The New Discord
Three figures stood in the morning air. One of them looked rather tired, another was pacing back and forth, and a third who was jumping around with unusual energy. A black, paved race track ran around the huge empty valley beside them.
“Alright!” Rainbow Dash snapped, eyeing Discord fiercely, who was standing as still as a statue. “Now, I’m not going to lie, this training is going to be tough, and only the strongest will make it through!” She turned away from him and paced a few meters away.
The pegasus was dressed in the same attire that she had worn during her best pet competition; a hat covered her usually messy hair and a red whistle dangled from her neck. She spun around and glared at him. “So, you think you’re up to it?”
“Ha! I’m the immortal god of chaos! I think I can handle whatever you can throw at me…” He grinned, rolling his eyes at her serious attitude.
“You say that now, but just wait until we get started…” Rainbow said with a sly grin. “Now, I believe that you were born cool. You can’t achieve coolness, or learn to be it, so you’re either cool or you’re not. We’re going to see if you have what it takes!”
Discord yawned, already bored of this training.
“That’s it! Twenty laps, maggot!” She suddenly barked at him, causing him to jump with fright.
“What? You don’t actually expect me to run do you?!”
“Thirty it is!” She yelled, pointing a hoof towards the race track. With a sigh, Discord started running around the track. He didn’t understand how this was going to make him cool, but he didn’t want to argue with the pegasus who was so graciously offering her wisdom.
“Uhh, Dashie? How is this supposed to make Discord cool?” Pinkie Pie asked as the two of them watched the Draconequus run. He was out of shape to say the least. Granny Smith probably could have run faster than him.
“Oh, Pinkie. You’ll see. Discipline first, then the real training starts!”
After what must have been twenty minutes, Discord fell to the black pavement exhausted. “Oh, sweet Celestia, my lungs are on fire!” He moaned, clutching a hand to his chest. “Actually, do I even have lungs? If anything I think I have gills…”
“Are you joking me?!” Rainbow Dash roared, looking down at him with a disappointed look. “That was only one lap!”
“I-I know… Ca-can’t do… anymore!” He said between deep breaths. The pegasus just rolled her eyes at him.
“Well, I guess you can do the other twenty-nine laps later… Honestly, how can anypony be THAT out of shape?”
“Well…” Discord finally caught his breath and got to his feet. “I was in stone for over a thousand years, not to mention I like to hover rather then walk like you chumps…”
“Yeah Dashie, cut him a break!”
“Fine, fine… I guess we should get started with the real training anyway… Now, one of the most important parts of being cool is the vocabulary, so let’s get started with that…”
-------------------------------
“That can’t be true! There’s no way the Princess would ever do that!”
“Well, I’m not lying, Twilight! I heard it straight from a friend, who knows a friend, who knows a guard that saw the whole thing!” Rarity replied with a smile. She always loved sharing the latest gossip, which was a trait that was similar to the upper class ponies in Canterlot.
“Well, I just can’t believe that! I’ll have to mention it to her in my next letter…” Twilight mumbled, seriously doubting that her teacher had run around Canterlot castle like a crazed maniac.
After hearing a whistle from the kitchen, Rarity got up from her seat and hurried to make their tea. Within a few moments, she returned with two cups of steaming hot brew levitating behind her. She placed one in front of her lavender friend, and then took a sip from her own cup.
“Thanks, Rarity! We haven’t had tea together for awhile!” Twilight smiled, blowing away the rising steam from her cup.
“Oh, it’s no problem at all, dear! We really should do this more often.” There was silence between the two of them for a few moments as they sipped from their tea.
“So…” Twilight looked up from her drink. “Have you decided what you’re going to wear to the Princess’s dinner this weekend?”
*SPLASH* “GAH! I completely forgot about that! My goodness, what am I going to wear?!” Rarity yelled, spitting tea all over her unicorn friend. She jumped up from her seat and rushed upstairs to her wardrobe.
Twilight sat with a frown on her face. After a few moments she pushed away the sopping wet hair from her eyes and hurried up to her friend. She ducked as she entered the bedroom, just barely dodging a pile of clothes that flew past her.
“MUST. FIND. SOMETHING!” Rarity was literally tearing apart her closet as she searched desperately for something decent to wear.
“Um… Rarity? It’s this weekend, so I’m sure you have more than enough time to pick something…”
“NO! I’ve got to look now, and if I don’t have anything, then I’ll need to make something! But then I’ll have to go and buy more fabric, and OF COURSE I’ll need to find some more gems… Oh dear, this is going to be a lot of work…” She sighed, placing a hoof to her head.
------------------------
“Ah… It’s been a long day…” Celestia groaned as she collapsed on her bed. Her sister looked at her with a dissatisfied expression.
“Long day? It’s only dinnertime! You still have another two meetings, and then you have to finish the planning for the dinner this weekend!”
“Speaking of dinner…” Celestia mumbled as her stomach growled. “Let’s go get something to eat, and then we can finish the rest of that rubbish…”
Celestia reluctantly got up from her bed and headed to the kitchens along with her sister. Within thirty minutes, the two of them were eating silently in the dining hall.
“You’re lucky we were able to replace the head chef so quickly…” Luna stated as they ate.
“Let’s never mention that night again…” Celestia quickly hissed back.
The silence between them was broken by an extremely loud revving, which seemed to echo through the whole castle. The two of them looked around in confusion, when suddenly a motorcycle broke through the large doors and came to a screeching stop in front of the table. Both of their jaws dropped as Discord stepped off of the bike.
“Hey, baby…” He mumbled, giving Celestia a single glance. He was dressed in a black leather jacket, and dark sunglasses covered his eyes.
“D-D-Discord?! What the hay is all this?!” She questioned, gesturing to his clothes and motorcycle.
“Just my new wardrobe baby, don’t like it? Too bad.” He replied, playing with the toothpick in his mouth.
“I-I-I… I don’t know what to say…” Celestia continued to stare at him, trying to make sense of his new attitude. He did look somewhat stupid, like one of those idiots who pretended to be cool by wearing dark clothes and driving a motorcycle. But part of her was somewhat… attracted?
“Just what are you trying to accomplish with this? Trying to look like an idiot?!” Luna chuckled, unable to do anything but laugh at him.
“Well, look who’s talking? You look like the rear end of a manticore…” Discord smirked, causing her to snarl at him.
“So, is this where you’ve been all day? Getting all this?!”
“Yeah, my main pegasus RD was teaching me to be like the young ponies these days; then I made myself this sweet ride.” He stated coolly, taping his bike with a talon.
Luna shook her head at him and returned to her meal. “Well, enjoy looking like a complete moron!”
Discord glared at her through his sunglasses, and after a few moments he looked away and mounted his bike. “Well, peace baby. I’m going out drinking with my friends. I’ll probably see you around midnight.”
“What?!” Celestia blurted out. “Since when do you drink?”
“Since now. Get used to it.” The motorcycle’s engine echoed through the large room as he started it up again. After taking another glance at the Princesses he drove out of the dining hall, leaving a massive cloud of exhaust. As the smoke cleared, they noticed large tire tracks stained into the once beautiful carpets.
“You know, he sure is making being pregnant hard…” Celestia sighed, shaking her head at the mess he left behind.
“I don’t see why you’re so upset about it, sister. I find this whole thing hilarious! I say let him drive around and look like an idiot.”
“Well, it may be fun for you, Luna, but it definitely isn’t for me… He is supposed to be a prince after all! Just wait until I get every senator and politician in Canterlot complaining to me…”
-------------------------
Well, I certainly hope Rarity calms down soon… Twilight thought to herself as she stepped onto the street. I’m sure she’ll find something, or make something, for that matter. She really does enjoy her work, so it won’t be that big of a problem.
Twilight began her short walk back to the library, which was just a few streets from the boutique. As she trotted along, she glanced at all the ponies that walked by, and all of them were busy doing their daily chores. While Ponyville certainly wasn’t as busy and crowded as Canterlot, it had its own sense of life. The center of the town was usually bustling at times, but not so much as ponies would knock you out of the way as they would in the capital. It was a quaint town, and Twilight loved spending time here whether it was in the park or just an afternoon stroll.
However, the peace that usually filled the streets was broken by a loud revving. The unicorn looked around in confusion, wondering what in Equestria could be making the ear shattering noise. She jumped back in fright when a motorcycle came blazing down the street and stopped abruptly in front of her.
“D-Discord?!” She looked up at the black figure on the bike, knowing there was only one creature in Equestria that possessed a body like that.
“Yo, Twilight!” He raised his shades and smirked at her. “What are you doin’ around here?”
“Umm… This is my house…” She stated, gesturing a hoof to the tree behind her.
“Oh, yeah, right!” Discord nodded, quickly trying to hide his stupid comment. “So, uh…”
“What’s with the clothes? …And that…thing?” She pointed to his bike.
“Well, I’m just trying to act like the new generation, you know? You can only stay old and strict like Celestia and Luna for so long…”
“Right…” Twilight said with an awkward smile. “Well, I really should be going, you know…”
“Oh, uh, yeah!” Discord placed the glasses back over his eyes, trying to retain his air of coolness that had been slipping. “I’m going out drinking with some friends, so yeah… Peace.”
The motorcycle let out another high pitched cry and sped off down the road. She shook her head as she opened her door. This definitely wasn’t one of Discord’s most brilliant plans…
-----------------------
“Gah! This isn’t working at all!” Discord mumbled in frustration as he dragged a talon through his mane.
“What do ya mean? You look so cool! Just do everything I taught you and you’ll be fine.” Rainbow Dash said with a reassuring smile.
“Well, I don’t feel very cool… Nor do I feel any younger…” The Draconequus stared down at his glass of chocolate milk for a few moments before taking another sip of it.
“You just got to work on it! That’s all!” Pinkie Pie grinned, downing her third glass in one swig. “More please!” She held out her empty cup, eagerly awaiting the next glass of chocolaty delight.
Sighing, Discord snapped his talons and refilled her cup. He looked around at the boring, monotone walls of Rainbow Dash’s cloud home. While it certainly looked amazing from the outside, the same couldn't be said about the interior. Her kitchen had little to admire, no doubt because she rarely used it.
“I guess you’re right, Pinkie… I’m sure with some time and effort, I’ll be the bees er… How does that go again?”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at him. “Well, your training isn’t done yet! We still have the next few days to toughen you up so you’ll be ready for the Princess’s dinner this weekend!”
“Right! Let’s do this!” Discord declared, downing the last of his drink.
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Oh dear Celestia *facehoof* he's having a midlife crisis.
I have no words to describe him right now, every time I try I just get frustrated and facehoof.
Heh, old people shouldn't try to act cool or younger. It just makes it worse
And how do they know what a motorcycle is and why didn't they recoil in horror at the leather jacket? You know since leather is cow skin.
I learned a very important message from this fic and that is even an immortal god can go through an embarrassing midlife crisis. I love the part of him that says all this is stupid and unnecessary. THIS FIC IS PURE WIN.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-aD81s4dm8x4/T04vxjlmeCI/AAAAAAAAAhs/2bVVOXCO23A/s1600/BRUCE-LEE-APPROVES-GIF.gif
peace Out.
Even immortals get midlife crisises! Yes! its not just a mortal thing anymore!
Great story so far! I needed the laugh! I'm loving this!
At the end there... all I could think was LEEERRRROOOYYYY JEEENNNNKKKIINNNSSSS! Nice chapter man. Keep up the great work!
376489
At least I have chicken.
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110722094009/mlp/images/4/41/Scootaloo.png
376645 ...I...I...Curse you, Legacy! Ya said the one thing I wouldn't have a comeback for... nice one... also, I has more chicken then you! TROLOLOL
face hoof
oh my gosh. just give it up Discord, stop trying. it's embarrasing. i love luna's reaction, though, couldn't stop laughing.
My God it keeps getting better and better.
No Highlestia in this one?
Also, this is undoubtedly late, but Morphine is injected.
And it's a narcotic. So it would make her tired and unable to walk very well, much less run.
She would still be a moron and see book demons and the like, but would react very differently.
As always sir, you never cease to amaze with this story.
Remind me to give you one of my congressional Medal of Honors. If Pinkie Pie ever makes cupcakes and it's your Number. You know where to find me.
s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/newsfeed/000/171/871/Cupcakes%20I%20just%20read%20the%20Cupcakes%20MLP%20Fanfiction_84b39b_2000942.jpg?1315523333
Hmm....how bad is it going to be once this dinner weekend plan comes?
Because I have a funny feeling that something out of nowhere, Discord is going to cause major crush on Celestia. And dear god, who knows what will happen.
377092 Immortals have the magicks.
376645
That's a picture of a dodo.
This is a chicken.
theauthorsapprentice.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/pinkie-pie.jpg
377092
While Morphine is often injected, it can be inserted into the body through tablets. Also, it has a wide array of effects and it can vary from person to person. Or in this case, pony to pony.
Not to mention, were talking about a show with cartoon ponies! The show doesn't make a lot of sense to begin with...
I'm picking up a coolness reading of over 40 megafonzies! Oh Disord logic. Trying to act young and cool, better emulate someone from over 3 decades ago- seems legit. I pictured discord looking like Fonzie and it made me laugh.
This fic becomes better and better
. By the way discord stop trying to act cool and young 
its way too far out
anyways nice fic can't wait to see what happens next.
No Discord, please no...
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/265/b/1/mlp_fim_pinkie_making_cupcakes_by_dawkinsia-d4akoml.jpg
my eyes they are unworthy
so i must stop reading this story for it is too good for my eyes to witness
376312 it's discord, he poofed it in to exicetance.
So... Um... was he drinking the glass or the milk?
383738
Nah, that'd be a chicken if it was her on Nightmare Night.
So you only get a half point.
377152
What retreat? One does not simply run from Pinkie.
376312
Faux leather, they have hot dogs too, but those aren't meat...
841360 yes
Discord, Discord, Discord.
Everyone knows when you feel old, you get a sports car!
I can't stop facehoofing.
Noo! Don't man don't do it you'll only make a fool of your self
Discord drinks like me.
"I'm going drinking with my friends!" *drinks chocolate milk*
So does anyone else want to rip Rainbows wings off, shove them down here throat, and then burn her with gasoline so that she has to stay in a burn ward reading daring do for the rest of her life alone and depressed, and then finally offs herself when she realizes she can't become a wonderbolt. Don't mess with my perfect fanboy image of Discord, don't you dare Rainbow Dash.
"Actually, do I even have lungs? If anything, I think a have gills"
*LAUGHING* G-gills!!!!!
