though. ; )

Anyway, thanks again for another great comment and I'm already working on the next chapter so look forward to it! :pinkiehappy:

3149241
Hahahaha. All these comments today are so awesome. :yay:

I'm glad mah comments made you take pause and reconsider reading mah story; the beginning, as has been pointed out to me like more times than I can count now, does start off a little slow and cliche filled but I feel that those facts aren't as big a detractor once everything gets settled in the story by the 2nd and 3rd Harvest.

As for my comments, yeah, I do tend to address any issues that the dear readers that voice their opinions have and clarify a few things that I leave slightly vague in the hopes that it makes them question and wonder about events...and of course the characters as well. In this way, I also get to see what people are thinking and then how close or not they are when I finally do reveal this info or this sequence of events happens.

It's not how everyone does it, but it's how I've always written and I hope you find it enjoyable, give it a chance to build, and enjoy the read! Thanks for yer comment and have a good night!. :pinkiehappy:

Oh yeah, and "Nightmare Knight"? Haha, I see what ya did there. :rainbowlaugh:

...so she's omnipotent?

more like "omniscient" in that context. Still a great chapter.

3170287
Hahaha, you know? That does fit better doesn't it? I'll make sure to edit that then, er, make that I did edit it. Got sidetracked by that fact and did so before replying to this comment. :twilightblush:

Glad you liked the chapter, hope yer liking the rest of the story as well since it, in my opinion, just gets better the further on ya go (especially the 8th and 9th Harvest, woooeee are those doozies!). I would've replied to yer comment sooner but I was pretty busy getting the latest chapter finished up; it's a long one to be sure (then again what chapter of mine isn't so far? :rainbowlaugh:) but I wanted to be able to proofread it tomorrow when I get up so I just kept the tunes rolling while I wrote out some silliness. :rainbowwild:

Thanks again for commenting, I love hearing from those that read mah stories after all, and have a good night! :pinkiehappy:

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
I-Can't!
I -
I CAN'T!!!
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Wow. Well, Darkness, it has so far been my upmost pleasure to read through this fanfic. Seriously, probably the best I've read! I know many would argue the whole 'HiE' theme is hardly the most original concept, I can truly say it hasnt been so finely executed as in this story. I've honestly laughed, gotten quite emotional, and felt awesome at many points. Thanks for writing this story, and moar Moar MOAR!!! :pinkiehappy:

3184068
:pinkiegasp:
Dude! Venful! Breathe, dammit, breathe! Stop laughing and breathe! :rainbowlaugh:
You can't let the Tasty Cannon become lethal! I know that whole last part was just ridiculous, but for Cellie's sake don't asphyxiate from it! :rainbowlaugh:

Although if you do, I guess I did give that disclaimer...I did warn you that Pinks made things get way out of hoof in this chapter. :pinkiehappy:
Either way, don't die, I don't wish to lose any fans after all. :twilightsheepish:

3186847

Ok, I'm better now.
Seriously though, I needed that laugh. I'm so freaking stressed over my Exams right now that I can't even think straight!
*Breaths in*...*Breaths out*
I'll be fine, I can breath good and proper now.
Just warn me next time about the lol's. I may have shed to many...

3185164
Well now, that's a heckuva compliment....best you've read? :twilightblush::twilightblush:

...there needs to be more blush icons, but you get the gist of it. XD Seriously, that's...to say it's been finely executed in this work is just...haha, it's not often me of all people is left speechless but all that praise is just...well, mah humble side is making it hard to reply properly. :rainbowlaugh:

Haha, this from the one who loves to show off his skills.

...shut up Dark. :derpytongue2:

In all seriousness, though, it really does mean a lot to me that, despite a few negative comments, most have been like yours that actually give mah story a chance and read through more than the first bits despite it being the whole HiE genre and stuff. I like to think that even if the beginning is what appears to be the typical, the way it all gets spread out, explained, and expanded upon beyond the 1st Harvest makes that whole little detail negligible at best. :twilightsmile:

Anywhosle J-Cubed, as Pinks would say I'm glad mah story brought you a 'Smile, Smile, Smile' and then some and don't worry, there will most definitely be more; I seem to be in a good rhythm of a chapter every four or five days depending on how much I can write, so another should be coming up soon! :pinkiehappy:

No, seriously, you do not have any idea how far out this guy has been planning stuff; he's got roughly another six chapters basic outlines planned out.

Well...more or less. :scootangel:

3186894
Too many laughs?! :pinkiegasp:
When Pinks is involved, there is no such thing as too many laughs!

I'm quite glad that my interesting take on a birthday party brought some much needed relaxation to you. I seriously wish I could draw better/animate because that whole sequence with the food-fight set to that song I linked in the Author's Note would just be amazing to watch. :rainbowlaugh:

Either way, the laughs are always gonna be here even if I bring in some feels here and there; if the 12 chapters so far haven't given it away, I like being cheesy and goofy far too much. :derpytongue2:

3187002
Completely Agreed there,
Would be amazing to watch that.
Oh and....
sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/q71/s720x720/66949_514355698645843_1247783048_n.jpg
Found that today...
yeah....
You said there needs to be more blush icons....
I just use pictures, :twilightsheepish: gets the job done all the same.

3187149
Octavia and Vinyl....there should be laws against being that cute! XD
And that is why music is just one of my favorite things in Equestria.
...yer gonna infect all the comments now aren't ya Dark?
Eeeeyup! :eeyup:

:facehoof: Well, at least he's harmless...mostly. Also, I've thought of something amusing, so here's hoping I can make it happen.

3186968 I'm pleased my honest compliments were as appreciated as I hoped! :pinkiehappy:

Also, I
I HAVE MY OWN FUCKING NICKNAME NOW I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FUCKING BOSS.

3189247
Like a Boss? More like a Dash, amiright? :rainbowdetermined2:

:rainbowlaugh: Hahaha! Okay, that reaction was not what I was expecting but damn if it wasn't entertaining. :derpytongue2:

If they allowed superscripting I'd totally write yer nickname out properly but until they do, I have no choice but to write it out as J-Cubed. :pinkiehappy:

For some reason, I can't help but think of Dark as Kamina from Gurren Lagann...
Anyways, good work, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this story ends up.

3197455
While not terribly familiar with his character, I could totally see Dark and Kamina getting along.
At the least, you've now got me imaging Dark making Ryan spread his wings so he can shout 'Who the Hell do you think I am?!' in the loudest Canterlot voice he can muster! :rainbowlaugh:

Always happy to hear from another satisfied reader and ya won't have to wait long: I just finished the next rather massive chapter tonight so assuming all goes well, I'll have it proof-read and uploaded by tomorrow evening.

As for where the story ends up, oh the ideas that are to be written...I'm particularly looking forward to tangling and bantering with a certain queen not too long from now...

Shhh! Shut it Dark! No Spoliers! :flutterrage:

Comment posted by Vates Despero deleted Sep 19th, 2013

Ok, nope:

1) The writing itself is not engaging.
2) Ponies are OoC.
3) MC is Gary Stu.
4) MC is in possession of knowledge he can't have.

in conclusion.... I'm out.

3208509
Could you, perhaps elaborate please?
I mean, don't get me wrong, while not necessary, it was interesting to see someone take the time to lambaste FicusCat for his assumptions that 100% of the human race all thinks exactly the same.

I'm just curious if you could elaborate your second comment and it's four points for me with respect that, as your review is on chapter two, I can assume that is where you stopped reading. :twilightsmile:

-What in particular makes it not engaging?
-How are the ponies acting out of character? What in particular is not a characteristic they've shown in the show? What characteristic was left out, etc?
-How exactly are the actions by mah OC Gary Stu-ish, i.e. what has he done in the first two chapters to deserve that tag in your opinion?
-And what knowledge, in the first two chapters, has he shown that he couldn't possibly know yet?

I'm actually sincerely curious to see your explanations and examples since most of those that comment haven't pointed out such things, or, if they have, they continued reading on and found such "inconsistencies" explained in further chapters through plot point revelations. Having re-read the first two chapters after seeing yer comment, I'm not rightly sure what yer getting at so I would like to see the examples that jumped out at ya. :pinkiesmile:

While you don't have to read anything you do not wish to, it does kill me a little that you stopped one chapter shy of things getting explained; I don't spoon-feed immediately to mah readers, I build up, I put hints, I have things in place that at first glance might not seem right but are explained and put into a logical light down the road. I'm a writer that likes to rewards those that stick with mah story, so I don't just give away everything in one big push in the first chapter.

Either way, like I say it's good to see comments because that means mah story impacted someone enough to talk about it so I look forward to yer reply and hope ya have a nice day! :pinkiehappy:

3207293
I am pleased to hear ya enjoyed the newest chapter J-Cubed; much like the last one I had a lot of fun writing out Dashie's Birthday Bash and all the shenanigans that ensued because of it...but this story ain't stopping there, that's fer sure! Plenty of life still in it! :yay:

Hahahahaha, honestly, other than that, the only other response I can think of is hearty laughter and a big ol' batch of smiles! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I was rereading the first 13 chapters when I saw the notice for this chapter. I thought: "Awesome, this author's fast!" I started reading, and then came to the part with Celly and the cake....

AND. I. FREAKING. LOST. IT. Seriously, I was laughing so hard I couldn't freaking stay upright anymore, neither while sitting nor while standing. I spent about 30 minutes on my bed trying to calm down, but everytime I did, the scene of Ryan and the others standing before the cake-loving Princess of the Sun with wide, unbelieving eyes and Tia having a look on her face that was a mix of "Oh shit!" and "Busted!" popped up in my mind again and the laughter began anew.:pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::twilightsmile::yay:

Awesome chapter as always, but that was my favourite part.

I guess Zecora is being paid hush money from the dental association of equestria to keep her from telling everypony about that potion she gave applebloom to fix that chipped tooth of hers

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