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Okay... so, I've tried to give feedback on your other stories (namely Memories), which you've apparently decided to ignore. Instead of taking what myself and others have tried to tell to heart and trying to listen what we had to say to you, you've gone on and done the same thing. Again. I apologize if this seems rude, but this doesn't even look finished. I understand that you're trying to write as much as possible, but you have to take a breath and for god's sake listen to what others are telling you if you insist on continuing.
For example:
Really? Motherfucking really? No, just no.
Okay, I'm gonna throw this out there, because I feel like I need to.
I read through this, and laughed the whole way, thinking that it was intentionally written as a satire. After reading 3088787 's comment, I think that maybe I was mistaken, so for that, I apologize.
However, if you have actually been receiving potentially helpful feedback from multiple sources, and ignoring it, then you really have few (or none) excuses for writing something that has me feeling like I just unknowingly kicked a disabled kid and then had it pointed out by a complete stranger.
I actually am going to keep an eye on this, purely out of the hope that you take the initiative to improve. Consider my 'favorite' here to be a fire under your ass to get your act together.
This needs a lot of work. In some places there are spelling errors, but in others I can't tell if you're spelling words wrong or choosing the wrong words. There are some words in the story that don't exist (like "stronged"), grammar is below average, and the punctuation is all over the map. There are some great resources online covering basic writing skills like these, and you may want to check them out.