The World Famous Flim Flam Brothers' Spectacular Travelling Menagerie

by Sage Runner

The Final Attraction

"Ugh..." Spike groaned, massaging his aching head and struggling to sit up. "Did I oversleep? Why does my head hurt?"

"Aha!" A familiar, nasally voice echoed in his ears. "Our final attraction awakens, brother!"

"Yes, indeed!" another voice said. "Guess we should bring him up to speed, eh?" Spike's vision was clouded, but he could see two vague shapes before him—a blurry mixture of white and blue.

"Wait until he's wide awake, Flam! We wouldn't want him to miss any information regarding his new job!"

"Flam?!" Spike shouted, rubbing his eyes. As his vision cleared, he saw the Flim Flam Brothers standing before him. As his eyes drifted inward, the metal bars that separated him from them became clear. "Am I in a cage?" he asked, gasping.

"You remember me? I'm flattered!" Flam said, stroking his mustache. "And yes, you're in a cage."

"What's going on?!" Spike scanned the area around him, seeing no familiar landmarks. "How did I get here?!"

"We brought you here, of course!" Flim replied, raising and lowering his eyebrows rapidly.

"I don't remember anything..." Spike said as his eyes ran the length of the bars.

"Well of course you don't," Flam said, "because we subdued you with the most powerful, desensitizing, mesmerizing, immobilizing, hypnotizing, sensationalizing means of capture that you could imagine!"

"We hid behind some bushes and threw a rock at you!" Flim said.

"Why don't you just tell me why I'm here?" Spike pleaded.

"Well," Flim said, "difficult as it may be to believe, my dear brother and I found ourselves hurting for business after that little incident at Sweet Apple Acres, wherein your beloved Apple 'Family'—and I use that term loosely—maliciously sabotaged our Super Speedy Cider Squeezy!"

"Six-thousand!" Flam added, nodding his head.

"Yes," Flim continued. "And because of their morally reprehensible behavior during what we were lead to believe would be a friendly competition, the unfortunate ponies of Ponyville were tricked—"

"By the Apples!" Flam said.

"By the Apples!" Flim agreed. "Tricked by the Apples into drinking tainted cider that they then accused us of producing!"

"Dude," Spike said. He had been extending one finger at a time during Flim's story until all of them were raised. "I don't have enough fingers to count the number of things wrong with what you just said, so you're just going to have to imagine that I have, like, three extra pairs of claws."

"The ponies of Ponyville," Flam said, picking up from where his brother left off. "They demanded an investigation, as any decent folk would. But, despite our plea of innocence, the Apples used their pull with the Mayor to have us run out of town!" At this point, they were both tearing up and holding their hats in front of their faces.

"I'm confused," Spike said. "It seems like you're lying to me, but you know that I was there, and that I saw everything. Is this really how you remember it?"

"Woe was us," Flam continued, ignoring Spike. "Our reputation was in shambles, and ponies turned us away from their towns before they even had so much as a sip of our delectable cider!"

"Our thoughts grew dark," Flim said, nodding. "Our machinations drifted toward revenge!" He shook a hoof toward the sky.

"But we are above that sort of thing," Flam added, gently patting his brother on the back. "Instead, we decided to use our unstoppable intellect and unrivaled business sense to send our reputation to even greater heights, and restore our honor!"

"You tried to con the Apples out of the majority of their earnings, then vowed to run them out of business in a town that they helped found, using apples that they grew, with a machine that you then used to make tree cider. The only way you could possibly top yourselves is if whatever you're planning now somehow causes both of you to explode," Spike said, shaking his head.

"Just listen to that imagination! I just know the crowds will adore that about you!" Flam clapped his hooves.

"Crowds?" Spike asked.

"But of course!" Flim said. "You're going to be part of our travelling zoo and circus: The World Famous Flim Flam Brothers' Spectacular Travelling Menagerie!"

"Uh-oh."

"You'll be seated among countless other wonderfully imaginative creatures that we've collected from all over Equestria! You'll perform feats of skill, do tricks of mild amusement, and will please continuous, countless crowds of curious, cash-slinging customers!" Flam exclaimed.

"Try saying that three times fast!" Flim added.

"But I'm not part of the show!" Flam said as they both stared at Spike, waiting for him to laugh.

"And what are the other 'wonderfully imaginative creatures'?" Spike asked, unmoved.

"We have, at this time, a griffon, a minotaur, a zebra, a unicorn so abnormally powerful that she can defeat an Ursa Major, and a manticore! And, of course, a baby dragon for the kids!" Flim replied, winking.

"Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to get acquainted with your fellow stars!" Flam said.

"Okay," Spike said, taking a deep breath, "I'm gonna get this out of the way now, so you can't say I didn't warn you later. This is a really bad idea. It's illegal, it's unethical, it's immoral, and when, not if we escape, we are going to come after you."

"Nothing to worry about," Flam said as his horn flared a bright green. Spike gasped as his limbs moved against his will and he began to dance.

"What's happening to me?!" the dragon shouted.

"Guess you haven't noticed that collar we put around your neck." Flim grinned, gesturing to the black collar around Spike's throat, which was also enveloped in a green aura.

"It gives us complete control over anypony who wears it, and all of you are wearing them. You and your fellow exhibits are essentially puppets from here on out," Flam explained.

"You'll eat when we tell you, dance when we tell you, jump when we tell you, sleep when we tell you, and if anypony starts asking questions, you'll happily tell them that everything's on the up-and-up, capiche?" Flim asked.

"Yes, sir! I live to entertain! 'There's no business like show business', that's my motto!" Spike declared before clasping his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide and face pale.

"Excellent!" Flam clapped his hooves.

"Indeed, I can already hear the bits rolling in!" Flim said.

How am I gonna get out of this one? Spike thought as he bowed.

Comments

[Y1]

"This is just fascinating," Spike said. "I'm not even being sarcastic. I was literally there, and you know that I saw everything that happened, so I have to believe that between me and you, I'm not the one you're lying to. You've actually convinced me that that's genuinely how you remember things."

I laughed at that line. This is funny. I look forward to reading more.

[firedoom666]

I love pretty much everything with the Flim Flam Brothers... I am not used to seeing them be so villainous! but then still seem to act as awesome as normal! Just looking at the tags makes me excited for this story. I can't wait to see how this will turn out

[Tachyon Xenophile]

You forgot a Changeling.

[Seether00]

This kinda reminds me of that one Tiny Toons episode with the circus of creatures from wacky land.

[Changeling-Drone]

3051253 i bet it would just be too hard

[Tachyon Xenophile]

3051917

[Changeling-Drone]

anyone wanna list everything wrong with there plan?

[Changeling-Drone]

1.they can not leave equestria to do this

[Levana]

3051965

2: Someone's gonna notice the collars and how they glow...

[Dream Bolt]

Ummm... can they really get away with kidnapping Trixie? I mean, she is a unicorn, after all. Not to mention, if anypony remembers her, the Flim-Flam Bros. are going to regret that they acquired such an... unpopular mare.
And, um... yeah. I have a feeling who the others are. The Flim-Flam Bros. will regret bringing them too, a lot more than with Trixie.
But woe be unto them if somepony finds out that they took her number one assistant, or another mare finds out that they took what is questionably her favorite suitor.
And for the record, next time you kidnap somepony, don't take the guy who can send a letter straight to the most powerful being in all the land.

Nevertheless, Flim and Flam are many things, but they are far from stupid. I think they have some more tricks waiting.

[Dragon Blaze-X]

annnnd I am going to start looking for my address book with seal team6's phone numbers or at least fredy kruger's

[Bad_Seed_72]

Flim and Flam, you dun goofed already! Especially by capturing Iron Will...

[Swashbucklist]

Flim nodded, thinking back to the night before, when they snuck back into Ponyville. They had found Spike on his way back to the library from doing chores at the Carousel Boutique. Flim tossed a large rock at the dragon's head, knocking him unconscious.

If you want to get bigger laughs from that joke, you'd best get rid of all the superfluous information, condense it to a single sentence...and put the punchline at the end.

Flim nodded, thinking back to the night before, when had found Spike on his way back to the library from Carousel Boutique, and had tossed a large rock at his head.

He had been extending one of his fingers at a time periodically during Flim's story until all of them were raised.

This is a marvelously entertaining story. You should absolutely make those little fixes up there so you can submit this to Equestria Daily's prereaders.

[Emerald Evergreen]

"I don't remember anything..." Spike said as his eyes ran the length of the bars.

"Well of course you don't," Flam said, "because we subdued you with the most powerful, desensitizing, mesmerizing, immobilizing, hypnotizing, sensationalizing means of capture that you could imagine!"

"We hid behind some bushes and threw a rock at you!" Flim said.