Euphoric Synthesis

by Violise

Sound Checks

Sound Checks

Welcome back, my faithful readers; and welcome to the beginning of our tale. We begin on a lofty hill perched just beyond Ponyville. Upon closer inspection, the disparaging young mare sits, alone, contemplating the next step of her listless existence. Now, let’s listen to her explain why she has chosen this, of all times, to pick a path. ‘Old Prick,’ Vinyl thought acidulously. ‘My music is not an environmental hazard, and I most certain am not uncouth.’ Vinyl wasn’t usually a mare of ill will, but recently her outstanding jerk of a guardian dropped an ultimatum after she was fined, yet again, by the royal guards for overwhelming noise complaints. She was told, verbatim, that if she did not ‘get off of her lazy flank and find real work by the end of the week, she was out.’ “Last I checked,” she thought aloud, “sleeping till 3 in the afternoon and drinking overt amounts was not considered a job title.”She harrumphed loudly in frustration. “At least I have this hill to myself.” Maybe I'll build a home here one day. It would definitely be a change for the better, even if it was a lonely home rather than a broken one. Vinyl glumly scanned the sky for any sign that this should be the direction to take. All that caught her eyes were Celestia's setting sun and a trailing rainbow over the Everfree. I guess not, she sighed in defeat... "Wait," Vinyl noticed, " What the hay IS THAT." Just above the treeline, a small orange blur was listing heavily in her direction. As the blur approached, she could faintly make out a flash of purple in the blur. Before Vinyl could react to this sudden intrusion of scenery, everything went black.

---

Vinyl cracked her eyes and blurrily focused in her new dark environment. It took her a few moments to realize that she wasn't wearing her shades, in fact, she couldn't find them any where near her. As her eyes adjusted, she noticed that she was now at the bottom of the hill, for no forseeable reason. Vinyl picked her hooves up, and slowly pulled herself to the peak in search of her treasures. As Vinyl crested the hill, her eyes came upon a peculiar sight. Laying spread eagle across Vinyl's now smashed glasses, was a large orange mare with beautiful, and illustrious orange wings and a dark maroon mane and tail. What drew Vinyls' eyes to her the most was what wasn't there. This sleek athletic young mare was missing her cutie mark, or rather it was there, and now it was gone. She couldn't remember just who this wonderful young mare reminded her of.
Vinyl was brought out of her stupor when she heard the unknown mares ragged breath escaping her breath.

Vinyl panicked and quickly scooped up the injured mare onto her back, forsking her glasses, for now, in order to search for help. She galloped as fast as she could muster towards the nearest sign of a home. When she finally came upon one, she slammed both hooves onto the doorframe in a rapid succesion, pleading the inhabitants to come out. "I don't know if you're home or if you can hear me," Vinyl pleaded, "but I really need someponies help right now." Vinyl was on the verge of tears before the door shakily was opened. "Um..hello...how can I help," the mysterious figure squeaked. "This mare," Vinyl pointed, exsasperated, "she really needs medical care. Can you go get somepony to-" The yellow mare stepped out of the doorway and ushered the two into the home. The house was a spacious two story abode, filled nearly to the the brim with curious animals, eager to see the new guests. Before Vinyl could even react to this new situation, a small white rabbit dashed in front of Vinyl and coaxed her to the couch so that the mare could be settled. "Oh dear," the pink maned mare came up beside Vinyl and gently placed a hoof on the orange mares head. "Angel, she burning up. Please go get a wet rag and a blanket." Angel obeyed quickly and returned with the items, and the creamed colored mare placed them gingerly on her. "There, that shoiuld help for now, but I'm going to need a doctor to find out what's wrong." I'll take care of it. I'm Vinyl by the way." "Oh, I'm Fluttershy." "Fluttershy, thank you for your help." And with that she rushed out the door towards town.

To BE CONTINUED

Comments

[falloutzombie]

pretty good.

[BrainLapse]

Interesting

[Violise]

I am going to attempt a 20 chap fic with this story. And have at least one chapter out a week

[Violise]

I just started chapter 3 and just now had an epiphany. Why don't I have Octavia in this fic? I mean she kinda completes the whole musical package, and would in most fanifics be the logical choice to pick for fluttershy. It took me a few moments to realize that I had actually done that on purpose, with the idea that a more obtuse foil to fluttershy would inevitably lead to a more interesting story, and perhaps a longer one as well. Also, beforee I forget, I am going to set a goal of at least 2000 words a chapter. That sounds like a decent number...

[Tunersymphon]

CRITIQUE TIME!

#1: Never refer to the readers. This is a story, not some spoken folk tale. The point of a story is to bring you somewhere where you're not, and create an experience. However, as soon as you refer to the readers, they are pulled back to reality shockingly fast.

#2: This is a must. Make a new paragraph every time there's a new speaker. It halts confusion and even makes your story look longer. I was confused who was talking when Fluttershy came into the picture.

#3: It seems incredulously rushed. You take no real time to explain the environment which left me confused where everything was and how they got there. Spend a lot more time on details. Again, makes your story longer as well.

There's a few more things, but I'll let ya work on that for now! Seems like it might be interesting...

[Violise]

I completly agree with the critiques Tuner, especially the last one. The chapter as a whole was only written in an hour and a half, so yeah it was kinda rushed. I do have it in mind to halt the narrator, and I will have to either write that in or re-edit the story, probably both.