• Published 21st Aug 2013
  • 6,107 Views, 77 Comments

Twilight Sparkle Actually Does Sparkle - RainbowBob



Being a vampire can be rough. Unluckily for Twilight, she just had to end up as the most unpopular vampire type of all time. On the bright side, her last name actually makes sense now.

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Chapter 1: Damn You Stephenie Meyer

“So... are we going to knock?”

“I dunno. Why don’t you do it, Shy?”

“Well, um, why don’t you try... if you want to?”

Rainbow Dash glared at Fluttershy, who timidly glanced away. Rolling her hoofs, she nonchalantly knocked on the front door of the library. “Yo, Twi, you in there? Haven’t seen you for a few days, and me and the rest of the girls are worried.”

Hurried footsteps from inside quickly made their way to the door. The sound of various locks being unlatched followed suit, ending with Spike peeking out with the door slightly ajar. “Oh, hey you guys. Twilight is unavailable at the moment.”

“What do you mean unavailable? We haven’t seen her in two weeks!” Dash argued, moving her hoof in the door’s path so it wouldn’t close.

“Yeah, well, there’s been certain... complications,” Spike said, vaguely waving his hand. “Which have prevented her from speaking to all of you.”

“What, she couldn’t have sent a letter or something?” Dash asked, pushing her hoof further to make the door entryway larger.

Doing his best to keep the door from opening any further, Spike said, “Listen, it’s not what you think. Twilight is just a bit under the weather and can’t really see anyone else right now.”

“Not even her friends?” Fluttershy asked, peeking into the dimly lit library as well. “Is Twilight going to be okay? Does she need a doctor?”

Spike was literally on his last leg as he tried to stop the impatient Rainbow Dash from getting inside. “No, she just needs peace and relaxation!” Spike implored, his toenails digging into the wooden floor. But it was no use, and Spike end up squashed against the wall by the door as Rainbow Dash made her way inside.

"Hey, Twi, come out here already!" Rainbow called out, searching vainly for her friend in the gloom. The curtains were drawn on the windows and the lights were off inside, with barely enough illumination to see your hoof in front of your face. "And turn a light on for Pete's sake!"

"Leave me..." a voice sounded in the shadows.

"Twilight, knock it out with the creepy loner stuff," Rainbow said with a roll of her eyes, going to the windows to draw the curtains back. "Fluttershy, can you help me lighten up the place?"

"Sure."

"No!" Twilight shouted, her visage appearing in the dim light for a brief second.

"Or not," Fluttershy muttered, backing away from the open doorway. Spike's faint muffles could still be heard from behind the door on the wall.

"No light may enter here," Twilight hissed, scuttling in the darkness like an insect. She pressed herself against the back corner of the room, where the shadows were greatest. "Close the door!"

"Um... Shy, help here?" Dash called out to her friend. With an audible gulp, Fluttershy went over to the door and closed it hesitantly. Twilight sighed with relief once the door was safely latched shut. Spike slid to the ground, his leg twitching slightly.

In a flash, Twilight appeared by Rainbow Dash's side, her mouth inches away from her face.

"Why are you guys here?" Twilight hissed.

Scrunching her muzzle, Dash pushed Twilight's face away from her own with a hoof. "Every pony is worried about you, Twi. You haven't left home in almost a week. What's up with that?"

Twilight scowled, back-pedaling slightly away from Dash. "That is... neither of your concerns," she muttered, circling around the pair with an almost predatory hiss.

"But Twilight, we only want to help," Fluttershy said, a small bead of sweat sliding down the back of her neck. "Staying cooped up all day isn't healthy..."

"Oh, I still get out," Twilight assured them. "Just at night now. The sun is unhealthy for me at the moment."

"Say what now?" Dash asked, squinting slightly.

"I just said--"

"Yeah, I got that. Just don't get the why part."

"Maybe Twilight really is under the weather," Fluttershy suggested. Spike groaned in agreement.

Dash sighed and rubbed her brow with a hoof. "Listen, Twi, can we please turn a light on? It's weird trying to hold a conversation in the dark."

Suddenly, the lights came back on with a flash. Twilight practically shrieked, then leapt under the table with impossible speed. Her angry glare was directed at Spike now, her eyes red tinged instead of their usual purple.

By the light switch, Spike shrugged. "What? She asked nicely."

Dash peered under the table. "Seriously, Twi, stop messing around and tell us what's up? Is this another one of your 'episodes?'"

"No, it's just... well, it's hard to explain."

"Twilight, I'm sure we'll understand," Fluttershy assured her, joining Dash in looking under the table at their friend.

Twilight groaned, but finally willed herself to leave the table's protection. Out in the light where both her friends could see her, she looked at them sadly.

"Girls... I'm a vampire now," she stated simply, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

"... Yeah, you lost me again," Dash said, her worry turning to skepticism.

"Are you talking about those monsters that ponies dress up as on Nightmare Night?" Fluttershy asked fearfully.

"No, I'm an actual vampire!" Twilight persisted rather bitterly "I got bitten by one while out in the Everfree Forest one night, and now I'm infected by its vampiric plague!"

"Wait, wait, hold up here," Dash said with a wave of her hoof. "What exactly were you doing late at night in the Everfree Forest?"

"I was most certainly not having a secret relationship with any inhabitant of the forest, if that's what you're thinking," Twilight said, blushing ever-so-slightly. "And it definitely wasn’t a zebra, for that matter! I was doing research for... plants! That's right, plants. Spike can back me up on this."

Twilight glanced at her assistant. Spike bulged under the collective scrutiny of the three ponies. Their combined stares finally broke the dragon, who went with the wise plan of jumping out the window instead of telling falsehoods in front of others.

"I regret nothing!" he shouted on his exit, glass and a small body falling to the ground being heard on the other side. This was followed by muffled curses and a leg being dragged in the dirt.

"...Okay then," Dash muttered, returning her attention back to Twilight. "That still doesn't explain why exactly you think it was a vampire that bit you."

"Does this look like it could come from any other animal?" Twilight asked, revealing the two still-fresh puncture wounds on her neck.

Fluttershy squinted slightly as she inspected the bite mark. "A snake could have made this."

"Could a snake jump out from the trees, catch me by surprise, bite my neck and then steal my wallet when it escapes?”

“Um… yeah. All except the wallet part.” Fluttershy tilted her head to the side. “Where would you even keep one…?”

“That’s not the point,” Twilight replied, glaring at the faint sunlight peaking through the cracked remains of the window Spike just made on his exit. “Through careful research I have deciphered I am definitely of a vampiric nature now. I am able to see clearly in near darkness, have grown a set of molars in my gumline that are best described as fangs, I constantly have a thirst for blood, and when I tried to eat some of Spike’s delicious ravioli I nearly set my mouth on fire from the garlic inside.”

Rolling her eyes, Dash jerked on Twilight’s tail with her teeth and pulled the meek unicorn from beneath the table. Twilight squeaked, trying to get a grip on the floor with her hooves and failing.

Setting her on the carpet, Dash stuck her hoof in Twilight’s face and said, “That’s it, no more miss nice mare!” Gripping Twilight’s cheeks in her hooves, Dash shook her head vigorously. “Twilight, you aren’t a vampire! You’re making a big deal out of a snake bite, which I might add could be poisonous and you should definitely be more worried about that than being a vampire! Snap out of it and return back to normal!”

Fluttershy nudged Dash’s shoulder with a hoof. “Um, Dash, I don’t think shaking Twilight and yelling at her like that will solve anything.”

Dash stopped shaking Twilight's head and thought for a moment. “Should I slap her too?”

Twilight’s mouth opened wide, a pair of fangs glistening in the light as she tried to bite down on Dash’s hoof. Rainbow managed to pull back her hoof just in time, and Twilight's fangs snapped on open air.

Grimacing, Dash said, “Ewwwww, you nearly bit me with your fake fang teeth! What’s wrong with you?”

“There aren’t fake, they’re real!” Twilight told them, pointing to the razor sharp canines in her mouth. “I swear, they are!”

Fluttershy backed away from Twilight. “Twilight, maybe we should–”

“End this stupidity right now,” Dash finished for her, dragging the surprised Twilight to the door by her tail. “Shy, get the door!” Dash muttered through a mouthful of tail.

“No, please! The sunlight will destroy me!” Twilight begged, biting down on the wooden floor in a feeble attempt to slow herself down, and ending up with a mouthful of splinters.

Fluttershy complied, holding the door open wide while hiding on the other side. Holding Twilight’s tail over her shoulder, Dash spoke over her shoulder, “Okay Twi, you asked for it! We're doin' this the hard way! Hey, maybe some sun will do you good.”

With that, Rainbow hefted Twilight and spun her around to pick up momentum, until finally Dash let go. Twilight streak through the air to land outside, the sun instantly hitting her coat.

“Oh dear Celestia, I’m burning up!” Twilight screamed, thrashing on the ground. “The sun is burning me to a crisp! Please, somepony, help!” Twilight continued to roll on the ground for a full minute, until it eventually dawned on her she wasn’t, in fact, burning at all.

“Um… Twi,” Dash said, her jaw hanging low. “You’re… you’re…”

“Sparkling,” Fluttershy said in awe, her eyes widening at the sight before her.

Blinking, Twilight got to her hooves and inspected herself. She was indeed sparkling, with little specks of dancing on her coat like glitter on a lavender birthday card.

She stared at her prettily sparkling hooves for a moment, then got down on them and shouted up to the heavens, “Seriously? Out of every vampire I could have been made into, it had to be an uncool one? Why, why is this happening to me?”

“Who is she talking to?” Fluttershy whispered to Dash. Dash just circled a hoof around her temple.

As Twilight cried into her hooves, still sparkling like a Hearth's Warming decoration, Rainbow trotted over to her and patted her on the back reassuringly. “Come on Twilight, don’t be so gloomy,” Dash said, holding back a smirk. “Hey, at least your name finally fits!"

Twilight looked up with a disapproving scowl and muttered under her breath, “Twilight bucking Sparkle. Yeah Dash, that really helps.” Dash promptly exploded into a laughing fit.

Comments ( 74 )

Here we go... I expect many metaphorical bashings of Twilight within this piece of literature

YES! This is out!

I loved pre reading this, dude.

~Skeeter The Lurker

That picture makes it impossible to not read; it just drags you in with all the D'awww.

EDIT: As a reader, loved it~ And as a Twilight hater--you know not everypony's waifu (except Flash Sentry's; that loser)--the ending made it even better. All they need to do is have Vinyl Scratch tie her up on the ceiling and turn her into a disco ball for a sweet party.

... Sequel, please?

She really does sparkle.

Don't worry, she just needs to trap somepony's soul and kill them, then perform a ritual and BOOM! Cure!

It would've been a lot funnier if the title and description hadn't spoiled it.

I'm laughing.
A lot.

RainbowBob, don't move a muscle. I'm coming over to take away your drugs and booze until you can learn to use them more responsibly.

I loved the part where spike shout. "I regret nothing!"

I REALLY do not like this kind of fic, if ANYPONY in the mane six keeps a secret no matter how important it is to them to keep it the others ALWAYS HAVE to know what it is instead of giving thief friend some privacy! A good friend should know when to give others space. Also you made rainbow act like a jerk. End rant.

Yeah, Spike's bail-out through the window was the crowning moment of glory for me. Well done, you.

3080342
Being a vampire is a pretty traumatic experience, so Twilight was dealing it in her own way. Plus, she didn't exactly want to tell her friends because of course they wouldn't believe her (which they didn't, at first). Also, Rainbow Dash is always a jerk. :derpytongue2:

"Could a snake jump out from the trees, catch me by surprise, bite my neck and then steal my wallet when it escapes?”

Maybe it was a flying snake? Yes those exist.
24.media.tumblr.com/dc75b81f6dda0ef4184fe1a5f8310248/tumblr_mn2kmwPys91s3ie6eo4_500.gif

Anywho that was another fun story. I still maintain that "New Moon" is one of the best comedies ever made, with Kristen Stewart's mental sickness, buck teeth and lip biting and attempts at suicide, Micheal Sheen's scene chewing over-acting and Edward's big plan to reveal vampires exist by running naked through the Vatican in front of men, women and child as he sparkles in the mid day sun like a guy who is tweaking on way too much ecstasy after a hard night of clubbing... seriously this was his big plan? :rainbowhuh:

This is a sparkling example of a shimmer ing story.....get it sparkling and shimmering....anybody

cutest cover art ever.
:rainbowkiss:

I went and saw one of the movies with my sister, took me three days of watching Hellsing to restore my faith in vampires. They're dangerous beings of immense power, not disco balls.

images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9200000/Alucard-critical-analysis-of-twilight-9242372-800-600.jpg

This is hilarious.

Minor typo: "bukcing" should be "bucking".

3080057 No, she sparkles...she's not brilliant. She sparkles...oh, nevermind....:facehoof:

Is it wrong that the thing that got my attention the most was that Twilight was banging Zecora? :facehoof:

Your pre reader failed you

3080235 That profile pic makes it all the much better.

Only for you would I upvote anything referencing the other Twilight.

Comment posted by Lunar Blade deleted Aug 21st, 2013

Just so you know, molars are the flat teeth in the back of your mouth. Probably canines would be a better option. Just so you know.

Her name...
Twilight.
... By the sun, when will the stupid series just finally die out.

3081981
id say more mildly entertaining at worst and enjoyable at best but hilarious no not really.

Read for the cover art....no disappointed but not terribly pleased either...Hrm...

Where the heck do you get the time to write all these stories?

I found a couple of small mistakes:

SPike groaned in agreement.

This one is obvious. And:

With that, Rainbow hefted Twilight and spin her around to pick up momentum, until finally Dash let go.

Spin should be spun.

"I was most certainly not having a secret relationship with any inhabitant of the forest, if that's what you're thinking," Twilight said, blushing ever-so-slightly. "And it definitely wasn’t a zebra, for that matter!"

This is still a better love story than Twilight.
:facehoof:
Sorry, Twi, I had to.:trollestia: Good story, by the way.

3083046
Replied to the wrong comment?

3083284 Don't be silly. ... his real name is Steven Pike. Or 'S.Pike', if you will. Author simply forgot the period. :pinkiecrazy:

Bob. Stop being so brilliant.

You people just had to involve those sparkling vampire bitches didn't you. It used to be that a vampire would burn or be weakened in the sunlight, now they just sparkle like little bitches. Still I'm going to read this and like it. :trollestia:

Spike bulged under the collective scrutiny of the three ponies.

Spike really likes being scrutinized by mares... Wait, he was wearing pants?

3080368 His implied injury kinda ruined the humor for me.

"Just at night now. The sun unhealthy for me now."

Should probably be "Just at night now. The sun is unhealthy for me now."

3080469

The only appropriate response... :derpytongue2:

Well now Twilight can say:

:rainbowwild:

Twilight can outrun dash now.

interesting fact:
there are no vampires in the twilight saga; only fey seeking to discredit vampires,werewolves, and dumbass humans who don't understand logic,reason,or sanity

but the thing that doesn't make sense about this story is,as far as I know, being bitten by fairies or any other fey doesn't turn you into one,so I don't know what the fuck happened here.....

3098087 And that is how friends are made. Herro *HUGGLES*

I...didn't really like this fic. It just seemed like the entire story was a build up to a joke we're told in the description. Furthermore, I didn't really find it all that funny. I kept expect the humor to come and it just didn't for me. I'm not going to downvote because it was at least well written and the grammar was good, but I wont upvote either.

3088153 I cannot for the life of me remember what review that was :derpytongue2:

"I regret nothing!" was definitely the crowning moment of this :rainbowlaugh:

MAKE THIS A FULL FIC NAOW.

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