Chapter XVII
Messenger.
It had been a week since Crimson and the ice mage ventured off towards Trottingham. The six girls were in the bakery shop chatting with the blue flyer and purple mage. Apparently Ivy had been spending a lot of her free time around the apple farm, more specifically Big Mac.
“You think there’s something between Ivy and Mac?” Dash asked.
“Knowing Ivy, maybe.” Rouge said as she sipped her tea.
“Any word from Crimson or Angel?” Rarity asked.
“Nope. I’m sure they’re fine, provided Angel behaves herself.” Cobalt said with a grunt.
“Yeah about that.” Dash started. “What’s with her and Ivy? Those two looked like they wanted to kill each other.”
“I think it’s got something to do with Angel being an ice mage and Ivy being a fire mage.” Cobalt said with a shrug. “No to mention that Crimson is the only one who can handle her.”
“How so?” Dash asked.
“Well, they’re both Conduits.”
“So?”
“Crimson understands Angel’s pain and knows the loneliness of being one.” Rouge clarified. “When we first met her she was angry and wanted to turn the Empire into an icicle.” The group all gulped. “They both know how it feels being rejected by their peers.” He said with a shrug. Ivy then walked in and sat down next to the blue flyer.
“Sup guys?”
“Not much.” Ivy then looked at Spike and raised an eyebrow.
“Hey Spike, what’s with your hands?” She asked.
“Oh, long story short I’m a dragon that got zapped with a spell and now I’m a human dragon hybrid.” Ivy smirked and looked at the dragon.
“Thought I smelled dragon blood.”
“What?” Dash said.
“Ivy is our residential dragon slayer at the Academy.” Rouge explained. The small hybrid gulped.
“Relax dude. You haven’t tried to burn the town down so I have no reason to kill you.” She said with a grin.
“Why are you a dragon slayer?” Rarity asked.
“Runs in the family. My dad was one, his dad too and so on.” She said with a shrug. “I’m just the first girl and flyer to be apart of it.” She said as she sat back. “You should have seen my uncle’s face when I tamed Sage.”
“Who?”
“The green dragon I have.” She said with a smile. “It’s also how I got this bad boy.” The woman stood up and pulled her green hair to the side exposing the back of her neck. There was the image of a coiled serpent dragon in front of two crossed swords.
“Cool.” Dash said. “What about you guys?” Cobalt shrugged and picked up the end of his shirt and stretched it up to his chest. On his left pectoral was a shield with two crossed swords with the blades wrapped in electric sparks.
“I got this when I stopped some punks from beating up my older brother. I grabbed a guard’s sword and managed to fight them off.”
“You have a brother?”
“Yeah, he’s not in the academy though.” He said as he lowered his shirt.
“What about you Rouge?” The woman pulled her shirt down to show her back left shoulder. A spider with a potion vial on its abdomen was proudly imprinted on her skin. “Oh yeah, why do they call you the spider Queen?” Dash asked. Rouge smirked and cracked her neck. Something seemed to fill her mouth and she spat out a spider web that wrapped around the flyer.
“That web is lighter than silk but stronger than steel.” She said with a smile.
“Just get this stuff off me!” Dash yelled as she struggled in her restraints. Rouge snapped her fingers and the webs started to unravel. “Thank you.” Dash said she stretched.
“Right, a reporter showed us your stat cards.” Twilight said. “It said that you can use metal magic.” She said as she looked at the flyer.
“Correct.” He said as he took a butter knife in his hand. The group then watched as his arm changed to a metal finish. “It makes my body hard as metal and it amplifies my lightning magic.”
“Cool!” Pinkie said.
“Yeah, but I can’t fly while using it.” He said as his arm turned back to normal.
“Well thats handy.” Applejack said. She then turned to the purple mage. “Oh right Rouge. That card thing said you used something called Gentle Palm. What’s that?”
“You see,” Ivy started. “every fighting technique is put in one of two categories.” She said as she held up two fingers. “There’s brutal fist and gentle palm.”
“Never heard of them.” Dash said.
“Ivy, Crimson and I use brutal fist which is the most basic form of fighting.” Cobalt started. “It relies on bruises, broken bones and heavy blows. While Gentle Palm is a more.....subtle way to fight.”
“I don’t get it.” Rarity said.
“Gentle Palm relies on attacking vital points and internal organs.” Ivy said.
“How?”
“I focus my aura into different points of my body and project it into other peoples bodies which inflicts damage on an internal scale. It’s not as entertaining to watch but, it has devastating effects.” Rouge commented.
“What about Crimson? What magic can he use?” Twilight asked. The three gulped and sighed.
“Shadow.” The three said. Twilight’s eye lid twitched.
“Shadow? I’ve never heard of that.” Rarity said.
“Mostly because it’s next to impossible to master.” Twilight said.
“The only person that I know of that has and mastered it is Princess Luna.” Cobalt said.
“How hard can it be?” Dash said.
“It’s next tot he top in difficulty. Crimson still has issues controlling it.” Rouge said. “You see, Shadow is considered a mix of almost every element.”
“How?”
“Everything casts a shadow.” Ivy said. “Fire, earth, metal, lightning. You name it.” The group nodded in agreement.
“So what do you guys do when you’re not fighting?” Applejack asked.
“I practice my flying.” Cobalt said.
“I draw.” Rouge said.
“I just chill.” Ivy sighed.
“What about Crimson?” Twilight asked.
“He reads a lot.” The librarian was speechless at the words. A person who was devoted to his studies. “Like, every time he’s not practicing or on a mission he has a book in his hand.” Ivy shrugged. “Sometimes he can be a real egg head.”
“What I’d give to be that book.” The scholar’s face turned scarlet as she realized she said the words out loud. The group all smirked and chuckled.
“Wow Twilight. That had to be the worst line I’ve ever heard.” Dash said. The three warriors then felt something vibrate in their pocket. The three pulled out a gem that was flashing.
“Uh-oh.” They all said.
“What’s up?”
“This is our recovery beacon. It’s lets us know that an Academy member is in bad shape.” Rouge said. The three funneled their magic and an image projected from the gem. The group fell silent as they looked at the message.
Name: Crimson Storm
Health: 8%
Immediate extract is required.
The three immediately stood up and ran outside with the group following. The three stood in a triangle and planted the three gems in the ground. They focused their magic and a large symbol appeared on the ground. The seal glowed a bright white and smoke filled the air. As the smoke cleared the group saw the heavily beaten body of the ice mage. The three immediately ran to her side and helped her up.
“How is she?” Rouge scanned her and gulped.
“Not good. She needs medical attention.”
“Can you stabilize her?” Ivy asked.
“I think so.” Rouge said as she summoned a vial of purple liquid. She rested the mage’s head against her knees and poured the liquid down her throat. After swallowing the liquid Angel’s eyes snapped open and she started to cough. “Easy there.” Rouge said as she helped her sit up straight. “What happened?”
“I....I don’t know. One minute Crimson and I were going toe to toe with the necromancer. Then nothing.” She said with a groan. Ivy helped her up and slung her arm over her shoulders.
“C’mon snow angel. Let’s get you to bed.”
“Ugh! I hate that nick name.” She spat out at the flyer. The group followed the two and entered the spacious clock tower. The green flyer put the ice mage on the couch and sighed. The group then saw a bright green flash of light. One the light faded the cane wielding man appeared.
“What happened?” He said in a rough tone. The three instantly gulped.
“Angel just came through using Crimson’s warp gem.” Cobalt said. The man knelt down and looked at the conduit.
“What happened?” He asked.
“I can’t remember, one second I’m fighting and the next I’m here.” She said in defeat. The man put his hand on her head and his eyes glowed. “Find anything?”
“No, the last thing I can see is the necromancer summoning two coffins and then nothing.” He said in disappointment. “Where could he be?” Twilight felt a lurching feeling in her stomach and coughed.
“You okay Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yeah, I probably ate something I shouldn’t have.” She said with a small burp. Another burst of pain then hit her. “Oh boy. I think I’m gonna-” Her warning came too late as her mouth opened and she puked.
“Gross.” The group said. Twilight gulped and vomited again. The group’s eyes shrank as they saw that the bile was jet black and seemed to be growing.
“What the hell?” The group said as they each took a step back away from the blob. The four able bodied mages pulled out their weapons.
“Oh please there is no need for such barbarism.” A voice said. The bile converged and grew into a shadow like version of the red warrior.
“C-Crimson?” Ivy said.
“Sorry but no.” The shadow said as it grew horns and sprouted wings. Crow’s eyes shrank and tried to slice the shadow with his sword. “Oh calm down you idiot.”
“You! Where is Crimson?” Crow yelled.
“You know this thing?” Dash asked.
“I’m Crimson’s how you say, ‘baggage.’” The shadow said with a smirk.
“So you’re the demon?” Applejack asked.
“Nice to see that your teeth isn’t the only thing bright about you.” The farmer scowled at the shadow. “Now if we’re done arguing I’m actually here to help.”
“Why should I believe you?” Crow said.
“I’m not saying you should. Believe me if you want. If you don’t, I don’t care.” The shadow said. The shadow snapped it’s fingers and a projection showed the red mage with scythe in hand against a dark figure with a mask over his face.
“Give up! I’ve defeated all of your puppets.” The red mage yelled.
“All? I think not.” The man said as he placed his hands together. Two coffins then sprouted up from the ground. “These two were exceptionally hard to soul trap, but that’s what makes them my favorite.” The two doors on the coffins fell down. The man’s eyes shrank to the size of pin tips.
Crow gasped as he looked at the projection and his cane fell to the ground. The two bodies stepped out. A man and a woman. The man had shoulder length black hair and a large hammer was mounted on his back with a pistol was holstered on his side.
The woman had fair skin. A long rifle was placed on her back and held a long rapier in her right hand. Her emerald eyes were in a trance like state and her long red hair went to the middle of her back.
“No, anyone but those two.” Crow said as he fell to his knees.
“Who are those guys?” Dash asked.
“They’re my old squad mates.” Crow said with a shiver. “Crimson’s parents.” The group all gulped at the words. The image then faded. “Bring that back! Show me what happened.” Crow barked at the shadow.
“I don’t have the strength for that.” The shadow said. “The amount of power I had inside Ms. Sparkle was only enough for one shot.”
“You were inside me?” Twilight yelled.
“When Crimson used his aura to give yours a jumpstart a bit of my magic came along for the ride. I kept myself hidden in case of an emergency like this.” He said as he cracked his neck. “I don’t know what he’s doing, but he’s alive....for now. I think he might face the mirror.” Crow and Angel’s eyes shrank at the words. “If he lives then he’ll be at the Trials if not, then we’ll be seeing each other again very soon Crow.” The image grinned.
“He can’t! Not yet!” Crow yelled.
“Oh spare me the lecture.” The shadow said as he started to flicker. “Looks like my time is almost up.”
“Wait!” Twilight said. “Why tell us this? What could you possibly gain from helping us?” The shadow looked at her as he started to fade. His dark eyes taking in her form and he let out a sigh.
“You remind me of my wife.”
“Your wife?” Twilight said.
“Is it so hard to believe that demons like me can love?”
“Kinda.” The shadow started to chuckle and then barreled over laughing. Twilight frowned. “Something funny?”
“You humans are all alike! You just assume that demons are heartless monsters and that we’re deserve nothing less that annihilation!” The shadow yelled. “If anything then we suffer because of humans!” He spat out. His image then began to fade completely. “I guess this is goodbye, for now.” The shadow vanished and Crow gulped.
“What’s the mirror?” Twilight asked.
“It’s considered the final test for all Academy students.” Crow said.
“But what is it?” Dash asked.
“You literally look inside yourself and face the darkness.” The group gulped. “It’s different for every person and in Crimson’s case he’s got quite the challenge ahead of him.” The man said as he stood up and cracked his shoulders. Something in his and the three mages pocket then started to glow and vibrate.
The groups eyes widened as they saw the message.
Trials will begin in forty-eight hours. The group let out a sigh and nodded to one another.
“Looks like its time. I’ll see you all at the Academy.” Crow said with a nod.
“Aren’t you going to look for Crimson?” The scholar asked.
“You heard the demon.” Ivy said. “With any luck he’ll come to us. Besides if I know Crimson then he’ll be just fine.”
“How can you say that?” Dash said.
“That boy has proved the impossible so many times I’ve lost count.” Crow said. “I have faith that he’ll come back. He’s my godson after all.” The man said with a smile.
“Wait!” Twilight called out again. “Would it be alright if we came with you? To watch maybe?”
“Wanna be there for your boyfriend eh?” Rainbow teased. Twilight’s face turned bright red and Crow chuckled.
“I don’t see why not. Princess Celestia and Luna will be there too.” He said with a smile. “You can probably ask her for a pass. Until then, goodbye and I wish you three the best of luck.” He said as he looked at the three students. The gave him a nod and he vanished in a flash of light.
“Okay guys, lets get packing.” Ivy said as the group started to collect their gear.
“I’ll send Celestia a letter about getting us in.” Twilight said as she and her friends left. In the back of the librarian’s mind she hoped that Crimson was alright.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The red haired warrior was making his way through a dense dark forest. A thick layer of fog covered the ground and the warrior silently made his way towards a red river. A single boat was there with a shadowy figure with a long stick was standing in the boat. Crimson held out a coin and dropped it in the figure's hand.
The hooded figure nodded and slowly started to row across the river. The water was blood red and the man could see the faces of the fallen in the water. He felt pity for the poor souls. In the middle of the river stood an island. The boatman pulled ashore and Crimson exited the floating vessel. He stepped off to see a massive castle in the center of the island.
The pathway up to the castle had several skeletons across the steps. The doors to the castle opened showing an old man with long silver hair. He wore a black hood over his frail body. The man looked malnourished and was very bony.
“Why have you come here boy?” He spat out.
“I think you know why Grimm.” Crimson answered back.
“Ah, you seek the power of the demon.”
“No, not yet.” Crimson said as he put up his hand. “I’ll get to him later, right now I need a better weapon.” The old man’s eyes shrank. “It’s time for one more lesson old man.” Crimson said as he summoned his scythe.
“Lets see if you can match the power of a true Reaper!” The elderly man snapped his fingers and a scythe fell into his hands. The staff portion appeared to be made of bone and a skull was the connection piece between the handle and a long black blade. A mask suddenly appeared in the man’s face and the two each took a stance.
Wait, so Crimson's is temporarily dead now? Does that mean the Demon is squaring off against the zombies while Crimson's trying to get stronger by battling death himself?
…This story gets more awesome by the chapter.
3389173 He's not dead.
Whoo boy, you're just about referencing just about every shonen manga/anime out there huh AND I LOVE IT!
Brutal Fist and Gentle Palm is very clearly referencing Naruto's Goken and Juken. And the last part, if I'm not mistaken, loosely references Bleach and facing their Zanpakuto. I'm sure there's more and I'll enjoy trying to figure them all out. It's like the Find Waldo of references! Keep it up!
3389761 The bleach one I had no idea.
To go after death himself too badass for words
3389761>>3389776
The necromancer having Crimson fight his folks is like when Ochimaru forced the Third Hokage to fight the 1st and 2nd during hte Chunin exams in Naruto.
Let's see, Red vs Blue, Naruto, and Star Wars reference, awesome.
Since Crimson is with the Grim Reaper, does that mean that his fight with the necromancer is over?
When you describe the scythe, I'm thinking Dante's Inferno.
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/101/b/6/Dante__s_Inferno_by_GuardofAzkaban.jpg
3391119 Naruto I see. But I don't see the other 2. Care to clarify?
3392236
The crystal that notified Crimsons injury, is like the freelancers recovery beacon.
The part about Crimson having to face his darkness reminds me of Luke when he entered the tree of insight.
3392925 Oh. I guess I can see that now that you mention it.
Dear god, I just finished reading all the way to Chapter XVII and I am having more mixed feelings than before. I will most certainly come off as a jerk, but I don't know how to criticize using sugar, so in order to maintain this as clean and neat as possible:
1. The unnatural explanation: I am having a large issue with you going George Lucas on your story, constantly describing things we didn't or we could try to figure out on our own. I get it that you want to make sure that everyone is in on the boat with all of your story's mechanics, that's something that I think we authors want, but the way you present it feels too robotic to me. The pattern I detected was pretty much this.
>Look, he's doing X/He's using X/He's in the top of X
>X? Sounds somewhat interesting, tell me more about X.
>X is... insert glossary description here
What makes it weirder is that your mechanics are, apparently, very similar to the more popular Animes and video games. So similar that your fans constantly point it out in the comments. Now I don't usually watch Naruto or Bleach, so I can't talk about that, but I still get some of the words you use. You should try to trust that your readers will understand what you are trying to show.
2. The References: I understand that you love anime and games, but the blatant use of terminology has seriously got to calm down. An occasional "It's over 9000!" expression is fine every now and then, but the constant use of phrases, words and other forms of reference really bog the story. I'm not against it (God knows I can't throw stones here considering I put FPS Russia, Andrew Ryan, New Dante and several other things in my story) but the constant use makes it look too unoriginal. I know I bashed on your first seven chapters with this, but it shifted from ripping off Gentleman J to ripping off parts of geek culture.
I can still see the germ of an interesting story here, with the four-man teams, the necromancer, Conduits, and the Nightmare Moon fanatics. But the excessive use of references makes it look too boring.
3. The Characters: I will begin with canon characters: All are well represented except for Twilight, who is short of turning into a nympho. I get it that you put int the correct tags but the way Twilight falls for Crimson feels somewhat forced, Like Anakin and Padme's romance in Attack of the Clones. Unlike Gentleman J, who carefully built Rarity and Grave's relationship slowly with several moments for them to get to know each other before falling in love and giving us a plausible justification, you just skipped the formalities and instructed Twilight to fall for someone who really doesn't look to have much chemistry with her.
Speaking of other Characters, The Four Horsemen seem to be one of my biggest problems in the story. Ivy, Rogue and Cobalt lack diversity, most of them just sound the same, so it becomes hard to tell who's talking. Crimson comes off as being a stock character, often whining about what he has stuck inside of him. But the biggest problem comes in the emotions department, seeing as though Crimson lacks most emotions other than cocky warrior, angsty teen, and default setting. I have yet to read a moment in which Crimson did something to make himself happy, he's constantly bitching about being the reason for his parents' demise. Say what you will about Graves, who sports a similar personality, but he at least learned to deal with his guilt and hides it perfectly. I can understand if he does feel guilty, but having him remind us every minute can get tedious. Also, the angsty personality can reek Gary Stu from time to time.
I know I act like an asshole, but I really want to see this story become something great, something that can help push the evil stereotype that all humanized fics have to be bad. I'll continue reading and posting critiques every other episode unless you want me to stop.
3398727 No you aren't an ass hole. I welcome all constructive criticism. Why else would I post this story. I do realize some of these flaws and they will be rectified in the chapters to come.
3399293
Well, it's a relief that I didn't come off wrong. I also appreciate your favoring my own stories. Maybe I could persuade you to drop your own critique...
3399571 I'm not much of a critic.
3399618
Everyone's a critic at heart. I'm not what you would call a professional, I just read stories I find interesting and point out what I don't like in an attempt to make them better. I always ask people to tell me what the didn't like so I can stop doing it. It makes me better
to the top
than
The only thing this fanfic is missing when it comes to regerences are ones to Soul Eater and Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure.
So awesome
It seems I was mistaken when I thought "Gentle Palm" and "Brutal Fist" were references to that old Jade Empire game lol