Chapter 3 - Come Inside
Chapter 3 – Come Inside
“Featherweight? Are you alright? Can you open your eyes?”
“Wow, what a dweeb,” Button remarked callously.
“Button Mash! That is no way to talk about your friends!”
There was nothing but endless blackness at first, familiar voices floating somewhere in the distance. Slowly, Featherweight’s vision began to return. At first it was just a mishmash of colourful blobs surrounded by a blinding light, but shapes began to solidify. There were two pairs of eyes, one of which disappeared beneath him. The second pair, however, stayed focused on his, staring into his very soul. He knew that face. And that flank. Oh sweet Celestia on a stick, dat flank.
“God?” he whispered feebly, reaching towards the luscious mare before him.
“God?” Milano chuckled to herself. “I’m afraid not, cutie. It’s Mrs Mash, remember? Button’s Mum?”
“O-of course!” Featherweight exclaimed, trying desperately to regain composure. Though that was easier said than done with a living, breathing wet dream stood over him. He could see now that he’d been taken into the Mash family home and was led in the middle of the living room. Snips, Button and Scootaloo were sat in the sofa opposite with milk and cookies. Scootaloo was practically chugging the white stuff, gasping for moisture — any moisture — to replace those vital lost fluids. Snips had his eyes on the prize and swayed from side to side dizzily. Button sat between them, sporting an expression that said ‘buck my life.’
Mrs Mash, eh? Featherweight thought to himself, a plan forming in his mind. He had the Ponak 3000 ultra-zoom camera in his schoolbag. Sure, it was just for school news reports, but with that said he had a rather nice idea for a page three picture… Wait. Did she just… Yes! She did! She called me ‘cutie’! She definitely called me ‘cutie’! She wants me! It’s obvious!
“You don’t look so well,” Button’s Mum said worriedly, bringing a foreleg to Featherweight’s temple. “Let me just check your temperature.”
The besotted young pegasus took a deep breath as he made his first physical contact with Button’s Mum. If he had his way, it would be far from the last. Alright, hotshot, he muttered inwardly. Now’s your chance. Blow her away with your swagger and watch as she becomes mere putty in your hooves. Do it!
Featherweight cleared his throat, putting on the most confident smile he could muster. For a brief moment, he thought he could see a faint blush on her cheeks. Good. He stared deeply into the eyes of his beloved and uttered the most charming, most seductive thing that he could manage to bring to his lips.
“Is there Mister Button’s Mum?”
Milano stepped back, raising her eyebrows and giving him an odd look. “It… doesn’t seem like you have a temperature, but do let me know if you start feeling light-headed again. And remember, it’s Mrs Mash.”
Featherweight face-hoofed hard enough to break a thousand capillaries. He’d bucked up and he knew it. “I will, Mrs Mash.”
“You alive yet?” Button called from the other side of the room. He sat with his hooves crossed angrily, staring daggers at Featherweight. “How am I going to play Four Spears when one of my companions can’t stay conscious for more than a minute!? Maybe I could convince Rumble to—”
“No!” Featherweight cried, leaping to his hooves. There was no way he’d lose his only connection to the Mash household. That was the game, right? Play along with what Button wanted, earn the family’s trust, and then WHAM! He’d have his way with the sexiest genetic time capsule on the block. “I’m fine, honest.”
“Then let’s start this thing!” Button leapt down from the sofa with newfound vigour and began walking towards his room. “I can hardly wait for this! Come on, guys.”
Featherweight hesitated for a moment, looking over his shoulder at Button’s Mum. “Don’t you want to play with us, Mrs Mash?”
“Oh, thanks for the offer,” she chimed back with a sweet smile. “But I’m far too busy with laundry and making the dinner. You kids go on and play your games.”
“It’s not like she could play anyway,” Button scoffed. “I mean, hello, it’s not called Five Spears Adventures.” He carried on down the hallway as Scootaloo brushed past Featherweight, a devilish grin on her face.
“Oh, what’s that?” she whispered evilly. “Only four players? So if one of us was out of commission, say, because they kept fainting, that’d mean Mrs Mash would have to play. And then one thing would lead to another and… Oh look at this.” Scootaloo gestured towards the kitchen where Button’s Mum sat, sifting through a laundry basket. A coat. A jacket. A nurse outfit. A red thong…
Featherweight suddenly felt weak at the knees, his heart racing with untold fervour. He’d always liked nurses. Ever since his tetanus jab when he was eight years old and Nurse Redheart dropped a thermometer under a cupboard, only to spend about ten seconds or so with her plot in the air, swaying from side to side as she searched desperately for it. She thought he’d blacked out because of the injection, but that was never the truth. That image was ingrained in his memory with permanent ink. And now it was all coming back to him.
There was a thud as Featherweight’s head hit the wall. The world was spinning like a monstrous merry-go-round, Scootaloo’s laughter in his ears. With one great burst of effort he stood upright and followed after the two colts, shooting an angry glance at his competitor. Scootaloo had the upper hoof now, it seemed. She knew how weak he was, and more to the point, how could he hope to mount Button’s Mum if he couldn’t even stay conscious in her presence? It was a troubling thought, but far be it to deter him from his goal.
“I’m glad you guys aren’t like my other friend,” Button explained as they reached his room. “On and on, every day he calls me names for playing on consoles. So what if I don’t play on a computer with sixty four gigabytes of ram and twelve graphics cards? Yet all he does is brag about how awesome the graphics are and how I’m such a loser.”
“Sounds impressive,” Snips commented. “What does he play on it?”
“Pone-craft, Mare-arria and… Actually, I think that’s it. He did play Forelega Three for one day just so he could take screenshots and claim bragging rights, but he stopped playing after that.” Button pushed open the door and rushed to his console excitedly. “Now, the game manual is only three sentences long and written in crayon on a business card so we’ll need to do the tutorial before you know what you’re doing. Make sure you can all do advancing guards, parries and quick-swap dual wielding without fail. Alright, let’s do this.”
Button booted the game up and the other three foals took their places next to his bed, clutching awkwardly at their controllers. They all looked between themselves worriedly. So many buttons, arrows and twirly little sticks. How in the name of Celestia’s intergalactic flying sombrero were they supposed to play this with hooves!?
Button pointed towards the screen as a cinematic played showing a death battle between a twenty foot tall mechanised tentacle monster and a thirteen year old filly in a pink miniskirt. It was Japonies, alright.
“Now there are four characters, and since I’m player one I’m choosing who each of you should play as. I’ll be playing as Alex Blaze, of course, since he’s overpowered to the point of spam-tastic brilliance. Scootaloo can play as Ally, the red and black alicorn from Alicornlandia. Her special attack is the alicornado. Snips, you can take Tyrone, the giant, mare-eating spider with a heart of gold. As for you, Featherbrain—”
“Featherweight,” the disgruntled pegasus rasped.
“Right, whatever. You get to be Brad, the waifu stealer.” Button’s gaze intensified. “Nobody likes Brad.”
Featherweight clenched his hilariously disproportionate buck teeth in anger. Now Button was against him? Sure, he’d conked out on his doorstep and had to be revived, but that was small beans. And speaking of which…
“Scootaloo, stop touching yourself and play the game!” Button yelled.
“But I have an itch!” the filly cried in defence. “And it just won’t go away!”
“Just ignore it! I’ve been waiting a lifetime to play this game and I won’t allow for any more delays!”
Snips held up his controller in a yellowish aura and began tapping in a button combination. In response, Tyrone the spider webbed up an enemy ninja mare and bit her head clean off. “I think I’ve got the hang of this now,” he said proudly.
“Hey, no fair!” Featherweight shouted. “It’s gotta be like, ten times easier with magic!”
“Oh, shut your trap,” Button chided. “Just because he can use magic doesn’t mean he’s any better than you, just like you guys having wings doesn’t make you any better than me! Pegasus? Unicorn? Who cares? It’s like my Dad always says, earth ponies are like some sort of master race.”
Featherweight and Scootaloo gulped in unison. Button’s… Dad!? There were plenty of family photographs on the walls and window sills, but aside from Button, his Mum, and an older looking stallion that was presumably Button’s brother, there had been no sign of a father. In fact, Featherweight had presumed him to be dead since there was no sign of him. Oh please be dead, please be dead, please be dead…
“So Button, how is your Dad these days?” Featherweight asked anxiously.
“Oh, Dad?” Button looked at the floor sadly. “He’s no longer here.”
Featherweight and Scootaloo breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief.
“He should be back soon, though,” Button continued. The two pegasi promptly gasped. “He’s off with some friends right now, something called a ‘writers group’ meeting. He does a lot of fiction writing these days. He has this name he goes by, I forget what it is, but I think it’s Latin for ‘fiction writer’ or something.”
This is bad, Featherweight thought to himself as the four ponies continued their virtual trek through the Velvet Grove, took a ride on the Pink Canoe into the realm of the Meat Grinder and faced the might of The Wound That Never Heals. How could he have been so stupid? Button’s Mum was a married mare and nothing was going to change that. It was a lost cause.
Just as hope seemed all but lost, Button’s Mum came in through the door with a tray of treacle tarts, humming a cheery tune to herself. She placed the tray down in front of them. “Dinner is going to take a little longer than expected, so I thought you kids might like a nice treat in the meantime.” She smiled brightly at the foals before her. “I hope you like them!”
“Whatever, Mum!” Button scowled. “Just leave us in peace! We’ve almost gotten to the Salt Cellar!”
Featherweight could hardly believe his eyes. Treacle tarts? There wasn’t a single piece of food in all of Equestria that he loved as much as treacle tarts. Eagerly, he leapt forward and stuffed one into his mouth. As the taste fastened its grip around his tongue, his eyes widened. What he held between his cheeks was the most delicious, delectable and positively scrumptious bundle of carbohydrates ever conceived by pony-kind. And it was all thanks to Button’s Mum. This couldn’t just be a coincidence. He could feel it in his thin little bones, with no shred of doubt in his mind. Button’s Mum was his destiny.
So then, something needed to be done. Who cared about the fact he would be trying it on with a married mare? If Button’s Dad was stupid enough to not spend every waking moment worshipping his wife’s flank then he didn’t deserve to be with her. Featherweight nodded in affirmation as his spirit was reinvigorated. Button’s Dad was history.
The four foals continued playing for another two hours or so, their skills eventually improving beyond ‘press X forever.’ In fact, Featherweight had truly begun to enjoy himself. As far as he was concerned, with every battle won he would be another step closer to the greatest triumph of all. Bit by bit, he would convince Button’s Mum that he was the pony she should be with.
Once it started getting dark outside Button’s Mum told them all it was probably time they’d gone home or their parents would be worried sick. “Yeah. Parents. Suck it, Scootaloo,” Featherweight whispered to the downtrodden filly once they’d left the Mash household. He couldn’t risk being nice to his competition, regardless of the fact that she burst into tears and ran to the orphanage, falling face-first into a mud puddle along the way. And once the whole ‘dead parents’ jibe lost its impact he could just pull the ‘crippled wings’ card and fly off into the distance, laughing all the while. It was win-win.
After arriving home (and explaining to his terrified parents where he’d been all this time, since he’d never bothered to let them know earlier) Featherweight leapt into bed with the biggest smile on his face. He had an idea. An idea that even Button couldn’t say no to. He knew where his Dad’s secret stash of bits was, and that was exactly what he needed. As for the venue, he would have time to hone his skills before that overrated Four Spears game (which only got ten out of ten on Eye-Gee-Enn because the reviewers there are unabashed fan-pleasers too afraid to criticise, like a Bizarro world McShea) was finished. Oh, but that wasn’t everything. He would need the D. In fact, he would need two Ds. Two Ds for Button’s Mum. And an R. Oh yes… Things were about to get very interesting.
Stats
Page generated in 0.025 seconds
Total duration
999 users online
1,394,172 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Poor Featherweight, apparently there's only enough blood in his body to feed either his brain or his... wings.
That escalated quickly...
Poor or not, he's still a dick.
Suck it, Flash Sentry.
And so the FlashLight shippers screamed in anger
And for that he totally deserves to play the disliked character
Oh god, DDR. This should be interesting.
Also, I notice that you're probably from the UK, which is why everypony's using British words, most noticeably "Mum." Is this set in an alternate universe where everypony's English? Most of the ponies in Ponyville speak with American or Canadian accents. I dunno, it's just kinda jerking me out of the story when an American/Canadian starts using those ruddy English words, eh wot?
3361293
Where I live I say 'Mum', and that's how it's going to be for my stories. I refuse to use the word 'Mom' in any piece of writing I ever do, ever. It's not an alternate universe. I hope that clears things up!
3361313 I like who Button's dad is, hmmm?
Also, I play "Stacy's Mom" whenever I read this. Too good, if you haven't heard it.
Also, love ALL the references, from Bizarro, IGN, and... Everything.
3361692
Ah yes, Button's Dad. I wonder who he could be!
Thanks for your support!
3361817
Daddy?!
Low blow there Featherweight.
But leave it to him to be a peeping tom.
Ah, now I remember why I faved this. I simply adore your writing style and how smoothly you can weave little jokes into the narration. I'm practically jealous.
I wish I could give some proper feedback for this, but let's be honest, it doesn't need it. It's not that kind of story. It's pure fun, and boy does it deliver.
We should all play Four Swords!!
I think the parents thing was a bit over the top. I actually felt bad for her. :(
My reaction to this story
just change the 'were' to a 'are'.
ing this story 
A great read
Anyway,
This doesn't need a full worded review because it simply does not deserve it... It exceeds it. Instead I'm going to leave this here to fully express my thoughts on the words I've read in this fiction...
i.imgur.com/HDdHa.gif
5 Out Of 5 Abides.
Abiding it like strange attraction to your abnormally hot cousin: It's wrong, it's bad and its not right... But would totally be worth doing.
THE DUDE ABIDES.
so like why isnt buttons dad home rutting that flank? lord knows i would. possibly a spinoff for him being a impotent champion trucker.
but seriously featherweight got that mad backscratcher for scootaloo's itch.
its a very good story please write more k?
3519067
Sorry it's taking so long! I've been busy updating my other stories!
Once I get my update to Legacy done (which will be within the next day or so) I'll get right back to working on this story. 
3519424 dont worry about, it i can wait (true story)
i once waited 4 weaks , so take youre time
good luck man!
I love this story and want to see more of it
More
: <
3806322
I'm sorry it's taking so long.
But I haven't forgotten about this fic. You will see another chapter eventually!
3806344 Yay~
More of this please!
This is one of my favorite scenarios. I wouldn't have made it quite so descriptively nasty and obscene in some places, but I love the concept.
This is just a little too wired for me, EndlessHarmony out
Reads that, then goes sniffles in the corner all mopey... I swear I am not stealing anyone's waifu...
4750549 You better stay in the corner. We don't accept you're kind here.