Branded by a curse from an unknown source which causes every living thing to try and kill him. A nameless pony wanders the Everfree Forest searching for something to end his suffering and gets caught up in a series of events that will change the world. (Currently has 1 OC but there will be a lot more as in 40+ (rated T for scenes of violence,blood, gore and all around bad luck)
Author's Note
the schedule is random but once book 1 is finished i will upload twice a week.
seeing as book 2 is done and books 3 is half way done.
this is the secondary source for this story so any comments will likely be deleted i am only looking for "feedback" that is presented in a professional manner or is "positive" meaning its not just THIS SHIT SUCK ASS. anything else will be deleted and the posting user blocked.
i never learned written grammar so keep that in mind.
It was good. I just don't understand why it's getting so many downvotes...
3046402
Oh, boy, I dunno. Maybe it's the author's bad attitude towards criticism.
3046402>>3047825
its due to the fact that bronies are just as much douchbags as anyone else. fimfiction is somewhat infamous for the large number of trolls and flamers and people who don't care about others.i have some friends who are real legit fanfic writers and they all agree fimfiction is full of people who just want to troll
this isn't the first time I've been trolled to pieces its actually the 7th but this time its also a story that's doing pretty well on fanfiction.net so it doesn't bother me this time.
i don't have a bad attitude toward criticism its just i don't need "HURR HURR THIS STORY IS A PIECE OF SHIT, CHIMERA/BLUE SKIES IS A MARRY SUE" comments flooding my inbox every two seconds. if anyone has real criticism i am willing to hear it as it says.
if it is done in a professional manner in fine with it
3048222
Hey don't group me in with the haters, I thought your story was excellent.
3048242 sorry
i've just had a tough run of fanfic writeing. so i left fimfiction but since now this story is doing well on fanfiction i have returned but am still very touchy towards other bronies as a whole. since i have met only a select few who aren't assholes
P.S did you decode the code?
im doing a gravity falls ish thing were i have a code at the end of every chapter past the first.
3048266
Ashatca?
Anyway I do actually have one improvement. Write more of it, maybe 5000 words worth. it's far too brief. (which means I like it and what more because it is good).
3048285 the story is 30,000 words long at the moment not counting book one(which this is) which is looking like its going to be 10000 words since i'm only a fifth of the way through
3048292
OH, well then my mistake. I wasn't counting your previous works as part of this story.
When will more be out?
3048300 speraticly until book one is done since its not finished yet but after that i will release a new chapter every Tuesday and thursday
since in total this story has a backstory 3 million years long and 50 OC's all with interesting life stories there is little limit to stuff i can add
in total the whole saga will be 4-5 books long. "not counting multiple spinoffs and stories that follow non main characters
To be completely honest Stormy this time its way better off this time around.
Not to say the other was bad. Its just this one has a lot of the mistakes people hounded you for fixed.
Also I like how this one started the difference is quite interesting.
Ps: Glad to see you back
~Your old pal Reggie
3049385 no the old one was bad i freely admit it but it is halarious how sarcastic and obnoxious people are being this time i doubt that they are even reading
3051973
Some people don't. They skim and then Troll on the parts they read.
3051980 how many dislikes can i geeeeeeeeet while haveing a better story than 80% of stories on this siiiiiiiiiiite.
i wanted only professional criticism. and i i found aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllll the asshats
3048300 also the more i get harrassed the less likely i am to upload on this site
First, let's start with your description. A description is the hook that grabs readers to take a look at your story and should be presented in a professional manner. Though from what I see, all sentences after the very first one are lacking capitals at the beginning. "Everfree Forest" should also be capitalized since the name refers to a specific place, treat it like you would Yellowstone National Park. They are a little different but the capitalization rule still holds true for both. Moving on, you have two opening parenthesis but only one closing one (just drop the second opening parenthesis and replace with a comma), there should be a comma after "gore" and before "and"; consult this image for clarification. You should have a period at the end of the enclosed sentence contained within the parenthesis. The author's not should have a colon on the end, "note" should be capitalized as well since it is kinda acting like a title. "I" should be capitalized in all cases it is referring to yourself.
Words to be Capitalized in Description Going in Order:
"A"
"Everfree Forest"
"Currently"
"Note"
"The"
"I"
"Seeing"
"This"
"I"
"Anything"
Now to the first chapter.
It should be "Fears of the Lost".
You should have a space in here. As a note, it is good to start thoughts and dialog on a new live. It is also convention to use italics to indicate a character's thoughts. Asterisks are only really used in IM chats since it is fast and easy.
Sentence needs a period.
Comma after wings. Again, italics, use them. It makes the thought stand out and not get sucked into the rest of the words.
Timberwolves need not be capitalized; "glare" should be "glares" since there is more than one timberwolf.
Spaces are added after an ellipsis. Example: Someone commented... how odd.
The "kill" should not be capitalized.
"leapt" or "leaped"
"The"
Capitalize "It", I feel there should be a capital after "exploded".
The first "turn" should be "turned". You have some mild word repetition with "turned" though because of this.
No apostrophe on "trees". I feel that sentence should also be reworded.
Capitalize Everfree Forest.
"An" is used before any word that starts with a vowel sound.
Comma should be in there; that is the wrong type of "cast" you used as well.
Comma in there.
Good use of the new line, now to use italics.
Why even bother wrapping scars? They are not even bleeding.
Capitalize the second "I" and use spaces after an ellipsis.
There is a lot wrong here. Ellipses always have 3 dots (as well as a space after), there needs to be more commas in the underlined section, and you need a comma after the ending quote or a period before it and capitalize "the".
Ok, those are the most blatant errors I spotted, there were others but they were more stylistic and would require a lot more explanation. You also seem to be "telling" instead of "showing" actions to the reader. This makes the narration feel a bit dull and does not draw the reader in.
I know you said you wanted a professional opinion, but I do not think anyone on this site is paid to review and critique pony fiction. I have; however, edited a couple stories on this site that routinely get into the featured box with each new chapter, they are also not 'clopfics'.
3056606
Are calling my praise and encouragement harassment? Well this is the last time I say good things about you sir.
3057134 no im not calling it that im say that the actions of other are slowing me down you're one of the few people who areactually get it you're awesome
3057053 thank you very much FINALLY someone gets what i wanted i really aprieciate it im implementing the changes now
OH
EM
GEE
I've seen you improve there old pal
P.S.
BTW This is RainbowDashLove on her newly improved account! LOL
3115288 sweet :D btw i now post chapters of ties in blog posts so go check those out
3115676
I can see that