Imagine if a Sonic Rainboom created a portal that transported the creator to another world. Now imagine that the racket she was making woke you up in the middle of the night.
After a semi-productive day of job hunting and FIM watching, our protagonist takes a nap on their couch. They find themselves in a wonderful dream in the land of Equestira, and it all seems so real! Except, your not supposed to feel pain in dreams...
Arg! The pacing! its like its being shoved down my throat! May wanna get an editor. To fix the pacing problem add more description as to what the characters are doing, explain their movements, their facial expressions ect... Also the characters seem a little....off
The first person perspective doesn't seem to be working well here, try switching to third maybe?
3593921 two things ONE: every one i know sucks at writing so and editor is out of the question Two: You can not tell me that stories in the alicorn rainbow group have some of the characters seem a bit off if you do then you are wrong
Its a really bad intro
3593900
I know i didn't feel like writing anything better
Arg! The pacing! its like its being shoved down my throat!
May wanna get an editor.
To fix the pacing problem add more description as to what the characters are doing, explain their movements, their facial expressions ect...
Also the characters seem a little....off
The first person perspective doesn't seem to be working well here, try switching to third maybe?
could you slow it down pace it a bit more its all over the place
3593921
two things
ONE: every one i know sucks at writing so and editor is out of the question
Two: You can not tell me that stories in the alicorn rainbow group have some of the characters seem a bit off if you do then you are wrong
3593948 answer to number one, go to an editing group
Answer to number two, i have no idea what the hell you just said
3593965
I quit for tonight. I'm going to listen to some Coldplay.
3593986 you do that
reminds me of another story i read....
rainbow being celestias daughter.....
her real name being aurora.....
3594029
dude theres like 10 of those
Wait, the last chapter did not say about Aurora's appearance. Other than that... You can do better. good luck!
3594029
Could it be this story?
The name is not Aurora, but it's pretty similar to this story.
3593919 I'm sorry, what? How the the fuck can you be a writer who doesn't enjoy writing?
Simple...but I'll keep reading anyway.
Well at least this is getting revised, may give it a like if it gets an minor/major improvement.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother it's tough losing grandparents but best of luck with your exams!
3596420
When did I say that?
This story is very alike to the fanfic alicorn.
Next one?
3856956
Yeah. It's a very much so crappier copy of it.
OK now im more confused
Why was it super short? I’M SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a reference!!!
Also, why is dash (Aurora) glowing
Where’s the next chapter to this? I like it so far.