• Published 15th Aug 2013
  • 3,937 Views, 168 Comments

The Minuette-ventures of Princess Twilight Sparkle - Sharp Spark


Twilight and Minuette are perfectly happy and just want to be left alone. Unfortunately, Ponyville is particularly prone to mysteries and disasters, and -somepony- has to deal with the mess.

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Vinyl Fantasy VII

Braaaaaaowwww

Minuette rolled over, twisting the sheets in her legs as she groaned.

Wub wub vraaaooorrrrr

She jammed her hooves over her flattened ears, curling up to bury her head in her pillow.

For a moment, she thought it had worked. Blessed silence reigned. She even gingerly lifted one hoof, the ear flicking up tentatively.

Then the beat dropped, and the bass returned with enough force to shake the entire bed. This time, it was accompanied with the dulcet tones of what could only be a high-powered drill. Minuette screamed in frustration, and barely heard herself over the racket. She flailed out her limbs, nearly hitting the pony next to her.

Visible by the soft light of a low-power luminescence spell, Twilight’s tail flicked as she turned to the next page in her book. She glanced over at Minuette, and slid her earmuffs down slightly. “Sorry, is my light keeping you up?”

“Yes.” Minuette gritted her teeth. “That’s the problem here.”

Twilight reached over to bop her on the nose. “No need to be sarcastic. It is a bit loud, alright.”

“A bit?” Minuette shifted into her best whine. “Twiiiliiiight. Go over there and be a princess at them. You can make them stop, right?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “I think that’d be an abuse of power.”

“Well, what else is power for?”

“Helping ponies?” Twilight saw Minuette’s eyes light up and she hastily added, “Ponies in general. Not specific grumpy blue unicorns.”

“You don’t know what it’s like,” Minuette groused. “Ever since they’ve started, I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep. You, on the other hoof, get to go back to your nice quiet treebrary on the other side of town.”

“I’m here now.”

“Yeah, and you’re not helping.”

“Well, maybe you should have thought a little harder before moving next to Ponyville’s only 24-hour dance club.”

Minuette blinked, trying to push the memory through her frazzled brain. “It wasn’t here when I moved in! Why would I have possibly moved here if it was?”

Twilight shrugged. “You weren’t paying attention?”

“I’ve lived here for years!”

“And Rave New World has been there for as long as I’ve ever been in Ponyville.” Twilight crossed her forelegs. “You’re just being overdramatic.”

Minuette rubbed her eyes. “No, it hasn’t. I bet you a million bits it hasn’t.”

“Don’t be silly. You don’t have a million

“Twilight,” Minuette said, “normally I find your pedantry to be one more adorable part of the entire package, but I feel quite certain that this noise is going to drive me to murder somepony. And you’re the only one in this room.”

Twilight beamed. “You used ‘pedantry’. You’ve been using the word-a-day calendar I bought you.”

Minuette groaned again. “I’m serious. I bet you uh… that I’d do all of Spike’s work for a month. Can’t you teleport us back to your place?”

“It’s still not new. I really would have thought you would be used to the noise by now.”



Twilight cut her off with a quick nuzzle, and in a flash of purple light and moment of stomach swirling panic, they appeared a few inches above an entirely different bed in an entirely different place.

Minuette landed with a soft ‘oof’, a huge smile spreading across her face at the quiet. She had already wrapped herself around a pillow and burrowed into a blanket by the time Twilight gracefully flapped her wings to settle down next to her.

The last thing she heard before unconsciousness hit her like a train was Twilight saying, “But it really has been there for a long time...”

---

When Minuette descended the stairs of Twilight’s treebrary, blanket still wrapped around her barrel and dragging behind her, the sun had already passed far beyond the center of the sky. She found Twilight waiting for her in the kitchen, sitting at the table with two magically warmed mugs of tea and an impossibly big grin.

“Oh no,” Minuette said. “No no no. Nothing good can come from this.”

“Oh, you.” Twilight giggled. “Here, have a seat. Good morning!”

Minuette gingerly sat down, laying her ears flat and curling the blanket around her. “Okay. What’s the deal?”

“What makes you think there’s a deal?”

“You are literally bouncing up and down right now.”

Twilight froze. “Oh. Well. Do you remember our conversation last night?”

Minuette took a sip of tea, replaying it in her head. “I…” She winced. “Oh, about that horrible awful noise factory place. I said—”

“You said it was new, that it hadn’t been there very long. And you said you’d stake a month of Spike’s chores on it.” Twilight frowned. “And it’s hardly just noise. I’ll have you know that ‘wubstep’ is a rather sophisticated genre that encompasses a lot of real talent, as any fairly discerning listener could tell you.”

“A listener such as you? I’ve seen you dance,” Minuette said darkly.

“Well, surely you’ve heard of DJ P0n-3?”

“I—” Minuette blinked. “Actually I have. Though I don’t know how or why.”

“Hmm,” Twilight said, hiding a smile.

“That’s not important. The point is, I was wrong. And I don’t say that lightly. I must have been way too tired, because now that I think about it, of course it’s been there. But you can hardly hold me to a bet I made when I was half out of my mind with sleep deprivation.”

“That’s just it,” Twilight said, her eyes sparkling. “You’re not wrong. I think.”

“I’m not?” Minuette blinked. “No, I totally am.”

“See, that’s what I thought. And that’s why I woke up this morning and went down to Ponyville City Hall. I helped them with a new filing system a few months ago, and it was a cinch to look up the original property registration and cross-reference it with the zoning plan. And you won’t believe what I discovered…”

Minuette yawned, not bothering to hide it. “You were wrong about it always being there?”

“Nope! I was right!”

Minuette screwed her eyes shut. “Hurrah. Just when I thought this story was boring, it turns out it’s confusing too. Did you hit your head or something on a file cabinet down there?”

“No, see, I found the original document filed on behalf of Rave New World, dated at 894 A.L. Two years before—”

“Before Ponyville was even founded. There was probably a typo and it was supposed to be 994. An obscure bureaucratic error, I don’t see why—” Minuette sighed. “Nevermind. I see exactly why you’re so excited.”

“That’s not the point though. I was planning on taking the registration up to the Department of Corrections, of course—”

“—of course—” Minuette blandly contributed.

“—but I needed to find when the club had actually opened. And so I started looking through the archives of the Ponyville Express and couldn’t find anything at all around 994. Or any other year. I couldn’t find a reference to Rave New World anywhere! So I figured to tackle the problem from another direction and ask a resident expert in Ponyville history, right?”

Minuette had entirely retreated into the warmth of her blanket and was considering if Twilight would get particularly mad if she fell back asleep when a sepia-toned photograph skidded across the table.

It was faded, but she could make out a young mare with old-fashioned braided hair, rearing back cheerfully next to an apple tree on a hill. Not far in the distance and completely out of place sitting upon untouched rolling meadows, she could see a squat concrete building with a gaudy sign.

She blinked. “It was there…?”

“Yup,” Twilight said. “Rave New World apparently existed over a hundred years ago. But I was also wrong, because something is clearly suspicious. There’s strange magick afoot, Minuette, maybe even affecting the fabric of reality, and it’s up to us to find out just what.”

Minuette laid her head down on the table. “I’m going back to bed.”


Convincing Minuette that they should actually go investigate the club hadn’t been too difficult once Twilight reminded her that she otherwise would have plenty more nights of nonstop wubstep. Getting into the club had been trickier. Even at three in the afternoon, the line in front of the club stretched all the way down the block, with ponies already gyrating to the thump of the bass leaking out.

A little ingenuity brought them around back and through an unmarked but unlocked door into the backstage, all dimly lit concrete hallways with flickering lights. And that’s where they saw a white pony with bright blue hair and a pair of ridiculous sunshades sneaking down the hallway.

Twilight clutched Minuette’s foreleg tightly. “That’s… that’s her! DJ P0n-3!”

The pony jerked her head up, catching sight of them, and fled. Minuette took off in pursuit, for no real reason other than it seemed appropriate, only to find a dressing-room door slammed in her face.

“No fans!” a muffled voice yelled through. “No autographs, no pictures, no signing any anatomy whatsoever. Go away!”

“We’re not fans,” Minuette said.

Twilight shuffled in place. “Right. Just. Um. Appreciative listeners.”

“...Are you from the government? Is this about the taxes again?”

“I’m here to talk about that godawful racket,” Minuette said. “And I’m not going away until you agree to knock it off. Oh, and maybe there’s weird reality magic or something to discuss too but whatever.”

There was a pause. The door creaked open a sliver. “You’re really not a fan? You don’t like my music?”

“It’s hot garbage,” Minuette said firmly.

The door swung open and she found herself squeezed tight in a hug. “Thank Celestia! Come in, and hurry!”

The pony dragged Minuette inside, Twilight following, and pushed them towards a lumpy couch. “Can I get you anything? Fruit plate? Bottled water?” The mare gestured towards a heap of plastic and sickly-smelling plant matter. “They keep delivering this junk to the room and I don’t know how to get them to stop.”

Minuette raised an eyebrow. “No thanks, Ms… Ponethree?”

“Call me Vinyl. Vinyl Scratch.”

“Vinyl, then.”

Vinyl shivered. “You don’t know how long it’s been since somepony’s called me that. Not since I last saw…” Her ears drooped as she trailed off. She glanced over at Twilight. “But maybe you two... You’re Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Science, right?”

Twilight’s eyes lit up and she fluffed her wings out, grinning. “Yes. Yes I am!”

“So that means you know Celestia and Luna. Can you get them a message? I need some serious help here, like big leagues stuff.”

Twilight shot daggers with her eyes. Minuette hastily jumped in. “Maybe we can help. Tell us what’s going on.”

“What’s going on?” Vinyl flailed her hooves. “I’m going nuts, that’s what’s going on! At first the club was awesome and everypony loved it and it was great, but then they want me on the stage, like, all the time, and these ponies are crazy. I had to hire bouncers to keep ponies from rushing the stage and that costs bits and we should be making money but I don’t know where the bits are going anymore and these tax ponies keep coming around and so far I’ve been able to distract them with autographs but I think they’re going to eventually catch on and break my legs! Can they do that? I don’t think they should be able to do that.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Twilight said. “Take it easy. Let’s start from the beginning.”

“Right.” Vinyl trotted over to an askew painting on the wall and pulled it off to reveal a safe. Her horn lit up, spinning the dial to open the door. With her magic she floated out a weird-shaped object of tarnished bronze.

“So, the beginning. I found this old backscratcher, see?”

Twilight already had her hoof to her forehead. “It’s not a backscratcher. It’s a lamp. This is suddenly making a lot of sense.”

“I don’t know,” Minuette mused. “I’m with Vinyl here. Lamps have like… candles.”

“An oil lamp.”

“Anyways, I found this… thing, right? And, well, it might just be better to show you.” Vinyl floated the lamp over and whisked her tail across its surface. One end began spewing out a purple cloud that quickly filled the room with thick smoke.

As Twilight and Minuette coughed, the smoke cleared, only to reveal there were now four ponies in the room. The newest arrival yawned, stretching out his forehooves. “Aaaugh. What dost thou want now? Can’t a guy get a couple of decades of rest? Jeez.”

Minuette blinked. She nudged Twilight. “Hey.”

“Mmm?” Twilight said. She had her eyes half closed and hoof still on her forehead, in the way she did when she felt a headache coming on.

“That pony just poofed into existence, right?”

“Mmm.”

“And he’s wearing a turban.”

“Yeah.”

“And his hind legs abruptly terminate, as it were, into a small cloud of that same purple smoke.”

“Appears so.”

“I think,” Minuette said gravely, “we might be dealing with a genie.”

“Djinn,” Twilight said.

“No thank you, it’s a little too early to be drinking.”

Twilight let out an exasperated half-laugh. “No, not gin, I said djinn. It’s a kind of—” She turned to glance sharply at Minuette. “Wait, you’re messing with me on purpose, huh?”

“Yup!” Minuette grinned, nuzzling her. “You’re getting a little too stressed.”

“You’re right.” Twilight took a deep breath. “It’s just annoying. Djinns? Seriously? That’s what we’re having to deal with now?”

“Ahem,” the djinn said, face twisted in annoyance. “I’m floating right here.”

“Right, sorry.” Minuette glanced over at Vinyl. “This does explain a lot”

Vinyl’s head drooped. “Yeah. I made a couple of wishes and it really got out of hoof somehow.”

A broad grin split the djinn’s face. “What can I say? Seven hundred years and I still haven’t lost my touch.”

Twilight frowned. “See, djinns grant wishes, traditionally three per master. But they always do so with some form of unfortunate ironic twist.”

Vinyl gasped, pointing a hoof at the djinn. “You never told me that!”

“If I had, would thou hast wished for something?”

“No!”

“Well there you go.” The djinn turned to Twilight. “Thou knowest much about my kind. I am impressed.”

“Yeah,” Minuette tilted her head. “I would have expected you to think djinns were some kind of big hoax.”

“Well,” Twilight said. “After the ghost and the vampony and everything, I decided to do some reading on speculative mythology.”

“Smart.”

“So,” Vinyl said, musing, “when I wished for fame…”

The djinn smiled. “Thou became famous but lost all privacy and personal time.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “That’s not really ironic, per se. Just kind of incidental.”

“And when I wished for wealth, in order to build the club and stop touring everywhere all the time…”

The djinn folded his forelegs. “You received a fine sum of money, but with taxes and debt to go along with it.”

“That’s not ironic either!” Twilight jabbed a hoof towards the djinn. “That’s just unfortunate!”

“Hey, who’s the djinn here? You? I don’t think so.”

“Yeah,” Minuette chimed in. “It’s ironic, like rain on your wedding day.”

“You be quiet.” Twilight poked her in the side. “Don’t encourage the slow degradation of language.”

“Yes, because that’s literally the problem we should be focusing on at the moment.”

Twilight groaned. “You— Let’s just solve this then. I will need to run back to the library for a couple of legal reference volumes. I’m certain that I can draft a sufficiently comprehensive wish such that we can eliminate or safely anticipate any negative side-effects.”

Minuette stood up, reaching out with a forehoof to pluck the lamp out of the air of Vinyl’s magic. “That’ll take all day. I got this.”

“Wait—!”

“I wish that all wishes pertaining to one Miss Vinyl Scratch alias Deejay Ponethree were henceforth unwished fully and completely, etcetera etcetera, vis a vis, yada yada.”

Twilight stared in horror. Vinyl raised an eyebrow. The djinn grinned, and then wiggled his nose.

Suddenly the room seemed a lot quieter. Minuette realized it was because the thrumming bass and yelling crowds elsewhere in the building had vanished. “No fame.” Then in a poof, purple smoke filled the room again, quickly dispersing to reveal that it had shifted into a janitor’s closet. “No wealth.”

Vinyl let out a breath. “Thank Celestia.”

“Thank Minuette,” Minuette grumbled.

The door creaked open. “Vinyl?” A grey earth pony poked her head in. Her face brightened, and she pushed the door open hard, cantering over in a rush to Vinyl.

“Tavi!” Vinyl said in return, as they nuzzled one another affectionately. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. I’ve been going crazy without you!”

“Uh oh,” Twilight whispered. “I know her too, she’s a famous cellist. What did you do, Vinyl?”

Octavia looked up, seeing the djinn for the first time. “W-what?” She stepped in front of Vinyl her eyes blazing. “What’s the meaning of this? What’s going on here?”

Minuette winced. “Please, no. Vinyl, please tell me you didn’t use your third wish to make her…”

Vinyl gulped, her pale face growing paler. “What? No!”

“Wealth, fame, and love,” Twilight said. “That’s the normal three, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?” Octavia said hotly. “My Vinyl would never.”

Minuette and Twilight shared a grimace.

“I wouldn’t, really!” Vinyl exclaimed. “That wasn’t my third wish, I swear!”

“Then what was?”

A moment of silence stretched out between them. “I wished for these sweet shades,” Vinyl said, pointing at her purple glasses.

“...Really.”

“Yeah. Awesome, huh? But I think they’re the wrong prescription. I keep getting these headaches.”

“Ironic!” the djinn sung out.

“That’s not ironic, just annoying!” Twilight snapped.

The djinn shrugged, and wiggled his nose. The shades disappeared in a poof off of Vinyl’s face.

“So,” Octavia said in a calm, careful voice. “That means everything is back to normal? I think you can be on your way, djinn.”

“Not quite.” The smile on the djinn’s face turned malicious. “I believe the wish in question was to unwish all wishes pertaining to Vinyl Scratch, yes?”

Twilight nodded. “And that’s three. Fame, wealth, and… sunglasses?”

“There are four.”

Vinyl blinked. “What?”

The djinn wiggled his nose one more time. Vinyl looked down to see her hooves slowly beginning to fade. “Wait! I don’t understand. I only wished for three things!”

“Vinyl!” Octavia wrapped both forelegs around her “No! Stop!”

“I…” Vinyl Scratch had become entirely translucent. “I don’t feel so good, Tavi. I—”

With a sound like a soap bubble popping, Vinyl disappeared. Octavia collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

“Now,” the djinn said, lifting his head up with a frown, “why don’t you ponies leave me alone for a few decades? I’m really getting sick of all the drama.”

Minuette stared at the spot of floor that Vinyl had previously occupied. “What— What just happened?”

Octavia’s sobs died away into sniffles. She stood up, wiping one hoof across her muzzle. “I… I found the lamp at a garage sale. I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this.”

“...What?” Twilight gaped.

“I was just so lonely,” Octavia said. “I wished for somepony to love me, somepony beautiful and musical and cheerful.” A wry look crossed her face. “I got Vinyl. And she was all of those things, but she drove me crazy too. But I did love her, so much. I just didn’t recognize it until all of this club and touring stuff meant I couldn’t see her anymore. And now… just as I realize that she was everything I wanted, now she’s gone.”

“Okay,” Minuette said. “That’s kind of ironic.”

“You!” Octavia’s eyes flared and she marched across the room to Minuette, who still held the lamp. “You give me that lamp right this instant. Or I’ll… I’ll… bite you!”

“No!” Twilight exclaimed. “The wish won’t help. She’ll come back as a zombie, or something even worse.”

Octavia’s head slumped. “Then what? What can we do?”

Twilight bit her lip. “I could try writing a wish with no room for error. It’ll just take time.”

“You really think you can?”

“I have to try.”

“Augh,” the djinn groaned. “That’s going to take forever, and I can tell you right now, it won’t work. You ponies are going to just keep making bigger and bigger messes and wasting all my time with wishes. Can’t you just leave me in peace?”

“Well, if you want to be left alone, why don’t you try helping?” Twilight griped. “Let’s work something out that benefits everypony here.”

The djinn frowned. “It’s not up to me. There are rules about this kind of thing. You might as well ask the sky to be purple.”

Twilight pursed her lips. “Well, if one were to replace the current atmosphere with a certain combination of gases—”

“Or cast an illusion spell,” Minuette chimed in.

“Well yes, but that’s easy.”

“Thou art missing the point,” the djinn said. “Sometimes you have to live with the consequences of your actions. Sometimes you can’t rely on others to take care of everything for you.”

Minuette tapped a hoof against her chin, thinking. “Nah. I rely on other ponies like all the time and it usually works out fine.”

Octavia’s head tilted. “Because friendship is magic?”

“No,” Twilight said. “Because she’s lazy.”

“Exactly!” Minuette grinned, and lifted the lamp up. “I wish you, djinn-guy, would just make a wish to solve the problem.”

Twilight’s hoof thunked against her face. “Oh no.”

The djinn grinned hugely. “Oh yes.” His nose wiggled. “But thou forgot the ironic twist. Now I get to make a wish, but you didn’t specify which problem you wanted me to solve. And I think I want to solve my problem. I wish that all you ponies would leave me alone!”

Twilight and Octavia gasped. Minuette rolled her eyes.

The djinn’s nose wiggled. The room filled with purple smoke for a third time.

“Minuette, I can’t believe you!” Twilight said, waiting for the smoke to clear. “Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time?”

“I did!”

The smoke drifted away. The djinn was gone, but the lamp still sat in Minuette’s hooves. Next to her was a very confused-looking Vinyl Scratch.

“Vinyl!” Octavia shouted, tackling her into a hug.

“See, the djinn wished for us to stop bothering him.” Minuette grinned. “But he forgot about his own ironic twist. One way for us to definitely not need to bother him anymore was just to make everything okay again. Now we can toss the lamp into the ocean or something, he can get a century or so of rest, and we can go about our lives in peace.”

“Huh,” Twilight said. “That’s… rather clever. How did you figure that out?”

“Well, there was this one story about Daring Do and the Monkey’s Paw…”

Twilight blinked. “I’ve read all the Daring Do stories and I don’t recall that at all. Unless… No.”

“Yep!”

“Ugh, are you kidding?”

Minuette beamed. “We were just saved by volume seven, chapter sixteen of Rainbow Dash’s ongoing fanfic! I keep telling you, it’s better than you expect.”

“Uh huh. Was this before or after the self-insert OC sex scene with Daring?”

Minuette narrowed her eyes, thinking. “Which one?”