The Forgivness of a Mentor
Chapter 6
"The Forgiveness of a Mentor"
The day of the real wedding was a glorious day in Canterlot and all the ponies were finally looking forward to witnessing and celebrating Princess Cadence and Shining Armor's marriage. All of Canterlot had been repaired and those who suffered minor injuries were healed of their wounds. Twilight had spent the morning with her friends getting last minute preparations done with Cadence. Everything had to go right and after everything that had happened, it was no wonder that everypony was thinking the same thing.
Perhaps no one was looking forward to this day more than Twilight Sparkle, who was now her brother's Best Mare and her future sister in law's Mare of Honor. It was a few hours before the wedding and Twilight was alone in the bridal suite getting herself ready for the ceremony, while her friends were helping Cadence get ready. She was wearing the magenta dress her friends made for her and she was putting her mane into curls. As she had just finished getting ready, a knock was heard at the door.
"Come in," she said and the door opened to reveal her mentor, Princess Celestia, walking towards her. Twilight was not expecting to see her mentor so soon, but Celestia had a good reason for it. Despite everything she had said to Luna the night before regarding Twilight's future, the real damage between her and Twilight still had to be fixed right here and right now.
"Hello, Twilight," she said, seeing how lovely her faithful student looked in her wedding attire. "You look beautiful."
"Well, thank you," Twilight replied bowing to her and blushing slightly. "It's not every day someone as important as you gives a nice compliment. My friends worked very hard on this dress, you know."
Twilight then used her magic to put on the string of pearls and flowers on her head, completing her look for the wedding.
"Actually, Twilight," said Celestia, taking in a heavy sigh. "I wanted to talk to you about something that happened a few days ago at the rehearsal."
But, Twilight had already knew what Celestia was going to say. She was going to bring up the moment that they all walked out on her in that moment of despair and agony. First her brother, then her friends, now her mentor and it was still coming.
"I know what you are going to say, princess," answered Twilight, knowing what Celestia was going to say. "Everypony has been so apologetic to me lately after what happened at the rehearsal. My brother and my friends and now you."
"The reason we have been feeling so apologetic towards you Twilight," said Celestia, looking down at Twilight, with remorseful eyes. "Is because we ignored the one pony who knew something was wrong with Cadence and that was you. I knew better than to leave you alone in the wedding hall like that. I am just as fallible as anypony despite being a princess."
"Well," replied Twilight, not knowing what to say now. "I would normally say that you had every right to leave me alone. I bursted into the rehearsal without any evidence to back me up and we both know that Cadence would never act like that."
"I know, Twilight," said Celestia. "I was so caught up in monitoring a situation that was already in Canterlot that I didn't take notice. You are right, we have both known Cadence forever and that even if she did act the way she acted towards everyone, she would have kept it to herself and come to me and Princess Luna."
Princess Celestia sighed heavily at what she was going to say next. Twilight could see tears forming in her eyes, which she never expected her mentor to show.
"Twilight," she said sadly. "I know I angrily said to you that you had a lot to think about for your actions at the wedding rehearsal. But, I guess I was the one who had a lot to think about and because we did not listen to you, the Changelings had invaded Canterlot and I failed to protect my subjects from the Changeling Queen in front of them all at the fake wedding. Whereas I failed you, Twilight, you did not fail me and that is something I and all of Canterlot and Equestria will always be grateful for."
It seemed that this apology was enough for Twilight to take in and much like before, a small tear came down her cheek much to her concern as she didn't want her light makeup to be ruined.
"Thank you, Princess," said Twilight as a small tear came down her face. "I know I acted like a little jealous foal in the eyes of you and everypony else, but I guess now you see that I was only trying to protect the ones who are so close to me because I care about you and that I could see that when the fake Cadence failed to recite our friendly greeting that we always shared from our days when she was a foalsitter, I knew then that some evil force was controlling Cadence and that if I could force that being to show herself, then maybe I could've revealed to everyone that the pony being Cadence was not who she said she was. But, I guess it all backfired as you all saw."
"How did you know about that?" asked Celestia, surprised by this new confession by her faithful student.
"Well, actually," said Twilight. "I could tell that the fake Cadence's magic aura was green and Cadence's true magic aura was blue. I could also note that the fake's behavior was not like Cadence's and that the original bridesmaids must have seen right through her disguise and were going to tell you about it, but then the Changeling Queen must have sent them down to the Canterlot Caves before they could do anything themselves."
Celestia was wondering herself what had happened to the original bridesmaids when they mysterious disappeared and slightly knew that Shining Armor was not telling the truth when he berated Twilight at the rehearsal, much to the horror of herself and Twilight's friends.
"However," continued Twilight, remembering the flower bouquet trick that Cadence used on the bridesmaids. "Cadence and I did find them trying to block our way out of the caves and we had to throw an abandoned flower bouquet to distract them."
"Well, what matters is that they are back where they belong," said Celestia, placing a wing over Twilight. "They are in Canterlot Hospital and will be discharged in time for the wedding reception later tonight."
"Speaking of the wedding reception," interjected Twilight, stepping back from Celestia. "I have a song that I have been working on called 'Love is in Bloom.' It's my wedding gift to my brother and Cadence. I am going to sing it later at the reception."
"I can't wait to hear it, Twilight and I know you have a beautiful singing voice," said Celestia, smiling happily. "But, I just want you to know that we are all sorry for what we did and that we would not be having the wedding we all wanted if it weren't for you, my faithful student."
Just then, a guard knocked on the door and beckoned to Celestia that the ceremony was nearly ready to start.
"Well, we'd better get to the wedding hall," said Celestia, knowing that the real wedding was about to begin. "It's time to finish what we started, thanks to you Twilight."
Twilight blushed slightly again as she and her teacher and mentor hugged each other once more and made their way towards the wedding hall, with Celestia realizing that she still had one more important thing to say to Twilight.
A little while later after a short and beautiful ceremony, Celestia was standing with Twilight and her friends as they watched Shining Armor and Princess Cadence wave to the crowd of ponies below. Celestia placed her hoof on Twilight's shoulder and the student turned to her teacher.
"This is your victory as much as theirs," she said to her faithful student. "You persisted in the face of doubt and your actions to your being able to bring the real Princess Cadence back to us."
Twilight couldn't help but smile happily as her mentor said those words of gratitude. It was like Celestia had said to Twilight before the wedding, that the wedding would not be what it was if it weren't for her.
"Learning to trust your instincts," finished Celestia. "Is a valuable lesson to learn."
By the time she finished her sentence, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence kissed on the balcony and Celestia knew that one certain blue Pegasus had to still complete her task. Seeing her brother and new sister-in-law kiss touched Twilight's feelings and a small tear of happiness formed in her eyes.
"Rainbow Dash," she whispered to the blue rainbow haired pegasus. "That's your cue."
Stripping off her bridesmaid dress, Rainbow Dash took off and unleashed a powerful Sonic Rainboom for all of Canterlot to see and flew down fast back towards Canterlot filled with excitement over the success of the wedding.
"BEST WEDDING EVER!" she cried as a rainbow trailed behind her.
And it was, it really was.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- EquineAvenger · 52k words · 139 37 · 13k views
- veronicatoon7 · 9.1k words · 81 3 · 9.7k views
- Bookworm217 · 8.8k words · 80 7 · 6.8k views
- SamSwordsman123 · 3.2k words · 75 10 · 8.8k views
- yodajax10 · 5.4k words · 66 6 · 8.9k views
- Black Kyurem · 21k words · 416 53 · 38k views
- twilightsparkle3562 · 1.1k words · 39 30 · 2.9k views
- deadpansnarker · 2.2k words · 131 6 · 4.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.136 seconds
Total duration
798 users online
1,173,845 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hm. Well...
It's not a half-bad first effort, love, but it needs a bit of work. Your two biggest problems are that you have a lot of run-on sentences, like these:
This is kind of hard to read, and it makes the character's dialogue sound totally unnatural. Also, some of them are incorrectly punctuated; you've got commas where semicolons should be, and vice-versa.
Your second problem is that you have characters delivering lengthy soliloquies:
which, again, makes the dialogue sound completely unnatural, and it also looks very "flat" because you don't ever stop to give us any indications of what the character is doing while they're speaking. You say Twilight is speaking nervously, but there's not much evidence of it; you have her rattling off this huge wall-of-text speech like a college professor giving a lecture.
There's also a lot of really awkward phrasing, such as "gave warnings to everyone that was brushed off very easily." People just don't talk like that. (Also -- "warning" is plural, so that should be "were brushed off", not "was".)
Again, not a half-bad first effort, but a bit more attention to the details, more character action, and try not to have characters giving long unbroken speeches all the time. Try reading your own dialogue out loud to yourself when you write, in a normal pace and tone of voice, and it'll help you see where the unnatural-sounding parts are. Try not to have a character speak more than two or three sentences before you stop and give us an action or reaction.
Is there any particular reason why it starts with Chapter 2? I mean there are 5 chapters posted, but where is Chapter 1?
A great ending, and a great last forgiveness from Celestia.
3090925
Forgot to publish it initally, but its on now.
So, you brought this story over from Fanfiction.net, did you, hm?
3160420 Yes, I did. Trying to build an impact on here.
3160458 It was only a matter of time. Black Kyurem heard that there were requests for the story to be brought here.
3160470 I didn't know there were requests for it to be on here.
3160621 Black Kyurem at least thought there were because most MLP related fiction stories end up here anyway.
3162331 I hope not, however, while your story was effective and powerful, I said in my author's notes, that I all I wanted to do was view Twilight's loved ones apologizing to her in a calm manner. Nothing more and nothing less.
Your characters are acting very... stilted. Like they came out of the Pride and Prejudice kind of books. The concept's good, and the message is great, but... I can't actually feel these characters. They're like very bored actors.
I really like this story, the best one I seen based on "A Canterlot Wedding" I've seen. If there was only one problem I have with it is that Spike isn't given enough screentime. Don't get me wrong, you showed Spike feeling guilty, but I just wish there would've been more scenes with him since he's Twilight's best friend. Maybe you could make an epilogue. What do you think? :-)
3333407 As a matter of fact, I am planning to start a sequel tomorrow where Celestia is faced with scrutiny from her subjects over how she failed to protect Canterlot from the Changelings. Perhaps I can add Spike a little more to it.
3334454 Mind if I collab with you on it? :-)
3334509 Certainly.
3334523 Certainly as if you do want me to help or Certainly is that you mind me helping you? :-)
3334545 Certainly as in I don't mind you helping me.
3163865
It would be better if this was this instead:
3349994 Hmm, well, I would say the video had the same theme as my story. To be fair, I think Twilight can be too forgiving at times. However, her friends were truly ashamed of their actions and that is why she forgave them so easily, because she knew that they were all sorry.
Not best wedding ever.
GREATEST. WEDDING. EVER!!!!!
Well, I think this fic covered about all the bases there were. Good job.
I'm disappointed in the way Cadance acted towards her fiancee in this fic. The ultimatum she gives Shining, that unless he is able to win Twilight's forgiveness she's going to leave him, is both callous and unloving of her. How little compassion does she have to have to dig the knife deeper into her fiancee's heart when he's already clearly torn up and guilty about this? Couldn't she have just agreed with him, and supported him in his efforts to win Twilight's forgiveness, rather than shaming him over something he is already ashamed of?
On the plus side, I like that Twilight owns up to the fact that she wasn't acting in the right when she barged in, even if no one did. The fact that nobody agrees with her kinda hurts it, making it seem like it's more of a one-sided issue that Twilight is wrong about, but I am glad it's there.
6161535 You must have been mistaken, Jarkes. I never said I was going to rewrite this, only edit a few parts.
6164615 I'm leaving Cadence's reaction in it, but I am going to have this story edited for proofreading, etc. I still stand by my decision for Cadence to say what she needed to say. Having Twilight wildly accuse of being evil is one thing, but having her thrown out of the wedding is another. Had there been a scene where her brother, friends and mentor apologize for their actions, then maybe there wouldn't be any repercussions from this episode.
6178533 "Arm" is a generic term for any animal's forelimbs--especially when referring to the area between an animal's glenohumeral joint and its elbow. The term is mostly associated with human anatomy, but it is not strictly wrong to use it to identify a pony's forelegs.
6552238
Indeed. Twilight should apologize to them. She had the right idea, but presented her evidence like a self-righteous thug and a total hot-head, making it easy peasy for Chrysalis to play act the victim and get everyone on her side.
6590278 True, both sides were wrong: Twilight was wrong for her wild accusations and her brother, mentor and friends were wrong for not believing her.
Overall, this is an AWESOME fanfic you wrote following the events of the Changeling invasion of Canterlot and it shows why people shouldn't be so irrationally angry with Princess Celestia, especially since it was Chrysalis that manipulated her and Twilight's friends into abandoning them.
a beautiful story. one that needed to be told. I do like the stories, where twilight is hurt, indignant, and angry, as well. an excellent story, very heartwarming. thank you.
Overall, not a bad story. There is a basic need to forgive others the wrongs they've done us, and this was beautifully done.
May God bless you and keep you safe, sir.
6552238
That's what Twilight gets for marching in high and mighty and acting like she was being a clingy jealous girl, and was so emotionally charged that she was strung along just like everyone else there.
It's a great story.
8123465
8122787 settle down, both of you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
9180095
Personally speaking, I never really considered that moment to be completely accurate as a fair apology to Twilight from everyone. The flat angle with Applejack being the only one to come forward to apologise to her to me made it come across as if AJ was apologising on behalf of herself since no one else was present during the clip where she finally said so. To me a better way it could have been told would have been if AJ had been with Twi's friends looking ashamed of themselves as AJ says so giving the impression that she was speaking on behalf of all her friends with maybe Twilight front and centre.
To me it just shows more about how the episode despite its praise was not really thought out properly and felt like a pitch that was announced at the last minute which left the writer Megan McCarthy with a rush job not allowing her to iron out the details the way she could have.
6164615
I agree. Hate fics where Twilight gets mad at her friends. Though I don't like how they abandoned her, seeing her get mad at them hurts more. She was afraid she'd lost her brother and friends after they left. She doesn't want that to become reality.
10735828
I stand corrected
great wedding song for shining armor and cadence
5649119
well, it is kind of a "no brainer" ultimatum. so he would probably do it with or without ultimatum
9403523
Cadance loves Twilight and was extremely close to her. She'd be mad at how Twilight was treated I think.