It was mid-afternoon when Applejack came with the news.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were in their clubhouse located in Sweet Apple Acres, bored out of their minds. Scootaloo groaned as she leaned back on a chair, Sweetie Belle was pacing, and Apple Bloom was reading a comic book of Daring Do.
Just as Scootaloo was about to suggest something to do, they all paused as they heard Applejack's voice calling.
"Apple Bloom! Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo! Y'all get down here, Ah got some news to share. And Ah'm pretty sure you'll love it!" The orange earth pony called. The three fillies exchanged confused looks before heading outside on to the balcony.
"What is it, sis?" Apple Bloom called, leaning on the railing. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle watched interestingly.
"Guess what?" Applejack said, barely containing her smile. "Twilight's old foalsitter, Princess Cadance, is holding a wedding! And she wants you three to be the flower fillies!"
"A WEDDING?" Sweetie Belle jumped in the air, voice cracking in excitement. "I've always wanted to be in a wedding! Ooh, I can't wait! The dresses, the bouquet..." As she listed on more details about weddings, Apple Bloom clapped her hooves in excitement.
"We're gonna be in a royal wedding! Wait, why does she want us to be the flower fillies? How does the princess know about us?" She asked suspiciously. Applejack shrugged.
"Maybe it's because Twilight's brother is the groom, and she just needed some fillies closely related she could trust." Scootaloo's jaw dropped.
"Twilight has a brother?"
They all laughed. "Don't worry about it, none of us really knew much about him either." The farmer pony assured her.
"Well, I'm in. As long as I don't have to wear any frilly dresses." Scootaloo huffed.
"The DRESSES! We're going to wear DRESSES! THIS IS SO EXCITING!" Sweetie Belle pranced in place. "We're going to be in a wedding! We're going to be in a wedding!"
The train to Canterlot was short. Usually it took a few hours to get there, however being a part of the wedding party, they were sure to take the quickest route. An hour outside of Canterlot, they took a short pit stop. The three fillies wandered out of the train.
"Can y'all believe it? This is so excitin'! In just one day we're going to be a part of one of the biggest events in Equestrian History!" Apple Bloom beamed in delight.
"Well, that is until there's another royal wedding." Sweetie Belle gasped. "I wonder if they'll have a royal baby! That would be sooooo adorable!"
"Yea, I guess it would be. Let's just hope we're not the ones who have to take care of it." Scootaloo made a disgusted look. "I do not want to change a baby's diaper!"
Their thoughts were interrupted as the train's whistle blew. Their faces of joy turned to looks of worry as the train doors slammed shut.
"Oh no! Hurry, girls!" Sweetie Belle ran towards the train, followed by the others. However, the train had already started to move, and had left the station in just a few seconds. They all slowed to a stop, catching their breath.
"W-Well..." Apple Bloom stuttered. "What now?"
Scootaloo bit her lip. The train's tracks went over a large canyon, and there was huge gaps between the tracks. There was no way ponies their size, with no ability of flight or magic, could make it across.
"We'll just have to find another way in." Sweetie Belle decided. "There's got to be an underground entrance. Think about it, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Canterlot Explorers!"
"YEA!" They all cheered and hoof bumped. And with that, they ran over to the canyon edge, however stopping in panic as they reached the cliff.
They all peeked down the large drop. The bottom was about 20 feet straight down. Scootaloo kicked a rock down and watched it directly hit the bottom, splitting in half upon impact. They all gulped.
"Here goes nothing..." Apple Bloom sighed.
40 minutes later, after many scrapes and bruises, they managed to find a less steep path down the cliff. Not only that, but they were half way to Canterlot. They didn't bother talking along the way, instead let out heavy, panting breaths as they trekked in the bright sunlight.
"L-Look girls! T-There's t-the castle!" Apple Bloom pointed a weary hoof up ahead. Sweetie Belle looked up, wiping the sweat from her forehead.
"Oh no... Look!" Sweetie Belle pointed her hoof as well, however not at the castle, but below it. They all groaned as they realised they had to climb a hill as equally steep as the one they had climbed down.
"Well, let's get to it, then." Scootaloo sighed. They all mumbled "Cutie Mark Crusaders, Canterlot Explorers." and lazily hoof bumped, then set off.
The trek just to get to the mountain took 5 minutes. Getting up the mountain was a different story. About 15 minutes later, after many tumbles half way down, and short rests, they finally made it to the gate to meet two rather surprised looking Canterlot Guard. Their surprise went away as they remained their stern expressions, and held their spears in a magical grasp.
"What are young fillies like you doing out here?" One of them asked. None of them replied, however, as they all collapsed on the ground, panting. The two guards exchanged looks, before one of them knelt down.
"Erm, excuse me? Hello?" He asked.
"We're... Part of... Wedding party!" Scootaloo spoke between breaths, and flung her hooves to her head to wipe her hair off of her forehead. The Guard got up.
"I'm going to need identification. You should have been on the train that arrived a while ago." He said with an affirmative snort.
Sweetie Belle rolled over. "But we don't have identification! We just need to get into Canterlot, so please just-"
"Oh, there you girls are! Everypony has been worried sick!"
Both the guards and the Crusaders turned around to look inside the barrier as they heard a voice. Scootaloo's eyes widened in surprise as Princess Cadance herself approached the gate. The Guards bowed, giving dirty looks to the fillies as they simply stood there, gawking at the gorgeous alicorn.
"Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, why don't you two go on inside and meet up with the others at the castle? I want to talk to Scootaloo for a bit." She smiled sweetly, giving a look that nopony could resist. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both nodded, giving Scootaloo confused looks as they entered the gate, which the Guards opened by removing their spears. Scootaloo shrugged back at them, giving them equally confused looks.
Scootaloo waited outside of the barrier, waiting for the princess to exit and talk to her. However, to Scootaloo's surprise, the pink alicorn simply stayed inside the city, and nodded as if to tell her to walk along the barrier with her. They stayed silent until the guards were out of earshot. Finally, Princess Cadance spoke.
"I'm terribly sorry, Scootaloo. For all the trouble. I can't believe they left you three at the rest stop! But don't worry, I'll have the servants prepare you guys your own relaxing baths, you deserve it." Again, she smiled sweetly down at the filly. Scootaloo blinked. She couldn't explain it, but something seemed so... Familiar, about the princess.
"Thank you Princess Cadance. But I've got to ask, why did you want to talk to me alone?" The filly asked, looking questioningly up at her.
"Please, you can just call me Cadance. It'll save everypony a mouthful." Scootaloo giggled. "The reason I wanted to talk to you, is just that, well, I haven't met you yet! I just wanted to get to know you a bit more."
"But you haven't met Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle either." Scootaloo pointed out.
"I've been hearing plenty about them from Applejack and Rarity. Not to mention that we've been searching all around for you guys. Scootaloo, do you have a big sister with you here?" Cadance asked.
Scootaloo sighed. "No." She bit her lip. "I'm an orphan. But the Crusaders take care of me, we have lots of fun. Maybe one day Rainbow Dash can be my sister, though."
"I'm sorry." Cadance shook her head. "It's such a shame to see a wonderful filly like you with nopony for family. But it's great to hear that you have two amazing friends, who could also count as family."
Scootaloo simply nodded as they continued on. Suddenly, Cadance came to a stop, and Scootaloo looked up. "Here we are." The alicorn said. "A secret entrance. A chip in the force field, I like to say. It's too small for me or anypony else to fit in, but it's a perfect fit for a filly like you. Just try not to touch the force field, it might sting." Cadance nodded her head at the ground, where a large flat rock lay over a small hole in the ground, which went under the rock and over, leading into the city. Scootaloo nodded and squirmed under it, careful not to bump the rock. Cadance helped her up, and brushed off the dirt.
"Now come on, let's get you cleaned up." Cadance giggled. "I hope they've already prepared a bath, you've got twigs in your mane!" Scootaloo blushed as she swiped the small branches out of her mane, and followed closely beside the pink princess towards the castle.
this has potential, so far no glaring mistakes either, i´ll Keep an eye on it.
3016660
Seconded. Words right out of my mouth.
Good job so far!
I am sure it will be good. I like what I see so far. It does have a lot of potential. It is gutsy to release it one chapter at a time. I keep mine unpublished until the end when I publish them all at once and then submit my stories.
Amazing! More?
Hmm . . . intriguing. I'm gonna have to follow this story, methinks.
There more yes?
Thanks you guys so much for the favourites You're all awesome, and I love you. I just woke up about 2 hours ago and I'm already starting the 2nd chapter. Updates in the future won't come as quick as that, because now I'm balancing out continuing 3 stories
Interesting, but isn't that nicer than chrysalis was as cadance? I look forward to more.
I have more questions but I can wait for the story.
FINISH IT NOW!!!
Oh my, you have earned a like, favorite, and a potatoe my good sir
Very well done
3017124 Think about it.... re-read the summary..... and look at the title picture.... there you have it!
I really like this promising start! tracking.
3017371 no I know that, I just have other questions, about the setup and particulars and etc.
You've piqued my interest, I shall be following this story
So... Scootaling.
3017557
I know, right?!?
Curious. The description has piqued my interest. It'll have to wait until later for me to read it, but my interested is definitely piqued.
3017600 No, I mean Scootaling. As in
X is actually a changeling, in other words.
Done... with... that...
Let's see where this goes. Maybe even have Chrysalis be a relatively redeemable character in trying to be closer to Scootaloo (not only for her own benefit). This'll be interesting.
I think I figured out the twist already...
"I'm an orphan, but the Crusaders take care of me. We have lots of fun.
Cadence helped her up, brushing off the dirt.
Sooo... "Princess miamora cadenza"() wants scootaloo to call her Cadence? Suspisions and double standards are brewing! Also: Oh no! twigs in her mane! The horror! The horror!
!0 out of 5 mustaches for you!
3018011
This is what happens when I start a story at 1am. Thanks.
Scoot-Scootaling! I am intrigued, and wish to read more.
3018309
I didn't mean any disrespect in it. I know that feeling.
27 editing issues:
>"Apple Bloom! Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo! Y'all get down here, Ah got some news to share. And Ah'm pretty sure you'll love it!" The orange earth pony called.
One sentence, not two.
>The three fillies exchanged confused looks before heading outside on to the balcony.
Comma.
>Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle watched interestingly.
Wrong part of speech.
>"Don't worry about it, none of us really knew much about him either." The farmer pony assured her.
One sentence, not two.
>"Well, I'm in. As long as I don't have to wear any frilly dresses." Scootaloo huffed.
One sentence, not two.
>Usually it took a few hours to get there, however being a part of the wedding party, they were sure to take the quickest route.
Two sentences, not one.
>"Well, that is until there's another royal wedding." Sweetie Belle gasped.
One sentence, not two.
>Scootaloo made a disgusted look.
Needs rewrite.
>there was huge gaps
Numerical mismatch.
>"We'll just have to find another way in." Sweetie Belle decided.
One sentence, not two.
>however stopping
Switch word order.
>The bottom was about 20 feet straight down. Scootaloo kicked a rock down and watched it directly hit the bottom
Repeating word.
>40 minutes later,
Change digits to words.
>They all groaned as
Missing comma.
>and lazily hoof bumped
wearily
>The trek just to get to the mountain took 5 minutes
>About 15 minutes later,
Change digits to words.
>short rests, they finally made it to the gate
Misplaced comma.
>two rather surprised looking Canterlot Guard.
Numerical mismatch.
>remained their stern expressions
retained
>"What are young fillies like you doing out here?" One of them asked
One sentence, not two.
>"We're... Part of... Wedding party!"
>The Guard got up.
Excess captitalization.
>"I'm going to need identification. You should have been on the train that arrived a while ago." He said
One sentence, not two.
>"I'll have the servants prepare you guys your own relaxing baths, you deserve it."
Requires semicolon or period.
>something seemed so... Familiar
Excess captitalization.
>"It's such a shame to see a wonderful filly like you with nopony for family. But it's great to hear that you have two amazing friends, who could also count as family."
Repeating word.
>followed closely beside the pink princess towards the castle.
Comma.
3018464
I capitalised guard since it's a rank. For example, you would say Princess Celestia, not princess Celestia.
">The three fillies exchanged confused looks before heading outside on to the balcony.
Comma."
Where would it need a comma here?
">Scootaloo made a disgusted look.
Needs rewrite."
What?
From the picture, is scootaloo a changeling? Just asking!
3017679
Yes. Scootaling means "Scootaloo is a Changeling". Namely the very thing I am bucking DYING to see paired with Sweetie Bot and Zombie Bloom in the same fic.
Don't be disrespecting my Happy Place, man. Just don't.
...and on unrelated news, was anyone else suddenly unable to access FimFiction using Firefox? I regret to inform you all that right now I am slumming with IE in order to access the site right now, and it is ticking me off.
3018749
You're going to have to wait for later chapters
Great start. I think I know where this going. Don't worry though I won't spoil it for everyone else.
3018826 That would only work for me if it was a 'screwball comedy'. Even remotely serious would ruin the absurdity of it all.
3019423
Shall we agree to disagree on the subject, then? Just accept that neither one of us is going to change the other's mind, and just get on with our lives?
Some editing notes:
sounds like the comic belongs to Daring. Should be "Daring Do comic book".
Sounds like the way they watched was interesting. Should be "watched with interest" or "watched, interested."
I know this is AU but why do people know Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance, Twi's foalsitter?
That is not how trains work, usually.
That does not deserve to be called a trek, nor a mountain.
How do they recognize Cadance on sight?
Also from the description, the bridesmaids. They are not changelings. They are mind controlled. Are you changing that? Chrysalis was the only changeling strong enough to infiltrate Canterlot and keep her cover.
Ok, this is cute so far and might go somewhere interesting, but it needs a major logic and canon overhaul.
3019836
Sweetiebot possessed by Thrackerzod.
Scootaloo, daughter of Celestia and Chrysalis.
Drunken master Apple Cider Bloom of the blanks.
3020222
Twilight Sparkle: I'd be honored! [pause] But I'm still pretty ticked you're marrying somepony I don't even know! When did you even meet this "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza"?
Shining Armor: Twily, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance. Your old foalsitter.
Twilight Sparkle: Cadance? As in the Cadance? As in the greatest foalsitter in the history of foalsitters?!
Shining Armor: [chuckles] You tell me, she was your foalsitter.
from "A Royal Canterlot Wedding", part 1.
3020581
And where did that scene occur? Canterlot.
And where is the CMC's clubhouse? Ponyville.
They should not know who she is till they get to Canterlot.
3018510 Guard is not a rank, it's a profession and a description of duties. It's not capitalized for the same reason "soldier" or "firefighter" isn't. It's used correctly in the phrase "The two guards exchanged looks". Normal sentence-based capitalization rules aside (such as beginning sentences), "guard" would also be capitalized in descriptions such as "the Canterlot Guard" (describing the military unit as a whole), but not "the Canterlot guard" (describing an individual performing guard duties in Canterlot, or who is from Canterlot, or who is otherwise associated with Canterlot).
Even if it was a rank, ranks are not automatically capitalized. It's possible to discuss admirals and captains, inspectors and agents, supervisors and petty officers, without capitalization. They would be capitalized when used as part of a personal identifying phrase (phrasal pronoun), though, such as Admiral Smith or Officer Jones.
>>>The three fillies exchanged confused looks before heading outside on to the balcony.
>>Comma.
>Where would it need a comma here?
Between "looks" and "before". The two actions (exchanging looks and heading outside) are serial and separated. Without the comma the flow of the text is rushed, and reads like it's being narrated by a robot.
>>>Scootaloo made a disgusted look.
>>Needs rewrite.
>What?
Verb-noun mismatch. Looks (and expressions) aren't made. They're given, received, worn, and occasionally dropped or summoned. When an expression is made, it's referred to as making a face. Faces (when referring to expressions) can also be put on, although that implies a somewhat more deliberate action, as opposed to a purely reactive one.
Alternatives to the original sentence would thus include:
"Scootaloo gave a disgusted look."
"Scootaloo made a disgusted face."
3020222
>That is not how trains work, usually
This had me in absolute tears of laughter. I realize that the original intent of the author may have been to indicate that the regular train route included various scheduled stops, and there was an exception made in this case in the interests of expediency. Without clarification in the text, however, my mind immediately wandered to images of the normally rather sedate Ponyville Express with giant rockets strapped all over it, blasting along at 200mph.
3021438
Nope. The conjunction 'before' is all you need. 'Onto' should be written as one word, though.
3020611
Oh you meant the CMC xD
I need to stop replying to comments at 2:00 AM
Don't tell me that this is about scoots being a changelling cuz that is weird but that makes no...... well I guess I m writing a story when chrysalis has a pony filly sooooooooo ummm.............
I should just wait
Either Scootaloo is a changeling, or Cadence is a creeper.
3021850
No, I meant AJ. Right at the beginning she says Cadance, Twi's foalsitter. But she hadn't been to Canterlot yet. SO she couldn't have known about that.
3021469
Also, train lines rarely have different routes. They can skip stops (Express) but they can't just jump the tracks and take a different route.
Interesting twist on the "Orphan Scootaloo" thing.
I would like to see more of this, so by all means, continue.
Now we start fimfictions favorite game! The time-honoured waiting game :P
@BLTmunch Well, that got nuked by the admins rather quickly... *Shrug*
3022561 ...or both...
3028105 Scootalingabuse... I like it!