The Young Prince

by Bluecatcinema

Leaving The Nest

Dusk's eighteenth birthday had come and gone. Although Dusk had enjoyed the his big day, and the party that came with it, his coming of age had left a curious empty feeling inside him. It took a while for him to understand what it meant, but he figured out eventually, and came to a decision, one that he announced over dinner one night.

"Mom, dad, I've done a lot of thinking, and I've made a decision." He declared. "I'm going to leave Ponyville, and go travel Equestria."

"You're what?!" Twilight nearly choked on her food.

"Mind if we ask why, son?" Flash asked.

"Yeah." Starlight frowned. "Don't you like it here in Ponyville anymore?"

"Don't get me wrong." Dusk shook his head. "I love Ponyville. But I'm supposed to be a prince of Equestria, and I've seen so little of it. Aside from quick trips to Canterlot, Cloudsdale, and the Crystal Empire, I've spent pretty much my entire life here. It's a big country, and I want to see more of it."

"Well, if that's what you want, we won't stop you." Twilight sighed. "You're a grown stallion now, and you can make your own decisions. ...I can't believe this day has already come. It seems like only yesterday you were a little foal, and now look at you, ready to go off on your own. I'm so proud of you, Dusk."

"So it's really okay with you?" Dusk asked.

"Of course it is." Flash smiled.

"Well it's not okay with me!" Starlight growled. "How could you even think of leaving us? Of leaving me?"

"I'm sorry, Starlight." Dusk told her. "It's just something I feel I have to do."

"Hmph!" Starlight huffed, turning her back on him.

Starlight refused to talk to Dusk for the rest of the night. The next day, he broke the news to Dazzle and the rest of his friends.

"Yer leaving?" Crab asked. "Jes' like that?"

"Not just like that." Dusk countered. "There's a lot of preparations I need to make first."

"It's gonna be weird, not having you around, that's for sure." Thunder noted.

"Too bad we can't all go with you." Rainbow added.

"Somehow, I don't think our parents will go for that." Honeysuckle countered.

"How long do you think you'll be away?" Dazzle asked.

"Hard to say." Dusk shrugged. "It could be weeks, or even months."

"An' yer doing it why, exactly?" Crab asked.

"It's like this." Dusk explained. "I'm a prince, but I've spent most of my life here, in Ponyville. I need to start living up to my title, and good royalty knows their domain, and the ponies in it. That's why I'm doing this; So I can see this land my family holds sovereignty over, and get to know all the different ponies that live here."

"When you say it like that, it kinda makes sense." Honeysuckle smiled.

"Still, we're gonna miss ya, Dusky." Purple said sadly. "I can always count on you to laugh at my jokes."

"Or to give us a flying partner." Thunder added.

"Or help tend my flowers." Honeysuckle smiled.

"Or lend a hoof down at the farm." Crab interjected.

"And of course, be all round handsome and wonderful." Dazzle finished, kissing Dusk on the cheek.

"Thanks, guys." Dusk smiled. "I'll miss all of you, too. But mark my words, I will be back, and that's a promise."

"Pinkie promise?" Purple smirked.

"Pinkie promise." Dusk chuckled.

Later that day, Dazzle visited the library, wanting to speak to Dusk in private.

"What's up, Dazz?" Dusk asked, halting the organising of his travelling provisions.

"I'm want to come with you." Dazzle stated.

"You do?" Dusk asked.

"Yes, I do" Dazzle nodded. "It shouldn't be too hard to convince my mother, as long as I play up the romance aspect..."

"But Dazz, what about your modelling career?" Dusk inquired. "You can't leave all that behind."

"I can model anytime." Dazzle shrugged. "As long as I'll be with you, it won't matter."

"Yes, it will." Dusk retorted. "I can't let you give all that up, just for me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"Okay, then." Dazzle sighed. "I'll wait for you, you know."

"No, don't do that." Dusk shook his head. "I don't want you to pine away after me."

"Who said I'll be 'pining away'." Dazzle snorted. "This isn't a cheesey romance novel! I'll still be getting on my life. But I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Dazz." Dusk smiled. "I'll think about you every day."

"Ditto." Dazzle purred.

The two shared a long, sweet kiss.

The next day, Dusk was gathering more provisions when he ran into Gold and Silver.

"What do you two want?" He asked.

"Word is, you're leaving this dump of a town." Gold sneered.

"So what if I am?" Dusk growled.

"So, we're glad you've finally wised up." Silver smirked. "It took you eighteen years, but you finally figured out when to leave this dump behind. We'd do the same if mom and dad didn't want us to run the family business."

"That's not why I'm leaving." Dusk snorted. "I'm going to go and learn about Equestria, first hoof. And I'm coming back, as a matter of fact."

"Pity." Gold sniffed. "You're the only pony around here who's on our level. It'll be boring around here without you to mess with."

"Good." Dusk spat. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have supplies to get."

The day before his planned departure, Dusk had made one more errand, and returned. As he opened the door, he found the place completely dark. Suddenly, the lights flickered on, and a horde of ponies, his friends and their families among them, yelled "Surprise!!" The library was covered in streamers, and a large cake with the words "Good luck, Dusk!" sat on a table.

"What's all this?" Dusk gasped.

"Your going-away party, silly!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

"Oh, right." Dusk chuckled.

Everypony Dusk knew was there. Even Gold and Silver were in attendance, joined by their parents, Platinum Watch and Ruby Necklace. Platinum was an alabaster-coated stallion with a silvery mane and a watch Cutie Mark. Ruby had a bright red coat and a golden mane, with a necklace Cutie Mark. The disgruntled looks on Gold and Silver's faces implied they had been forced to attend by their parents, who positively venerated Twilight and Flash, and would do anything to get on their good sides.

"Everypony's here." Dusk smiled.

"Not quite everypony." Twilight sighed.

"Starlight's up in her room." Flash noted. "She wouldn't come down when I called her."

"I guess she's still mad at me for leaving." Dusk mused. "Can't say I blame her..."

The party began, with Dusk being given farewell gifts and words of encouragement from all his well-wishers. About halfway through, Starlight came dashing down the stairs.

"Hey, squirt." Dusk said, relieved. "I was worried you're going to join us."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about losing it like that." Starlight admitted. "I just didn't want to lose the best big brother ever."

"You'll never lose me, Starlight." Dusk smiled. "No matter how far away I am, I'll always be right here."

Dusk tapped Starlight's chest with his hoof.

"Thanks, Dusk." Starlight beamed. "I, er... got you something too."

Starlight opened her wing. As the worn plush object dropped to the floor, she caught it with her magic, and levitated it over to Dusk.

"Fuzzy?" Dusk gaped at the stuffed manticore.

"The first gift you ever gave me." Starlight reminisced. "And now, I want you to take it with you. A little something to remember me by."

"I... don't know what to say." Dusk smiled. "Thanks, Star."

"No, thank you." Starlight countered.

"For what?" Dusk asked.

"For everything." Starlight hugged him. "For always being there for me, and looking out for me all these years."

"That's just what big brothers do." Dusk hugged her back.

"Awww!" The crowd cooed.

"Now, how about some cake?" Dusk asked. "I saved you some."

"What'd I say?" Starlight chuckled. "Always looking out for me."

The party went on well into the night. Dusk, exhausted, fell asleep the second he laid on his bed. The next morning, he gathered all his supplies together, carrying most of them in a backpack. His friends and family were waiting outside to see him off.

"Good luck, my little prince." Twilight hugged him. "And be safe."

"You do us proud, kiddo." Flash smiled. "Be the best prince you can be."

"Bye, Dusk." Starlight said tearfully. "Come back soon."

"Gonna miss ya, pardner." Crab told him.

"Enjoy your trip." Honeysuckle sniffed.

"You show all those other ponies how awesome you are!" Thunder cheered.

"And how awesome Ponyville is!" Rainbow added.

"Bring back some good jokes!" Purple chuckled.

Dazzle stepped forward.

"Look, Dazz..." Dusk started.

Dazzle placed a hoof on his mouth.

"I've got some news for you." She smiled. "I've just accepted a modelling contract, over in Manehattan. When you find yourself in the neighbourhood, feel free to stop by."

"Oh, you can bet on that." Dusk chuckled. "I miss you already, Dazz."

"How about one for the road?" Dazzle puckered up.

"With pleasure." Dusk kissed her.

"Okay, now you're startin' to get sappy." Rainbow groaned.

"Goodbye, everypony." Dusk waved. "I'll miss you all. But I'll be back sooner then you think. Ponyville's still my home, after all!"

Dusk's friends and family waved and cheered as he started trotting away. He waved back for as long as he could. It was with a heavy heart that Dusk left Ponyville's limits, but that soon gave way to excitement over what he would soon discover, out in the land of Equestria. He would see more of this land, and come back a more learned and experienced prince.

The End.

Comments

[Rakoon1]

I liked the chapter, but it was a shame that has not been the Dusk to ask Dazzle in marriage or something. Maybe you can make another sequel involving that. I hope so.

[dream1990]

i love it a lot great job

[BronyDan]

Man, I'm actually tearing up here. I've been following Dusk's story since the first chapter went up, and I really hope we get another sequel or spin-off to continue.

[brony323]

Oh boy. Now I want a threequal

[Bluecatcinema]

3242794Make no mistake, a follow-up is coming. But it'll take me a while to work out all the angles, so don't expect it any time soon.

[Zekromic]

Loved the ending

[brony323]

3242980
K

[Skayn]

3242980

I do not know how you do it for all these ideas. But I think you are just as good as TorontoFCbrony

PS: Sorry if you find my English is bad ...

[StarlightDash]

What's with you using my name!? It's not my fault I got my cutie mark shining the stars... Gee....

[Bluecatcinema]

3389213 Fixed.

[StarlightDash]

This story needs a sequel...

[Bluecatcinema]

3399199 It's already got one: Dusk's Travels.

[Roobeez]

Will there be another after Dusks Travels

[Bluecatcinema]

3700890 I'll get back to you on that.

[Roobeez]

>> Thanks Bluecatcinema

[Roobeez]

Sorry to ask this again, but is there going to be a story after Dusks travels. I really hope you make one ( or already made one ). I really like these story's.

[Skyfire Storm]

One of the best fanfics I have ever read on this site. It's simply done, yet it's so touching and so pleasant to read.

[Skyfire Storm]

4710356 One of my favorite OCs has to be Dusk. My God, he is by far one of the best OCs I have ever seen on this site.

[Deathclaw2014]

This is one of the most tasteless stories I've ever read on this site! A couple of months ago I read the first half in one day, and only NOW I've come to the end of it!

Your main character is completely generic, his only distinguishable character trait is his heritage. Speaking of characters, there are too many of them that make up the supporting cast, and they are all indistinguishable from each in spite of the supposed roles they've been assigned to. I can barely remember their traits let alone their appearances! It would have been easier if you hadn't introduced them all in to one chapter.

The chapters in this story nothing short of predictable, If I had a shot for every moment I've already seen coming I'd have downed three bottles of vodka by stories end.

In short, this story is completely safe. I tried to like it, but there is nothing to care about! It is just there.

2/5

At least it was simple, for the most part.

[lunas_servant]

Please take this for what it is, I am not here to completely trash your story but to give you advice on how to make future stories better. The idea for this story and it's prequels was great and it had a lot of potential. There were moments that made me laugh and moments that made me cry, but for a story that covers such large swathes of life, surprisingly little happened.

My first bit of advice is the climax procedure I learned in middle school. Every story should be a strict progression of introduction, building, climax, decline, resolution, and repeat if necessary. Your stories were written in a way that each chapter could be set off on its own as a one-shot, so each chapter should have all of these aspects. In many chapters though, you were missing one or more aspects. Sometimes you would jump straight to the climax, other times you you would build it up only to skip the climax and begin decline. This leads to a story that moves too quickly and leaves the audience feeling disappointed.

My second bit of advice is in regards to characters. Each of the second generation characters were almost carbon copy of their mothers. A few details changed here, a few there. Even Dusk was every bit his mother, perhaps a bit less obsessive but still very much like her. This makes the characters unoriginal and cliche.

My final bit of advice is in regards to character and world building. There were very few details in the story itself. Don't be afraid to describe each new setting. Yeah, we know it's in Ponyville, but where in Ponyville? what is happening in the background? is anybody else there? If outdoors, then what kind of wildlife or flowers are there? And rather than telling us what the characters are like, how about having them do something that shows us what they are like. There has to be a balance between dialogue and scene-building (i.e. text that explains what is happening as opposed to speech that tells us). If there is too much dialogue then it leaves the audience wanting for more details, but if there is too much scene-building then reading becomes tedious. Finding that balance can be difficult but once you find it your writing will improve greatly.

I give this story a 2 out of 5. The overall story had some redeeming factors even if the style left much to be desired. Feel free to completely ignore this post or take it to heart, it's up to you. I leave this here in the hopes that I can help an aspiring writer become better. Blessed be and best of luck in all your future endeavors.

[Fanfic27]

Excuse me Bluecatinema is it okay if I use Dusk Glow and Dazzle in a fanfic about them because I think i can really get more into their relationship

[Bluecatcinema]

5803574 I suppose so, as long as you give me credit for them.

[Fanfic27]

5803671 Yes I will give you credit for them. Thank You so Much!

[fan fantastic]

good job with the story but some of your arguments end too quickly and don't feel natural other then that best next gen we read

[Nosey Flame]

SOOOO SAPPY BUT BEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLL

[Fluttershyisacutegal]

a beautiful ending, I must say! bravo bravo!