Griffin the Griffin

by BlackWing

Ho Ho Huh?

In light of the holiday season, I have decided to release chapter one of the sequel early. Here is the link to it. It might not be out yet, as I submitted it at 11:15 pm on Christmas eve, so I guess you'll all just have to wait for it to pass moderation.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/59466/falling-feathers

Take note that there will be both a Christmas and New Years themed chapter, however they will come after the event has taken place. Between getting ready for Christmas, completely remodeling my room, (part of my present) and just life in general, I've only got three chapters written so far. I'll most likely have the Christmas one by New Years, and the New Years one maybe a week after that. Also, I'm hoping to get on more of a weekly update schedule, in order to allow enough time for proper revision, in order to ensure quality. This is one sequel that I hope will turn out better than the original.

Comments

[RapTions]

password?

[Cyber V]

What's the password?

[Knighthawker]

........ I love you. In a completely platonic way.

[Agrith]

You left the password on.

[MoldyShishkabob]

I believe three other gentlemen have already asked my question…

[Bladelord]

I guess we'ljust have to wait till X-mas.

[YorkBrony]

Is the password banana?

[BlackWing]

The REASON you can't read it is because it hasn't gone through moderation yet. And the password is for the other chapters I have written but not published.

[dawn_rising]

*squee*

That is all gentlemen.

[Magical Trevor]

2.bp.blogspot.com/-3Gv1p1BjUT4/T3BEtioyHpI/AAAAAAAAj_k/suXGwda-z2E/s1600/1.png

[actane]

Holy hell you didn't die or stop writing, best day until tomorrow

[Hawkseye]

You can not comprehend how much this is going to ruin my life.
I haven't been so happy in months!

[GuyFace]

Back to making me stay up at night while I read a random chapter posted at 3am, I see. Whell, fek yuo Gooby.

[ArtaisiousX]

blackwing, btw, i liked ascended...

[Garion]

1869595
That is a real bullshit answer if were ever going to give one.
damn white-knight

[MrPikmario]

1877260 My god, we're doomed

[Enmar]

i wish i had tree thumbs right now...

[Alondro]

1933093 Blow up? Don't be silly. Bombs are terribly inefficient. And they ruin useful resources.

Poisons kill all the pretty animals and butterflies, and we simply can't have that.

Super-infectious viral diseases, however, are perfect... they can be crafted to such a fine degree of species specificity...

[catrianheir]

1976652 Yeah it all comes down to personnel preference. I like gryphon because I like the letter 'y' and the use of the 'ph'. It's weird I know but I like it.

Oh yeah I'm back guys! I haven't been on the internet in like months. How long have those new headers been around? They're so awesome?

I have a LOT of catching up to do.

[xXxAMPERSANDxXx]

2033339 this possible spoiler convinced me to give this story a try

[xXxAMPERSANDxXx]

2041163 just to clarify, i was going to read it, but then I saw the cover art and was all 'woah teeth in a beak, maybe not a good read Me thinks' so I decided to see what others thought first

[xXxAMPERSANDxXx]

2041173 And when I learned that replying to my own comment gives a notification I instantly did this
i.imgur.com/L3J6n.jpg

[xXxAMPERSANDxXx]

1848832 Nothing, I repeat NOTHING is worse than Navi *sees how many comments were deleted* Never mind carry on

[BlackWing]

2114884 No, I did not try for that.

[Tamara Bloodhoof]

2004555
Well, I have good cause to be Woe-Is-Me in this case, but I do get your point, I shouldn't complain. Problem is, they aren't reading my story to find out what she IS weak against, so I can't really tell them no because 1) No spoilers 2) It just would be crass 3) I'd be writing a encyclopedia in a comment.

[Bealoreas]

Must say that I really enjoyed this story. I usually do not like first person point of view, but this one I would reread in a heart beat if I more time. Over all, loved it!

[High Moon]

Unfavoriting so as to not Disturb my favorites bar when I re-read this story starting now. Good work by the way only one other story has ever been good enough for me to re-read it

[Echo Night]

WE ARE ALL PIRATES!

[PlotClopper]

I quite enjoyed this until the Grand Galloping Gala. The crossover OCs took too much of a spotlight and I didn't understand who they were or their stories. Echo was fine, you did enough to inform me about who he was, so he didn't feel out of place. Knightmare, Aoi, Celt, Ember, and especially Ivan, on the other hand, all had relatively complex backgrounds, which were never explained, which motivated them to act in ways I did not understand. This wouldn't have been too much of a problem, except you focused on them to the detriment of the more interesting and understandable characters, with whom I spent the first ~75 chapters.

I wanted to see Trixie do more and see her partnership with Griffin grow. Nope, instead she and Griffin spent the last quarter of the story being separated by injuries.

I wanted to see Gilda develop more as a person and not just be a bitchy object of sexual desire. Instead she became Griffin 2.0 and a rapist. Not really progress, dude.

I wanted to see Maria and Nadene become effective partners. Instead they went their separate ways and were delegated to filling mundane service roles. That would have been fine, I guess, except you never explored their roles. Also, you never explored Nadene's relationship with Griffin before she helped Gilda rape him. She is a background cat, who got a name. I don't know her any better than Tiras.

Shimmer. You did almost nothing with Shimmer. You glossed over the loss of her mother. You never explored her mother/daughter relationship with Gilda. You just dumped her on Steelhoof and only said a couple lines about their relationship, which meant her role in the story turned into being a glorified Bunsen burner.

You forgot Growl. Shame on you.

While I'm OK with the Mane 6 not having a spotlight, you should have explained why none of them chose to volunteer for the Griffin Pirates. I can't see Fluttershy not offering to help the wounded. I can't see Rainbow Dash knowingly letting people suffer or letting Gilda fight without her. I can't see Twilight missing this chance to study Griffin and his magic, or not volunteering to use her abilities to prevent death. I can't see Pinkie not signing up for adventure, if nothing else so she could throw parties for the rescued slaves. Applejack and Rarity are the only ones, whom I can understand not being compelled for some reason or another to at least seriously consider joining the Griffin Pirates.

Finally, Griffin. Before the Grand Galloping Gala he was entertaining and I could understand him very well. He wasn't stable, but we wasn't dumb, needlessly reckless, or unable to control himself. After the Gala you gave him the idiot ball every time you wanted to create unnecessary drama, and it got old really fast. I understand he has psychological problems. That's OK. What's not OK is how little they mattered until the end. They should have been causing severe problems outside of his head long before the last 10 chapters, so I feel sideswiped by the sudden change.

You had something special and very entertaining up until you threw in a bunch of OCs at the Gala and become overburdened by the massive number of characters in this story. If I were you I would go back and rewrite everything after the start of the Gala. I would make the plot simpler and focus more on the characters, whom you created to justify Griffin's rise to power. Griffin feels hollow when he's ignoring his core crew because you never did anything to make him relatable outside of a leadership role.

[BlackWing]

2297427 I know this. It's been said already, by many others. While your review is appreciated, it was wholly unneeded.

[Bubbler]

2298628
To be fair, this story isn't hot and fresh out the kitchen. Can't blame the guy for not reading all of the comments to make sure his point hadn't been made.

[Organized Chaos]

2337180 Anal cakes are the best cakes

[Organized Chaos]

2339982 Skillz

[High Moon]

2341529 One of the scariest things I have ever seen...
games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m2250399a_99120106022_TyranidHiveTyrant06_873x627.jpg
Try to stare this thing down and not shit yourself

[Tay the Chemist]

2342252

[BlackWing]

2342274 Good news, both Nazeem and Heimskiir have new jobs! They're my new pincushions. I have SO MANY arrows and crossbow bolts, I just didn't know where to put them. Just like how I'd reverse pickpocket a landmine onto that preacher in Megaton. "The glory of atom!" I think Bethesda put one of those guys in EVERY game, just so you'd have someone you'd be tempted to kill in broad daylight, in front of like, 8 guards.

[Organized Chaos]

2342478 The difference between Fusion and Fission is like the difference between Oranges and Clementines; They both look pretty much the same but one is clearly more delicious than the other.

[Rakdar]

2342646 Your blind, its not a clock. and if your blind how can you read my text?

[Mondays Dawn]

2342236
Life.

[Mondays Dawn]

2336150
Don't we all?

[Cyber V]

2342480 Oi! I'm on my mission here, I can't just read them when I'm on it, and don't reply to this comment, because I'll probably won't be able to respond to it.

[Oni]

2357261 i dunno, maybe knighty's april fools.

[Signia]

2358572
Why the fuck are you spamming so much? Why don't you just put all of your replies in one single post instead of one bazillion posts with one reply each in them?

[Kill this account]

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3K3vU3CyIXfLYupCuQLHNlDqGP8LA+2atfFeKJh0DNcknKqjVmfewHwBJPQAnpXHhuCaNpXd7tM4kIAsEIjSLKp3YWjBuepOwsAE2Z7KTYmwJsNzYbD3qFhsagZYwLKyhoiPKyWuQnuBY29CCNjaeTVDw7NBy4ZQGVpZBG3hGUEySQx5R1VBlB9h1oL61VHbL/y7F/+mm/6bVcVUdr0ZuH4pUF5GglVRrq7IVUae5FB4T/Z14SZOIyzlbpDCRf0llIVfzUSV9G11vsN2aw+Bhkgwy2jWSxYm7u4RAzOfXNfawHQCuyUETFxsGV1FytwV01RrXy30BuFOvoRpe42QYxX0B1G4Nww+KnUVvqNjMLnGhyuuqta9m9x1B2I6igk0qNgMXnXUZXU5XW98rjcfDYg9QQetSaCFjMIbiSP7QC3s6b5G/Wx6EnoWB34XEh1uPyO4I0II6EGt1QcTEyNzEF/xqPvKOo/fH6jQ9CAnUrXDOGUMpuDXO9BmlKUCuu8WjbFO8Sct4obCSN9UmlZc3Il3yqEZWOh1kQ2IUqbXiXEhEo0LyNoiL5nf0X0Hqx0A1JArjwfBtHF9YwaVmZ3I2zuS2VdBdVFlBOtlF9b0FR2fgw7zyMsH0eeOytDkWMgNosrrGckmYKQkgLAAMoIOda7NVRw6MSYqebooXDrtb6u8kjKd9Wkym/7L87egVhmtWag4/xkQjZtX/5Q3B/iPht6ZvSg4RvLMMwblRHawvIy9G8XhQH0sTYjym4EvDYRYxZRubkm5Jb1YnUn3PoPStoFZoFdV4xCkPEoZGA5WMjbByX2Mq3mw4I9Cv0hfclRXaq6p3pcMM/CcSELCSNOehW+YSQESgrbUHwkXHrQXWC4fIkuZpM65MgutnsDcZyDZj5tQF3qxrwbsz/aAmZI8PPAHxDMkfPDZRYkKZJI8u4GuhAPoK95oFKUoIOPwsZPMkNlVHU6kAK+UsbjY+Ea7jpVXN2NilkSeSXEvPGBy3Mzx5CBuIo8sZJ6hlIOxBGlWWLgMkqKR9Un1h9GkB+qFuoU3f2KpWnGY9zm5bRxonmllBKXB8SqoZb9QWzAA6eI3ADMnCHmUpiZFeIrlKIrxBifMXPMJIP4QQN75tLcvoKQjM7s0aABc5zBFBDE3OptYHMxJGXfe8OLikztYSYQEHwqszSNKtvWy8rW+wkq1w+IWVSCNRdXVgLg21VhtsR6gggi4NBJBqp7S3MSIrMrPNAAQobaVJGBBI0KowJ6XvY7VYYOAoioTfKAtzuQNAT6m1r1UcfxCc/DROCVLvI1rZVREMYaTXy55Yx13udASAm8BjAiLA3DySyA+qySM6Ee2UrVjWFrNApSlBW4wcqVZh5WtHIPYm0T29mOU+z3PlFWIrhPCHVlYXVgVI9VOhFV2D4lIQV5MjtGTGzXhAZl6gFwRcWbYb0FrSoX0qY7QfzSKPzyhq0NPjCdIMOB6nESE2+Ag/70HHH8Mj5hlaFHBAD+BWbTZ10uSNbjci1trHhicPAih88i30QJNL4mIuAiBsrEj2/SszYbGsRlmw8YvqORJKcvXKxmUA+5U/CtnD+AJG3MYtLPYjmPluFY5mWNVAWME2uFAvYXuRQY7MYqWTDhpiDIJJkNjfSOaSNLmwBbKq3I0JvbSrWqeInD4jIfsJyzIdLJiPNIh9n8Tj3Elzqoq4oIHD+FCMl2YyTP5nO9uioNkQdFHxNySTOIrNKCggnGCaRZbjDySvKstmZUMhMkiztrkGYsQxstiq3BAvc4fFpIoZGV0OzKwYEdCCDattqhy8FgZs5hjz/iygN/MNf1oJU0oVSx2AufgK0YKEgFm87an2H3V+Q/W561Xvw6M4hY8uiASm7M12zWi8xOgKs3xVauaDNKxetOKx0cYBkdUBNgWYKMx2AJ60G+uEsYYFSLgixB6g7g1Xt2lwo3xMAPvLGP+9YHEnl+wXwftXByHf7NdGk+PhU30Y7UHQuzncxhsBiudzGlZ3ZIgRl5cbxSBw1j4zlzC5t8L16NwrEcyCNzuyKSPRiBcH4HSoGHwROLuZJH5UZ8zeEvK2lkWyhlVLXte0u+priMScLIyuv+yuxdZL6RSOSzpNfyqWJKvt4ipy2XMF5SsA1mg4ulwR6/L9RtVB/4GkQCvD9JiXyl7zSIDvmEpJfr4h4j6HU12GouOxvLGiO7nZUAJNvckKo92IG2utBQYXhuAUWw/D0zEi6jBiEX/faSNQLX239AaveG4PICSFDMbkL5R0Cr7AD2ubmwvaoox2IUkyYccv1ikMrgdS6MiaDTyljrsas4pQyhhsdR8KDjisSsaM7sFRFLMxIAVFF2ZidgACarOFYQyZ55V8UwChGv4cML5EZTpmOZmb3bLqFFQ+1R5ySQD7NImlm3sRlbkxf4mGYj0SxFnFdjFBXYKYxvyHva142JvnQbqSdc6++4sdTmtZVF4jgBMmUkqdCrKbMjjysh2uPcEHUEEEiqvhnFcRIJImjAnhflPLYiFjlRxJGt85uri6dCGXObZiFrieIxRsiySIjSHKgZ1Uu1r5UBPiNugqQDUCHgkQLs6CSSQZXdwGLoL2Q3FggufAPDqdLk30jhksP+7yXT9lKWZeptHJq8YuRoc6gCwUUFtVXg2y4udLWDLFNfoWIaJgPgIk/mFchiMSbAQxr6lpSQPdQqeL5lajSq8eKgeSTMZBJDYIFUOVEq2GpGkT+Zj5tN6C7pSlApSlBG4hgVmjMbjQ2PurKQyOp6MrAMD0IBqqHaIxfVzRStKujNHDIyN6MpAIFxY2ubXtc2q+rFqDNKUoFKUoKfF4fNixaR43aE2K22Rxe6sCp843FxfS1SHwMzaNiCF/cjVWI9CzZv0APpauEi3xsZH3IJQf8AMeLL/wBNvyqzoKqPszh1OcJaUgKZM8nNKjYNLmzkexNaI8FLDKZGc4mPoWVBLEpN2CZAFkTboH8Opk0AvKUHFGBAI2OtZAoBWaCu4WfrMRrrzvytFEB+lj86nugIsRcf/t6qMeDBL9IUXiYATjXS2iTKP3Ro3UrY38ABt0cEXBuDqD0I9RQVMeDbCi0QZ8Pf7O5LRA6nk31KD9n0Gi6AJWzD8ejNg7KhbyksAr7/AGbGwbY3HmFtQKtKqsiriiltJo2ci3hzRMqsx6ZiJF/kHpQWayAi4II9RWaq27L4bxFIViZtWaG8Dk+peIq19B1rMfCpUvkxUhHRZFjkVfmFVz82NBaVAx2OIIijAaZhcDXKq7Z5LbL7btsOpHBIMSRZpov4kiZTb90PIwB9zce1bYoI4EZiQBq7u51JA1aRz6D5ACwsBagr+I4ZMNgcQSWYmOR3a13kmZbXsN2PhVVG1lUCwAq5w86uoZTdWAIPqDqK63jQMXNAGVuQJRKgJZM5h8fOZN2jD8tVU7l81tFq1kheFi8SF42N3jBAIY+Z47kA3OrLcX1I1uGCZjsWIo2kNyEUtYak26KOpOwHvWjg2CMUKq2shu7m5N5pCXkIv93MTYdBYdKr5OLw4iWOBHUuCJXia6SLHHqhaNrMv1nL3GtjV6DQZrVLNYqPxEj52Lf0BrbUTiqHlMV1ZLOB6lCHC/O1vnQS6qO1JK4ZpRe8JWfwi7FYWEkigdcyKy+viq1icFQQbggEH2OopIlwQdQdPlQEa4uNQf6Vyqr7NqVw6RG+aG8N2N2IiJRGY9SyBW1/FVpQKUpQKUpQKUpQKUrBoIGES+Imf0EcXzQNJp/q/pVhUfB4XICLliWZyTa92Ja2g2Fwo9gKkUClKUClKUCqj6JJhzeFc8BuTFcAqd74ckgAf8M2GtwRaxt6UEXB8RSW+VrsPMpBVlJ2Do2q/MVE4qj87DmMqGvIt2UsMhQsRYMOqL1qZiuHRyEF1BI2bZlvvkYeJfkagY7hxReYs031SsyrdHubEWu6FiTtv1oJJbEjZYW/xSJ+mVv60JxJ6Qr85H069FtU2MHKL72F/j1rlQVZwmKLNfERiMnwhYGDqnQM7SsrH3yj4VwTs2hZXneTEMpuvNKlAwIZWESBY8wIFmy5hbQ1b1g0FNhlMnEJWspSCJIlP3hLKebOp9BlXDGrqqns9DpNIRZpZ5HPuEPIjJ/y4kq2oI2N4dFMAssaSKDcBlDWI2IvsfcVG7Nk/Q4Lkk8pBcksTZQLlibk+5qbipwiM52UFj8AL1p4VheVBHH+BFT5qoB/pQS6wazSggcH8KGL9kxjA9EHiiH+myVPqCRkxF+kq29s8dyPmVY/6dTqDgkQBJA1Jufc2AufkAPlXOlKBSlKBSlKBSlKBSlKBSlKBSlKBSlKBSlKBWGUHes0oFKUoFKUoOMcYUAAWA0A9q5UpQcJIgwsRcaH5g3H61zpSgUpSg0YvDZwLGzKwYH4HUfNcy/4q3Cs0oFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoFKUoP/2Q==

[Subatomic Seal]

2359044 Sorry, I just don't know what went wrong...

1906256 Okay, you are now a tree with no thumbs. Sure, I can do that.

2342667 Nevermind. It made sense in my head.

1906256 Okay, you are now a tree with no thumbs. Sure, I can do that.

2358611 Fixed, by the way.

1934857 Or, you know, you can just shoot the bastards.