North of bountiful Equestria and beyond the Crystal Empire lies an icy land of cryptic mystery. Its inner reaches have never been explored, but a Canterlot University expedition is set to change this. The plan is simple: penetrate the unknown depths of the Uncharted North and discover its most hidden secrets.
It's a noble undertaking, but a dark cloud looms on the horizon. Princess Luna's dreams have revealed a great but shadowy threat. To minimise the danger, Princess Celestia requests that her most loyal student, Twilight Sparkle, join the expedition and keep everypony safe. With the aid of her number one assistant, Spike, and mailmare Derpy Hooves, Twilight will attempt to do exactly that.
Cthulhu Mythos crossover, inspired by At the Mountains of Madness by H. P. Lovecraft.
I would have liked to see humans as the Equestrian expy of the Elder Things (old race who originated all of the actual species throught genetic manipulations, with ultra-advanced science indistingishable from magic (what if, in fact, all the magic in Equestria is essentially nanotech) with near-alien ethics (specially war and destruction to unimaginable scale even for dragons).
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It is funny you should mention that... Consider what Ring of Hue'min'I'tep sounds like.
That... is... brilliantly eldritch.
I humbly request you continue this story my good man; it is a ripping good tale that deserves, nay DEMANDS to be taken to a exciting conclusion!
Oh fuck...this is going to end badly.
I just finished Mountains of Madness a month or so back and my memory of it is vivid.
The terrifying Shoggoth with its cry of "Tekeli-li!" and the constant, haunting piping that calls to mind Nyarlathotep playing to the Daemon Sultan, Azathoth.
Perhaps more horrific though will be the alien creatures they find...and the slaughter that will begin.
Keep writing!
Cheers
GM
This can only bode poorly for the Ponies.
The Elder Things...humans. Creatures of such destructive power and rage that they made the heavens tremble.
Continue this. If you don't, I will drop a fried Mi-Go upon you.
Regards
GM
Oh, boy. This can't end well.
>I saw it fall to earth when the ring fell.
The ring. The orbital ring? And the spire is a beanstalk?
If humans are the Elder Things - who are their shoggoth servants?
Now I'm scared.
How this story hasn't taken off in popularity is beyond me. Absolutely spectacular writing mate; I've loved every chapter thus far. Thanks for this story.
I just want to thank everyone for all the comments, favourites and thumbs up. They make writing worth while.
Adding to my reading material: can't miss a good Lovecraft crossover.
Oh, boy. This isn't going to end well for anyone.....
3118610
Thanks. I've been slowly working my way through Yadith for a while now. It's very good but very dense.
3119411
Rare I manage to talk with one of my readers, nice to know someone out there is still reading my work. Leave a comment once your finished, I always enjoy criticism. Anyway, time to bump this up on my reading list, might as well begin now actually, funnily enough I read At the Mountains of Madness again only a few days ago.
Fantastic mate! Truly; though I do have one pony related bit of your story which I think would be prudent to address. Throughout the story, Spike is mentioned, though I do not believe you ever gave a description as to his age, his current size, etc. I know time has passed and Twilight has a PhD, however; while reading the earlier chapters, I found myself attempting to picture Spike in this story and unable to accurately portray him in my mind.
Perhaps give a little description on Spike's growth? The ponies don't change drastically, but as far as Spike is concerned, I'm certain he's no longer a baby, as he certainly wouldn't be brought along to this expedition; but he also isn't a super sized behemoth. Is he? o.0
Anyway, loving the story!
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Spike is a bit bigger than canon, I think, but not very much. In this story at least, dragons grow slow. A 'teenage' dragon is probably around 40 celestial years old, with full growth arriving around the 100 mark. I'll see if I can add a description to Spike to an early chapter.
On a related note, Twilight doesn’t have a PhD. She has a D.Thau, making her a Doctor of Thaumaturgy. Much like Theology, Law and Medicine in the real world, Magic in Equestria has its own ancient doctorate and so doesn't get lumped in with the Philosophy of the PhD. It probably replaces Theology in the above list and ranks above the PhD in most precedents lists though that's mostly just unicorn arrogance speaking. The idea that Twilight has a doctorate in friendship (and the magic thereof) really makes me smile for some reason.
Damn, this went more in-depth than I ever thought you would even attempt. Kudos.
The ponies can get right the names of the mi-go or even Yog-Sothoth, but not "human"?
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Translator's convention. This fic is written in English, and hence Equestrian (or whatever the pony language is called) is displayed as English. Humanity is an English word which logically wouldn't have a pony equivalent, so using it would cause problems. Mi-go and Yog-Sothoth aren't English, so can remain themselves in the translator's convention. Much as the ponies aren't really speaking English, they're probably not really saying Mi-go or Yog-Sothoth either but rather some local equivalent.
If people see this is a big problem, I could try and find a better way to do this?
3122972
Better leave it that way. Messing with Old Ones names usually ends badly.
All I have to say is great job, and I want more!
....Am I first? Regardless.... Well done Twilight and unknown human! You managed to defeat a War Shoggoth!
Looking forward to the rest of this, obviously.
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Thanks. I'm glad to hear you liked it.
Personally, I'm of two minds. It comes off a bit more action-adventurey than I intended this story to be. I really like the horror in the early story. It is understated and lurking. But once the story reached the spire things became a lot more explicit. The story moved away from pure Lovecraft and towards derivative works like the Laundry Files.
Partly that's a consequence of Twilight being a powerful protagonist and facing a direct threat. She has the personal power to challenge many mythos horrors and so logically does so. Partly it's because I'm nowhere near the writer Lovecraft was, and I have a habit of shoving fight scenes into things, shaped by my experiences in anime and Harry Potter fanfiction.
If I write more stories in this Mythos-FiM universe, I think I'll use a far less powerful protagonist and a more nebulous threat.
I've honestly not read any of Lovecraft's works, and I think I need to remedy that, as I've read various fan-fiction containing lovecraftian elements, and I love them.
As for this piece of writing, I do agree that much of the horror present in the earlier chapters has been diluted in the latter ones as Twilight went archaeologist on us, as well as during the scenes where she took an active role in fighting Shoggoths. I personally feel that the scene (SPOILERS -->) where Mountain Flower see's the Elder Thing's relic from the sky could have, or rather, should have induced far more horror and sorrow within readers than what I felt. I'm not a writer, nor even a intermediate Lovecraftian scholar, so I have no idea how this scene could have been altered to affect readers on a more emotional level.
I understand Twilight kind of had a bloody monster to deal with, and quickly, but I can't help but think that she seemed 'disconnected' from the situation, and a bit too logical and calm. I write this not to needlessly criticize you, just to point out one of the very few moments where I felt this masterpiece of a story left me just a little less...absorbed, or rather submerged than previous scenes did.
My one bit of advice (personal preference) is a little more focus on the interactions between the ponies present, and their feeling/emotions/current state of minds; that should help keep the horror alive. Once again mate, I absolutely love your story, and find myself checking back here without fail as you seem to consistently update daily. Thanks for the story!
3143356
Yes, I think you've hit the nail on the head. If you read Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness (which I recommend) you'll see what I was trying for. Lovecraft has his characters work out the hidden prehistory of the world but does it a lot better than me. There are Lovecraft stories where the 'heroes' fight the monsters and win but I don't think I pulled that part of in this story very well.
Still, writing this has been a learning experience. If I attempt this kind of story again, I think I'll manage it better.
Fan...bloody f*ckingtastic! Superb!
I shall review more at a later date; now is the time for sleep.
Thank you once again for this fantastic story!
3143356
Well, the reason for why she manages to seem calm could have to do with the fact that she's recording all this after the fact, as opposed to as events occur or very shortly after events occur. Time tends to heal wounds after all.
3137638
I have never heard of the Laundry Files, so my thanks for mentioning it. I shall check it out. Also, given Derpy's apparently filling Danforth's role, i'm curious if she'll look back as she and Twilight leave and see... .Something. It's been ages since I read the Mountains of Madness fully. I should get around to rereading it. Am looking forward to more stories from you though sir, so, please, do continue!
Well done sir. I think the part that strikes me most directly is Twilight's telling people "Do Not Go Here. Here Be Monsters Of The World." You so rarely see that anywhere. Even Lovecraft is rarely that outright blunt, if ever, from what I recall...
How do you manage the daily uploads?
3146549
While Lovecraft doesn't do the warning thing often, he does use it. At the Mountains of Madness is one big warning — an in-universe document written and published by the narrator in an attempt to ward off the upcoming Starkweather-Moore Expedition. Twilight in AtMoD was acting on the princesses orders and has their ear, so can bypass that particular hurdle, but I did like the literary conceit. Hence in this story she is writing the pre-face to the expatriation's classified reports. So ponies of science yet to come will fully realise the dangers of the Uncharted North.
Take a look at what Lovecraft wrote,
"Certain things, we had agreed, were not for people to know and discuss lightly-and I would not speak of them now but for the need of heading off that Starkweather-Moore Expedition, and others, at any cost. It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests. "
I don't have Lovecraft's, frankly, fantastic ability to string words together but the message is quite clear: Do not go. Anyway, thank you for all your comments and thank you to everyone else.
3148609
I had the second draft of the story done before I started posting. Each day I'd proof read a chapter, edit it a bit for clarity and content and post. I started writing this story July 2nd.
So ends a good story, I enjoyed reading this work, although I must admit I have the occasional criticism of it, but in this case it is rather limited. I tip my hat to you sir for adding a little reference to "Yadith", although I am uncertain whether that was intentional or not, as Lovecraft spelled it with two D's. I will keep your work in mind for an obscure reference at some point in the future -that is, if you don't object of course.
As this is a story I admire I have added it to my recommended reading lists on my front page, I hope you gain some new viewers through this process. If you wish, I would consider it no hassle at all to give you a personal critique of the story from my perspective, but the choice is inevitably yours to make.
Good day my fine gentleman of Cosmic horror, consider yourself followed.
EldritchSpires
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Thanks EldritchSpire.
Yes, Yadith was a reference to your story. What's Lovecraftian fiction without obscure references to each other? Feel free to return the favour; I would be honoured. I'm still working my way through your story and will definitely comment when I'm done. (Total War: Rome 2 has kind of side tracked me atm).
I'd also love a critique. All stories can use improvement, and I've already posted some of what I think is wrong with At the Mountains of Discord. I'd be grateful for your opinion.
Fantastic read.
>to hire three score
>30
Threescore is a 60, not 30.
3354748
Thanks and fixed
An excellent read, very enjoyable. In particular, I liked the use of humanity as this version's Elder Things, as it makes it less just a ponified retelling of At the Mountains of Madness, and more an actual continuation of that tale. Twilight's venture becomes a case of history repeating itself in a horrible sort of inevitability. It's easy to picture humanity ignoring Dyer's warning, of revisiting the ancient city of the original Elder Things, and perhaps ignoring their fate and the warning it ought to have been. I can see us, once we gained the knowledge and power to do so, re-enslaving the shoggoths and putting them to work even as the original Elder Things did, sure that we would be smarter and safer in our management and thus avoid rebellion. It's easy to picture our kind having that kind of hubris, and of it coming back to bite us horribly. Hopefully the ponies will learn what we ought to have.
And if that is the case, just trying to imagine the time span involved in the complete telling of this tale...the mind reels.
I also have to congratulate you on keeping the story interesting start to finish. At the Mountains of Madness nearly lost me in the middle as it dragged on quite a bit longer than it should have over trivial matters. So good job on that, yours was the more engaging story throughout.
That said, I think Twilight was kind of detrimental to the atmosphere of the story as far as maintaining a Lovecraftian feel. Mare just has way too much power to feel properly helpless and tiny against an uncaring universe of alien monsters. I think you did a exceptional job regardless of making all that magical might less useful then it might otherwise have been, but near the end the story shifted more into an action/horror sort of feel. Still very enjoyable though, so this isn't any sort of complaint mind you, more just a observation.
Oh and making Discord one of Nyarlathotep's masks was bloody brilliant.
Excellent work, thank you for the entertainment.
4667905
Thanks, and yes, I agree there's a shift towards action at the end, to the detriment of the story.
I being toying with a number of rewrites to try and keep the original feel (for example, changing the fight with the war shoggoth to, well, not being a fight and have the monster itself only be glimpsed as the humans/elder things retreat from it). I haven't got one I'm happy with yet, though.
I'm glad you enjoyed what I wrote.
This is one of the best fics I've read here or anywhere, and I'm astonished that it doesn't have more views. I personally have never read any Lovecraft, but I find your take on things extremely compelling, and many of your descriptions are truly unsettling in a way I'm sure he'd appreciate. You capture incredibly well the dread that comes upon the discovery that there is something out there that is so vast, greater and incomprehensible that you are nothing before even its indifference, much less its malice.
Bloody good work!
5579990
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
MAN! That was a awesome action scene! I honestly never thought I'd read Twilight Sparkle taking on a Shoggoth. BUT ITS GREAT!
I'd suggest getting this proofread, as there were quite a lot of grammatical errors, like mistaking "passed" for "past"
That aside, this was a wonderful, horrible and horrifyingly amazing experience. I ALMOST wish there was more of it...
Whatsoever, this immersive experience has earned you my follow.
EDIT: HOW IN THE HELLS do you have only 7 followers????
My guess? Cyborgs. Mechanism vitals kept them alive. X- Ray vision to target the most active sectors of the brain.
I must admit, this is a delightful turn on lovecraftian lore. Definitely deserves more views.
Wayyyy underrated, like many Lovecraftian stories are. You write extremely well despite some typos, and you capture lovecraftian style near perfectly.
An enjoyable retelling of the At the Mountains of Madness, or rather, an exploration of the same theme under a different set of circumstances. Curious and commendable.
An amusing afterthought is, as humanity in this story adapted shoggoths for their own use, whether the plantlike, radially symmetric Elder Things of their Earth were actually the true creators of the shoggoths.
Luna just needs to drop an asteroid on it.
That was an excellent and horrifying read. I read At the Mountains of Madness before, a few years ago, which makes me appreciate where you went above and beyond the source material. Like the fate of Mountain Flower. In spite of Twilight’s dispassionate narration, that moment was still a knife in the gut for me.
So, in Twilight’s dreams near the end, are those hints of Derleth's more dualistic reinterpretation of the mythos? To be honest, I think that might be scarier than the alternative.
7660110
Not Derleth, no. It was the respective courts of Azathoth and Yog-Sothoth, Outer Gods both. The Elder Thing wonder weapon was created by invoking Yog-Sothoth and then binding that invocation. In effect, it is a child of Yog-Sothoth and should it ever be freed (of the Elder Thing chains that still contain it and the damage done to it by the Mi-go) it would ascend to the court of Yog-Sothoth as an Ultimate God. This apotheosis would likely destroy the planet of Equestria (and given its temporal nature quite possibly unmaking it backwards in time too) but who really cares about something as small as a planet?
The court of Yog-Sothoth would like this to happen. The court of Azathoth would rather it didn't, because it would be a powerful new piece in their rivals camp. Their respective patrons (that is, Azathoth and Yog-Sothoth themselves) are probably to distant to care but the courts of the Demon Sultan and the Beyond-One do like their games.
(I've wrote a blog post on my vague thoughts on Mythos cosmology related to this if you want to read).
I have vague ideas for other stories featuring agents of Yog-Sothoth trying to influence the freeing of the wonder weapon but I haven't been able to produce anything I'm happy with yet.
Finally, thanks for the complements! I enjoy knowing people enjoyed my work.
Do I detect a Discworld reference?
That should be "brewed."
7672574
Yep, I'm a big Discworld fan. And thanks for the catch. I'm not good at spotting my own homophone typos.
Aww, and you were doing such a great job building atmosphere, too. Now I'm laughing.
This "bull?"
I'm half-convinced you meant "bill," and half uncertain what you meant.
Protean means mutable and constantly changing. I sincerely hope they were just eating protein bars.