• Member Since 17th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen May 18th, 2023

Cabensis


Spike being best pony transcends time.

Sequels1

T

Rainbow Dash cares about her image. A lot.
So what happens when she has to return a book of a certain genre to the library and runs into Spike, whom she's just started to hang out with?

Sequel
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Created mainly for the SpikeDash competition started by Vexy.
Constructive criticism is welcome. If you're here to flame, please take the next door to the right.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 52 )

I love Spike/dash :pinkiehappy:

I love it! Thanks for writing this! :rainbowkiss:

I don't know why, but when I saw the cover, I immediately started playing the theme song of Colors

And I always thought she was a lesbian.......
:rainbowderp: : Of coarse I'm not you moron of a MAD!!!!

"Sure-kill move! 'W-pressure point of death!'"

:moustache:

awesome and I love your profile pic, ragna the bloodedge is awesome.

This was a really good story. Made me bust out laughing a couple times too. I'll read this again for sure. :twilightsmile:

Nice. As of many things I like that are complete, and I feel they can be continued..... sequel please! Develop relationship between Spike and Dash? Their relationship would probably be exactly as you portray it, goofball most of the time, with some serious ego massages for Dash. She probably would deny attraction, seeing it as uncool, but being Dash, be absolutely terrible at hiding it. Spike maybe oblivious at first? Eh, either continue or don't I support it.

"Did you think the ending was any good? Personally I felt it was a bit rushed. I mean, Cinnamon Twirl just forgave White Chess and then they got together at the end. What's up with that?"

Great Expectations, anyone?

That was nice great job!

"Because reasons."

Best reason ever.
Im gonna start to use that...

"You didn't notice? It was basically a 'And then they--'" Spike began.

"No, no, wait a minute!" Rainbow interrupted

Nicely done.

Minor typo in that otherwise hilariously well-timed interruption: that should be "basically an", not "basically a".

It was cute man, is this a one-shot or are you going to continue it?

This was a good story of what could-be a good romance.
Everyone stayed in character and I like the fact that with living with Twilight and staying in a library that Spike is putting the information about ponies to good use.:twilightsmile:

Knowledge is power!:moustache:
Learn all you can, than..... conquer all that you want!:trollestia:

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Well, the story was intended to be a one-shot... but seeing how it got such good response I might continue it. Besides I also felt that
there's much more character development to be had, and I just couldn't do it in this short story or it'd come out way too fluffy and rushed.

There are still one main reason I don't want to continue.

I'm terrible at keeping my interest directed at something for too long. Updates will come irregularily, sometimes not for a full half year I dread.
So for now it'll have to be settled with that 'I might' continue it. I'll at least wait until the deadline of Vexy's competition, which is 31 august (I believe...)

3019821
Fixed!

3019193
Thanks john, and sorry to burst your bubble but it ain't Ragna, it's Cabensis from Arad Senki: Slap-Up Party. I agree that the two look similar, at least up close :twilightsmile:

---
Everyone, I thank you for all your comments! I actually felt sick to the stomach about uploading this one and couldn't sleep very well,
but now I couldn't be happier :pinkiehappy:

I hope you'll enjoy future fics!

BOOK, COVER, YADA YADA!

I'm kidding, of course. This was a fun, little slice of cute, and I enjoyed it very much. It wasn't bad at all for a first try, and I hope you continue on with either this or future stories, so we can see how well you improve. There were a few issues with grammar and punctuation; the most glaring examples being:

"You just said you was."

and

"No, probs RD." Spike said while putting his arm around her neck.

But other than that, it was pretty good. You're certainly brave to take on a topic like this for your first story. And you did it well. I think you did great in capturing Dash's needless insecurities, like how she worries so much over the smallest things (especially if it makes her look uncool.) Good thing Spike is such a cool guy. Dash really didn't need to worry at all; I think if anyone in the series can be counted on to keep a secret, it should be Spike. And he really put those book smarts to work in this story, I'll tell you what. I don't know if he's just playing around with Dash as a friend, or if he genuinely feels something beyond friendship for her. But that embarrassing situation that he accidentally (or deliberately) put her in is definitely a steppingstone to another chapter in this saga (should you decide to continue),

Anyway, I've rambled long enough. Good job, and I hope you decide to keep writing and to keep improving!

3020675
Hey, thanks for the feedback!
I expected some form of criticism actually, what with english not being my native language (and the fact that I requested it.)
And since it's not, I tend to forget proper grammar sometimes, 'was' and 'were' being the examples you brought up.

I'm also a lot less technical when I write than I want to be, I more or less go by my gut when I decide where to punctuate.
It's a work in progress, and I'm sure it'll improve the more I write. Thanks for pointing it out though, now I know what to proof-read a little extra.

(I'll fix the errors when I have time, need to run soon)

I feel there is almost a secret meaning behind this story. I got outed as a brony to my group of friends and have been getting harassed endlessly for it, but I take it with humor and self depreciation. One friend said he would watch an episode or too because he was so curious why a big burly 31 year old father of soon to be 2 would watch my little ponies.

I guess I was hoping for what happened to rainbow dash, that all my friends would be like "cool! we're bronies too!"

See! The fact that this story got me thinking and analyzing shows you have talent. Keep it up!

Thumbs up
-:eeyup:

"Will... will you have me?" Rainbow heard herself say, immediately clasping her hooves on her mouth.
"...See! You did remember how the book ended!" Spike added jokingly, sparing her further embarrassment.

Don't know if oblivious or on purpose redirection; either way it was funny.

Death by embarrassment, love that ending. Even with the English as a second language barrier, it was a very good story keep writing. I have just a few suggestions for editing and future writing.

The Dashbow thing was still weird even after you explained it. I would put your first three paragraphs into one paragraph.
It had slowly moved up on her list of favourite things to do ever since the incident with the first book she ever read. It could be a little tighter/less wordy. It had slowly moved up on her list of favourite things to do ever since she finished the first Daring Do. Before it was a complicated try to write so that you aren't making it harder on yourself. Instead of next-generation, maybe use genre. A few of your sentences are a little redundant. You might want to break up the sentences because you seem to be overdoing the "Start of sentence, side note, end of sentence" a lot and it seems out of place to be used so often. Some sentences seem fragmented. Those are just some things to look at for starters. I see potential in your writing, but you tend to clutter your words a bit. I'd say cut down the extra words, flesh out some of the descriptions and add some actions they are doing while they are talking.

Well, I certainly enjoyed it overall, but could I recommend using the word 'cool' a bit less? Although, I could be having a moment of idiocy and not realized it was intentional, given it is 5am, but I don't think it was on purpose. Regardless...

Excellent read, old chap! :moustache:

3020470
Well, if you don't think you can go for the long haul, creating a story with many chapters, you could just give us multiple one-shots from the same continuum, further expanding it at your own pace. However, regardless of what you do, it would be nice if you made a "Sequel" chapter to tell people who fav'd this piece that there's another one.

Cute little story, this. Adorable little Tsundere Dash is adorable. :rainbowkiss:

SFC

You must write a sequel; I will be sorely disappointed if you do not. I understand you may need some motivation, so you have my follow. Do not upset me chap; I believe you may have potential. If you are worried about your grammar, I will be happy to proof read your chapters before you publish them. I am also quite suprised english is not your native language as your grammar and sentence construction is quite impressive. Good luck and carry on writing!

3021018
Thank you for taking you time to teach a novice like me :twilightblush:
I guess one can get a litte blinded by the word count, which explains my redundant sentences. Many users just check the amount of words and moves on if it's not high enough (I'm guilty of that.)
I'll be sure to keep your criticism in mind next time I approach the keyboard.

3020888
It's pretty ironic that I'd write this story because I'm actually a closet brony. And a closet romantic comedy lover.
I used to fight harrassment but it was just so tiring that I started taking it with a dash of humor too.
In a perfect world maybe...

3021262
If you're talking about when Rainbow Dash thought it was cool that Spike was being cool about her thinking romance was cool, then I can assure you that it was entirely intentional :twilightsmile:

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Ok, I'll be sure to put in a "sequel" chapter when I make one. And thanks Superflyingcookie, but I think I'll continue by myself for awhile, at least until I get my basic writing problems out of the way :ajsmug: I'll keep your offer in mind though...

3029001

Ok. Confirming that I am indeed an idiot at 5:00 in the morning. Gotcha!

Thanks for the clear-up.

I'm not here to flame, but I did check the next door on the right. It's truly a hellish place....well done good sir!


And I can also imagine a few things that Spike would do to Rainbow Dash for an overdue book....heh..heh...

Dear Minimin.

Well done good sir, quite a lovely gem to stumble upon at 12 in the morning indeed.:moustache:
You know I have to say I never saw Spidash as a couple but I just might have to reconsider now.


Yous Truly Thecakedevil.

>"...what?"

Should just be "What?" The ellipsis is unnecessary and this is the start of a sentence so the 'what' has to be capitalized.

3072609
Duly noted.
I think I wanted Dash to be a bit dazed here but I guess it doesn't work to write this way?

Gotta say, this is better constructed than most Spike stories I've read. I'm glad you are starting a sequel, I'll keep on reading. :twilightsmile:

This is quite good. It mostly avoids the blatantly bad writing any stories with Spike and Rainbow Dash often has and the dialogue mostly flows. The interactions are also quite good, particularly Spike's sneaky and kinda unfair use of Pegasus weaknesses. And shoving Dash into the street like that was hilarious.

It does go a little quickly and the peptalks about being true to yourself seem a little much and a little too perfect if you ask me and the writing isn't perfectly polished. At some points I think your telling instead of showing and some of the dialogue, mostly the pep talks are a little clumsy, but it's a good first attempt.

Also, you do fall into one fanfic pitfall and that is the over-focus on Spike. I know this is a setup for a pairing, seems that way anyway, but it just become a little much with Spike suddenly sounding like he's Rainbow's really awesomest best friend. It's just too much, even when the focus is on those two. It reads like Rainbow's completely forgotten her other friends. I know that's not you were going for, but it just sounds, to me anyway, like he is now unchallenged best friend and the others are almost forgotten in comparison. Tone it down a little and just keep it to the level of Rainbow having discovered that Spike's a really cool guy.

And then, because it's so short, there is of course the issue of you just jumping right to the point where they are already kinda close, which I personally think is a little lazy. But such is the nature of oneshots that pair people that don't interact much in canon, unless they are one of the exceedingly rare perfect ones.

A proofread and a dedicated read-through by someone else would probably elevate this to very good, but at the moment, I'll still stick to well done.

Now, I'll look at the sequel and see if you've improved. Happy writing.

Out of all the fics entered in the competition, this one probably had the highest writing quality. It has the smoothest pacing, the most original plotline and the most humor.

Most of her days off consisted of one of three things: Practicing stunts, napping and... reading. Yes, READING! It had slowly moved up on her list of favourite things to do ever since the incident with the first book she ever read. At first she only wanted to read Daring Do, having only eyes for the suspense and action they contained.... but lately, she had started reading something else.

Romance.

I love this general concept: the idea that Rainbow Dash might move onto romance novels. It just feels so natural and so amusing that I just can't help but fall for it every time. It's only an extension of that, then, that Twilight or Spike might join her in her interests in the genre, and it makes a really effective base for a TwiDash / SpikeDash shipfic. You picked a very good choice, my friend.

However, I feel that it would have made more sense for the revelation that Rainbow Dash liked Romance to be towards the end of the fic, when Spike discovers it for himself. I feel that the story would've flowed more naturally that way, and it would be more show as opposed to tell (Which I force down every author's throat ever).

Personally, I feel as if you're an author who has a huge amount of potential, and trying to be subtle about your romance is no bad thing. The main issue most authors who write romance run into is that they try and be far too blunt with it. They struggle to understand that a relationship is built upon a friendship, and a friendship is built upon mutual interests.

If you feel that romance is still a path you want to venture down (or anything to do with Spike and Rainbow Dash), then hit me up, and I'll be happy to help you make it work.
:moustache:

Son I am disappoint JK JK :rainbowlaugh:
Very cute. I was suspecting that Dashie was having some kind of wing-delirium but I guess it's just my perverted fantasy, I hate being like that, I want an innocent mind, darn it! :flutterrage:
Next...write a fanfic where Spike is getting busted wearing ZE STASH :moustache: JK again :twilightsmile:
I LOVE USING THESE EMOTICONS! :pinkiecrazy:
*awkward cough* Well done. Develop. DEVELOP TIL YOU FLIP FLOP! (what.):pinkiegasp:

Nice very nice i enjoyed this one:pinkiesmile:

:flutterrage: must have MOAR!!

SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! please?:fluttershysad:

4040375

Way ahead of you m8!

Although it has sort of been neglected for half a year... :twilightblush:

4041462 thx this was a good read so on my tank scale you get the biggest and best german tank: a Tiger mark[king tiger]
5/5

4161935
Thank you :twilightblush: (for the watch as well!)

Loved it. Now to read the sequel, well what's done anyway.

Awwwwww more:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Comment posted by NightBlaze422 deleted Oct 22nd, 2015

And the like is earned for the quick fluffiness combined with massive hinting potentials. Now for the sequel.:pinkiesmile:

Wow...this is now in the feature box...3 years after it was published.

Good show!

6799726 Holy shit.

It actually is. Achievement GET.
(Also here comes the downvotes :twilightblush:)

6800144 SpikeDash is weirdly popular on this site...barely any hate for it.

Poomph! :rainbowhuh::moustache::raritywink: Who could even think of down voting this adorable fluff!

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