There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know "a lot" is two words, and those who don't.
Iris is blind, but when she meets Rainbow Dash will she finally be able to understand color?
This is my first long work of fiction and my first first-person story, but that doesn't mean it can be sloppy. I'm still learning a few things about writing and your critiques and input will help speed up that process.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Loved it
-Kevin
This was pretty entertaining, but there were a few things that bugged me...
Iris was a pretty cool character, but I could only read her in Kevin Spacey's voice (no idea why). If she was blind her whole life, why was she in a hospital? I guess since this isn't Earth you can get away with it, as in Equestria, it could be considered a horrible disease and put blind ponies in the hospital, but still. You go outside, and there are blind people having somewhat normal lives. They're not hospitalized for their disability. Just something to consider.
Rainbow Dash didn't feel very much like Rainbow Dash to me. She seemed too... poetic when she was describing the colors. She also seemed pretty eager to help a complete stranger.
I also think you could have developed the relationship between Iris and Rainbow a bit more, made their conversations more interesting as they gradually warm up to each other and become friends.
Rainbow's leaving also seemed to come kind of abruptly and disrupt the flow of the story a bit a bring it to a quick end. Iris also didn't have as much as a reaction than one would expect from someone who did something so important for her, as to actually explain color for her.
I'm not saying that its by any means a bad story, it could just use some work. It was still overall enjoyable, a fun little read. You definitely have potential, but you'll only find that potential through practice and experience. Keep it up!
Really nice. I found it a little repetitive. Perhaps throw in another event, like Nurse Redheart telling Rainbow to leave and Rainbow talking to her through the window or something.
That was the best first fanfiction I've ever READ! It was entertaining, meaningful, and are you a dictionary?
Love the concept, you should keep writing philosophical kind of fanfics like this
I enjoyed reading this.
That was great! I loved it.
This was a great story!
I do have some complaints. Firstly, It was a bit repetitive. And Rainbow Dash was out of character. She was too poetic.
261889 the hospital thing bugged me too, but I didn't feel like making a massive scenario where Rainbow Dash meets Iris in the outside world.
I liked it :)
that is deep as anything i've ever read fo'sho
think il give this a read in the morning, looks promising
261889 I think Rainbow was kinder when she found out Iris was blind. Either pity or sympathy, I can't tell.
I read this one so long ago before I made an account I'm glad I found it again
Wow