• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 37 minutes ago


On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon page.)


One man is responsible for Spike being turned into a dog in the Equestria Girls movie. And now that man is getting a few complaints about it -- straight from the dragon's mouth.

On the bright side, it's not a 6' 3.5" rabbit.

(Now with author Patreon page.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 49 )

I knew there was a reason I waited until this week to see EqG, and now I know why.

Thumb, blessed opposable non-pony thumb, way up.

Spike's monologue reminds me so such of Jean Claude Van Dame's introspective monologue from JCVD that it's scary.

A good story, probably the one of the only EG related fics, I've enjoyed reading. Faved.

That was cute.

I thought, I was the only one upset about him being a dog.

Pretty damn good.

I saw the Harvey reference in the front and couldn't help laughing. That was a wonderful movie! (and play, of course)
Dragons like, rumpots, crackpots, and how are you mister Wilson?

What movie was that robot in the end from?

I understand Don´s point of view (the industry), but in the end, is that attitude what is bringing down Hollywood. Even common people has limits regarding how much recycled ideas they can stomach in films, same as how much fast food they want in their diets.
And even pre-teens aren´t idiots.

3076847 That is good to know.


*pictures someone reading the comments before deciding whether to try the story and seeing the word 'robot'*

Pick your favorite irritable Transformer whom Don would advise the studio to recreate as a forlorn Go-Bot.

Incidentally, all blame for that bit goes to whoever on the EG production team included That One Sound Effect. Whether said blame belongs there or not.

Exquisitely done. As unsympathetic as Don is, you still treated him with vastly more respect than any character he ever handled. As for Spike... oh, Spike. You poor thing. To be aware of one's constant possession of the idiot ball, the consistent degree to which one gets screwed by the narrative, that is truly tragic.

In all, a great story, and a decent justification of Spike's transformation. Thank you for both.

I still don't get the robot at the end.....

Poor Spike. Really am hoping for more respect for him in Season 4
Great story dude.

Poor Spike. At least he got some justification in the end. And Don got better!...kinda sorta. ...OK, he's still a giant douche-nozzle, but hey, a victory is a victory right? :twilightsmile:

Funny story yo! (I thought EG was average, by the way. Didn't hate it, didn't love it. :applejackunsure:)

Okay, first off, that comment about dragons and magma fumes, that makes so much sense I'm surprised nobody thought of it before (As a geoscience major, I do know what kind of fumes come out of molten rock, and it would probably drop your average LA commuter like a damn stone)

Second, I have to say, I would be seriously cheesed off if things had worked out like that in the planning stages.


Given the storyboard preview sketches of Him dressed in superhero tights alongside the Mane 6, there's at least a possibility of Spike showing what he can do


One of the things I've discovered about this fandom is that given the sheer number of people contributing work, if I personally believe not one person thought of something before, it's ultimately because about twenty-eight already did. :ajbemused:

But I did feel some pretty impressive things have to be going on within Spike's lungs. At the very least, there's a very effective filtration system in place (which brings up the question of getting the accumulated material out). Or he could be converting internally.

Plants render carbon dioxide into oxygen. Dragons take magma fumes and -- what?


Well, carbon-dioxide, water vapor, sulfur and sulfur-dioxide are the bulk of volcanic gases. Other than that are other hydrogen, nitrogen, sulfur and oxygen compounds as well as some of the noble gasses. So it's possible the sulfur and possibly hydrogen from water is converted into some sort of fuel for flames, the carbon,could be altered into one of it's harder forms for teeth (can chomp into diamonds), and maybe Dragons exhale oxygen.


Which, beyond turning Spike into a cave-in life support system, could easily mean semi-regular visits to volcanoes are actually essential for dragon health and normal development. Must have been some interesting non-standard field trips during Twilight's school years...

Gah. There's a story lurking in this. And if it knows what's good for it, it'll stay in the shadows for a while.

Y'know what? This was not at all what I was expecting it to be. I expected a silly story bashing Equestria Girls, and instead got something incredibly thoughtful. I'm okay with this. :twilightsmile:

Brilliant story, and probably close to the truth for most TV/Film series (and to MLP as well given the whole S2/S3 finales!)

I always thought Spike was key in Equestria girls for all the reasons you mention - two humans wouldn't have worked and a talking dog proved Twilights/Pinkies story. But why isn't there more spike toys? I think a set of all the pets and spike (Just for sidekicks) would sell well with both demographics...especially tank!

You really have to wonder at what point it's ever going to sink in for the big whatever-media studio heads that refusing to take risks is a risk, and that people actually like getting new things that deviate from the formula.
The fact that this refusal to try new things somehow disappears only when the new things are pretty obviously dumb and inferior to the originals is also mind-boggling. Because the formula that made Friendship is Magic a huge success? That formula needs to be thrown out in order that the movies can be something entirely different, apparently.

Anyway, good story. Not because of a formula, because it has heart and brains. I began to wonder, towards the end, if this was going to end with Don instantly throwing aside everything he'd begun to see and going back to his old ways. Perhaps he's dead and this is his purgatory :P he must confront every script he mistreated in life, and make amends before he can go on to the scriptwriter afterlife.
He probably died from the smog.

I'm pretty sure I have now read through your entire list of stories. This one ended up being last, for no particular reason other than that I was pretty sure it wasn't part of the shared universe.

After the Transformer leaves, I imagine he'll be visited by Battleship next. Just a huge battleship anchored outside his doorstep, occasionally making angry foghorn noises.
:raritydespair: "Oh, why couldn't it have been Rihanna?"


Because then there would have been a chance of having Chris Brown show up.

Possible sequel title: Dragon Dog Day 2: The Brinker of Despair.

Annnnd of course I would forget about these the first time.

Extremely disobedient screams of "Are you insane?" got filled under artistic temperament.


There can't be any height variations, and forgot about changing measurements.



Aiiieee... fixed.

I swear they breed in the dark.

Now if you increase the attractiveness of the actresses in that role by about twenty percent for each sequel, you can avoid some of the receipt downturn. I'm not saying start with an absolute uggo, but..."

Don't you dare think I didn't see what you did there.:rainbowdetermined2:

"People who just have stories which want to get out. People who write with no hope of profit -- which means they're people you can't, won't, and will never understand."

I really love what you do :heart: please don't think I'm ungrateful.
I swear this site makes me more emotional than real life. I hope you too, can understand how much these stories mean to me. :pinkiesad2:

3085001 I'm not going to lie, my opinion was a complete 180 after reading a fanfic that involved it The EqG involvement was a twist, so not putting the title in :twistnerd:
I hated it so much at first and now I'm frantically dialing p3r-233 in love with the idea.
Don't try to get the reference. It's an easter egg.

If you don't write fics about that, someone else will. :rainbowwild:
But seriously, I love those ideas. The dragons from the migration did hang out in a hot place that seemed to resemble the caldera of a volcano, right?
And the purgatory idea, while common, just gave me a spark for something I happen to be writing. Hell, it may even be the beginning I was looking for.

Why every film looks the same? Blame this book-"Save The Cat!" It has become less of a guidebook and more of a cookbook-in the same sense of "cooking" something for profit.

Two of my friends are trying to get into Hollywood and screenwriting-they know this...person by type, all too well. It's all metrics. All focus grouped and polished by a formula. The only thing that isn't believable is his acknowledgement of any error. Money-and lots of it-will cover any sin with enough denial of it.


Don't you dare think I didn't see what you did there.:rainbowdetermined2:

*innocent look*

*bewildered look*

*no, innocent*

*but still bewildered*


....and we have something I am never, ever going to read, mostly to keep my local windows intact because throwing a book through them often offends.

Of course, I could get a Kindle edition. (My Kindle is still under warranty.)


....and we have something I am never, ever going to read, mostly to keep my local windows intact because throwing a book through them often offends.

Of course, I could get a Kindle edition. (My Kindle is still under warranty.)

Even the author had admitted that he wrote the book merely as a toolset for film writers, rather than the MadLibs way it's used to create films. I've read it, and it's not bad...but, it's like reading TVTropes too much-you see when the tools are used badly and without soul. And, give me flawed creations with soul any day of the week.

5045888 Can I also point out that I saw your Frank reference in the description?
Donnie Darko


Actually, it's a little older than that.

And I honestly don't know where you're going with the first one. I might after you say it: sometimes my subconscious gets a word in and someone else has to notify the waking portion after. But right now, I truly don't recognize any tribute/connection/expy.

5046048 Frank is a six foot tall anthro rabbit as well from a movie called Donnie Darko. But I see what you meant now.


My bad there: by 'first one', I mean the uggo line. (I own a copy of Donnie Darko.)

5046118 my bad. It was the 20% attractiveness thing in the quote

Honestly, I still don't find HiE stories appealing. Reading about an angry Spike following Don around after waking him up, though, was charmingly adorable and had me chuckling like mad. Little rascal even stole the man's towel. Spike would be better at hitch-hiking the galaxy than Don would.

This feels, at this moment, like the singular best thing I have ever read, and only partly for personal reasons. It's not just an excellent and well-crafted story, but stars an excellent Spike; such a thing adds up to a more rewarding read than a Timothy Zahn novel enjoyed with a latte after a hot shower. The many intelligent observations you made on film pre-production were all applied well in explaining Don's motivations and coloring him as the worst kind of human being [who works in the film industry] possible, and Spike's later evaluation of the franchise really hit home. Especially his commentary on the toys. It's heartening to know that his take on the Crystal Empire is dated, but souring to note that nothing else is. He's probably the only character now who doesn't have a blindbag figure! (Though he does have this awesome piece of work.)

It's a crime that this story doesn't have many more than 1K views—not to mention eight downvotes, no doubt left by folks who either haven't read it or are absolutely committed to hating Spike—because it's the kind FiMfic that fans really need to read. Unfortunately, since it's about Spike, only a tiny handful of people will ever give enough of a shit to treat themselves. Nonetheless, you're my hero for being one of the scarce few people in existence who writes intellectually rewarding stories and treats Spike well, AND has plenty of work devoted to the rest of the main cast.

3077049 What sound effect? Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.


There's a scene near the start of Equestria Girls, while everypony's still in the Empire, where Pinkie unfolds herself to the semi-music of a Transformers audio cue.

I have never submitted any story to Equestria Daily and likely never will. I don't think my work is EQD-compliant. Or even OSHA.

As a convertible owner I totally agree with Don. The whole point of owning a convertible is to let every one know you own a convertible.

Yes I do drive around in the winter with the top down, why do you ask?

I just realized - that was this guy.

Great read, was rather funny wit the olywood guy mentoin tropes and clichs and such. "you dont go out to tell ad story, you mek a movie to make profit." ah disney sequels in a nutshell.

andwya have alike

this reminds me of a website called "the daily WTF" (in this case it means "Worse Than Failure") that collects stories of stupid business and programming practices.
here's a sample:

He blew a clot of half-dried blood out of his nose without noticing and since it landed on the speedometer display, he never would.

This is a wonder of a subtle joke, and deserves calling out.

Corrections offered without malice. And wholly unrelated to Don's profession.

before he deliberately forget it existed


Don was imaging those sounds




This is brilliant.

What the hell were they actually thinking when they made Spike a dog, anyway?

Because I'm worried mining TVTropes might actually have been the reason.

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