Join Sherlock Hooves, world famous detective, and his side kick Watson piece together the mystery behind Greg's murder. They're going to have to get more information about the victim so they ask everypony if they've ever talked to Greg. Six ponies, all mares, have admitted talking to Greg before. Their names are: Twilight sparkle, Rainbow dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Now Sherlock has to hear how each ponies day went in order to find the murderer. Hopefully before he or she strikes again!
--------------------------------------
WARNING! This is my first fan-fic so don't expect the story to be perfectly edited. If you see any grammar problems please leave what you find in the comments. Also, any constructive criticism would be nice, but please don't make it too constructive.
hope you enjoy reading!
P.S THIS STORY IS A MYSTERY. THERE IS NO "MYSTERY" CATEGORY SO ALL I PUT WAS "COMEDY" AND "ADVENTURE" FOR THE STORIES CATEGORY. (Not that this story doesn't have comedy or adventure in it, which it does, I just thought I should let you know that this is also a mystery.)
Authors note: Please tell me what you think and any advice to make my stories better! Thanks!
I think the story has potensial. Ponyville is more likely insted of ponyville.. You sould have more opening in this story and a mindthinking like a normal detective. call me if you need more help.
Excellent premise, but the story itself needs a lot of work. Grammatically, it's a bit of a mess. I suggest looking around for someone to preread for you.
The spacing also needs to be fixed. Currently, a lot of the story is just a wall of text. Maybe try switching to double-spacing in your word processor. People like Sherlock stories, so they will check this one out, but many will be put off by the aforementioned wall of text.
Also, some backstory is in order. How exactly did Sherlock and Watson meet, why are they in ponyville, why did they suddenly turn up at the crime scene etc. I understand the fun that a 'cold open' can be, but they are usually followed by at least some exposition. Right now our entire perception of Sherlock is based on our previous personal knowledge of him. This story does nothing to establish his character, or that of his apparent 'sidekick' Watson.
Speaking of which, Watson is treated as a silly mascot, which doesn't really do the original or any of the adaptations justice. While definitely not possessing the deductive skill of his partner, Watson was not unintelligent or silly. He learned from Sherlock and applied those lessons in order to contribute to the case.
Please don't think I'm just attacking this story or you personally. As a fellow writer, I am merely offering my (hopefully) succinct critical analysis so that you can learn and improve as a writer.
sorry i couldnt help but point out but at the beginning of the paragraph when Officer Johnson at the very beginning there is a minor spelling mistake with corpse and later the word creeped was spelled wrong too, again sorry couldnt help but point it out
The signs are pointing to Pinkie being the perpetrator, but I'm sure she was just hiding for a surprise party.
Author's note: So this is going to be the main idea of the story. Sherlock is going to hear how each of the ponies day went to solve the murder. There were a lot of unexplained things that happened in Rainbows story, but they will make seance once everpony else has spoken.
As always, I appreciate any constructive criticism and if you see any grammar or spelling errors please tell me so I can fix them.
Hope everyone enjoys this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Good writhing. Hold your grammar issures and this story will cut throoth the eged.
Can someone tell me if I'm spelling 'gryphon' right? I've seen like four different ways to spell it, but they all mean the same thing. I think I spelled it like griffin in chapter three.
Oh well. Thanks for reading everyone. Hope you enjoyed Rarity's story. Only three mares are left and Sherlock still doesn't know who it is!
All evidense speak To Twilight. But I think there is someone behind this thing. Not Twilight.
So, how do you like the chapter? Talk about a plot twist. Everypony thought it was someone and then BOOM it was really somepony else. Perfect for a mystery story.
P.S There's going to be only one more chapter, but it's not going to be the end of Sherlock Hooves. I have another idea for a story, but it's not going to be like this one. I'm thinking of having more action to my second story...
Thanks everyone for reading and I hope you enjoy the final stages of my story!
380125
Really liked this chapter!
Just saying though, saw it coming. I knew it probably wasn't Twilight, because that would just make for a shitty story. Too bad she's insane though.
wow. I know twilight was innocent. She had no motive to kill the victim.
It's OK... However, you might want to get a pre-reader. There were several grammar mistakes in there.
Yes, yes indeed.
but sherlock did meet them during interoigasions. The ironi. good ending. Spike saved all of them
Quick Easter egg I put in the story: I named Greg after Galileo. See, they both had theories about space and earth's orbit. Yes, they had diffrent ideas, but they were both ridiculed for it.
Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed the journey and I'll see you in the next adventure.
Great story. Yeah, a few errors but all in all not bad indeed!
Good story. But you do know that in all TV shows and books and any franchise associated with Sherlock he has been aspergers. The only thing he ever cares about is the case - not the people involved. Infact - the only people he cares about are Mycroft and Watson. Thats pretty much the guidelines of Sherlock. And it's theorised that because he doesn't really express emotion he has more room in his head to think. That's why he's so smart. Still - one of the best stories I've read! I'm might attempt at writing a Sherlock Hooves novel. Probably 'll base it on Sherlock the TV show. Best version in my eyes. Love BBC's Sherlock.
254372 Yeah - noticed quite a lot of minor things like 'Corps' instead of 'Corpse'. Still - you've got to admit - it's got quite a lot of potential!