The Married Life

by Legacy55

Discord, Out of Control

“Hmm…. Yes, everything seems to be in perfect order!” The doctor stated, pulling the cool metal stethoscope off of Celestia’s stomach.

“Well, that’s a relief!” The Princess sighed. “I was afraid the morphine might have done something to the foal!”

“Nope!” The doctor grinned. Turning away from her, he scribbled a few things on a chart. “I believe your body was able to process all of it before it reached the foal; it’s remarkable really!”

Celestia leaned back against the wall and stared through the one small window of the office. She could only see a few ponies moving along the crowded street, going about their business as always. Well, that’s a load off of my shoulders, but then there’s still Discord to worry about... He hasn’t changed a bit and the dinner party’s tonight…

“That’s it for this checkup!” The doctor declared as he grabbed a bottle from one of the cabinets. “Now this is another bottle of morphine, and I trust that you won’t ingest all of it at once like last time…”

Celestia blushed a dark red before she snatched the bottle from his hooves. “Thanks…” She hissed before rushing out of the office.

The doctor poked his head out of the door and waved down the hall. “Goodbye, Princess! Next week you’ll be finding out the gender of your baby! I’m so excited!”

Wow, that actually is pretty exciting! I wonder what it’ll be? Oh, I always dreamt about having a daughter as a little filly… But I suppose a son wouldn’t be too bad, Discord would probably like that a lot more. The thought actually made her giggle; Discord having bonding time with their son. They could play catch in the back yard! Well, I imagine Discord would play some sort of chaotic, messed up version of catch.

Celestia was so immersed in her thoughts that she practically ran over a stallion. He cursed in annoyance before looking up at the Princess; an even angrier look crossed his face.

“Princess Celestia! Just the pony I wanted to see!” He snapped, tapping his hoof against the ground. His coat was a light brown, and tattooed on his flank was a dollar sign. A large, bushy brown mustache ran along his lip.

Great… Just the very last pony I wanted to see… “What is it this time, Senator Green?” She mumbled while rolling her eyes. The senator went by the sole name Green, probably because of his love of money; she doubted he had ever told any pony his real name. He was a very angry unicorn that hailed from Manehattan where he had once run a very large business. He still had huge amounts of money, and because of that, he believed he could boss everypony around.

“Your stupid husband, that’s what! He interrupted a debate yesterday! He crashed in with that loud, annoying thing he’s always riding now and made a mockery of the government! Papers everywhere! Ponies running all about! A frightful mess, as you can imagine.”

“…And what do you want me to do about it?”

Senator Green snarled at how little interest she was paying to him. “Kick him out of the damn castle! Banish him from the Kingdom! Seal him back in stone! I don’t care which! Just get rid of him!” The unicorn shouted, his anger reaching further and further heights. Celestia was surprised that he hadn’t had a heart attack by now, what with all the yelling he always did.

“Listen Senator… Just calm down a bit, Discord isn’t that bad…”

“Not that bad?! NOT THAT BAD?!” He blustered, his face turning darker and darker shades of purple.

“I am not in the mood for this, got it? I have a dinner party tonight and Discord’s probably going to ruin it. So why don’t you go find somepony else to yell at?” Celestia stated, now thoroughly annoyed with the pony. With that she pushed past the angry unicorn and continued down the street.

He was left spluttering, hardly believing that she had just walked past him in the middle of his rant.

--------------------------------

“Come on, Spike, we don’t have all day here!” Twilight said, impatiently tapping her hoof against the floor.

“Well, what if they don’t have anything I like?” Spike asked as he searched through his own personal horde of rubies, emeralds and sapphires. When he found one that looked particularly appetizing, he would throw it into a bag which was already full of sparkling gems.

“I’m sure they’ll have plenty of gems, Spike! This is the Princess we’re talking about!”

“But we spent over an hour packing all those books for you! Why can’t I pack what I want?”

“I need those books, though! I can’t waste a single minute that I could be studying!”

Spike rolled his eyes at her. Now, seeing that he had packed a sufficient amount of gems, he closed the bag shut and rushed down the flight of stairs. “Alright, I’m ready now. Was that so hard?”

Twilight glared at him, obviously annoyed. “We’re four minutes late! We should be on our way to Sugarcube Corner right now!” She hurried outside, the baby dragon trailing behind her.

“Well, I’m sure the others aren’t all there yet…” Spike commented as they began walking down the street. “Hey, is Discord coming with us?”

“No, he’s already at Canterlot. Causing some sort of chaos, probably… I doubt Rainbow Dash realizes what she’s created here…”

“What? He’s not that bad. I mean, he does look incredibly stupid, but it’s not like he’s hurting anypony!”

“Well, Spike…” Twilight began while she went over her checklist for the fourth time. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s sort of acting like his old self. Not his personality, but that he doesn’t care about anypony! I’m afraid he might go back to his old chaotic ways…”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh, which earned him a cold glare. “Really Twilight, you should stop worrying about things! Remember when they were going to get married? You thought he hadn’t changed at all, and look where that got you!”

“I thought we agreed to never talk about that…” She quickly hissed. They dropped the conversation there as they came to the entrance of Sugarcube Corner.

Standing in front of the bakery were four ponies; Pinkie Pie, whose saddlebags were full of baked goods, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity.

“Oh, there you are, darling! Really, it’s not like you to be late…” Rarity commented as they walked over to the group.

“You can thank him.” Twilight replied sharply, nodding to Spike. “Anyway, it doesn’t look like Rainbow Dash is here yet.”

“Nope!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon, though. Heck, the chariots haven’t even arrived yet!”

“Well, that’s just great…” Twilight mumbled in frustration. “That pretty much ruins the whole schedule I planned out… I just hope she gets here soon…”

---------------------------------

True to what Pinkie had said, Rainbow Dash showed up in matter of minutes. Not long after she arrived, two golden chariots swooped down from the sky, each of them being controlled by two armored pegasi.

They split up and piled into both chariots; Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Spike and Pinkie Pie going into the first, while the others climbed aboard the second. The guards kicked off from the ground and started the short journey to Canterlot.

“Well, I suppose we’re not too far behind schedule…” Twilight said as she looked over her notepad.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at the bookworm. “Really, Twilight? Do you have to plan out everything?! I mean, can’t we just go to Canterlot and kill some time before dinner? I’m sure we can find something to do…”

“Do you know how unorganized that is?!” She snapped at her. “We’d lose time looking for something to do! Not only that, but it’s so disorderly and chaotic! You’re no better than Discord…”

“Don’t tell me you still haven’t gotten over him! I thought you sorted all that out after you went crazy…” Rainbow Dash snickered, which caused Twilight to bare her teeth in annoyance.

“It’s not that… I’m just worried about what you’re teaching him. He’s turning back into his old self…”

Rainbow Dash burst out into laughter at this point, and Twilight gave her a confused look. “Ha! Don’t worry about it Twilight, believe me…”

“…And why’s that?” Twilight raised an eyebrow at her.

“Well…” Rainbow Dash lowered her voice slightly, like she was afraid somepony would hear them. This was ridiculous obviously, as it was just the four of them flying through the air. “I’m not exactly teaching Discord to be cool…”

“What?! But, where he’s getting all these stupid ideas from?” Both Twilight and Spike asked.

“Well, me, but he’s not doing what I would say is ‘cool’. You see, when he came to me for help I knew I could never teach him to actually be cool! He’s way too old! Not only that, but it took years to get where I am! You can’t just get there in a few days!”

Twilight rolled her eyes at her friend’s enormous amount of self confidence.

“So, instead of actually teaching him the real stuff, I just made up a bunch of junk! All I really want is a day with the Wonderbolts, so I couldn’t care less if he gets through this ‘midlife crisis’ or not.”

“So you’re lying to him? Rainbow, Discord is going through a really tough time right now. I don’t think what you did was such a good idea…” Twilight said, completely stunned that her friend had acted so selfishly.

“It’s just a little fun, Twilight, lighten up! You do have to admit, he looks ridiculous! You can’t imagine how hard it was to keep a straight face when I was teaching him all that stuff!” Rainbow Dash snickered, unable to keep herself from laughing.

Well, what’s done is done. I just hope Discord doesn’t hold on to this idea of being ‘cool’ for very long…

“Dashie!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “I thought we were helping Discord! Not making him look stupid!”

“Well, in his mind he thinks he’s cool so in a way, I did help him!”

Pinkie Pie pondered the statement for a moment, and eventually seemed content. It did seem like she was very concerned for Discord, and genuinely wanted to help him get through this.

“Look! There’s Canterlot!” Spike shouted, his claw pointed towards the towering spires of the royal city. They all turned to one side and gazed at the city. No matter how many times Twilight saw it, it never ceased to amaze her. The chariot lost some altitude and began slowing down. After a few moments, they stopped in a cleared area and stumbled out of the chariots.

“Alright, the Princess told me to see her right after we arrived. Meet me back here in…” Twilight paused to look at her precious schedule. “…Thirty three minutes and forty-seven seconds!”

---------------------------------

As Twilight paced down one of the ornate halls of Canterlot Castle, she heard a loud scream echo through the building. Worried, she hurried to the end of the hall and kicked open the door to the Princess’s study.

Lying around a mess of papers was a distressed looking Alicorn, who was breathing heavily and it looked like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Upon hearing the door open, she looked over and breathed a sigh of relief. “Twilight! Thank goodness you’re here…”

The unicorn quickly rushed to her teacher’s side. “Princess! What’s wrong?”

Celestia got to her hooves and looked her straight in the eye. “Everything! Discord’s causing chaos around the castle, the Arcana Council is sending me dozens of complaints about how busy they are, a very angry senator is bothering me every other minute, and the dinner plans are a complete disaster!”

Never before had Twilight seen the Princess is such distress. She was usually so composed and calm. But there was a lot of stress on her; any lesser pony would have broken long ago. “Don’t worry, Princess, it’s okay. If there’s anything I can help with, just tell me.”

“Thank you, Twilight.” The Princess smiled at her and it felt like some of the pressure was relieved. “If you could get Discord out of the castle, that’d be great. He’s turned the entire east wing into a racing track for that bike of his, and it’s impossible for anypony to get anything done over there!”

“You can count on me, Princess!” Twilight saluted before teleporting out of the room. Celestia let out a sigh before she began searching through the piles of papers. Pausing a moment, she grabbed the bottle of morphine and popped a few of the pills into her mouth. That’s good Celly, pace yourself. Don’t want to go all crazy like last time… Well, at least that’d relieve all this stress I’m going through right now!

---------------------------------------

Just as Twilight had predicted, she had found Pinkie in one of the sweet shops in Canterlot. After a quick explanation, she teleported the two of them back to the castle, and began prowling the halls for the Draconequus.

“So, why do you need my help, Twilight?” Pinkie asked as they turned another corner. The halls were all deserted for some reason.

“Because, you’re Discord’s best friend! I’m sure he’ll listen to you.” Twilight replied before they turned another corner. They found the following hallway very different from the others. Instead of expensive carpet, they found the floor to be black and paved. A white line ran through the middle of it, giving the impression of a race track. “I guess Discord is bound to be around here somewhere…”

They continued along the track, and as they went they found the road becoming more and more distorted. It began running along the walls, and at one point it was even on the ceiling. They didn’t question any of this, however, as the Draconequus tended to defy logic.

“Discord? Discord?” The two mares called out as they went. Before long, they heard the revving of Discord’s motorcycle, and he came flying from around a corner. He came to a sudden stop in front of the two mares. He raised his sunglasses and looked at them. “Twilight! Pinkie! Ayyy!”

Twilight face hoofed, as that was by far the lamest thing he had done so far. What was he going to do next, hit a jukebox to make it turn on?

“Discord… Please no, just stop… Please…”

The Draconequus looked shocked and hurt. “What? You don’t like the cool new me? Like I needed your approval anyway…” He crossed his arms and looked away from her. “As if you know what cool is! You’re the most nerdy pony I know!”

“Hey, I’m not nerdy! I just like books, that’s all…” Twilight quickly responded.

“Yeah, Discord! That’s not very nice.” Pinkie Pie pouted.

Discord laughed. “Rainbow Dash told me cool ponies make fun of other ponies, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do! Pinkie, you should lay off the sweets! You’re starting to get a little tubby!”

“Hey!” Pinkie Pie frowned, looking wounded. “I’m not fat…” She looked at her flank, frowning again.

“…And Twilight! Try getting your head out of those books and talking to somepony for once! Although, with a face like that, you’re not going to get much…” Discord snickered.

“Now that’s just downright mean!” Twilight quickly snapped. “Now turn the east wing back to normal! Your wife is having a mental breakdown right now!”

“Heh, that’s not gonna happen anytime soon. I’m having a great time ridding on my track, and I’m not going to let old Celly ruin my fun! See ya, egghead and fatty!” Discord started his motorcycle back up and sped down the hallway, leaving both Twilight and Pinkie with angry looks.

“Egghead?” The unicorn questioned, the words taking a moment to sink in.

“Fatty?” The pink pony asked, and a long silence followed.

“No pony calls me fat! No more misses nice Pinkie!” Pinkie pie growled, turning to Twilight with a very serious look.

“Pinkie, get the net. We have a Draconequus to catch! ” She snapped, nodding towards her friend.

Comments

[Deadontheinside]

well.......dash is in trouble..............SUCKS TO BE HER!

[Legacy55]

I am so very, very, very sorry for the Fonzie reference. I just couldn't help myself!

[TheBrony]

Oh this won't end well!!

[The Dragon Warlock]

Dash is officially in trouble.

[thewaffler]

I mean this in the best way possible. Discord's midlife crisis isn't funny anymore(well...the Fronzy joke was GREAT TO THE 10th degree) it's just sad. It's like he's trying to be cool the way your dad tries to be cool by listening to your music or trying to jump in on the latest fads. Discord needs help.

I hope that when they catch him Twilight goes all therapist on his ass.

fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/293/7/8/businessmare_twilight_by_xfizzle-d4ddjmy.png
"So, tell me about your childhood..."

[Rambo]

Story seems lengthy, any clue as to how much longer until the end?

[Mother3Forever]

Uh oh...Pinkie's channeling the Excorcist!!!

[Owndapwn]

Good thinking. Tasking Pinkie with the net. Only she could find one good enough.

[ShyasuEasternSun]

BEWARE! Pinkie is enrage!!!
And for Twilight....well she's serious too but you get the point.

[twilightsparkleisbestpony]

dun dun dun duuun.

[Kamineigh]

img.ponibooru.org/_images/704a65b5c8298201d5bf89dfa0d01005/130303%20-%20animated%20big_macintosh%20brace_yourselves%20macro%20reaction_image%20shitstorm.gif

[Legacy55]

467664

Still quite awhile, I'd say the story is about entering the middle at this point.

[Bachelor 2]

470396
*drools*
best gif EVER!!!
mind if i save it im my gif box?

[BronyNo.42]

Oh no! A deadbeat dad that doesn't want to take care of his kid. Don't worry Pinkie Responsibility Pie will teach him! Heh hpe she catches him and gets his head on straight.

[Azure Flame]

I'm pretty sure Pinkie will go all Pinkamena on Discord for calling her fat...

[Rosella_329]

discord gonna be one of Pinkie Pie's....i mean Pinkiemena's cupcakes if he doesn't stop calling her fat oh wait she will turn him into a cupcake as soon as she catches him. by the way the story keeps getting better and better keep it up.

[Magical Trevor]

Ayyy!

... XD

SERIOUSLY?! a HAPPY DAYS reference?! XD I lol'ed SO hard! XD

[Juria]

Uh oh, dah shit has hit dah fan!

[The Princess Rarity]

It has to be a filly It just has to be. I can totally see Discord spoiling a little girl rotten and Celestia having that little motherly urge to bond (... Blame my feels for that.)

Aaaanywho, YO YO YO SHIT GON GO DOWN (Yeah, that's more like me)

[Sunny Smile]

Pinkie get the net where'd that come from? Oh and

[Inkscape]

Pinkie, get the net! - Twilight really does come prepared for EVERYTHING!

[ShadowLDrago]

Discord, one would think that in your life, you would have learned that calling a mare fat, ANY mare, if not a good idea. At all.

[Luna-my-favorite-pony]

“Pinkie! Get the net!”
Makes sense Pinkie would have a chaos-creature-catching net.
I didn’t even try to make that alliteration. Lol