Stats
Page generated in 0.086 seconds
Total duration
813 users online
701,937 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It is a nice direction but it just looks like the reverse effect of all the obstacles they had gone trough when defeating Nightmare Moon. It could also need more description and character developement. I can´t really get into the characters so even their deaths doesn´t affect me so much like it normally would. It would also help if the chapters would be longer. I´m looking forward for the other chapters.
I actually really like this concept, but I have two ways it could be improved:
#1: Proofread to avoid the all the grammatical errors.
#2: Since there's no way to avoid this being rushed (because the show kind of rushed this portion itself), the only answer is to draw out the deaths. You gotta write more than "So and so fell/got hit/etc., there was blood and some bones breaking, then they died.", try making it last a while, have the deaths be more painful and longer.
Dis story is lulzy. Upvoted & faved.
3061759 It is, more or less the reverse effect. I'll see what I can do to bring out the characters and be more descriptive.
3061816 Yea, I'm pretty guilty of not proof-reading.
I'll try to not do that as much.
I'll try to slow it down so it wont be as rushed, and see what I can do to draw out the death scenes and give them more of an impact.
3062070
), don't sweat it. Also, I just want to confirm that nothing in my comment was supposed to be hateful in case you interpreted it that way, it was all constructive criticism.
I'm pretty sure everyone's neglected to proofread at least once (including myself
so far twilight has been the cause of all of it
3062347 I took it as constructive.
Unless the comment is like "You suck" or something, and gives advice like you did I take it positively. 
3062418 Mmm, I don't know, with Fluttershy I think it might of been more Rainbow Dash's action. Since she was the first to attack, Applejack though Twilight was the cause.
3062450but twilight zapped the maticore knocking it down for some resone when you get knocked down it always pissis you off more that getting hit
I have seen the original fanart of the "Elements of Failure" but I liked how you dramatized it so far. I agree with Dark Chiyou that you could have drawn out the characters a little more, but I think the story is very well done so far.
This is a very dark mirror image vision of how the Mane 6's quest to defeat Nightmare Moon could have gone horribly wrong, and I like it! It reminds me of the old Agatha Christie tale, "Ten Little Indians." I can't wait to see how you flesh out the rest of the character's fates.
In the meantime, I will check out some Pony fluff on YouTube to balance it out.
3062542 Hmm that is true. I can see your point on that.
3062819 Yea, I loved those images. I requested permission from HareTrinity before I started. She's gave me full permission to go ahead.
I do need to work on character development more. Always one of my weak points, that and detail. Dyslexia sucks sometimes.
I haven't read any of Agatha Christie's stuff but my mom loves her work.
I do understand how you feel to. After the first two chapters I was done for the day on this one, had to find something to bring up my mood. Fluttershy might not be my favorite of the group, but was hard to write what happen with that sweet little pony.
That and I wanna flesh out more of what'll happen to the next pony, Pinkie.
this an intersting idea....
3063737 Glad you find it interesting.
I do hope it's a good type of interest though. 
This story wins the not so prestigious award of, Meh.
3064766 Yea, dark isn't really my format.
Poor Pinkie.
The chapter was better than the others and I think you are on a good way. I´m looking forward for the next chapters despite the coming death of my favourite ponies.
3067373 Thank you, I tried to use the advice you and Danibrony gave me to draw things out.
Pinkie's was hard to do
She might not be one of my favorites, but I still felt bad writing it out.
Rarity's is going to be harder to do, since I'm not to sure how to draw it out. Same with Rainbow Dash. Twilight's I have a good sense of how it will play out.
Wow, I figured how this would play out, but it was still painful to read this story. Pinkie PIe is my favorite member of the Mane 6, so that made it tough to read. One of my favorite Pinkie numbers is "Giggle at the Ghostly" from the original eppie "Friendship is Magic, Part 2" and seeing Pinkie succumb to the creepies Nightmare Moon unleashed instead of giggling at them (and getting the others to do the same) was tough. That said, you really captured the emotion of the remaining ponies in this one. Poor Pinkie!
I don't know how you will detail the fates of Rarity and Rainbow Dash (I'm pretty sure what will happen to Twilight, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone
), but I'm sure you'll do an awesome job.
3068376 Yea, that one is pretty tough to do. I did my best to make it believable that she'd panic instead of giggling at them.
I'm still working on ideas for Rarity and Rainbow Dash, I have a genera idea for them, since I'm going off the images. Twilight I have a idea about, but getting it to work I'm not sure about.
Another one bites the dust! Poor Rarity, instead of giving the serpent her tail (like in the eppie) she pulls off one of his scales. Big mistake! You do not want to tick off a sea serpent!
Now all that are left are Rainbow Dash and Twilight
And I am so looking forward to how those two will fare. Once this story is complete (although I will check out the individual chapters as they're written), I intend to read it all the way through.
This is a dark mirror-image version of "Friendship is Magic, part 2" and I like it a lot. I know you say dark fics aren't really you thing, but I think you're doing an awesome job at this.
3074516 Well thank you very much
Mmm this is the first one I've done, but if ya check my other stuff most of it's pretty tame. More slice of life or adventure. 
Cool, one of my likes became a dislike
3074709 IT WAS ME.
3075281
It was you! 
"being eaten alive is a terrifying prospect for any pony"
no mercy killing for you tho
3077133 Yep, poor Rarity didn't get a mercy killing.
OH MAH CELESTIA, THIS CHAPTA! I read the other few and they made me sad, but tears came on this one...
I just...feel so horrible for RD.
3078854 Yea
This was the hardest to get finished. Had to do my best to portay the image correctly. 
the only thing I thought after reading this was "Twilight! Why didn't you magic yourself over there instead of making rainbow fix the bridge you lazy D-bag?!?!"
3079085 Twilight always had that issue with using her magic at the right time.
At last! A Fan-Fiction featuring the main 6 that has an amount of dialogue (i.e, almost none) that my awful voice acting ability can deal with. It might take a while though, new microphone incoming! (I mean it this time, honest)
379303
Exactly what I was thinking. She could have levitated pinkie away from the crocodiles, Rarity away from Steven Magnet, and saved Applejack from falling. Of course pinkie and rarity might have bled out from their leg wounds, but she could have at least tried to help. Still a good story though.
3079732 Your voice acting, a tleast for Twilight, is pretty good. Loved how you did Twintel in Schemering Sintel reading... oh by the way. Ya might like this Twintel's Journey
3079798 Well, with Applejack was very little she could of done, since she had limited time to think of what to do then do it.
Pinkie and Rarity she could of tried, but Pinkie most likely would of died from her injuries regardless. Rarity there was hope, but she basically froze up.
Interesting, seems you've quoted a comment from another story somehow.
This was a tough one to read, since Rainbow Dash is my second-favorite member of the Mane 6 (my favorite being Pinkie Pie), but it was quite well done. Rainbow Dash decides to forgo her loyalty to Twilight (not to mention her fallen friends) and joins the Shadowbolts and pays a horrific price for her decision. Thank Celestia this is an AU fic, or I would really be depressed.
Now Twilight goes to face Nightmare Moon!
I have a feeling what's going to happen, but I am looking forward to how you will illustrate it.
3080151 Mmmhmm, tried to make her reasoning for forgetting her loyalty a valid one, instead of just saying, "Eh, screw em I'll join" more or less. With the ego stroking from the show, and playing off her fears of dying and her dreams being fulfilled.
Technically, Rainbow Dash hasn't died though, but like Twilight said, her fate is worse then death. Eternal life as a wraith, constantly reliving that moment of weakness when she abandoned her friends for her dreams.
Twilight's is gonna be a hard one to write, since she is my favorite character from the show. All of them was pretty tough to do, since I love all the ponies.
First thought - get an editor to tidy up. Some punctuation would come in handy here and there.
Second thought - I would have thought that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy managed to catch the two... but Fluttershy, not being used to carrying anything bigger than a bunny, ends up dropping Applejack. But that's just me. One way or another, poor Applejack perishes.
You betray her, you suffer. You fight her, you die. You just can't win.
And in time, everything shall die under the eternal night... leaving Nightmare Moon all alone...
3083261 Ya, I should get an editor, considering I failed English pretty much every year in schoo.
I'm just not the best at approaching people to do that kinda stuff.
I actually considered having them both go over the edge, and Rainbow Dash catching Twilight but Fluttershy just missing Applejack. Not sure why I didn't to be honest.
3083392 Mhmm, the whole story is lose - lose for everyone involved. Ultimately Nightmare Moon will find herself in a wasteland of her own making.
3083706 Well, there are several groups dedicated to editing and proofreading. I'd offer to help, myself, but my own experiences with English class have left me tired of proofreading...
3083781 Yea, I should look into getting into one of those groups. See if I find someone to help with proof-reading and editing different things I've worked on.
Bravo, I say bravo my good author. This a very good story, considering it's your first in this genre. Your spelling is awful, but other than that you planned this great. And, I think I may have seen something about the story.
It wasn't that every trial would have been failed by this fairly incompetent version of the mane six, but that it all goes wrong when Twilight doesn't trust AJ. Without her, the fight with the manticore goes a little differently, so Fluttershy takes the prick out too quickly, which is why the manticore killed her. Next. having witnessed the true horrors of the forest, Pinkie Pie can't take on the scary trees, knowing that they might kill her. After that, Rarity does everything exactly the same thing that she did originally, BUT without Fluttershy and her natural influence on creatures of all kinds the sea serpent isn't so nice about his scale being pulled off. Next, Rainbow Dash doesn't have much of a reason to remain loyal, believing that all hope is lost in the deadly forest. Finally, without the other elements and having failed all the previous trials, Twilight is unable to complete her final task...
...and it's all because she said no.
PS: Idea for a different ending would be that Twilight loses all hope of winning and becomes Nightmare Moon's protege in darkness.
3084270 Yep, never done grimdark before, and honestly not sure if I will again. Depends on what kind of inspiration I get in the future.
And yea, my spelling is pretty bad 
Though it's a lot better then it use to be. Writing\English was a very weak subject for me in school, so was math.
Hmm, I never honestly considered the domino effect when I was writing but you really do point it out pretty good. I did want to make it seem like they honestly tried but things just went wrong for them. But your linking each event from the simple fact that Twilight didn't believe Applejack is ingenious.
3084270 Oh yea, on the subject of your idea for the alt ending.
Mmm that would of been a interesting alternate ending. Even though this story is marked completed I might see about adding that as a quick alternate ending later. It's not a bad idea. But for this part itself I was trying to stick with the images HareTrinity had posted.
3084599 Actually, treason makes sense. She would be betraying Celestia and contributing to the downfall of her own nation. NMM wrapping Twilight in her mane could just be symbolic as to "See how I now control all".
Also, I read that comment about you looking for a proofreader. Well, my English isn't perfect either, but I am in an advanced class at school. I'd be willing to lend a hand in that area if you ever need it.
Oh my gosh! Your story just inspired me to write another story!
You see, I was thinking about your story, and I realized something that would make for a great read (I'm not saying what it is because I don't do spoilers)
It is, too, dark, but I'll try and give it a subtle, happy message 
. So thanks for that.
Oh, and no, it's not a story directly linked to your story (like a sequel or that alternate ending). I'll leave that to you, this is something else.
3084715 Hmmm, that's true I suppose that would of worked for the treason angle.
Yea, I always have issues with proof-reading and editing. I could use help with pretty much all stories
Even the finished one.
3084817 Ohh sounds awesome,
Can't wait to see it when it's finished. Glad I could help inspire you.
i1275.photobucket.com/albums/y458/Freddie_Hediger/yes_zpse20dbbb1.png