Writers and Reviewers Institute for Technical Excellence302 stories ·46 members
The Marvel/DC Co-Fan Club561 stories ·717 members
All lantern corp140 stories ·85 members
Keepers of Power540 stories ·729 members
Equestrian Lantern Corps64 stories ·195 members
A catastrophe strikes Ponyville. Houses are wrecked, streets are broken, and the hospital is full. But, from this catastrophe stems the discovery of some of the greatest tools in the galaxy. Will Twilight and her friends master the power? Or will it destroy them?
Cover image source: http://danielmead.deviantart.com/art/Lantern-Corps-166697487
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Pinkie Pie with the powers of a Green Lantern ring? Equestria is doomed.
3068618 I think it will be funny
EVERYPONY Has the POWER of the Lantern? YOU DOOMED US ALL!!!
...Awesome!
Jolly good.
I wonder if that whole 'emotional spectrum' thing will play a bigger part, because so far these rings are fairly generic despite the colors. This incarnation of Trixie is too nice to want to spread fear, I think.
It'll be fun to see when/if they find out they can fly now, too. Will Rainbow Dash be happy for her friends, or will she feel like she herself lost the lottery? ("Oh, great. Flight. That's a power I really needed.")
Howdy and Hello! I've been sent by W.R.I.T.E gentlemen to have a looksy at your fic! Of course, it's been over a year since I done a review, and I have the most basic of knowledge when it comes to Green Lantern (A guy has a cool ring that gives him powers based on Hope... I think.) So you're in good hands!
Oh, lawd, I hope so.
(Initial Reactions)
When did Trixie and Twilight become friends in relation to this story? Who's the stallion that's being talked about here?
Shop? As in singular? Might need an added 's' in there. Kinda grim to introduce blood in the first few paragraphs, but if its a theme throughout the story, I guess it'll be okay.
WHO IS CARD? WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON? THERE ARE PONIES BLEEDING IN THE STREETS AND TWILIGHT'S ALL 'Eh, Card would be all...'
Ah knew that Ah would get an Applejack that spoke in Ah's when referrin' to the self. I'm sorry, I just don't like seeing 'Ah' instead of 'I' when I read a sentence with Applejack speaking. I can get behind the y'alls and other southernisms, but a part of me twitches whenever 'Ah' replaces 'I'. Stupid complaint, I know.
OKAY! I'm putting on the brakes here.
C'mere, author, I want you to read and listen to what I gotta say about this. You claim that we don't have to read a story already posted in order for us to get what's going on. Fine. I'm grand with continuing continuity with other stories if it works. The only PROBLEM is that when you mention anything in the past tense which talks about an event that hasn't been explained in the current story, people won't know what you're talking about! Ya get me on this?
But I thought the destruction was across town as it got progressively worse and worse? You can't just have a situation where one area gets devastated by a falling meteor just to have another setting with the same description. You can keep the broken windows and chaos in the town, sure, but if there is to be any major destruction, it would be primarily focused on the Everfree.
Okay, this I like as a character moment with Rarity, but I would feel it more better as Rarity speaking in a separate sentence to the action. Something like-
For a first chapter, the main issue is that there are a bunch of questions that have to be answered in order for readers to immerse into the story. There's just a lot of 'Take my word for it' going on in regards for the relationship of Trixie and Twilight or the reference to another stallion called 'Card'.
BUT! We may be able to come out of this yet as I move into the next chapter to observe, interact, and potentially be a nuisance (which I hope I'm not
)
TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, WA-HAR!
WELCOME BACK! I don't know why we cut, but we did. This is Chapter 2 and the overview with a W.R.I.T.E. reviewer; the manic and overzealous, Scarlett Haze!
Let's get back into it, yeah?
Needed a break between the explanation of Pinkie's before moving into 'Oh, that reminds me!'. If there's one thing Pinkie isn't, is expressive, and that small pause would add a lot to showing Pinkie off as a character that may be distracted some of the time, but when she gets focused (or refocused for this matter) she just does what a Pinkie Pie does.
Erm, problem. You went into general detail of color at the beginning when describing the rings to specific detail to general again. I understand the reasoning behind it, considering that you're making Trixie and Twilight the 'main focus' in the story, but having descriptors that shift in the middle of a paragraph that is meant to educate the reader to what is happening feels... Blech.
... Alright, fine, I gave a single laugh for that.
I feel... a little cheated not knowing how or why these rings are working. Also, I know that its a bit unfair to bring down the 'Lantern Knowledge' since I don't really have much to go on except a movie, but don't the rings work on emotion? In my head I'm connecting red to anger, yellow to fear, and green to hope, but what of the other rings?
Overall to this chapter it felt... short. Which is weird because this story has the most words in a chapter so far. I could have gone for more of a 'sense of wonder' moment that let the mares just take their times to figure out the powers or question as to why they suddenly have these rings attached to them. It would make the chapter longer, sure, but this is another 'immersion' issue I appear to be having with the story. Perhaps the pacing was much faster than I had anticipated?
NEXT CHAPTER! WE RIDE AT SUNSET! No, we're not.
Apologies for the delayed third chapter review-a-thingadoodle extravaganza! (Note to self, do not start review at the cusp of dinner)
ANYWHATSITS, Let's get on to the third and final (for now) chapter of this story and give the 'ol final thought afterward. Let's do it, to it!
Separate the sentence. The question of 'Where are the doctors?' and the reveal of 'My husband is unconscious!' would not only make this one sentence correct grammatically, but it would not sound as off when read.
A lot of words in this dialogue that Mayor Mare is yelling isn't it? Some breaks in the talking would be appreciated and could add in a more descriptive tone to the speech.
This sentence doesn't really have a sense of relevance to one another. What does a heavy lantern have to do with the destruction of a town? Now if it were explained that the heroes had forgotten about the lanterns and rings at the sight of the town before Pinkie made mention to it, there could be a sense of weight behind the gravitas as the scene unfolds in front of their eyes.
This feels... wrong as a statement. I understand that Pinkie is talking about Mr. and Mrs. Cake, but Pinkie wouldn't be so flabbergasted or stutter the names of the two ponies she probably has the most knowledge about.
Again, this feels short, but this time I think its intentional. This chapter is to establish the destruction of the town and the panic of the townsfolk aaannnddd that's it. I feel kind of cheated as a reader because I know what these characters would do in the show and I'm left with a confusing mess of attempting to separate continuities on my own because of no separate continuity being established in story. I'm sorry, but your claim that I don't need to know "The Stallion in the Library" in order to follow through with what is happening is not clicking with me.
Final Thoughts-
This story was kind of rough. I needed to know the universe of this story in order to immerse myself and sadly, without an extensive knowledge of your previous story or of the Green Lantern lore, I'm left stranded on an island of confusion and questions.
I can see a good story inside, but there's a lot of things that don't have explanation or detail set to them. I feel like if certain scenes like the discovery of the rings and their powers was set to a slower pace and given a sense of reverence throughout the experience, I could feel just as excited about this new power as the characters, but as it is, it feels like a rushed situation of 'Explain the rings and what they do in the quickest way possible so we can get to the next scene'.
On the grade scale, I'm giving it a 4/10. Below Average.
Sadly, I feel like if I knew this universe or understood some of its aspects I could follow through with some of what was happening. But, Twilight doesn't try to help any pony as she passes by them to talk about a stallion I've never heard about. Trixie is somehow involved in a relationship with Twilight with little explanation as to why.
If you can take something from this review, it's detail, detail, detail. Don't assume that readers will just accept what is on the written page and make them understand as much as possible about the world and the characters.
That does it for me, and I hope it was enough for you.
This is the one, the only, and the surprisingly average, Scarlett Haze. I'll see you in the past, present, or future.
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Dash really needs to calm down before Ponyville pays the price.
4750723 Yeah because it's not like the rage is the only thing keeping her heart going. Oh wait that's exactly what the red rings do.
The greed doesn't want Twilight to get at it, the love tries to embrace her, and the rage gives her a smack so she'll keep her hooves to herself. And it seems to affect them in subtle ways... or in Rainbow Dash's case, not very subtle at all. Fascinating. Looking forward to more.
Nice story. I wonder why the lanterns are acting that way toward Twilight. Has anyone else noticed that each pony is acting a little differently. Great job with this story.
Wow. It seems Rarity's ring is affecting everypony. Wow. This is going to be crazy. I can't wait for the next chapter. Good luck.
That cant be good.
Why Rainbow did not become angry or Berserk
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My thoughts exactly. Same with Trixie and Applejack. Why didn't Applejack demand that all the lanterns should be hers? And why didn't Trixie or Fluttershy pick a fight with Pinkie? And there'd also be some confusion with Twilight's ring as well since when the blue lanterns' and green lanterns' lights combine it can get pretty powerful. And Pinkie would also be overwhelmed with power.