• Member Since 31st Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 18th, 2014

SweetieTheBot


Hello~ my name is Jade. I enjoy watching MLP, reading, and eating gummie worms. I've been writing for as long as I could remember, it just comes natural to me. I hope you enjoy my fics!

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Source

Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake are not little babies anymore. Now that they are older, they help there mother and father run Sugarcube corner. Fluttershy and Big Mac have a daughter, too. Autumn Spice. When Scootaloo invites Pound Cake to compete in a flying competition, Pound Cake finds out that communication can prevent the worst of problems.

Cover art by JBRID on Deviantart

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 23 )

Very cute story :twilightsmile: I liked it. :pinkiesmile:

Chapter two, and my gut is telling me that this is going to get real bad real quickly.

Chapter three,
My assumptions were correct.

It was short, but sweet. Grammer you may need to work on, but here a like your outstanding progress!:derpytongue2: :twilightsmile::scootangel::raritywink::yay::trollestia:

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I'm practicing :pinkiehappy:

Thank you very much :twilightblush:

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Thanks so much for your comments <3 :twilightsheepish:

Few crits that just ruined it for me.

1. The pacing was just too quick to actually build anything up
2. We barely know anything about autumn or pound cake (what they like, dislike, personality etc) so there is no way to actually get invested in the character
3. The fight between autumn and pound felt forced
4. Why on earth was pound angry with autumn?, most people would be sad/devastated at such a loss and get angry later on. I could understand if you were going for the "He's angry because he just missed his chance" but you didn't exactly put any emphasis on his emotions, you just kinda made him get angry without any build up

For example: Later that day. Pound just couldn't believe his luck, he had just missed his chance with the filly he loved and now he may never get another chance again. He lay there on his bed sobbing into his pillow, his mind fighting with a haze of emotions as he contemplated on just how badly he messed up. "Why can't I do anything right?" he asked himself as he sat up and wiped a few tears from his cheek, " Am I really that bad of a pony to forget?" he said as he looked down at his hooves which then proceeded to pound into his wall " NO!" he shouted " It's not my fault that she didn't understand, I tried to tell her but no, she had to go and make a huge fuss and run away" he said angrily, his face now scrunched up in hatred " Forget her, and her baking too!. I only did it because she was there, I'd rather be up in the clouds with scoots and rainbow than sat in a kitchen, slaving away over a bunch of stupid cookies" he muttered to himself as he got off his bed and proceeded to walk to his bedroom door. He was just about to open it when the door decided to collide with his muzzle and knock him to the floor. Dazed by the collision, he grabbed his muzzle in an attempt to alleviate the pain and looked up, only to see his sister standing in the doorway with an annoyed look on her face.

Overall it was ok, but it could have been way better. I hope my example helps you in later stories.

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Thank you so much for the critique.
This story was lazily written, and it's fairly old, I'll keep your crit in mind for future stories, you have no idea how much I appreciate it :scootangel:

anypony who didn't d'awww at this is heartless

LOL Pumpkin rage! Xd :rainbowlaugh:

Poor Pound; He should have snuck off earlier! :fluttercry:

Don't make yourself lose your girl man!

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