A Day to Remeber
The day continued, as each day did. Clouds blocked the natural light from view, the only remains a dark, gloomy portrait of pure despair. Threatening rain through a bright, shiny day. They held no joy, no remorse, no emotion of any kind. They were nothing more than blobs of vapor that would be forgotten into time.
The mood the sky was emanating left one with a true feeling of dread, a perfectly good day ruined in it’s prime.
The rain poured over the gloomy little village, leaving a smooth, calming rhythm in one’s ears. The only good thing to come of the otherwise terrible day.
Little did anypony know how important and life-giving a force rain truly was. Just as important as the beautiful, always-present sun that held it’s place high above in the immortal sky.
The hospital was cold, silent. Dreadful in every possible way. An otherwise booming symbol of hope, now a void of silence, stillness, and fear. The one place that was meant for healing in the world, now a testament to the fear that all hold in the darkest pit of their souls.
The waiting room was as gloomy as the outside world. It was barely furnished, the only furniture a table, a magazine rack, and several benches that seemed to be randomly placed around the brightly lit room.
It was clean. So sickeningly clean that it left one with the horrid feeling that it was the dirtiest, darkest place in the whole of creation.
Tears fell as the rain, falling in perfect synergy with the drops of dirty water. Several silent figures waited in worry, as the medical staff carried on their business.
Twilight Sparkle carried a look of pure mortification, shedding silent tears onto the floor, as she peered upwards into the eyes of Spike. She loved him like a mother throughout his entire life, and felt a slight calm in how well he was handling the situation.
He had grown so much in the years past, his body now twice the length of the mare that had raised him. Twilight carried immeasurable pride in every action he made, but the only thing she cared about now was having somepony there to comfort her.
She cared about him immensely, as he, too, felt for her.
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*THUD*
Twilight had woken, wearily, to the sound of Rainbow Dash crashing through her window, as well as her night table, her staircase, and one of her bookshelves.
“What do you want, Rainbow Dash?” She questioned her unwelcome visitor, annoyed.
“You-you need to come, fast.” Rainbow Dash barely managed to speak, exhaustion wore at her every word. Her eyes were puffy and red, filled with past tears. “Something’s really wrong with Pinkie Pie.”
“Wait, what?” Twilight shot out of bed in a mixture of surprise and fear. She was shocked by the words that her friend was saying, and didn’t know how to respond. “What happened?”
“I don’t know, the only thing I remember is Applejack telling me what happened, and I went to find all of you guys.” She paused, fatigued, and took several quick, heavy breaths. “She said Pinkie Pie needs to go to the hospital, and I just started flying to find you guys.”
“What’s goin’ on?” Spike rose from his basket at the end of the bed. He was much too big for such an unconventionally small bed. He was still half-asleep. “Oh, hey Rainbow, what’s up?”
“There’s no time for smalltalk, Spike. We have to get to the hospital.”
The growing dragon obliged to his friend's wish.
Rainbow Dash nodded, then started towards the hospital.
She was soon followed by the form of a lavender alicorn who struggled to fly with the weight of the bulky, awkward dragon.
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Rarity sat, crying in the embrace of her best friend. She looked away from Fluttershy as she continued shedding her loud, melodramatic tears, as she usually did when she was suffering.
But there was more to her tears; a deep, residual melancholy of utter torment and despair that were fitting to express the sadness felt by all in the room.
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“...Rarity!” Rainbow Dash’s words echoed into the ears of Rarity’s sleeping form, as awareness slowly returned to her. “You need to get up!”
She was annoyed. What could be so important as to interrupt her beauty sleep?
Still annoyed at her early awakening, she used her magic to pour herself a glass of tea. She looked down at the boiling liquid. Pleased with the simple morning ritual, she started towards the window.
Rarity peered out her window, adorned in an elegant robe. She spoke calmly, despite her annoyance, as she started to sip her tea, “Why, what’s the matter, dear?”
The sound of Rarity’s voice caught the cyan pegasi’s attention. Without hesitation, she lept into the boutique window.
Rarity looked, unamused at her friend's uncouth behavior, as Rainbow Dash crashed in her room, nearly taking a potted plant and an expensive vase with her. Rarity felt a hint of dread, she had never seen Rainbow Dash so distraught.
“Rarity.” Rainbow Dash finally managed to break the silence. Exhaustion began to wear at her tired voice. Her tired, teary voice. “There’s something really wrong with Pinkie Pie! She’s in the hospital, and I think something’s terribly wro-”
Rainbow Dash jumped, interrupted by the sound of a tea cup crashing into the freshly polished floor, the hot liquid it contained spilling everywhere.
Before she was able to utter a single word, Rarity watched as the cyan pegasus flew towards the Golden Oaks library.
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Fluttershy sat as she held her dear friend, shedding an immeasurable amount of tears. Yet in her eyes was the determination that she so rarely expressed, and it seemed to spread strength into those around her, albeit only a little bit.
The fact that such a cowardly pony could express so much strength in such dire circumstances surprised everypony. The sight gave them hope that such a terrible day could have any chance of redemption.
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Fluttershy was wide awake, as she enjoyed the fresh morning air.
She loved this time of day, it was pleasant to look upon her animal friends, busily going about their morning rituals. Her attention turned, however, as she noticed a familiar blue pegasus heading towards her at break-neck speed.
Fluttershy screamed as her friend collided into her, face first.
She looked upon Rainbow Dash as they both managed to lift themselves up, slowly. The two shared an awkward silence that lasted an eternity.
“There’s a problem with Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash managed to break the silence. A fear of the future ripped at her every word.
“Oh, oh dear, I hope it isn’t something serious.” Fluttershy looked down at her friend in worry. Fear was written all across Rainbow Dash’s expression, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“She’s in the hospital, Fluttershy. We think it’s really bad.””
The yellow pegasus’s features changed from that of gentle concern to that of overwhelming dread as Rainbow Dash told her the grim news.
Fluttershy felt her heart sink into a deep, dark pit of despair.
Faster than a bolt of lightning, Dash started flying towards Carousel Boutique, unable to spend anymore time around her friend. She was ashamed to be unable to comfort her.
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Applejack, however, was not as quiet as those around her. She had been the only pony able to give comfort to Pound and Pumpkin, still mortified by the horrible sight they had witnessed.
“Shhhh.. “ The orange earth pony tried her best to comfort the terrified children. “Pinkie’ll be fine, ya’ll just need to have hope.”
Applejack struggled to say the words, as her hope, too, was diminishing.
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Applejack strolled down the streets of Ponyville, eager to deliver the large cart of apples to Sugarcube Corner, as she did on a weekly basis.
She was caught by anxiety as she heard two familiar, yet terrified voices.
“Mom! Dad!”
Applejack was unsure as to what was happening, but Pound and Pumpkin cake had never sounded so terrified. She had to help them, however possible.
As she abandoned her cart, she couldn’t shake the dreadful feeling that something was horribly wrong.
Pound and Pumpkin were both mortified, the sight of their older sister, twitching relentlessly on the ground was far too much for them to bear. The two sat, crying out wails of utter misery as an orange earth pony busted through the door.
She looked down at the collapsed form of Pinkie Pie, terrified.
Distraught and welling with immeasurable tears, she turned to Rainbow Dash, who had just wandered in, confused.
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The most peculiar sight of all was that of Rainbow Dash. The normally cool, confident pegasus sat silently in the corner of the empty room.
Despite her exhaustion, she was wide awake. Fear and anxiety tore at her every feature. Her eyes red and swollen with tears.
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Rainbow Dash flew high over Ponyville, busily carrying on her job. She was the best pony for the job, after all.
Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she continued to destroy the tiny balls of grey vapor scattered across the sky, her rainbow-hued mane flowing in the wind.
She stopped, quizzically, as she witnessed something very peculiar. Why was Applejack bashing through the door to Sugarcube Corner?
It didn’t make any sense. She had to investigate.
The sight she saw was the most horrifying thing she could imagine.
Directly in front of her, stood Applejack. Below her lay the barely moving body of Pinkie Pie, being needlessly shaken by Pumpkin and Pound Cake.
Applejack turned to face her friend, tears beginning to well in her eyes. She managed a deep sigh, and spoke.
“We need to get her to the hospital, fast.”
She hadn't spoken another word before Dash flew off into the distance, distraught. She, too, began to cry.
She hadn't cared about the day’s work anymore. Her only thoughts were on the lifeless form of Pinkie Pie, and how she abandoned Applejack with her.
She couldn't bear to see it.
In the distance, she saw as Applejack carried a collapsed Pinkie Pie on her back, followed by a pegasus colt, and a unicorn filly.
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The door to the waiting room tore open as Doctor Stable stepped into the quiet room. He wore an expression of guilt and fear, unprofessional for somepony in his position.
“Well.” He felt it hard to let out the words, choking on how to deliver them.
The group of ponies watched in utter torment as the doctor began to speak. They hung on his every word, waiting in morbid anticipation for him to continue.
Doctor Stable took a deep, uncertain sigh. As he released his breath, a collective silence overtook the room.
There were no more tears, no more words.
Nothing but the cold chill of dread deep in the hearts of those listening to the horrible words.
“I’m afraid your friend Pinkie Pie has had a massive heart attack.”
One could only hear the overbearing sound of pouring rain.
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3026469 Good to know I'm still doing my job.
... Too many cupcakes I guess.
D:
I'm loving this story!
3026586 dude, pinkie has depression
. severe depression by the looks of it
. she couldnt continue on her current path without inflicting anguish upon herself. my gf is similar to pinkie in one way; she will do anything to make everypony happy. . . they slowly worsen their condition just to make somepony else happy. it seems like they torture themselves, and they just cant stop, either
. . .
Okay so still reading? Still enjoying. But.
I feel like most of their reactions seem over the top without more information. Namely, all Dash knows is that she's collapsed and in the hospital, and that's all every pony knows. Fluttershy might collapse at that, but I'd like to think Rarity, Twilight and Dash would be stronger, at least until the bomb drops at the end. If the doctor had said she has like three months to live, I get it. And I get pound and pumpkin's reaction, since their kids and they see her go over.
I'd suggest either pulling back or letting us in on some backstory, like Pinkie has collapsed before or has been sick lately. The danger is you leave nowhere else for the ponies to go emotionally if they're already so upset BEFORE they find te sad news.
3027797 Point taken,
guess I kinda jumped the gun on that one.
Right in the feels, man. Right in the feels...
I had a feeling it was that hope she survives.
LOVE IT
Still liking it. The style of this chapter was an interesting change.
Some spelling and grammar issues:
• "The sound of Rarity’s voice caught the cyan pegasi’s attention." - pegasus' (pegasi is the plural form of pegasus)[/li]
• "The yellow pegasus’s features..." - pegasus' (no second s for possessive words already ending in s)
• “Pinkie’ll be fine, ya’ll just...” - y'all (contraction of "you all")
• "Pound and Pumpkin were both mortified, the sight of their older sister, twitching relentlessly on the ground was far too much for them to bear." - Awkward run-on sentence. Split into two sentences at the first comma and remove the second comma entirely.
• "...shedding an immeasurable amount of tears.", "Distraught and welling with immeasurable tears, " - Using this description repeatedly is distracting.
• "The door to the waiting room tore open as Doctor Stable stepped into the quiet room." - Tone of these words clashes. "Tore" implies abruptness and violence, while "stepped" implies calmness.
• "melancholy of utter torment", "wails of utter misery", "watched in utter torment" - Use of "utter..." is very clichéd and actually detracts from what you are trying to convey, especially when used repeatedly. Excessive adjective use limits where a reader's mind will go. It is better to let them think the worst on their own (show, don't tell).