The Fusspot of Fashion
Rarity gazed upon her current work in progress at her sewing desk, scanning it up and down and making sure that the dress would come out perfect when finished.
"Oh, dear heavens, this will not do." she said to herself as she noticed a small error in stitching just near the collar. She couldn't help but smile all the same, even if she had to fix it. The white mare always loved to have an excuse to work on a new dress, even if there was no special occasion. Usually, she found herself making new dresses for all of her friends if they were about to go to a formal party, or more importantly, to the gala. That, or she made and fixed dresses for her customers that would show up here and there. Sadly enough for her, the boutique was never as busy as she wanted it to be, but thankfully, she always killed time by constantly improving and fixing up her own dresses.
She hummed to herself as she ran her dress through her sewing machine, making sure that she wouldn't mess up a second time, as it would most likely ruin the dress completely.
"Careful, Rarity, you wouldn't want to mess this up again, now would you?" she asked herself as she neared the collar, where she had messed up earlier. Just as she started stitching up the collar, a knock on her door startled her and caused her to jump a little in her seat, and her hooves to shove the dress past the collar too rapidly, causing the dress to tangle with the sewing needle and tear entirely. Rarity looked at her dress in shock, and then her face turned red immediately afterwards. She growled a little, but then tried to calm herself down.
"Well, so much for that." she said to herself as she made her way downstairs to greet the one who cost her her dress. After fixing up her hair for a brief moment, Rarity opened the door to reveal no other than Spike, Twilight's handy little assistant.
"Oh, Spike!" Rarity said, both pleased and a little irritated. She was pleased because she always enjoyed Spike's company here at the boutique. He always offered to help any time that he was given off from Twilight, and the white unicorn was grateful for that. She was irritated, though, because it was him that caused her to ruin her dress. She winced a little. "So nice of you to drop by!"
"Any time, Rarity!" Spike exclaimed excitedly as he walked in, just as Rarity proposed him to do so by opening the door fully. "Twilight gave me the rest of the day off, so I decided to come visit you and see if you needed help with anything."
Rarity smiled. "Well, the boutique is a little dead at the moment, darling, but I still think I might have something for you to work on upstairs in my room. Come, follow me!" Rarity said, Spike following her as she went back upstairs and into her room. Spike noticed the torn dress on her sewing desk right as he walked in.
"Oh, what happened here? Did you mess up with the machine or something?" Spike asked as he inspected the ruined toggery. Rarity looked at it and flinched a little.
"Oh it's nothing, really. I just uh...had a few technical difficulties with the machine, that's all." Rarity lied. She didn't want to let him know that he was the one that caused her to tear it. It would break his heart.
"Oh, I see. Well, what can I get started on, oh beautiful one?" Spike asked as he gazed into the mare's eyes, causing her to chuckle nervously.
"Uh, well...here! You can get started on folding these up and putting them away in my wardrobe." Rarity said as she pointed to a pile of clothing just beside her bed. "While you're doing that, I need to find a way to fix this garment...again." Rarity pouted as she walked over to her destroyed masterpiece. Spike frowned a little at her sadness. It always bothered him to see her gloomy.
"Anyway darling, after you're done doing that, I have something that I need to give you. I wasn't planning on giving it to you for another few weeks, but I finished it early, so I suppose I'll just give it to you now, if that's alright." Rarity said as Spike began folding and sorting out the clothes that he was assigned to organize.
"Oh, really? What is it?" Spike asked, curiosity getting to him. Rarity gave the dragon a brief wink.
"I'll give it to you as soon as you're done with your task, Spike. I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise!"
Spike only picked up the pace at which he was working. He really wanted to know what Rarity had for him. Even the smallest of gifts from her were like gems to him, in every single way.
For a little over two hours, Spike and Rarity were each doing their own tasks, talking whilst doing so about each other's endeavors. This tended to happen almost every time that Spike dropped by to give her a visit, and even Spike could tell that she enjoyed his company a lot. He kept her company in the days that she was bored, or whenever her store wasn't exactly at the peak of its business. He one day hoped to have her fall in love with him, but the only issue was how he was going to do it. Sure, Rarity already knows of his feelings for her, but they never really liked to talked about it, most likely due to how awkward it would be.
What bothered Spike, however, was what Rarity thought about the fact that he even had such feelings towards her. Does she think it's weird? Does she feel comfortable about the fact that a dragon has feelings for a beautiful mare such as herself? Would she choose to accept it? These were some of the most annoying unanswered questions that constantly swam around in the wyvern's head.
"Alright," began Spike, "I finished folding all of your clothes and put them back in your closet."
Rarity turned from her work to see that her bedside no longer had a giant pile of dis-organizational chaos, as she liked to think of it. She smiled at his handy work.
"Wow, good work, Spike! I believe I owe you my thanks." she said as she made her way into her wardrobe to pull out a box with her mouth. She walked over to Spike and gently set the box down beside him.
"There you are, darling, your gift, as promised." Rarity said as Spike immediately started opening it. He took the top off of the box, and pulled out what appeared to be an outfit, a tuxedo-like one at that. Spike held it in both hands and spread it apart to see the full view of it, and his eyes widened in surprise. Normally, Spike wasn't really the one to swoon over clothing, but this one was an exception, and for many reasons. For one, it matched his body colors. The main color was purple, but with a green undershirt that came out just above the collar, and even showed between the first few top buttons. Secondly, it had a nice, scaly texture to it, and what appeared to be his name engraved just where the heart would reside when put on. Also, it was from Rarity, so that alone was enough to make the dragon smile sheepishly.
"W-whoa, Rarity. This is just...this is great!" Spike exclaimed as he gave Rarity a long, tender hug. Rarity was happy to see that the dragon was pleased.
"For all the hard work that you help me around with here, darling." she said. "It's the least that I could do."
Spike tried on the uniform to see if it fit right, and sure enough, it was a perfect fit.
"Oh wow, it looks really good on you, dear! I am pleased with my work!" Rarity said with a hint of conceitedness.
"Thank you so much, Rarity. I really like it!" said the dragon as he put the uniform back into the box nicely. "I really think I should head back home, though. I have a feeling that Twilight might be wanting me home soon. It's getting pretty late." he said as he noticed the window losing its light in Rarity's room. She simply nodded understandably.
After the two walked downstairs, Spike set the box down in her living room, and made his way to Rarity, who had made her way into the kitchen. She offered him a quick snack of gems, and then made his way to the front door.
"Thanks again for the help, Spike! Do come again soon, will you?" Rarity said as she made her way back upstairs and into her room.
"I sure will!" Spike said as he opened the door to leave. Spike ran out and-
THUD!
Spike immediately was knocked down onto his back on the ground, from what appeared to be a large purple object that stood in his way. He stood up to see that the purple object was Twilight, and she too was knocked over, groaning a little in pain.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Twilight! I didn't see you there." Spike said as he walked over to help her up.
"It's okay, Spike, it's not your fault. We both weren't paying attention where we were walking." Twilight responded as she winced a little in pain from the fall. "Anyway, were you just leaving Rarity's?"
Spike nodded. "Yeah, I finished helping her out, so I was heading back home to see if you needed anything, but now you're out here, so I don't really know now." he said, chuckling a little.
"I need to speak with Rarity about a few things. In fact, I did leave you a note at home of all your tasks that you need to complete before you head to bed, but it's only a few small ones. Could you go home and take care of them for me? It's for my report that I start tomorrow."
"Sure thing, Twi. I'll get started on them as soon as I get there." Spike said as he ran home, leaving Twilight to walk to Rarity's. She sighed to herself.
"Thank goodness he left now and not later." she said to herself, smiling a little
______________________________________________________
As Spike continued running home, his thoughts were focusing on nothing but the cayuse of his dreams. He thought back to whenever he got the gift and how excited he was to have been given it. It truly made his day. Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by his own faux pas.
"Oh drat, I forgot the gift back in her living room!" Spike said as he turned around without a moment's hesitation, and began sprinting back to Rarity's. How could he have forgotten the gift from his own crush?
Spike arrived back at Rarity's in a flash. He wasn't really far from it in the first place, as he didn't run too far off to begin with. He was about to knock on the door, but noticed that it was cracked open. Carefully, he peered inside, but he didn't see anyone. They must be upstairs, he thought. He turned to his right and saw the box still laying in the living room, just as he had left it. Shrugging, Spike slowly but quietly made his way into the living room and retrieved his box. He held it tightly and kissed it, as if winning it for a second time. Just as he was about to head back out, a certain voice, or rather just a certain word, caught his attention.
"Spike? What do you mean 'what do you think about Spike?'" Rarity said from upstairs. Spike's ears raised at this, and he moved closer to the base of the stairs to understand more clearly.
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God damn you cliffhanger!
Now I must wait in the shadows for the next update...
Hmm, stupid cliffhangers...
good job on this chapter but i do have one request...can you make the chapters longer
shits about to get real
Really cool! I can't wait for the next chapter. You forgot one thing though...
"Anyway darling, after you're done doing that, I have something that I need to give you. I wasn't planning on giving it to you for another few weeks, but i ..."
You forgot to capitalize that I. (please don't hurt me
)
We need a bomb squad ASAP! Something is about to explode!
Awesome.
I am so curious...
darn you cliffhanger!
CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!!!!!
*Read its*
*See's Cliffhanger*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
...
And now the fan moment is over. Fell interesting, I like how we've seen this chapter from both Spike's and Rarity's point of view as sorts. Nice gift from Rarity, as well as good capturing of both their personailties.
But damnit it all, though I can guess what will be said considering this stories summary... that cliffhanger... it wins the reward for world's best cliffhanger!
lookin awesome, FUCKING CLIFFHANGERs
Drumrolllllllllllllllllllllllll...
Errm, only a teeeny, tiiiiiny complaint on that last line.
Spike doesn't have ears. See? --->
Finally, updated! Great chapter, I'm so looking forward to the next chapter.
profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50552_228482897046_1133829_n.jpg
Can't. Hold. On. Much. Longeeeeeer!
Very good. I am really intrigued as to where this will go next and that cliffhanger... damn you :L
Now, my tips, if you want them (which you might not, but I'd love to see you get even better, since you clearly have talent)
"making sure that she wouldn't mess up a second time, as it would most likely ruin the dress completely.
"Careful, Rarity, you wouldn't want to mess this up again, now would you?" she asked herself as she neared the collar, where she had messed up earlier."
That use of 'mess', three times in such quick succession is a bit clunky.
Spike calling Rarity "Oh beautiful one" feels a little out of character to me, as I doubt Spike would be so open and forward, but artistic licence etc. It's not really too much of a complaint, it just jarred a little.
"Sure, Rarity already knows of his feelings for her" should surely be "knew" to keep the tense correct.
"Spike tried on the uniform to see if it fit right" should be "fitted".
"She simply nodded understandably." This seems a bit of an odd sentence. "She simply nodded, understanding" would perhaps be better.
I'd like to reiterate how good I think this story is and I hope you feel my criticism is constructive. I look forward to the next chapter :)
Gaaah! Cliffhanger! I hope you update soon! I'm really liking this story! :)
Ok we have a fan. And we have some shit.
Let's see where this goes..
*Sees update*: YEEESSSS!!
*reaches cliffhanger*: FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!
Still looking foward for updates in this fic. Kinda cool to see that Rarity will be the one putting the effort into the Sparity rather than Spike.
Hmm... not sure that ending this segment with a cliffhanger was the best idea ever.
But elsewise, this is still doin' pretty good. We see both character's perspectives, and the indirect "rejection" of Spike by Rarity is foreshadowed a little here, if subtly. Likin' it.
NOT ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!!
When at the end i was like"
better not be a cliffhanger,better not be a cliffhanger" then cliffhanger=all of the sad and angry emotions
and also a spike mustache because he deserves it
It begins...
Nice job thus far, got a good suspense going!
*sees cliffhanger*
You really love to torture us, right?
Damn you cliffhangers! DAMN YOU!
Aaaah nice cliffhanger awesome story can't wait for more
Oh nooooooooo...
Those Cliffhangers.
They troll us
Prepare the manly tears before the next chapter!
CLIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
263677 ...So... Much...BLUE!!!!
The thit is about to hit the shan
Really? Great chapter, but what a place to leave off at! Oh well.
Cliffhanger!
Nah, it was made up for by the fact that the chapter was great.
But I am going to be on the edge of my seat until I see what comes next. I can... wait... a few days...
Stupid fucking cliffhangers...
i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa299/yupko/will-catman-survive-find-out-next-t.jpg
Hey guys. I love cliffhangers
263778
Oh my god, I'm not the only person who remembers that show!
Saw the large space after the cliffhanger, expected invisible text, got none.
Keep it up.
ARGH suspense. You had to cut it off right there
263778 So much nostalgia!
"As Spike continued running home ,his thoughts were focusing on nothing but the cayuse of his dreams."
Typo.
Great story. Cannot wait to read the rest. :)
264514 Actually, it's just an extremely fancy synonym for "pony."
You see that empty space up there? Now, you may wonder why that's there. What its purpose is. Why must there be cliffhangers? BECAUSE THEY WORK. Just take a look at the comments above. Do you think those people are gonna keep reading? You bet they are, or I'll eat my toothpaste hair!
Kudos to you, Voxis. You've won the heart of the people.
264544 It's comments like these that let me enjoy my stay here on this site. Thank you, it's good to know that my writing tactics are working.
263789 Actually, 'fit' is considered correct. Just to point it out, heh...
This is an enthralling tale, indeed... you leave me on the cusp of eagerness.
Part of me wants to slap you in the face for the cliffhanger, the other part wants to hi-five you.
anyway, I couldn't help but notice that spike's gift was basically a pimp suit. Interesting...
shit's about to get real
This was great, but since when has spike been a wyvern? Do you know what a wyvern is?
In the words of spike *clears throat* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Some minor mistakes I felt were worth pointing out:
You refer to spike as a wyvern, when he is not. A wyvern is a dragon that has only two hind legs and wings. Spike does not even have wings, even in his adult form. Plus he has two sets of legs so he is not a wyvern.
A few paragraphs were not indented.
Now on for my review based upon the second chapter:
This was an improvement over the first chapter, though because it did not really get into the plot yet I still can not tell if I'm going to keep following this or not. I'll give it one more chapter before I make my decision. You've spent two chapters just in angst at this point, so I would probably advise to speed things up a little bit, or perhaps just make the chapters have more happening.
Your chapter length improved significantly, though I think you can still go up just a little bit more, but it's certainly an improvement.
Your characters seem to remain in character and up to this point I find them very believable. You've got a great grasp on the characters, so I don't foresee any issues with that.
My only real concern is the amount of angst that's being built up here. Don't get me wrong I like a little suspense but at this point you've spent two chapters building up to just getting the ball rolling here. By the start of the third chapter usually we're supposed to have an idea of the primary objective of the story, and start to make predictions of the general conflict.
All and all this was a major improvement over the first chapter and I'll keep watching for the next one before I make a final judgement of if I plan to continue this.
CLIFFHANGER
EEF UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
III MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
"As Spike continued running home ,his thoughts were" -
cliff hanger!? ok let me get my spike on "ahem" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
265297 Fixed.
Very nice you have done well i hope i am able to use the same skill for my writing but anyways. WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS CLIFFHANGERS DARN YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!