• Member Since 30th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 30th, 2015

DerpyRainbow


Well if I told you about myself it'd beat the purpose of my Alias. To clarify, I write in Canadian English.

T
Source

In this short story, we take a look at a small adventure had by the world famous archaeologist Daring Do, and the time traveling Doctor! When the Doctor takes on Daring Do as his newest companion they find themselves captured by Nazi-apes. They must fight their ways to freedom, and protect the relic from the Nazis!

Pure action story, not a series, just a slice of life I guess!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

First Complaint,
Never Dehumanzie or deequanize I guess, your characters. Dont just make them obviously evil for... Little to no reason. Its strange enough that nazies exist in Equestria, but also that they are all so overtly evil, it makes me cringe. Yes, the NaziĀ“s were bad, but It was not an army consisting of one huge force of evil where the entire german(Or Germane?) people got replaced by monsters :ajbemused:
And The doctor should be one certainly to know this. Soldiers, are not always what they seem like...

Second Complaint... The Action is... Well... Ups and downs, but in the area of bad. Not terrible, but in the darker spectrum. The action feels like its going by too fast, there is little to no, feeling for the scene. Everything just gets tossed about. Death is also appariently... Nothing. Its not really that important. These apes just die, meh, no emotional value. (I know you mention it, but simply mentioning it is not directly, value so to speak).

Third Complaint. Please Oh Please, dont use the direct desciption "German". That is a Real world thing, and its still not nice to give the refferance on. Puns soften the tone a bit, Germane, for example, makes it a bit, more whimpsical, and we perhaps dont feel like we are actually attacking, You know, Germans.

Fourth Complaint. This Really is more of an adventure that only belongs to Daring do, NOT The doctor. But thats a little fan complaint, this one can be ignored.

Fifth complaint, The apes, They are... well... Are they only apes? We havent heard about Apes in Equestria, we dont know how they are. Are they wearing clothes? appariently they have guns, yet Equestria seem to be completely at a loss for that.


So... In the end, This is not what I would consider that good. But It shows potential. There will be no Thumbs down, but there shall neither be a Thumbs up from me.
You may find this, Rather cruel and evil of a comment, but I expect no mercy in return. :twilightblush:

3051248
Yes there are absolutely flaws in this story. I do admit the apes thing is odd, but it is just what came to mind first (looking at it now I think of Griffons). However, the point of using Nazi's in this story, just as in the Indiana Jones movies, is because the Nazi's are essentially this era's ultimate evil. I understand that Nazi's were people to and all that, but really, they're Nazi's. In most cases you could do anything to a Nazi in a movie or show and still get it on air simply because they're Nazis.

I know that not all German's were evil, but Nazi's were and in the spirit of Indiana Jones, these Nazi's are pretty much the S.S. in terms of badness. Also Nazi's were German, from Germany and such, without Germany you wouldn't have the Nazi's, but this story is not meant to attack Germany, I love the place. It's Nazis. They speak German.

On the topic of the deaths, I know I didn't linger on them, it wasn't intended to be a deep story or really of much emotional value. It was just a short I did to take a break from my other works. I will admit I have a habit of not going into too much detail to keep the story moving quickly, if you've ever seen an Indiana Jones movie the fight scenes go pretty fast paced. That's what I had in mind. Since it was a story I probably should have added more thoughts and whatnot but it really was just supposed to be a quicky.

I don't mind the criticism at all, more so that this was an in-betweener story for me, and it really wasn't intended to be too long or in-depth. I wrote it late at night and near the end I started to try and be "deep". Haha, it's very half baked.

On the point about the Doctor being here, that truly is a matter of preference. I pictured many stories of them together before landing on this short snippet. If I had been planning to make this a series it'd have gone far more in-depth to the struggles of the Doctor dealing with the tight situation.

This is tagged as "Alternate Universe" where as it's not the canon world. Yes the apes are wearing uniforms although I merely mentioned it in a sentence and left it. II probably should have kept that a recurring thing, like having a guys hat fly off when he was hit. I didn't want it to end up too long so that I could finish it in a night, though.

Sorry you had to read this story, it's really just meant as an idea, a short snippet of action to pass the time. I'd like to turn it into an animation somehow, but for now, just thingy.

Thanks for reading though, and all thoughts are welcome! I hope this post wasn't to incoherent or.. well bye!

:derpyderp2::twilightoops::twilightsheepish:

:rainbowkiss::derpytongue2:

Well, it made me laugh, but it could definitely use improvement if you ever plan on doing anything with it. I won't go into detail on those improvements as someone else has already done that for me. There is a lot of potential with this pairing, it could make for some great stories, heavy on plot, action, and ethics, just a dash of romance with a sprinkling of innuendos and teasing, and maybe a fan-service chapter of clop. Just a thought, do with it as you wish.

3686188
Thanks for the comment. I like the two as companions but this was a one off and at this point a /fail/ :derpyderp1: I will keep it on my mind as something to do when I am better. :rainbowkiss:

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