Prologue: Creation of Equestria
~10,000 B.D. (before discordian reign)~
"Every time, every bucking time." says the wood coloured pegasus to herself as she directs the forest to make homes for the ensuing migration. "I've been doing this for what? five? ten-thousand years now? and these trees still persist on being the lazy bastards they've always been." Down below hundreds of tree saplings emerge from the ground as oaks, pines, and firs all start to merge together into a massive forest. "I mean i understand this is my "eternal duty" and all but seriously, I would have thought this would get easy over time. *sigh* oh well, time to go and call in the migration".
And with that she flew over to the nearby mountain and waited for the clouds to part. As the first rays of morning began to show the mare lets out a high piercing whistle that echoed miles around and even to the valleys below to which she was answered with the roar of thousand beating wings. Across the sky came a techni-colored swarm as birds of every type appeared. "Looks like this migration is even bigger." with that she took off towards the flock and started directing them towards their nests in various order. "You pigeons go to south end, while all of the ravens head off to the western cave section." "No! you stupid bluebirds i said west lake not east lake! ARGH! why is this never simple?!" And so continued the migratory mayhem that happened last year, the year before and all of the years before. For the last ten-thousand years since the beginning of this wild world.
This beautiful world teeming with creatures and vast nature as far as the eye could see. Was only a ball of dirt in a void of space until one entity came along. A single caring soul who felt sadness looking down on the desolate rock. This beings name was Gaia, the goddess of nature and bringer of life.
Upon the planet she planted a single seed which grew into a mighty oak tree spanning miles high with branches mighty and strong that stretched far and wide as though to embrace the planet itself. From this tree bloomed golden blossoms that shined down light that brought life to the world below it. It's great roots bore through the earth upturning and fertilizing the ground from which plants emerged. From the base a hole opened and the first creature of Gaia's creation appeared ranging from the smallest of mice to grand dragons that headed towards the mountains.
Throughout all of this there was one problem Gaia had forgotten. Who would take control of this world once she had moved onto another world? And with that she created a creature of both land and sky, a child of her own you could say. She called upon the spirit of an elder yew tree to form the body of this creature. From the powerful eagle she borrowed the wings to allow flight. Vines twisted and wrap around the wooden base to coat the creature in a thick yet soft skin to which leaves and moss grew to make the coat. A white mane of the clouds and tail thus sprouted from head and tail. With a drop of morning dew and nature essence to grant control over the life of the planet. The mane changed to that of green and cyan striped.
Before her was creature so beautiful, a daughter to call her own but this creature was missing a vital component. From deep within herself Gaia drew a shard of her own soul to give life and immortality to her daughter. So that she may take upon her duties for time eternal. With the final piece in place the creature glowed a soft green the wooden base softening turning into muscle and sinew. Once the process was complete it fell to the ground with a *thump* and looked up with a confused look.
"Good morning daughter, can you speak?" asked Gaia to the small thing in front of her. It simply shakes her head and continues to look at the glowing being oddly.
"That is unfortunate but we can fix that later okay?" she asked with a smile on her face. "Would you like a name young one?"
The young creature nods furiously.
With a coy smile Gaia says "You are my daughter so i shall name you rosily?" the creature looks away in disgust.
"Oh? with an attitude like that how about thorn tail?" the creature is horrified at the thought.
"How about Vinetion than? it means nature caller" the small creature nods at the idea. Gaia than pets vinetion on the head with a motherly look about her.
"From now on you are Daughter of Gaia, Vinetion nature caller, and upon my departure of this place you shall take over my duties as the god of nature" the thought of being a god pleased vinetion at the time but was immediately saddened at the thought of losing her mother.
Gaia had picked up on this and said "Do not worry my young-ling I shall remember you always and you, I. I will make sure you will be ready to take on all that will stand before you. Tomorrow however we should work on your speech" she ended with a wink. And with that Gaia and Vinetion headed off to a hovel to sleep the night away.
A/N With this being my first fanfic i will take all the criticism you ca throw at me and will greatly appreciate it. while there may be spelling errors here and there i will take care of those when i can. If you can while the story goes on point out what my high points are and what my low points are so that i may improve upon them later for certain parts of the story. for anyone who may or may not enjoy this story, i can tell you now this will not update quickly or often. do not be surprised if a week goes bye without updates.
~Vinetion~
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first quite beautiful vine i like it
probably the worst thing so far is the grammar. everything else is pretty fine
Dam not first but nice story looking forward to more.
I'm reading this because its made by Vinetion. It's gotta be good.
It is.... excellent
, just some grammer stuff you should fix early or you might lose the audience (talking about the picky grammer nerds)
Goooooooooo on im listening
great good fanfic vine it is very detailed from what i can see serious
Great intro for your fic. You've got a lot of details and you're able to explain everything very well.
If I had one criticism, it would be that you should be careful of the infamous "wall of text". Yes, I know that's not what you have here, but you're dangerously close
But all in all, great start. I'll track and comment
-Glassed
original seems pretty good
ok so im agreeing with glassed. It is dangerously close to the wall of text stage I can see a few points were you can separate and give it structure. Also in some of the use of daughter it dosent flow off the tongue well. Theres some spelling and capitulation errors at the beginning of a sentence. Also grammar errors are present. These are small problems which are easy to fix it. The actual story I liked and I do see potential in where this is going so ill track it now and give my rating when future chapters come out. Have a nice day.
-Scully
Well all I can say is try to space it out some more, avoid those text walls.
Interesting story though, looking forward to seeing where it goes!
285820>>285830 hahahah you had post fails to lol
Yay Vine finally decided to write something and its good.
287188>>286026 wall of text re edited: is this better?
287658 yes it is
You are my daughter so i shall name you rosily" lol i missed this but ur I isnt caped as well as rosily sense its a name.
287658 Yes, yes it is.
Hmmm I'm intrigued. Looking pretty good. I can't wait to see where you go from here.
Verry great vine its verry lovely your first time and its great
i can't really see anything wrong with this besides the grammar
other then that it was pretty good and i can't wait for the next update!!!!
Wow very we'll written...at least better than whatever I can write
Wonderfully done, especially taking into mind this is your first fanfic. I look forward to seeing more of this as this has certainly caught my attention.
I like how you pictured the birth of the world. It has a very deep druidic fondness to it and I like it.
On to the next chapter.