• Published 22nd Feb 2012
  • 6,766 Views, 130 Comments

My Little Twilight - zephyrdash



A story based off of My Little Dashie, comes a story of me and my life with Twilight Sparkle

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**AUTHORS NOTE**

Hey guys, sorry for being gone for so long. My brain has been blank and I had some deaths in the family and a cat who died. :c

But I'm back now, and I'm working on the next chapter, so only a couple of more days! Remember, I don't have much time to do it because of all the work I'm getting, but just you wait!


-Zephyr Dash

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Comments ( 12 )

I'm sorry to hear about your losses, but good to see you are back to continue writing. I look forward to the new updates. :pinkiesad2:

Comment posted by Mr Pones deleted Jan 15th, 2013

>My Little Dashie sidefiction

Yeah, no... I'll pass on this

I am intrigued by this story, please continue.

(also why are the doctor and derpy listed in the characters list, did I miss something.

Finally, he's back! You have no idea how long I have been waiting for adorableness... :fluttercry:

woah. sorry about your losses. i know how you feel :C

Sorry about your losses, life can be a cruel and terrible bitch sometimes.
Take your time.

Comment posted by Darkflare deleted Jul 24th, 2013

I know how you feel just two weeks ago, my ex friend's dad died and a week later my friend AJ died :ajsleepy::ajbemused::pinkiecrazy::fluttercry::fluttershbad::twilightangry2:

I am really enjoying this story i hope you write more i am really enjoying the duel reality of this story:twilightsheepish:

I want to favorite this story, I really do. It has a good concept and at times it made me "DAWW"

But I can't get past the choppy flow and the random scenes. It kills the mood for me

The story is to clunky. It transitions very suddenly and a lot of the events seem disjointed, they don't connect with eachother. A good story has smooth flow of events. With on ocasion, a good filler scene.

The dream sequences come on to suddenly, I was reading discovery and was completely derailed when I found out that was a dream.

Now that can be a good or a bad thing depending on badly the reader is thrown off.

A good dream sequence in my eyes gives very, very subtle clues to that's it's only a dream. Dreams have different physics than reality. Not just something extremely weird happening.

I actually would've loved to see where the discord/dreamland sequence would've gone. That seemed interesting.

You also need to stress details. EVERY SINGLE ACTION HAS A FEELING, A TOUCH A TASTE A LOOK.
and in a MLD-ish fic, this us even more important as the human interacts with a vividly colorful pony A LOT. give me de fluff, ME GUSTA LA FLUFF!

I know it's your own spin on ROBs story, but if your trying to get the same emotion from me as his did, It could use a bit more detail.

MAKE ME SMILE

There are my major complaints.

Here are my minor complaints:
You seem to be hanging onto baby Twilight to long.
As much as i love "DAWWING" over how cute she is, I wan't to see her grow up. That doesn't mean ignore the character development. Get the right moments in her life so readers are left with mini heart attacks.

Grammar: speaks for itself [not as bad]

Other than that, I BUCKING LOVE THIS!

Just not enough for a fav... but I sure will like it

this review is only my opinion and you can choose to ignore me. I'm okay with being wrong.

Hope to see more of this.

Happy writting!

I just found this story it's really sweet... But I would like to see more because it has just abruptly stopped

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