Arachnophobia (24)
Arachnophobia
I sit in the darkness, black clouds swirling. No up, no down. Nothing.
'Great, I'm dreaming. Let's see.'
In my thoughts, I called up images, sights, sounds, maps, charts, chemical equations, designs, all the things I knew and had planned, all swirling around me before they disappeared. I saw a number of figures. My crew. Then, all at once, they vanished. It was no longer empty, this void. It was filled with blood. A raging torrent of red so deep it was almost black that swept me away, dragging me under as I gasp for air. I scream, only to have my mouth filled with a sour taste.
"Gaaah!"
I woke with a start, sweating. It was a little after dawn, Nadene was up instantly, while Gilda and Trixie took a couple seconds, all entering a battle stance. They looked at me to see my eyes with bags under them, taking deep breaths.
"Whoa, hey, you look like shit...." Gilda commented, noticing my hands shaking. She wrapped her arms around me to try and make me calm down. Once it had passed, I explained the dream, and dismissed it as just that.
"I think we're just not getting enough sleep. If it was something in the rainwater we'd all have it, and we've been eating the same things. This is why we need a doctor. Nadene, do you have a pick me up or something?"
"Oh, yeah, sure." The cat reached into her pouch, removing a strange looking blue liquid.
"Restores focus and makes it easier to concentrate for about an hour. We'll see if this is just a phase or something. Probably because you never sleep. Staying up late all night will do that to you." She passed me the vial of liquid.
'It's blue, restores focus and concentration, basically a mana potion. I'm such a geek.'
"Thanks for the concern, MOM, but I'm plenty used to lack of sleep. This is different." I replied as I downed the tonic. After a few minutes, I felt a lot better.
"That stuff really does the trick. Thanks Nade. Say, I forgot to ask, you have the stuff you need to make more potions?"
"Of course." She pulled a mortar and pestle from her pack to show them off, as well as a kind of glass thing for mixing fluids in wit solid ingredients. It looked like a bong to my unknowing eyes.
"Good, we're probably going to need a lot more in the future. Looks like you get to make potions like your pappy wanted, and get to have an adventure at the same time."
"Yeah, I don't mind making them as long as life isn't mundane."
"Alright everyone, we know of a number of ruins in the area, we're gonna have to start checking them for loot. Once we get some wealth, we'll head west to the wastes and try to hire some mercs. Of course, we'll also have to be on the lookout for bounty hunters. No doubt there's an even higher price on our heads after the stunt we pulled in Wethoof, so we'll have to be on guard."
"Sounds good to me." They all nodded in agreement. Etch and Growl were to stay at camp, because while they would be useful in dark tombs for their eyesight, many of these temples were built by Nadene's people originally, and she was far more acrobatic and intelligent. I saw Rainbow's imagination when she was reading the book, I know it'll be full of traps. Trixie was our torch and would, as usual, be riding on my back. It felt good to have her there again. Still don't know why being ridden is so comfortable. Oh well.
We approached one of the ruins, Nadene motioning for us to stop. She looked around, seeing the temple door open, she carefully put her leg in and touched a stone with her paw, causing an audible *shing* as several spikes popped from the ground right in front of us, then receded.
"The stones with the smooth textures are trapped, the rough ones are safe." She explained.
"Door was open, might have been raided, won't know for sure unless we go all the way through."
"Pretty knowledgeable for someone who's never raided a ruin before." The cat stopped and remarked while checking the ground for something.
"What? It's just common sense. The door was open, so someone was here, if we find a corpse, they died inside, if not, they made it through, but even then, someone else could have come here after. We won't know till we look."
"Yes we will, hoof prints, they're facing the exit, and they aren't hurried or laboured."
"Looks like Daring hit this one first. Since she's still around, she made it out, and without a doubt, it's empty. NEXT!"
As the next one was a fair distance away, known as the 'Temple of the Hidden', Gilda air lifted the cat in the usual manner, still refusing to let herself be ridden. The next one was sealed shut. Nadene once again felt along the outer surface, looking for a hidden switch of some kind. She didn't find one.
"Great, now how do we get in?"
"Eh hem." I cleared my throat, drawing Hades. She stepped out of the way as I slammed it into the crack between the doors. I felt as I cut through a locking mechanism, then crowbar'd the stone doors open. I was met by stale, dusty air.
"Doors still locked, no ventilation, no marks in the thick dust on the ground. We're the first ones in here, hope it's got something of value."
Nadene led, with me close behind, Trixie acting as a flashlight, and Gilda taking up the rear. We didn't have weapons drawn, as there wouldn't be anything living in here, with myself as the exception, Hades serving as a shield against possible traps and mirror to make the most of the limited light we had. Gilda looked like she was having a mini freak out.
"Wonderful time for you to tell me you're claustrophobic."
"It just reminds me of the caves back when I was a slave. Griffins are NOT meant to be underground." She explained.
"We're still above ground, just, indoors. Sing a song or something to make you feel better." Her teeth..... beak was chattering. I rolled my eyes as I began to sing softly for her.
"This is my escape, I'm running through this world and I'm not looking back.
Cuz I know I can go, where no one's ever gone and I'm not looking back.
But how will I know when I get there?
And how will I know when to leave?
We've all got to start from somewhere,
And it's right there for me!
The possibilities are neverending
I see it, I see it,
and now it's all within my reach!
Endless possibility.
I see it, I see it now,
it's always been inside of me
and now I feel so free,
Endless possibility."
After I finished the first verse, she seemed to have calmed down, so I stopped. She was walking a bit more closely to me now, obviously since I gave her comfort.
"See? That wasn't so hard now was it? Besides, when we eventually raid the D-dog holds, we WILL be underground. I can't have you spazzing out on ....." My paw suddenly felt a difference in the floor, it wasn't rough like the rest, it was smooth. I heard a click. Even in the dark, I could see Gilda's eyes widen. I dove at her, forcing her out of the way as a number of presumably poisonous darts whizzed through the air over our heads, or at least they would have if Trixie hadn't caught the lot of them on a force field, making them bounce off harmlessly.
"What would you do without me?" She snickered.
"Don't get ahead of yourself. Still, nice save. When'd you learn that one?"
"A long time ago. It's not really a barrier as much as it is a constant explosion in a thin shell. After all, I used to perform flashy magic all the time, a small mistake could hurt, so eventually I made an explosion and held it in place to stop it from burning my face off. The constant high pressure makes for a nice shield. It's not good versus power hits or magic, they go right through, but it's perfect for projectiles." She put a hoof to her chest.
"Well, well, taking a shortcut? Rather than learning a barrier spell, you combined two easier spells for the same, albeit weaker, effect. Such ingenuity, are you sure you're not human? Yes, remind me when we get back to go over ALL of your talents. That one I definitely see coming in handy. Also, pick up these darts, I'm sure Nadene could use a blowgun, pretty easy to make with a bamboo stalk." My unicorn rider laughed as the bright yellow dome surrounding us dissipated.
"It really was just an accident that let me discover it." She for once tried to brush off her success instead of rolling in it like she normally would. Learning she is.
"My dear, some of the greatest inventions of my people came by complete accident, and the ones who discovered them were still hailed as geniuses. Have accident's more often, it let's you learn. Which is why pretty soon, you'll outclass Twilight. She does everything meticulously and with careful planning. That's great for adventures, but with experimentation, sometimes you just need to throw science, or in this case, magic, at the wall to see what sticks. You've pretty much mastered illusion, I think it's time you shifted your focus to combat magic, like that one. Just, make sure you don't blow yourself, or more importantly, me, up okay?" She giggled, and Gilda just looked at me strangely. Nadene whispered that we were in the main chamber. Thanks to her expertise, we had easily entered, avoiding almost all the traps.
"What have we here?" A large chamber, the center of which held a fair amount of gold and silver items. No gems, save one. There was a pedestal in the center of the room, a small, glowing blue gem suspended over it, set in a kind of amulet. Oh, and there were webs over EVERYTHING. Now that we were in a more open area, Gilda was relaxed, while I was near a nervous breakdown.
"Hey, you know how you're afraid of enclosed areas........"
"Yeah............."
"I'm afraid of spiders..........."
"Seriously?"
"I'm fine with snakes, I could climb right in a tub full of em, but I can't STAND spiders." As I looked, I noticed that there were indeed spiders crawling through the webs, thousands of them.
"I think I'm gonna puke......."
"Just calm down, close your eyes. Take a deep breath Grif...." Gilda was now trying to help me keep my cool.
"This is a problem though, we cannot get through the webs without cutting them, and that would make the spiders come to us. Captain, do you have any ideas? Hey DUMBASS!" Nadene for some reason had what it took to snap me out of it.
"Huh?"
"Webs, how do we get through?" Then, I got a sly grin.
"As much as I hate spiders, I love BURNING THEM! Trix! Torch this shit!" Nadene jumped out of the way.
"With pleasure!" A spout of red and orange flame came from her horn, spewing out and spreading fire all over the place. It wasn't hot, it was by no means an intense flame, but it went everywhere. What do you expect from a pony who up till now was constantly giving off a lot of light, without trying to hurt anything? It was however, more than enough to set the webs ablaze, and boy did they BURN. The spiders were turned into the crispy bacon bits you get with salads. What? You didn't know that's what they really were? We all moved back around the corner to avoid the heat, and also prevent ourselves from getting sucked in by the sudden gust coming through. The fire was sucking air, making the hall into a wind tunnel. We all held our breath, after all, several thousand years of dust would be coming with it, but eventually, it passed, and fresh air filled the once musty halls.
"Um, anyone else wondering where the smoke went?"
"Maybe it rose and it's trapped in the dome?" The cat woman suggested.
"Wanna look?"
Nadene looked around the corner and entered the large chamber, spotting still smoldering webs at the ceiling. Sunlight was starting to pour in. She motioned for us all to enter, as it was safe, and we did.
"Well look at that, damn spiders webbed the place up so much it stopped air flow. Industrious little bastards. Glad they're all gon........" I was interrupted by a roar and some chittering.
"Of course. We've solved the puzzle and reached the end, now we have to fight a boss. Fucking Zelda. Alright, where is it?" I drew Hades. I also suddenly felt lighter. I found out why. I was being lifted in the air somehow.
"Trixie! Light! 12 o clock!" She followed my command and I froze. The biggest, fucking SPIDER in the damn world was pulling me up by a strand of web. It had fangs the length of my sword, and behind them, a circular mouth lined with teeth, like leeches in horror movies. It made a sound that made me think of a zergling.
"HOOOOOLLLYYYYY SSSSHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTT Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it with fire! Shoot it! I don't care how just fucking kill-illl-illll it!" I said in a whining tone. Before we could act, Trixie and I found ourselves wrapped in thick webbing. Fangs punctured the cocoon, luckily blocked by my sword, else I would have had a VERY bad day. A red liquid filled the bottom of the sack, thankfully that instead of me, and we were left to dangle. I couldn't hear what was going on outside, and it was getting difficult to breathe. I had no room to swing my sword, and my claws just got stuck in the sticky webbing. Trixie, my fire maker, had passed out, and I soon followed. My last words before I fell asleep were,
"I don't get paid enough for this shit......."
When I woke up, there was a nice fire going, made of spider corpse. It smelled something awful, but it was warm.
"Damn...... spiders. It's always fucking spiders."
"Nice of you to wake up." Nadene welcomed me back to consciousness.
"He he, fucking spider, burn you bastard. All your babies are dead." I said with a very soft laugh, the laugh of someone who's mind is breaking.
"Not all of them, looks like you've got a new friend Grif." Gilda said. My eyes went wide as dinner plates as I began rolling around and frantically trying to get the spider I couldn't see off of me.
"Trixie! Quick! Light me on fire!" I didn't want to go dive in the spider corpse fire, as it was still a spider. She just laughed.
"Oh relax will you, they're all dead." Gilda finally admitted to her lie, my crew still laughing.
"NOT funny." I scowled.
"Oh yes it was."
"There's just some shit you don't joke about."
"Oh fine, spoil sport." They pouted.
"How'd you kill it anyway?"
"Well, it tried grabbing us with webs, but we kept avoiding them, so eventually it came down here to get us. Nadene stabbed it in the abdomen, and while it was distracted, I shot a thermite arrow in it's mouth. It got cooked from the inside out, that's what set it on fire. Then I used some of the molding stuff to burn the bottom out of the web sack and pulled you out."
"Good thing we were prepared then...... He, he he, ha, ha ha, ha ha ha, YOU LIKE THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH? YOU LIKE MY SCIENCE? Aw, you can't talk because you're fucking DEAD!" I proceeded to have a small session of maniacal laughter, going on about how you never mess with a human or a pissed off griffin, and how he had done both.
After I had finally calmed down, we ate some of the food we had brought with us, and now that all the eight legged freaks were dead, I was finally relaxed.
"Okay, so, we killed the Spiderzilla, so the thing it was guarding must be damn important. No way something like THAT gets in here on accident. Other than a load of gold and silver, there's that glowing gem amulet thing." It wasn't floating anymore, it was just sitting on the pedestal. Now that I think about it, it was probably being held there by one of Spiderzilla's webs. Yep, DEFINITELY guarding it.
"Well, since it was floating and now no longer is, the pedestal itself isn't trapped, although there may be a pressure pad on the floor near it. I think the first order of business to to take all the less valuable things and bring them to the door. We can't fly it all back, so we'll take as much as we can in the first load while Nadene stays at the entrance with Trixie, then we drop it off at the camp and come back for more. I'll have the dogs build a storage hut where we can hide all of it till we find a way to exchange it. Maybe we can trade with some of the other tribes for stuff?"
After taking all the gold and silver to the entrance, careful to avoid the traps, Gilda and I flew the first load home to find that Etch and Growl were arguing with each other about something. They were in a full out fist fight, complete with biting and scratching, and it was definitely NOT sparring.
"What the hell is the matter with you two?" I dropped the gold and punched the both of them on the back of the head. They both looked surprised to see me.
"Mind telling me what that was all about?" They seemed nervous, as though they were praying the other wouldn't rat them out.
"Erm, it was..." Etch began.
"Don't even THINK about lying to me."
"We found letters...." Growl answered.
"Letters?"
"Letters to princesses."
"It's not polite to go through other people's mail you know."
"You are working for pony princess!" Growl accused.
"Is not." Etch defended.
"Am not." I added.
"They why?" I face palmed. You've got to be kidding me.
"Because I'm a jerk and I like making fun of them. All you read was who it was addressed to? If you're going to do something wrong, at least do it the right way. These letters are designed to confuse and humiliate. I'm not working for Celestia and Luna, I'm spitting on them. Besides, even if I was, what difference does it make?"
"If you were working for ponies, you would abandon us. Soon as ordered, you would give up on freeing home, and all would be wasted." The larger of the two reasoned.
"He saved us from slavery! He would never abandon! He trusts us! He made us family!" The smaller defended.
"You got that right Etch, we are a family, and I would dive headfirst into Tartarus for any of you. You heard my stories didn't you? I know you did Etch, because I saw you crying afterwards." The dog looked away ashamed.
"Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, it just means you care. But yeah, you guys are the first friends I've ever had, I'm not gonna give up on any of you just because some pony tells me to. Growl, ya ought to have more faith. Now make up you two, I've got a job for you." They begrudgingly shook paws, and I told them when Nadene got back I'd have her fix them up, then I said what I needed of them.
I explained that I needed a place to hide the loot, so rather than building a shack, they did what they do best. They dug a hole and made a cover for it. After telling them good work and to take the rest of the day off to sort themselves out, I flew back with to to the temple with Gilda, who had already made two trips while I oversaw the pit construction.
"So, you sorted them out?" She asked.
"Yeah, they thought I was working for Celestia. Actually, Growl did, Etch fought tooth and nail to defend my name."
"A diamond dog with honour? Well well, that's new. I mean, yeah, okay, so Echo, but he's not really a D-dog."
"Yeah..."
"Is it true? You know, about us being a family?"
"Every word. I didn't really have a family before, so I don't know for sure, but, this is what I think it feels like. Those two are brothers now, and of course, brothers fight. I just needed to straighten them out."
After another load each, all the loot, save the amulet that was still present, had been removed from the temple. It was a fairly large haul, although we couldn't exactly exchange it, seeing as how we were wanted. We'd have to find another tribe first. Making our way back through the temple, I carefully approached the amulet. The three of us stood right next to it, so it clearly wasn't trapped.
"Um, okay, so, no traps, guardian is dead, just take it and go right?" Nadene asked.
"I don't know. I mean, who knows what this does? It MUST be important if it was guarded by something like that."
"Oh, quit being such babies." Gilda snatched the amulet from it's resting place while the cat and I closed our eyes, awaiting the worst. Nothing happened.
"See? No problem, now let's get out of here."
We left the temple and returned to camp, it was now nightfall, so we prepared something to eat by a fire at the base of the camp. Arms and armor removed and left up top for comfort.
"Hey Gilda, can I see that amulet for a sec?"
"Sure, doesn't look like it was worth the extra trip to get it." She replied as she passed it over to me. I turned it's back face towards the fire, seeing that it had the words 'Forma Versus' written on the top, and 'Reverti' along the bottom.
"Looks like Latin. Of course. In myth, Latin was always considered to hold power. My guess is you wear the amulet and say the words, then the magic happens."
"Well Mr. language expert, you wanna give it a go?" Gilda mocked. I put the necklace on, said 'Forma Versus' and Trixie's illusion spell she was practicing shattered.
"Forma Versus..... forma means form, versus... against? Against form? No....... versus, verdad? True? True Form? So it dispels illusions?" I took the necklace off and gave it to Trixie.
"I wonder if it dispels illusions on the one who is wearing it? If it does, this thing could be more trouble than it's worth, considering we NEED the lies and trickery. Try it again Trix." She began calling on an illusion again, making herself invisible.
"Forma Versus!" We heard echo through the air, Trixie remaining cloaked.
"Well, that's good, it removes illusions, but protects the wearer from itself that's......."
And then I passed out yet again.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Is your horn hard?
Sincerely, Trixie.
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I cringed writing this chapter. Damned spiders. They will kill usssssss! Celly is gonna be so mad about all the questions regarding her horn.
I was just thinking about this fic and thinking "Hey, it would be cool if it updated"... What he hell, are you a wizard?
Nyah! Want to know what happens next! Cool spider boss battle btw :)
it turn him back to human?
reminds me of the one temple... oh yeah
Twilight Princess, the sacred grove temple boss
Fucking spiders and their magical eyes...
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJQ2cNmtFlfh9a0M_Y4qtc3enhInpyOTymKRly-MU9FODVwjer
Clearing out the smaller, less valuable loot before grabbing the main prize and potentially setting off the Seal-The-Temple-Away-Forever device? I honestly think Griffin is the single most intelligent treasure hunter ever.
[INSERT ZELDA TREASURE SOUND HERE]
Fun chapter! Keep it up!
Spiders...
I know that feel bro
One day they will enslave us all!
We need to kill them before that.
483944
>See spider chapter
>Fucking get paranoid as hell in case a spider gets me.
Fucking spiders. I hate them with a burning passion.
An idea for the next Troll Letter:
Dear Princess Molestia,
Horn/Dick jokes aside and in all seriousness: is your horn an erogenous zone? And if it was, what would sucking on it be called? Cornitio? Sucking Horn? Horn Job?
Sincerely,
The Griffon Pirates
P.S.
Etch and Growl would also like to know if anything comes out when you... hit that peak, as it were. You gotta admit, it's a legit question.
P.P.S.
Before you ask, no, we didn't ask Trixie, because that would just be awkward and invasive... much like how your horn probably felt to Twilight during your first time. What? There has to be some reason Twilight's so rabidly loyal to you...
P.P.P.S.
Luna's still best pony! :-)
...You know you want to.
484125 The problem is, if we wipe out the spiders, who will be there to fight the army of giant mosquitoes? We need to have them fight each other.
484170 um, no, just no.
Good Etch defending Griff, also Trixie sending letters now, I like.
484187
Aw... you suck.
Your fic doesn't, though. Keep up the good work.
as long as I can remember I always liked Griffins, more then dragons, trolls, Vampire, or werewolves. So you can imagine I was very upset the way Hasbro portrayed Griffins with only two ever appearing on the show. that's why i like this story It gives Griffins a new light and makes me forget how Hasbro desecrated my favorite mythological creature.
The humor is funny and fells natural. The romance is more of a sub genre which I like more then when authors stuff it down your throat like a pair of old tube socks a stranger uses for a sessions of 'alone time'. A few chapters ago I would have criticizes the fact that Etch and Growl were about as bland as a plan bagel with a steaming pile of poo on it, but you some how manged to shoot lightning from your ass and make that turd bagel into a rainbow cake full of sunshine and pixie droppings. (do't think to hard about that analogy, I certainly didn't) you did an excellent job in giving your characters personality and developing existing characters that it makes me fell like skipping on rainbows made of 'man fluff '.I don't believe in a number system for rating things so I'll just leave with a rainbow bunchie
rainbowbunchie.com/images/RainbowBunchie.gif
484223 Yeah, I felt that the dogs were dull, it just took me a couple chapters to figure out what the hell to do with them.
Don't tell me he got turned back into a human, that would pretty much ruin the story.
484074
Temple of Time get it right...
Great chapter hey saw the series final and was great so i'm just wondering if theirs any chance of the shape changers and their queen showing up later in the story.
484179
I can deal with Mosquitos all you need is a fancy net
Or we could just get some flamethowers and kill all the spiders and Mosquitos
There problem solved.
Or we could get pinkie powers and move them all somewhere else using the power of music.
484248 You'll just have to wait and see.
I'll never look at crispy bacon bits the same way again
484320 Relax, that's only the Mc Donalds ones.
484312
The suspense will be the death of me.
if he gets turned human this STORY WILL BECOME THE WORST STORY EVER!
Nooooo i dont want it to happen to such a awesome story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will cry if he is human again dont do this to me mang
484363 Chill out, he's still gonna be a griffin, don't worry your pretty little head Rarity
"THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!
There is nothing in the world that can't be made better with the Proper application of fire. That said, I personally wouldn't have minded if you had let Trixie go crazy with fiery explosions all over the place, wealth be damned, spiders must die!.... well, at least all the ones that are around at the time.
I love it!
And I will continue to love it as long as the spell doesn't turn Grif back into a human.........permanently at least.
SPIDER! GIANT SPIDER! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH MAGIC!
Dispels illusions eh? Getting turned back into a human eh?.....Nope. I'm saying he passed out from exhaustion, it was brought up in the beginning and the drink was only suppose to last an hour, so it would make sense. Or it turns him into Deadpool, that would awesome. But unlikely.
Spiders are the monstrous beasts of the under world and will stop at nothing to enslave or kill the human race. It is unclear what their motives are but one thing is sertain...... WE ARE ALL DOOMED
Plus invisible fluttershy
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071124065846/egamia/images/7/79/Armogohma.jpg
I too hate spiders. I love this boss though :D
484851 Because it's super easy? That spider was a pansy.
*Falls over holding sides laughing* OH that letter is hilarious. OH MY RIBS!!!
I personally like spiders but that's just me.
484928 He's an arachnid spy! Get him!
484937
o come now we just want to suck out your organs no buggy.
485050 The same way ponies do.........
485097 Nope, I ninja'd that, mr 668.
Spider's....
SEND IN THE CALVARY! WE NEED BACK UP!!
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133513908848.gif
I could never get into the ballad of diamond dog, tried twice but gave up during early chapters but this story is nice and I might go look that one over just for kicks.
Trolling the princesses is fine but... Well. What does he have against them. (Nothing effective XD)
Seriously a way to form a more cohesive dialog would be nice.
Oh and what you need is a scrawny young outcast dragon to be their blacksmith... Or if you reaaaly want to go against type... Healer.
...this chapter both enthralled and confused me.
484443 And high explosives, don't forget high explosives
485139 imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_timing.png
485264
OH GOD NOT THE SPIDERS!!
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133514133802.gif
485226 What does he have against them? He's having FUN. That, and the entire time the griffins have been oppressed they two supposed 'goddesses' just let it happen, and were partially to blame for it.
If I even see a spider I begin to freak out. If I was Griffin and looked up and saw that large spider I wouldn't have yelled anything (at least nothing coherent) I'm pretty sure I would have fainted before I even got to scream.
483944 There's probably a huge queen spider, somewhere in Africa. All the spiders you see in your house? Spies. All the spiders that disappear once you look away? Assassins that were spotted. Ever wake up with a spider bite? Successful assassin, they're killing you slowly. They are plotting.
484179 the answer is mutant frogs. An army of frogs with big beefy arms sticking out of the backs of their necks! And their leader shall be called Frogdor The Croakenator!
485988 What? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm too busy worshiping the hypnotoad.