When I'm no Longer Here

by SanityLost

When I'm no Longer Here

Spike's heavily lidded eyes slowly opened. The world of color and sound of his dreams were washed away by brilliant sunlight. His groggy mind registered that he was laying on cold stone, and when he raised his head, his green eyes saw an entrance to a cave that he now lay in. Outside of the cave were several trees.

After a few seconds, icy reality hit him and gnawed at his insides. He'd just woken from the hundred-year sleep.

Memories of his past crashed against his mind, drowning him in a jumbled torrent. Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity and Twilight were gone. Everypony was elderly by the time he chose to go to his sleep. He wanted to stay around for them until they departed, but he was getting sick. Twilight told him that if he didn't go into the hundred-year sleep soon, he would die. After several arguments, many tears, and hugs from all of his friends, he finally acquiesced.

The going away party that Pinkie threw was one of the best parties he'd ever been to. But he still found it a little hard to dance and enjoy the music. The cakes didn't taste quite as sweet, even though they were delicious.

His stomach grumbled. Rolling on his side, he saw a pile of gems of various colors. Rarity had bequeathed them to him in her will. A heart shaped, red fire ruby, set in a golden necklace that rested on top of the pile. A knot formed in his throat. It was the first gift he'd ever given the pony who eventually became his wife, after her first, short lived marriage with Hoity Toity failed.

He had to get up and eat, but his muscles felt heavy. Acidic teeth chewed on his heart. Was there any point in getting up? He reached over and took hold of a rounded orange gem and placed it in his large muzzle. He chewed. Rich, exciting flavors danced on his tongue. He barely noticed.

With a heavy grunt, he managed to push himself up onto all fours. Spike stood on his hind legs and realized how far he was from the ground. When he went to sleep he was about five feet tall, but he must have doubled in size during his rest!

With quivering fingers, Spike took the necklace on top of the gem pile and set it aside. Squeezing his eyes shut, he dug his fingers into the hoard of gems and started scattering them. He threw them to the left and right, causing some to crack and break when they hit the ground. His insides were numb, and his head spun. On the back of his lids, visions of the past flashed, recalling joyous times that happened so long ago. A lifetime ago.

Once half of the gems had been scattered, he stopped and started to breathe heavily. Spike collapsed on the floor, allowing tears to roll down his cheeks. He spent several moments in silent contemplation, seeing shining faces of the ponies that were no longer living. For a brief moment, he wondered whether all of those great times had happened, or if it had all been a dream.

Through vision blurred by tears, he caught sight of a large ivory scroll case sticking out of what remained of the gem mound. Picking it up, he observed the shapes of the cutie marks of all six of his friends, carved in to the case and painted in colored lacquer.

Spike slowly unscrewed one of the golden caps on the ends and tipped it over, watching a huge sheaf of rolled up scrolls fall to the ground. Unrolling them all, he read over the scroll on top.

My Dearest Spike,

I cannot tell you how difficult this was for me to write, for I know that when you read it, I will be gone. I have been searching for the words to express how I feel, but, how shall I put it, the quill is not connected to my heart. Any words that I write feel shallow in comparison to the words we shared before you departed.

I won't lie to you and say that I am doing fine, because I am not. The world is cold without you here, however the memories that we created together warm my heart. I imagine it is nothing compared to the pain you must feel. I wish I could be there to comfort you now, and hold you like I used to.

All of us are saddened by your departure, however Twilight and I are taking it the hardest. Although she won't say it outright, she felt like a big sister, and sometimes a mother to you.

Although I am saddened you are gone, in a way, it is for the best. Us mares are old now, and I would not have wanted you to see us die, especially me. The doctors told me today that the cancer is getting worse, and it is only a matter of time before I start floating among the clouds.

In this scroll case are letters that every Element of Harmony has written to you. All of us planned to just write you one letter, however, I think we each wrote at least ten. Isn't it funny how much you wished you could tell a loved one after they are gone? You think that you tell them everything just before they leave, and realize just after that, there was something you forgot to say. That has happened with me several times since you left, which is why I wrote you more letters than the rest.

All of your friends and I gave you something to remember us by, and placed it in the pile of gems. We would have just put them on top, but Pinkie Pie said to place them inside so it would be like a present. I placed my remembrance for you on top, Pinkie said it would be like a bow for the present. I chose to give you the fire ruby that you gave me close to 50 years ago. I could think of no better symbol of our love. Twilight and I placed a permanence spell on each item, so they won't be subject to decay.

I earnestly wish I had the words to express the joy I held in my heart, for all of the years we were together. Hopefully, all of my other letters will make up for what this one lacked. I wish you well in the new world you awaken to, and I hope that you will think of me from time to time.

Your love, now and forever,

Rarity

From time to time? Spike placed the papers aside and pressed his hands to his eyes. He'd think about her all of the time. Every hour, of every minute, of every day. She was his life. Even though she wasn't there now, she was still creating dresses, humming to herself as he dutifully helped her, in his heart and mind.

The dragon wiped his moist hands on his scales and shook away the grief. Slowly, he went through the remainder of the gem pile, thanking his lucky stars he hadn't destroyed his friends' last gifts in his sorrowful rage.

The first item he came to was a Stetson hat with an apple pendant tied around the brim, that had to be Applejack's gift. There was a drawing of the landscape he remembered seeing outside of Ponyville, filled with cute, frolicking creatures. Three pink butterflies were sketched in the lower right hand corner to show it was from Fluttershy. There was a Wonderbolt doll which was an effigy of Rainbow Dash. Sewn into the doll's cyan wings were actual feathers from the great flier herself. Pinkie's remembrance was a silver statue of a baby dragon, himself, holding up a cupcake while a pony, Pinkie Pie, hugged him. It was a reminder of the second birthday party Pinkie had thrown for him.

He dug through the rest of the gems, looking for Twilight's gift. When he reached the bottom of the pile, he thought that she had forgotten to give him something. Spike bit his tongue and looked to the side. That was when he saw a scroll case made of dark cherry wood, beneath a loose pile of gems that was tucked away in the corner. He walked over and gently picked it up, loosening the clasp and letting the two scrolls from it.

The first one he picked up was a short letter.

Dear Spike,

The little poem I wrote that's on the other piece of parchment is my gift to you. I didn't know of any item that I could give you that would express how much I care for you, or how painful it was when you left us. So I wrote that. I hate being in this library, because you aren't here. My husband comforts me, and so do my children, and grandchildren, but it's not the same without you.

I hope you like my gift. It's probably not the greatest, but hey, at least it isn't a book! I set my gift apart from the others so that you wouldn't accidentally eat it when you first wake from your sleep. Dragons get hungry when they wake up from a hundred-year sleep and, knowing your voracious appetite, you'll probably down that huge pile of gems in no time.

I hope this poem, and the letters in that big scroll case, will be a comfort to you in times of need. I miss you Spike.

Your best friend, sister, and sometimes mom,

Twilight Sparkle

Spike took a deep breath held it for a few seconds, before reaching down and unrolling the second scroll.

When I'm no Longer Here

by Twilight Sparkle

Time can be silly,
it tends to break things apart.
Its eternal, iron fingers
can unravel powerful bonds.
Or causes unyielding unity
to slowly fade into nothing.
But Mother Nature is clever,
and tricks old Father Time.
She gathers the warmth in a soul,
when it flies to hereafter,
and hides it in her beautiful grace.
So it can always be shared by two,
when only one remains.

When you need a little smile
to brighten up your day
look up and see the blazing sun,
to see my brilliantly shining grin.
When you need a hug,
let the sun's rays warm you
and feel my forelegs
around your shoulders.
If you need a gentle nuzzle
feel the wind on your cheek,
my muzzle is invisibly hiding
in that soothing caress.
When you are scared
and you can't sleep at night,
my lullabies will be sung
by birds serenading the stars.
If the darkness is closing in,
and fright keeps you awake,
I'll turn on your nightlight,
and let moonbeams melt the shadows.

Some days you may feel alone,
when I'm no longer here.
But just look up, then you'll know,
I'm there if you need me.

Spike blinked tears from his eyes. He gently rolled up both pieces of parchment and placed them back into the scroll case, laying it gently in a pile with the other items he'd received.

Despite everything, his heart was much lighter than it was before. Looking outside, the darkness rapidly encroaching in the sky. Fatigue was pulling him downward.

Spike lay down and rested his head on folded arms, letting the memories of his wife, best friend, and the rest of the gang soothe the heaviness that remained. A few hours passed, and then a soft breeze blew across the dragon's cheeks. Bird songs echoed through the night. Moonbeams wash over him, before he slowly drifted to sleep.

The End

Author's Note: This story was inspired by a special person that I am about to lose soon. The person had a lot to do with the writer that I am today, and even though this slice of life story isn't great, hopefully it will honor their memory. This story was kind of a personal one, so I didn't have anyone proofread it (two people did pre-read it however). So, it's probably riddled with mistakes. I also know this concept has probably been done before and better, but I hope you can look past those points and enjoy the story. For the few that read this story, I hope you are able to take its message with you everywhere you go. Loved ones are very special, and will always be with you, even if it's just in your heart.

I have to confess that I am a terrible poet. Whenever I write a poem, it's always the old fashioned stuff that I used to read when I was a little kid (like Robert Frost). Today's modern poetry boggles my mind. I hope you are still able to enjoy it anyway. Thank you so much for reading!

Comments

[Criticul]

I know what it's like to be inspired by losing someone. I know this person must be amazing if they inspired you to create this masterpiece. This story was simply astonishing in it's quality, and is easily worth a favorite to me. Even the poem was really good, and I'm not the biggest fan of poetry. You did the letters way better than I did in my story, that's for sure. I can't find anything wrong with this story. :O This story was so... :| sad and touching at the same time.

Wow...just, wow.

Why can't I give you 5 stars!?

[Magicolt808]

I cant get over how similar our stories are but there is no way that I could compare my story to yours. Im currently typing this from my ipod in PE so this will be short. You displayed raw beauty and i am very saddened with your burden. This special person of yours is clearly influential and even though i do not know them personally, i want you to know that i will keep them in my thoughts.

[Jahk Observas]

These fan fics involving Spike and Twilight always cuts my heart. I'm not much for poetry either but this one took one a certain meaning for me so I decided to keep it. Hope you don't mind.
If you are still feeling inspired, you could do a CMC story when the Mane 6 pass away. I'm not going to read it because I wouldn't be able to have a functional day but I'm sure it would be good anyway!

[Odinthepower]

My eyes always water when I read about Spike out living all the ponies.

[Bass Blast]

Beautiful. Simply. Beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss...

[Electric Mane Six]

Spike stories like this are always a minor case of heartburn for me. Why I don't stop reading them I have no idea.

Sanity, I'm sorry for your coming loss. I am fortunate to have not yet experienced what you're going through, so when I eventually do, I hope that I possess the strength and ability to cope that you are showing.

[Arimuss]

Astonishing. This fanfic will take up a new home in the writing gold section of the group "writing gold" so that all may look upon it's wonder and you may know that even if the world turns against your and the odds are stacked against you you may talk me if you wish and I will listen to your sorrows and try to help you through your dark times. Please, if you feel you need to talk about anything especially in these coming months feel free to drop me a message and we'll et you sorted out, ok?

[Raefire]

This was heartbreakingly good. Well-done. Went through something like this myself last year. Hang in there, man. Savour the good memories. They will live with you forever.

[Ceraph]

I haven't started reading, but from the sound of the description, I think I can safely say that I will love it.
One of the reasons is that spike's long lifespan has always been nagging in the back of my head,
Another being that dragons, for me, regardless of their state, always carry around a sense of, well I'm not quite sure how to describe it, I think a mourning guardian's soul for the most part. But, um, I can't really describe it really.

[GuyFace]

This was soooo sad yert... I relate. Things get better. They always do. Thanks for opening my eyes. Thumbs up.

[Ceraph]

I haven't even begun to read the first letter yet and I feel his sorrow.
Well Now I've finished I have something to say;

Well, your beautiful art
Is rare and far between
As it has truly touched my heart
Though it might seem obscene
His sadness I feel
Almost tearful is my state
The thoughts and emotions are real
And unfortunately
So is Spike's Fate

I just thought I'd leave it there, I used to say it's the way I appreciate anything good, leaving a poem, however
this lies in an entirely different league, and I now need to go remove those previous half-assed attempts from the other two stories, as this story alone deserves my gratitude, my feeling and my hunger.

[Twilitbook]

...I'm going to be honest with you.

I hate this story.

I hate it not for the theme, not for the genre, and not for how it was written. I hate this story because it means a brilliant writer is about to lose someone close to him. It was already a sad subject to deal with, but this adds a new layer of depth to it. In two thousand words, good sir... you've written something beautiful.

All I can say is... I sincerely wished the situation never arose that you were inspired to write this story. My prayers, admiration, and respect go out to you.

[TheStarsGuide]

Terrible poet? Terrible poet nothing. You, Sanity, are wonderful. Just because newer styles of poetry are about does not mean you can't write in aged ways. And, you have single-handedly brought a very, very... I'm not sure how to describe it. Awesome? Magnificent? I cannot express it, but know that it is much like what Rarity said: "The quill is not connected to my heart." Sadly I cannot relate as even though I have lost people (and some good dogs) I don't personally feel or think in this way; I'm just not that type of person. I dread it though.

I know that I may be going on too much - but this truly is, a masterpiece. Honestly it's a little short as I would have liked more of the fond words and care that each friend gave. But do not change it. No matter what people say, do not change it.

The only thing I wish to have happened would have been that you asked me to preread this. I would have jumped on it in a heartbeat.

Wonderful writing Sanity,

StarsGuide

[Guesswork]

Really really heartbreaking. I could almost not bear to read it, but I knew that if I did, I would be a better person afterward. That's what this story does for people.

[Caps_Luna]

Damn this is a great story,
and personally i think modern poetry kinda sucks, yours is much better.

[toiletfromhell]

This story is beautiful.

[Ariel Schnee]

244614 At least he didn't outlive -all- the ponies now.

If he had...

Imagine Spike being the last lifeform on the planet, a dead Equestria all that's left.

[Fattymagee1]

Dude ur poetry is unbelievable. This is the first story to literally make me cry. Unbelievably good, most heart-touching fanfic I have ever read. It really is amazing because I could really feel you're passion in writing this, like no other story.

[Bloodcaptain]

GOD DAMNIT, this story is tooo sad, especially while listen to this, if you dont get a feel by this story i would be pretty freaked out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUOoPuiyZM

[thisguysrsly]

manly tears were shed
good work, brony.
*brohoof*

[Jspang]

This story touched me, I feel for your upcoming loss and will keep you in my prayers. However, you are dead wrong, your poetry is amazing. You are right about today's poetry though, it, along with today's music, sucks.

[That Awkward Feeling You've Forgotten Something Important]

I'm really not the one to comment on sadder things, but... wow.

That was... well, beautiful. One of the best sad fics I've read. Which isn't much, but still. The poetry was wonderful, as well.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, but it seemed to serve as a great muse... wow, that sounded callous.

Seriously, good work.

[Pinkamena-Pie]

Never have I cried when reading a fic, but today....Oh today you have broken me down.
I applaud your fantastic writing skills and I send all that I can in your direction. May the stars watch over you.

[Carmine]

No emotions brought forth from this fic. It is well written though, so have a thumbs up.

[Eriniou]

My dear writer, the only way this could be a poor piece of work is if you put no emotion into it. Even a slapdash story with poor mechanics can be good and worthy, if it only has heart in it. I have read well written 100,000 word epics that lack the depth of a 100 word poem.

And quite frankly, you put a good bit of that spark of life in your tale. This story is filled with depth and the grief is palpable in parts; I commend you for your fine work.

[Lt_Voss]

As someone who has lost two people in his life, and one of them should have been me, I can relate. I lay in bed many nights, just wishing things had gone differently. You don't know how hard it is not to pick up a knife or gun or something (I have depression) when you're having fun when all of a sudden you see the name "Seth" or "David" pop up and you're reminded of what happened.

This story was beautiful. I shed no tears, as I have no more to give, but I really wanted to. I thought the poem was great, despite your thoughts on it. Modern poetry has nothing on the classics. Reminds me of a three (technically 4) stanza poem I wrote to lilinuyasha (author of Flutterheart [Diaries]) for stopping me from committing.

All these heartfelt stories... They're popping up on FF.net like wildfires. Not that I'm complaining; it's good to see people writing, but they make my eyes burn (because I can't cry, but my eyes still get hot).

[Shamus_Aran]

FFFFF-! Now I'm crying like a little girl.

Why!?

[Ekhidna]

i hate you, i BUCKING HATE YOU, YOU MONSTER!!!! you made me cry!! T.T i give you 5 stars because i hate you

[Kablex]

I'm sorry but i can't do it. MLP:FiM is about happiness not THIS! I'm sorry but I can't continue reading

[Owndapwn]

I HNNG'd so hard, my HNNG, took a HNNG to the HNNG.

:|

[Gonenowsorry]

Thank you for sharing this with us. Feelings of sadness come with losing such important people, but only because they brought so much joy into our lives to begin with. We should count ourselves lucky for the time, however brief, we have to share with them.
I wish you peace with whatever the future will bring.

[Nira Lightshine]

Aww Im so sorry about that person you will lose soon. And this was such a sweet story. I wish there would be a sequal about the other letters though too, and I always loved the Spike/Rarity coupling as I think she does have feelings for him, but is afraid to retur them

[Ogopogo]

Just beautiful, totally and utterly beautiful. You are far from being a terrible poet.

I lost it when I began the poem, it being the most moving thing I have read in quite some time. I can tell you that manly tears were shed, and I am not ashamed of it.

[thebobman47]

If I knew how to favorite this, I would a million times.

[Cynewulf]

Don't worry about the poem. I'm primarily a poet, and I mostly write in free verse. I wish poets vastly more skilled than you would write with the earnest feeling you do. I value and love the honest, earnest heart that will love and lose.

I loved your story, friend, on a variety of levels. At first, Spike and Rarity being married made me say "Meh..." but the way you did it, I think it actually was acceptable and added so much meaning to this story. It was rough, the prose, as you mentioned... but most of what I saw can be forgiven because it's obviously a story written for the personal level. Normally, I divorce the text from the intent when I judge it's worth as art, but this is fanfiction and this is one earnest heart trying to explain itself. You know what?

I think that's alright.

I grieve with you, friend, and pray for you. Godspeed.
A time to be born, a time to die,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
everything its own season knows.

[TheHeroQueen]

Oh, God.

You had me bawling with just a few paragraphs.

Beautiful, quality work.

[thewookie1]

That's how I now feel due to this story.

[The Fallen One]

The manly tears...they're flowing.

[RainbowRaindrops]

Before reading any comments I already know im gonna cry

[Spec Ops Pupper]

very very good
the stories where spike grows up and leaves always kill me
my heart goes out to you fellow brony

[404 Name Not Found]

<-- My Expression throughout the entire story.

[Klondike Shy]

The whole entire time I was reading this I was fighting off the major waves a sorrow and grief that were hitting me like a meteor, because in May of 2010 I lost my father, who was my best friend in the whole world. Reading this reminded me of him so much because he was the one that first inspired me to start writing poetry. I am have writing poetry since I was about 14 and I am 20 now and with my personal opinion I have to say that, that poem was magnificent, it was a perfect way to end the story. I have read very few poems that have made me cry. Your poem had me so close to tears I could reading multiple times to keep from crying like a new born baby.

I rate this story a perfect 10/10. You did absolutely amazing on this story.

[Derk396]

When I read the bio, I thought "Oh no, not one of THOSE stories, there are so many out there." and now all I can say is... Damn. The way that you were able to feed off of your anger, rage and sadness and somehow turn that into a work of art, boggles me. I will admit, I cried un-manly tears, this story hit me deep. When Spike was reading Twi's poem, I couldn't help but hear is as a song, a lullaby... It was beautiful. I need to get a new shirt now, this one is soaked... So until next time, I'll be praying for you, and your friend.
-Derk396

[Fenrir]

I thought that that was a beautiful poem. Great story by the way. It would suck to live for a long time knowing that your friends would die, but it would be even worse to have to go to sleep, knowing that when you woke up, everypony you knew would be dead. Not-so-manly tears were shed.

[Derpintena]

styarted reading Twilights letter..... cant finish i need a story to cheer me up

[LIGHTNINLANDEN]

It was hard to finish but I did. Bless your soul sir. And know you and your loved one are in my prayers.

[DJ Cobalt]

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i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn105/walkseva/ManlyTearsHaveBeenShed.jpg

[DJ Cobalt]

twilight.ponychan.net/chan/fic/src/132426421246.gif
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[marioandsonic]

i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/796/447px-Manlytears3.jpg

[Di0nysus]

It's been posted before and I'll post it again: http://www.imgur.com/COWxE.jpg