• Member Since 20th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 22nd, 2017

HeartTortoisePigeonDog


“Life is what we make of it. Travel is the traveler. What we see isn't what we see but what we are.”

T

A month before Nightmare Night, the Cutie Mark Crusaders discover that a carnival has come to Ponyville, deep within the Everfree Forest. And it's owner is cheery and kind.
But not all is as it seems.


******Fic based on Sand Josieph's song. Done with permission.******

I highly suggest listening to the song and/or watching the animatic before reading, if only to greater familiarize yourself with the character and where the story might be going.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 60 )

Needs some editing, and you might want to put in a couple flashback markers when the setting/time changes, but I am intrigued. Keep going!

3046657Thanks!!:pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss:
Might you point out what needs editing? Some of it? It can really help:twilightsmile:

3045869And thanks again, buddy!:rainbowkiss:

I fucking love it!!!!
I think Carnival Cat is my favorite OC villain^^
And she knows that Big Macintosh is best pony which is always a plus!

Definately reminds me of Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. Excited to see where this goes. Especially the Romance portion seeing the sap that I am.

3048502If you watched the animatic,which is linked in the description, you can imagine where it might be headed. But I like twisting things, so, who can say?:pinkiecrazy:

All in all, I'm very glad you're enjoying it!:rainbowkiss: And thank you for the fav!:heart:

3047143Thanks!! I know, she is!!! I can't believe I only found out about her a little over a week ago!!:rainbowkiss: I watch the animatic and just had to write a story:yay::pinkiehappy:
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m63g70eyWP1rwcum3o1_500.gif

3048620
Please tell me we won't have to wait long for the next chapter^^
I need it!!!!!

this totally also fits the feel of her Carnival:

[youtube=4BrCLpvObxk]

Oooh! Intriguing! May I ask which design of the Cat you are using? Because I've seen several.

And if I may make a suggestion would be to actually split the rest of the song amongst two chapters since the two remaining parts are very distinct. Can't wait for Sludge to make her appearance! :D

3046820 Her clear, golden eyes shone the more nigh they came to the shinning entrance. Closer and shining. Things like that and the unnecessary words like "aught" in places that don't make sense. Also, AB is more likely to say "she's" than "she is", unless you put "is" in italics for emphasis. That's more of a nitpick, though

Also, people usually put flashbacks in italics, but as the flashback sequence would be far longer than the rest of the chapter, I recommend you write the events in the order that they happen. As is, it's kind of jarring.

Finally, I applaud you for taking criticism seriously. Thanks.:yay::yay::yay:

3049802Thank you! It means a lot to see you have read this, and faved it! I am honored, my friend:pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss:

The common one. But in this chapter she appears more normal. I figured, as a Cat specializing in deceiving, she would have more subtle tricks up her sleeve.

By your suggestion, then:twilightsmile: Big Mac's part and then the Mane 6 face-off?

3048863I'm not sure... chapter two is at present still "0 words"... but hopefully not too long!:twilightsmile:

3050341 Thank you!:yay::yay:
Alright then. I'll see if I can't correct what I can find:twilightsmile:

I'm not sure how to do the flash back. It's meant to be a "frame" for the chapter and the style Kawabata-like in design. Besides, I didn't know how else to open the chapter with words in a void describing Carnival Cat on first impression...:applejackunsure::ajsleepy:

3050670 Yeah, the song as it was written has three distinct acts. The first act (Introduction) is from "Welcome my dear little pony friends..." to "Baby get in line, You're Mine!". The second act (Escalation) is from "Come with me Baby..." to "Let me be your little wife!". The final act (Resolution) is from "Come get to know me, My Little Pony..." to "Life alone just makes me sick!" to "Go away you monster...Taste the Rainbow, Pony Foal!" .

3064247I knows, but still:rainbowkiss:
(I used to watch that movie all the time when I was younger--loved it. Then our vhs player broke:fluttershysad:)

This is pretty damn good and I'm eager to see where it goes.

LOVE IT :raritystarry: I can't wait to see how it turns out.
seven out of ten for the fic
:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:
Oh and if you made that song, LOVE THAT TOO!
eight out of ten for the song
:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

3875377 ThankS!:pinkiehappy:
If you read the description, you'll see I'm only a humble fan of the song:twilightsheepish:

The second chapter's been a while in the making, and what with work, writing has been slowed to a near crawl, but I'm about half done with chapter two, and it's already longer than chapter 1, ssoooo:pinkiehappy:

This is a perfect fanfic! I like it, and Carnival Cat is a perfect villain for a MLP season!

I like the story.

It's not that big of a surprise hpw it most likey will turn out, since A) there is the animatic B) it shares a lot of popular themes with old fairytails like Pied Pieper and Pinoccio.

I would make a section line at the part when it switches from the CMC talking with Carnival Cat to Ponyville.

I feel really bad. I read this ages ago, and apparently didn't comment. I really like it. Hope the next chapter is going well.

4616218 It's going too slow, but pretty great. And I am working on too many others stories too, slowly. Somepony force me to read more so i write quicker, eh:trixieshiftright::raritydespair::trixieshiftleft:

YES! UPDATE!:pinkiehappy:
But seriously, this chapter was great! I loved how Catherine has some sort of charm set on Big Mac. That just adds to the tale.

I can't wait to read more.

(Come my love...)

Come with me baby, so we can set love free, (Love is a foal who will not obey your laws)
Happiness is my guarantee... (Love is a mare with fangs and claws)

So please come here and give me one sweet kiss, (Love is a pony, demure and little,)
Or you will be left friendless... (Though she is not so brittle...)

My love is lonely, idle without a spark, (Love is a cutie mark that's beyond your reach,)
Patiently waiting to devour your heart... (Love is a joke that poisons all the weak...)

Sweet music preys on you, my darling baby, (Love is a filly who will ravage your soul,)
So please give your love to me, your lady! (Since she dares not ever let you go!)

Love is waiting, saddle up your pride,
There's no need to run and hide!

fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/282/9/0/carnival_cat___dressed_by_lucefudu-d5h3e5a.png

(La, la la la la la, la la la la la la la, la la la la la la, la, la la la la la la!)

At least you're back :raritystarry: I was beginning to worry about you

Love the chap... not sure about him going for Catharine so easily though :trixieshiftright:

4860683 Hey! Sludge is a fine upstanding member of her species!
:rainbowlaugh:
Nah, you're right, but I blame Catherine for Sludge's behavior

4860776 Well, actually, it only came as a sudden after-thought that I can use Sludge's characteristics and origin, playing with them a bit, to fuel a sequel. The miasma plays a part in that:ajsmug:

But, who am I kidding? I've been slacking on writing, spreading my time to write on other stories or other things, and with school starting up... I just want to finish the stories I start:fluttershyouch:

I forgot this story was in my favorites. But, I can tell you really did a lot on this, what with the music and all. So, I guess all is forgiven. So long as you keep it up!

4862976 Thanks:twilightsmile: But you know all music is created by Sand Josieph, not me... this is HIS character, not mine. I asked him if I could write a story based on his song and OC, Carnival Cat, you know, right?:unsuresweetie:

4863186

I wasn't implying you made it, it was just a nice little addition. I always enjoy it when a story adds music or images to give more depth (although I'm still just as happy without them).

4863570 Oh, alright:twilightblush::twilightsmile: Sorry, I've had at least one person in the past assume I made the music, so I try to be very straight forward: I cannot take the credit for that man's epic music

And it was worth the wait, I would say. Very good use of wording, and the alliteration was very much appreciated.
As for the story itself, I like where it's going; a sort of Twilight Zone meets Pan's Labyrinth.
I eagerly anticipate the next chapter.

Oh man, how did I miss seeing this chapter? DX

I really need to stay on top of my favorite stories! XD

4945621 Ya miss it cuz I was a bad pony and life happens to meh D:

Well done. It was worth the wait. But please don't repeat it. The break I mean.

4995925 I plan not to. I do have school, but that should be the only determinate to time of next update, as I already have a clear idea where the story is going

Oh my goodness, the view count! O.O

5075552 Ohmai, you're right!:pinkiegasp: Who are silently viewing, I wonder?

Yay, an update!

Finally! *explodes*

Ooh, spooky! :D

I was surprised to see a male!Sandy cause my ponysona is a carnivorous, cantankerous mare named Sandy Sandlot! Even though I AM a guy IRL! XD

5738364 I know, right? Stupid school cutting my time away:derpytongue2:

5751122 There's more to Sandy Seneca: inspired from your ponysona, and a nod to you in general--I hope I left some hint there is more to him that what he appears to be in the chapter. Some more of him might come in this next (final) chapter--but I am still busy writing it, when I can between school and such. But the next chapter is more about the Mane Six now, and of course they experienced quite a different welcome at Carnival Cat's--if Big Mac and the CMC came through the main entrance of Disneyland, the M6 came through backstage.

5760599 OK.

If it wouldn't be too much trouble do you think you could make Sandy Seneca female as well? I'm actually kinda sorta getting weirded out seeing the character referred to as a "he". If it's too much to ask for that's alright. I'll be fine either way. ^^'

5761924 I think I could.... How about Sandtrap Seneca?:rainbowlaugh: I'm just joking. I'll see what I can change it too when I can:twilightsmile: As stated elsewhere, I rarely have time for creative outlets like fiction writing lately cuz school and other banal things, which also includes limited comp. time, but long story.

Oh hey, an update!

I will admit that the change in format caught me off guard but once I adjusted I was intrigued by the turn of events. There is a lot of mystery going on here and I look to see where this is going. :)

I must also say that your vocabulary has also expanded. I actually had to look up a few of the words, though I was able to tell what most of them meant just by the way you used them.

You have exceeded my expectations for the story's finale greatly. Despite the wait, it was well worth it. Thanks for uploading this story.

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