The Spell Gone Wrong

by Kokara

Meeting for the First Time

Twilight stared at the pegasus quizzically. “Flash Sentry huh?” She was interested in this one. While he didn’t show it, he had an aura of benevolence to him that she didn’t see with many other ponies, let alone guards and soldiers. His voice was kind and inviting, a pleasure to hear, atypical of any other soldier or guard she’s met, who usually had rough and gravelly voices. “Are you supposed to be the one that’s going to help me out?”

He nodded, “That’s correct Miss Sparkle, I’ve been instructed by princess Celestia herself to assist you in resolving the matter out there,” He said, motioning to the door. He let out a sigh, “Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?” Twilight wondered what he meant by that.

“It’s just that,” He started. “I don’t know why she picked me of all ponies to help you. I understand why she would pick you for the task.” He looked back at Twilight. “I am well aware of your well above-average abilities in magic, so it makes sense why she would have you try to clean this mess up. But me, I’m just a normal Canterlot guard. Yeah I might be a royal guard, but that’s not a whole lot better. I have no special talents. I’m don’t have the skills or qualifications necessary for a job like this.” He lamented. “Regardless,” He smiled. “As a royal guard, I will perform the Princess’s bidding and help you in anyway I can.”

“Oh, well, um thanks, Twilight replied awkwardly. She kind of felt bad for the pegasus. She recalled that Spike mentioned that the reason he was here in Ponyville was to visit, meaning that he normally would have been in Canterlot and he had the extremely bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.Regarding his qualifications, while Twilight didn't say it to his face, she thought that he was speaking the truth when he said he was unqualified for this. If someone was to accompany her in a situation like this, Twilight was hoping for a bigger, tougher looking soldier. Flash Sentry, to be perfectly honest, didn't fit the description. While he wasn't exactly scrawny, he wasn't nearly as big or tough looking as she had hoped for.

“Anyway, what was that crying about? Was that you, Miss Sparkle?” He asked with a hint of worry in his voice. “If you were, it’s okay. You can tell me.” He smiled reassuringly.

“Crying? I didn't hear any crying.” Twilight lied. She dare not tell him what she was really crying about. She couldn’t risk telling him and have him tell everyone else. She looked over to Spike, who had just gotten up after Flash sentry had knocked him over.

“Nope, I didn't hear nothing.” Spike said innocently, going along with the lie. “You must have been hearing things Flash, with all that going on.”

Flash Sentry scowled. “Yeah, I… I guess it was just my imagination.” He mumbled.

Twilight smiled, glad that she got away with the lie and convinced Flash that he imagined it. “Anyway, do you know what it is that Celestia wants us to do.” She was hoping she could finally get some answers.

Flash Sentry raised his eyebrows. “You mean you don’t know?” He turned to Spike. “Spike, didn’t you tell her about the letter?”

Spike shrugged. “I told her about the letter, but it was addressed to her, and she was unconscious, and I didn’t want to intrude on her privacy...”

Flash Sentry facehoofed. “Really Spike? Just, really? Did you not consider that the letter might concern you too?” He asked, vexation in his voice.

“Well, no.” Spike answered, smiling to look innocent.

Flash groaned. “Forget it.” He turned to Twilight, “You at least have the letter right?”

“Yeah, Spike said he left it on the podium. Right Spike?” She said, turning to the dragon.

“Um yeah, let me get it.” Spike replied, walking to the podium.

Twilight watched him for a second before turning back to Flash. “So tell me, how bad is it out there? She gulped. She didn’t want to know the answer, but she felt it was important to know the severity of the situation.

Flash Sentry looked to the ground. “I don’t know the full extent of what’s going on. I’ve been too busy killing these things to take notice. But what I have seen and heard isn’t good. A few of the other soldiers I talked with told me that when they got to Ponyville, there were 200 soldiers. Now,” He gulped. “There’s probably less than half.”

“Oh no.” Twilight put her hoof to her mouth, trying to hold back tears. This just kept getting worse and worse. If that many soldiers were gone in just two hours, that meant they won’t last much longer.

“It gets worse though.” Flash said solemnly.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, afraid to know what could make this worse.

“What I mean is that these things just keep coming. The headcrabs, the bullsquids, the houndeyes. They keep teleporting in here to replace the ones we killed.. There’s just no end to these damn things,” He groaned, stamping his hood into the floor.

Twilight was perplexed, headcrabs? Bullsquids? Houndeyes? Where those supposed to be the names of the creatures out there? “Um Flash, what were those names again?

Flash chuckled. “Oh those, those are the names the soldiers gave to the things out there to make them easier to refer to. The headcrabs are the ones that latch onto heads, hence the head, and probably because they look a little bit like crabs.”

“Not really.” Twilight remarked. “In fact, they don’t look like anything I've seen before.”

Flash shrugged. “I didn't come up with the name. Anyway, the giant lizards with the tentacles on their faces are called bullsquids because their aggressive behavior reminds us of of a pissed-off bull, hence the bull, and the tentacles remind us of a squid’s tentacles, hence the squid.”

“Okay.” Twilight replied. At least that name made more sense than headcrab. “What about
houndeye?

“Well, we call those weird bug-eyed things houndeyes because some of the soldiers noticed that when they’re not attacking, they’re kind of curious and playful, like a dog, and they have that one huge eye.

“Playful?” Twilight inquired. From what she had heard about them, playful was hard to believe.

“Like I just said, when they’re not feeling threatened.” Flash replied. “We usually noticed them looking around at their surrounding and acting friendly with any animals that didn’t run away from them.”

“Until they’re attacked or feel threatened?” Twilight asked.

Flash nodded. “Correct, that’s when they unleash those shockwaves. They hurt like a crazy at first, but they’re predictable. They take a few seconds to charge it up and they curl themselves up to do so, letting you know it's about to attack so you can kill them before they try to kill you.”

“Sorry I took so long you guys.” Flash and Twilight turned to see Spike walking back with a rolled up parchment. “Had some trouble finding it among all the other papers.”

“That’s alright Spike.” Twilight grabbed the letter with her magic and unrolled it. “Let’s just see what the princess has to say.”

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

As you already know, the town of Ponyville has come under attack by strange and monstrous creature that are teleporting into the town. These creatures originate from a dimension called Xen. It is a strange world filled with terrifying and dangerous life forms. They are coming in through a portal that’s teleporting them into Ponyville. I have already teleported everyone to Canterlot for their safety except for you, Flash Sentry, your assistant Spike and the soldiers. As you might have guessed, I left the soldiers behind to fight off these creatures for the time being. You, Flash Sentry, and Spike, however, will have the most important role.

“The most important role?” Twilight wondered to herself. What could they have to do that the soldiers couldn't do? She continued reading.

There is a dome of magical energy surrounding Ponyville and the Everfree forest that is preventing Luna and I from entering the town and closing the portal. This malicious force also appears to be keeping the portal open, allowing more and more creatures to pour in. Since you are the most talented with magic in the town, I need you to find the force behind the dome and portal and stop it, bringing the dome down and closing the portal. Since the creatures will try to kill you, I’m having Flash Sentry and Spike accompany you for protection. The rest of the soldiers will be more than happy to help you out. I recommend bringing the element of magic with you, as it can grant you more power when you need it, but try not to drain its power. The portal will most likely be by the edge or in the Everfree forest. I warn you now, whatever is maintaining the portal and dome will be hostile and might try to kill you so be careful. Best of luck Twilight Sparkle and don’t let us down.

Princess Celestia

Twilight tried to wrap her head around what she just read. A dimension called Xen? Portal? Evil force keeping the town isolated? She had to find this force and stop it so the portal is closed and the dome can come down? “Holy Shit.” She groaned. Strange, her head was starting to ache again, and her vision blurred a bit.

“So now you know.” Flash Sentry said flatly.

“Yeah.” Twilight answered, struggling to look at Flash with her distorted sight. “There’s some force keeping the Princesses from entering the town and closing the portal, and since I have the most magical capabilities, she wants me to find the force behind this to close the portal and bring down this magical barrier.” She replied, rolling up the letter and handing it to Spike.

Flash chuckled. “I could hardly believe it either. It sounded so crazy. Xen dimension, the barrier around the town, some malevolent force keeping the barrier up and portal open. I didn’t want to believe it, but the Princess wouldn’t lie.”

“Is that what the Princess wrote to you?”

“Yup.”

“Woah woah woah.” Spike interrupted “What is this about some Xen dimension, magical dome, force keeping this portal open. What’s going on.?”

“We’ll explain later Spike.” Flash Sentry interrupted. “But first, we need to get you some armor. If you’re going out there, you’re going to need some protection.”

“Alright.” Twilight responded. He was right after all. She didn’t want to face these creatures without any protection. “Spike, get the Elements of Harmony

“What?” Spike asked. “For what?”

“The Princess said we should bring them with us.” While Celestia said that only Magic was necessary, Twilight felt that she should bring all of them. She had a feeling she would need them.

“Alright, I’ll get them, they’re hidden in one of these books.”

“Work on that Spike." Flash Sentry said to Spike as he walked to the bookshelves. “And Twilight, I’ll also need find you a weapon for you. Have you used a weapon before.”

“Well not exactly, but I’ve had combat experience, with Discord, Nightmare Moon, the changelings, and Sombra.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard out about that. Anyway, I’ll be back. There should be some clean and undamaged armor and hopefully a sword or something at one of the barracks. And Twilight listen, if I don’t come back in an hour, go without me. I’ll probably be dead or something. Grab some armor and weapon from a dead soldier and go with Spike.There’s no reason to wait for me.”

“Okay, got it.” Twilight bit her lip. “Flash, please be careful. Don’t die out there.” She had only known the pegasus for a few minutes but she already felt attached to him, probably because, besides Spike, he was the only other non-hostile life form she had spoken to so far and he was just so friendly, kind, and likable. It would be such a damn shame to have him die and lose him so quickly.

He smiled, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine, but remember, in case I don’t come back…”

“I know.”

“Alright, see you soon. Hopefully.” With that he opened the door and left, shutting the door quickly.

“Stay safe.” Twilight whispered, lowering her head.

The city of Canterlot was rife with activity. All the citizens of Ponyville, and several Canterlot citizens who were awakened by the commotion, were gathered in front of the castle, discussing the recent events as of late. Everyone was confused and frightened by what they had experienced and what they were hearing. Rumors were spreading that the creatures in Ponyville were sent by an old villain, such as the likes of the changelings or Discord, or that they were some new undiscovered species somepony brought into Ponyville, or some creatures some evil unicorn with sufficient magic might have created. Regardless of the origin, the entire city was in a panic, with many of the Canterlot citizens afraid that the creatures would find their way to Canterlot. The royal guards were doing their best to keep the civilians calm, but could do little to allay their fears.

Meanwhile, Princess Celestia deep in thought over the events that had unfolded earlier. After she had addressed the crowd, stating that the events in Ponyville will be sorted out and taken care of and that there was nothing to fear anymore, she returned to her room to think about what had gone down. She looked down at the hysterical crowd and sighed. She wish she hadn’t told the crowd that the situation would be under control. In all honesty, she didn’t know what she was going to do. Someone or something was keeping the portal open and had set up a barrier to prevent Luna and her from entering the town to close the portal, and stopping those monsters, those aliens. She already knew all about those vile creatures and where they came from. She knew all about the horrid dimension Xen and the variety of dangerous fauna it possessed. She knew of the houndeye, the headcrab, the bullsquid, the vortigaunt, the grunt, the tentacle, all of them. Worst of all, she knew of what happened the last time a Xen portal had been opened, and how it ravaged and ruined a little blue planet called Earth. That’s what scared her the most. The thought that the events of Earth could happen again, but in Equestria this time. That they would detect the dimensional rift and come and conquer Equestria. Celestia shuddered. She was well aware of that odious empire and what its actions. On several occasions in the past, she had used a spell to look into other dimensions to observe this empire. What she had seen would drive most ponies mad with grief and fear. The atrocities committed by this empire were the most depraved and down right evil things she had witnessed in her one thousand years of ruling Equestria. The slaughter of billions of innocent lives across countless races, the destruction of worlds, and the empire’s sadistic methods of indoctrination that they used on the populations they chose to spare. She vividly remembered watching their invasion and domination of Earth and the enslavement of the human race a mere sixteen years ago. She recalled seeing how even with the humans’ technology and weaponry, which was vastly superior to Equestria's in every way, they were outmatched by the enemy’s more superior technology and weapons and conquered in just seven hours. Seven hours. That’s how long it took a technologically superior race to the ponies to be conquered by that empire. As the ruler of Equestria, she rarely ever felt fear in the face of evil or adversity, be it Discord, Sombra, the Changelings, or when her own sister became Nightmare Moon. But now, now, she was scared beyond belief. If the empire found Equestria, they’d have no chance. Millions would be slaughtered and enslaved, Luna and her most likely killed, and they would suck up and consume all the resources of Equestria like the parasites they were until there was nothing left but a dry, barren rock. Her only hope now was Twilight Sparkle. Her most talented and gifted student was their only chance of closing the portal before the empire found them. She can’t fail, she had to succeed for the sake of Equestria and its inhabitants.

“Please Twilight,” Celestia whispered. Don’t let us down.”

At that moment, she heard a knock at her door. She groaned in annoyance. With all that was on her mind at the moment, she really didn’t want to be disturbed.

“Come in.” She curtly.

The door opened to reveal that the pony knocking was none other than Princess Luna. “Sister.”

“Oh hello Luna, what brings you here?” Celestia asked bluntly.

“Just checking to see how you’re holding up.” Luna replied with a note of concern in her voice. “You’ve been holed up in here for the past two hours.”

“I’m just worried,” Celestia said turning to face Luna. “With all that’s going on.”

Luna smiled. “Celly, you need not worry. We’ll be fine. Twilight is your best student. You know she can and will close the portal and the barrier.

“I hope so, but you’d understand if I had my doubts.” Celestia answered back. “Twilight may be my best student, but she’s only one unicorn, and they’re a lot more of those things in Ponyville with more and more coming. Even with the help of Flash Sentry, Spike and the rest of the soldiers at her side, she might not be able to.”

“But she has to!” Luna countered, worry in her voice. “If she doesn’t…”

“I know,” Celestia finished. “The portal will get bigger, spread to other parts to Equestria, unleashing even more…” Celestia clenched her teeth. She didn’t even want to think about it let alone talk about it. “Besides, even if she does close the portal before others open, there’s still the chance that… they might find us.”

“NO! Don’t say that Celly!” Luna shouted fearfully, knowing very well what she was talking about and acting as if just talking about them would alert them of their location. “That can’t happen! If it did…” Luna shook her head. “Oh, I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Neither do I Luna, but we must face facts and accept that the possibility is very real.” Celestia said somberly.

“What can we do?” Luna asked. “We have no real defenses against them. They’ve conquered and destroyed countless races with superior technology and weapons. We’d have no shot in winning, even with our combined power and the Elements of Harmony.

“All we can do now,” Celestia sighed. “Is hope for the best.” She knew it sounded foolish, but in a time like this, with an enemy like this, that’s all they could do.

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand though.” Luna said, curiosity in her voice.

“What’s that?”

“What triggered the portal? Portals between dimensions aren’t spontaneous. They’re always triggered by someone who usually intends on opening one. That means that someone in Ponyville caused this to happen.”

Celestia nodded. “Yes it’s true that interdimensional portals are almost always planned, but from what we gathered, witnesses saw a bright green flash and heard a loud buzzing near the Golden Oaks Library, Twilight’s home, and that’s when the first of them appeared, a headcrab. One pony, a mare named Carrot Top, made the mistake of getting too close to it and got attacked. It latched onto her head and took control of her body. She attacked a stallion, Time Turner I believe his name was, and broke his jaw before a soldier killed her. There’s no evidence that anypony opened the portal.”

“Wait, if it happened near Twilight’s home, you don't think…”

NO! Absolutely not! Twilight would never do something so foolish!” Celestia interrupted, raising her voice. She refused to believe that Twilight would be so reckless and cast a spell like that without letting her know first.

“But what if she did?” Luna argued. “You know how intent Twilight is on learning and trying out new spells. She might have discovered a spell to open a portal and cast it unknowingly.

“Twilight is not stupid Luna, and like I said she would never do something so heinous and stupid without asking me about it. Besides, there was only one spell that could open a Xen portal and that spell has been lost to the ages.”

“Alright, alright,” Luna conceded, realizing she won’t be winning this argument. “Anyway, what happened next?”

“The reports say that more and more of the creatures of all kinds were teleporting in and started to attack everypony in sight. It was lucky that one of the soldiers sent a letter to me as soon as that green flash occurred or else I wouldn’t have been able to rescue everyone in time.”

“Besides Carrot Top, has any other pony,” Luna gulped. “Died?”

Celestia shook her head. “No, the worst were some nasty lacerations and broken bones, but the Canterlot doctors patched those up.”

“Okay good.” Luna said, breathing a sigh of relief. “By the way, I need to know. Why Flash Sentry? He’s only a guard and he’s supposed to be on vacation. Why did you ask him to accompany Twilight Sparkle and not somepony else?

Celestia smiled. “I chose Flash Sentry because I felt that he would be the best match for Twilight and would cooperate best with her. There’s a chemistry between them that will be best suitable for this type of work.”

“Uh huh.” Luna didn’t really understand what Celestia meant but chose not to ask her to elaborate.

There was a few seconds of silence between the sisters before Luna spoke up.

“You do believe Twilight can do it, right sister? She can close the portal before they find us right?”

Celestia closed her eyes, “I hope so Luna, but even Gordon Freeman, as remarkable as he was, wasn’t quick enough to close the portal aone ve Earth from the Combine, so I don’t know.”

Comments

[Flanagan]

Alright you asked me for help and here I go... the references are solid, I will give you that much. The over all story line is decent, but where this thing seems to fall apart is in the details. Your paragraphs are so long one could argue that they would take up an entire page in normal literature, you need to either cut down on the details are find spots in the paragraph itself where you could split them. I would also recommend trying to make every bit of dialogue a new paragraph, that will help immensely (it makes the story SO much easier to read and it's also far less intimidating to the reader). Finally when it comes to the gore... there's quite a bit in fact because you go into so much detail with it I would say that you need to do one of two things... tone it down and redo some of the parts already done. Yes I know that this is rated mature for just that purpose, but (I'm over exaggerating but bare with me on this...) if all I see through half the story is Blood/guts, Blood/guts and blood/guts I'm just going to think that the entire world is in a knee deep river of entrails and I'm sure that's not what you're going for. Remember you can do a lot with very little when it comes to gore movies like 'Jaws' is a perfect example. You know you don't see it much but when you do you are absolutely terrified. Overall I see that this fic and you have potential. You just need to hold off on some of your details and such as well and not repeating blood, blood and more blood.

[Kokara]

3603443 Thanks so much for the advice. I'll try to take into account everything you have told me.