Chapter Twenty-Five: Science and Progress
“So, let me get this straight…” Twilight began, her eyes wide with horror, “You’re telling me that the next shard is somewhere in a radioactive wasteland!?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.” I replied, giving an anxious shrug.
“Well, this complicates things.” Rarity muttered.
“Yeah, no kidding.” Twilight grumbled, “How bad is the radiation? Like, how severe?”
Knowing that Oliver was more knowledgeable about the whole ordeal, I gestured for him to answer.
“Well, it was bad enough to warrant evacuating the whole city, and setting up a thirty-kilometre exclusion zone, if that wasn’t enough of a hint.” he elaborated, itching his chin, “The place won’t be habitable again for hundreds of years. Thousands in fact, depending on which source you listen to.”
Continuing, he speculated that if we needed to go directly to the plant itself, then the radiation would be unquestionably lethal, or at the very least, cause some very serious permanent damage.
“Please tell me you have a spell that can ward off radiation?” I said to Twilight with a desperate expression.
“I do.” she replied, “But it’s not easy to cast, and it’s costly. For all seven of us? Hmm, I honestly think it could make me blue out, and I’m not going through that again.”
“I thought you were one of the most powerful unicorns of all time?” Oliver remarked, “It doesn’t seem like you can do much magic without getting low on brain-juice, what gives?”
Rolling her eyes, Twilight pointed out that despite being incredibly gifted in the magic arts, she was in no way a being of limitless power. Her knowledge of magic was vast, and the spells she could cast were complex, but for the more complicated the spells got, the more demanding they became.
“As I’ve had to explain to this one all too often,” she grunted, gesturing to me, “that cartoon of yours is far from accurate. Yes, I’m powerful. I could easily cast conventional spells all day long, but these are not conventional spells! From cloning, to invisibility, to creating spaces that normalise air pressure, and now, anti-radiation!? Yeah, I don’t have enough mana for that!”
“Alright, fair point.” said Oliver, raising his hands and pulling a face.
Huffing, Twilight theorised that she could probably cast a radiation-resistant coating onto half of us at best. Giving an emphatic huff through my nose, I proposed that half of us might be all that we needed. She asked what I meant, to which I suggested that upon getting to Ukraine, maybe some of the girls could remain just outside the exclusion zone, away from the danger.
“There wouldn’t be any people for miles.” I continued, “We could set up camp, and then just two or three of us could slip in, grab the Orb shard, and then bug out again.”
“I have to say, that’s not a bad idea.” Rarity chimed in, “After what happened in Brazil, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if some of us were to hang back.”
Twilight moved her mouth to one side and gave a thoughtful hum, before pointing out that it would be dangerous for us to separate, as we might not be able to find each other again.
“Oh don’t be ridiculous, I could just ping you.” Rarity pressed, smiling brightly.
“That’s a thing you can do?” I asked.
Nodding, Rarity explained that one of the most basic spells a unicorn could learn, alongside telekinesis, was a signalling spell, simply known as a ping. Most unicorns in Equestria were taught the spell, either in school, or by their parents, and it was a foolproof way of signalling for help if one were to find themselves lost, or in danger. It worked by way of rapidly sending magical frequencies out in all directions, spanning for a good few miles. Upon making contact with another unicorn’s horn, the frequency could be detected. Needless to say, Oliver and I were astounded, but then it only got more interesting… In the same way that humans all had unique fingerprints, all unicorn pings carried a slightly different frequency, meaning that friends and family could even identify each other.
“Surely some unicorns use that for no good, right?” I proposed, chuckling, “There’s no way some prankster hasn’t gone and annoyed his whole town by pinging over and over again.”
“Funny you say that.” Twilight spoke up, clearing her throat, “Improper use of pinging is an official misdemeanour, and ponies have been fined for using it recklessly. The spell is first and foremost a call for help, and to use it for anything but that is heavily frowned upon.”
“Huh…” I murmured.
“I guess it would be the equivalent of shooting a flare gun in the air without actually needing help.” Oliver hummed, giving me a shrug.
“Yeah, something like that.” I agreed.
Equivalencies aside, now that Rarity had offered to remain in camp and guide us back with pings, Twilight had little argument with the group temporarily splitting up. After a lengthy debate, we decided that Fluttershy and Pinkie would remain with Rarity, along with Applejack to protect them. Meanwhile, I would enter the exclusion zone with Twilight and Rainbow Dash, the latter of whom outright refused to be left behind.
“Firstly, I would get too bored.” she insisted, “And secondly, if the two of you go in there alone, there’s a good chance that only one of you would come back out.”
“That’s fair.” I chuckled.
“Ooh, that’s a really good point!” Pinkie piped up, “You and Twilight had really better get along in there!”
“Why’s that?” we both asked in unison, frowning.
The pink pony’s mouth slowly raised into a sly grin, and she squinted her eyes at me.
“Well, with the radiation and all… we really wouldn’t want you guys to… Fallout…”
I let out an almighty sigh and lowered my head, raising my hands into the air.
“What?” she giggled, “You know the fans love it.”
“What fans!?” I demanded.
“Callum, you know what she’s like.” Rarity pointed out, “Don’t fuel the fire, just let it go.”
At that, Pinkie clutched at her chest with one foreleg, and raised the other to the ceiling, bursting into song.
“Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymo-”
“If you sing any more of that damn song, I will put a crossbow bolt in you.” Oliver warned her.
Clearing her throat and giving an awkward laugh, Pinkie backed down, and I faced my brother with a dull look.
“Oliver, you do not have a crossbow.”
Meeting my gaze, Oliver donned a crooked smirk, to which my expression grew even more lustreless as I realised he wasn’t playing.
“You have a crossbow.”
He nodded, and I inhaled deeply with exasperation.
“Why am I not surprised? Ugh, well… if you put a bolt in Pinkie, I’ll put buckshot in you.”
“Pfft yeah, sure…” he scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Like you have a shotgun.”
Meeting his gaze, I gave Oliver a crooked smirk of my own, to which he gave me the same look I’d given him.
“You have a shotgun.”
I nodded, and the two of us broke into laughter. Wishing to check out one another’s armaments, I rushed outside and ran to the back of the land to retrieve the firearm, while Oliver went upstairs to grab his crossbow. We met back up in the lounge, and the both of us began to geek out.
“Holy shit, you weren’t joking!” Oliver blurted out.
“Nor you, that thing’s massive!”
“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.” he tittered.
“Oliver!”
My brother broke into a goofy cackling, and I looked awkwardly to the girls, who were all shaking their heads and laughing along, except for Pinkie, whose head the quip had gone right over. Oliver inquired about the shotgun, and I explained that I had taken it from a wrinkly old geezer at Inigo’s compound.
“How wrinkly are we talking?” he inquired.
“Oh, we’re talking, like… Yoda’s balls wrinkly.”
“Well, that settles it then.”
Taking the gun from my arms and raising it into the air, Oliver dubbed the shotgun, Wrinkleboom.
“Wrinkleboom?” I repeated.
“Wrinkleboom.” he confirmed.
Passing the weapon to me, it seemed that I now had two named weapons at my side. Now it was just Inigo’s pistol that needed a name, but judging from the girls’ expressions, that could wait for another time. Everypony was bored, and I decided to fulfil my obligation to Rarity by putting on a live-action film. I tried to think of something that would entertain the group, without being too mature for Pinkie, or too boring for the others. Eventually I settled on the first Indiana Jones film, Raiders of the Lost Ark. It seemed that I’d struck gold, as it very quickly had all six girls hooked. A little way in, I noticed that Oliver was constantly glancing at Rainbow Dash, squinting his eyes and clearly deep in thought. Finally, he looked to me and beckoned for me to leave the room with him for a chat. We went into the garden, and I asked him what was up.
“Can you do me a massive favour?” he said, raising his chin.
I gestured for him to go on, to which he gave a most unexpected request.
“That healing stuff you’ve got… Oozima, right? Can you get me a sample?”
“Uh, why?” I asked, tilting my head.
“Can you or can’t you?”
Rolling my eyes, I told him that I could. With the girls watching the film, it wasn’t much of a task to head up to the camp and dig through Fluttershy’s medical bag. It was so bizarre, looking into a container that was bigger on the inside. Twilight hadn’t been exaggerating either, the space really was about the size of a Porta-Potty, stacked from top to bottom with various medical supplies, from multiple first-aid kits, to bottles upon bottles of Oozima.
“How much of this stuff did Zecora make?” I murmured to myself.
{With how much you get injured? The correct amount!} my conscience retorted.
Rolling my eyes, I retrieved a bottle, and made my way back to Oliver. Before giving it to him, I demanded to know exactly what he was planning, to which he waggled his finger at me.
“You let me worry about the ins and outs. Just go and enjoy the rest of the film with the girls, I have some experimenting to do.”
“Ugh, fine.”
Giving him the bottle, I went back indoors and let my brother cook up whatever scheme he had under wraps. Plonking myself next to Fluttershy, she immediately noticed the faint scent of the healing ooze, and whispered to me with a concerned expression.
“Where did you go? And why do you smell like Oozima?”
“I just went and got a bottle of it for Oliver.” I breathed back to her, “Knowing him, I think he’s going to do a little science experiment, and I think it concerns Dashie’s wings.”
“Ahh…” she hissed, “Well, I hope he knows what he’s doing.”
“It’s Oliver.” I replied, “The mad bastard always knows what he’s doing.”
“Sshh!!!” the others all hushed in unison.
Zipping my lips, I silently sat through the rest of the film with everyone. I couldn’t help but break into laughter at the infamous ‘face melting scene’ at the end, as it had caused all six ponies to cry out in shock. Chilli-Beans started barking her head off in response, confused by the sudden vociferation. Blu meanwhile, bobbed up and down with excitement, clearly very entertained by the unexpected hysteria. I settled the dog down, along with the others, reminding them that it was just a work of fiction. They laughed awkwardly, all seemingly quite embarrassed by their reactions. The credits came up soon thereafter, and I switched off the DVD player.
“Well, that was something.” said Rarity, still a little shaken.
“Awesome is what that was!” Rainbow Dash declared, “That dude was just like Daring Do!”
“I have to agree with Rainbow Dash, there were a lot of similarities to A.K. Yearling’s work.” Twilight agreed, reminding me that she didn’t yet know that Daring Do was a real individual, hiding in plain sight under the alias as a simple writer.
Fluttershy professed to enjoying it too, although she hadn’t liked the scary scenes, nor the part where a monkey had died by way of eating a poisoned date. Moving on from the novelty of their first live-action film, Applejack asked where my brother had disappeared off to, which was when he entered the room.
“Speak of the devil and he shall appear!” he announced, bearing his teeth and pulling a monstrous expression, “I’ve been busy, doing science!”
To no one’s surprise, Twilight’s ears twitched, and her cartoon-self almost immediately took the floor.
“Science? Ooh, I do loads of science back home in Equestria!”
“I’m aware.” Oliver replied, “Well believe it or not, I’m actually something of a scientist myself, chemistry to be specific.”
“I can back that up.” I added, crossing my arms and looking at my brother blankly, “When he was twelve, he created military-grade mustard gas by accident.”
“But alas, no Frenchmen to test it on…” he sighed, lightly fondling his chin hairs.
“Get to the point!” Twilight insisted, “You’re doing something scientific?”
Splaying his arms open to physically display his majesty, Oliver asked us to follow him outside. The lot of us did just that, where he led us to the garden shed. He lifted open the large metal garage-style door, revealing the whole interior to us, and my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.
“By the power of Grayskull…” I breathed, truly aghast.
What had once been a totally ordinary concrete shed, made for housing tools and a sit-on lawnmower, was now something of a mad scientist’s laboratory. There were rows of shelves, most of which had jars on them, and on one side, was a proper chemistry bench, kitted out with sinks that had running water, and a Bunsen burner, hooked up to a gas canister.
“Forget the Orb piece, I’m staying here.” Twilight declared, rushing over to inspect the microscope.
“Oliver, what the hell is all this?” I demanded to know, entering the shed.
Explaining that he didn’t want his A-star grade in science to go to waste, my nutjob of a brother had used some of the money from the mortuary lawsuit to kit out the shed into his own personal lab. For the past few weeks now, he had been conducting all sorts of crazy experiments; most of them had just been for shits and giggles, but there were a few legitimate experiments going on in the mix. Intentionally emphasising the sheer insanity of his endeavour, he zipped over to the shelves and began lightly caressing one of the glass jars, which contained some sort of foaming beige goo.
“Everyone knows that the sourdough starter is alive.” he stated, “But the question remains, is it horny?”
Too baffled to laugh, I stepped further into the room and pointed to the other jars, which were full of various coloured liquids. Clapping excitedly, Oliver explained that he was brewing his own personal moonshine. Each jar was creating different types of fruity liquors, from strawberries to kiwis and bananas, he was essentially running the most exotic brewery in the country.
“Alcohol’s expensive to buy, so I started thinking, why not just make my own?”
“You are… actually mad, Oliver.” I sighed, shaking my head.
“A genius is what I am.” he retorted, “Look.”
Beckoning us over to his chemistry bench, we found the bottle of Oozima, along with a few other packets of various products. There was also a mortar and pestle, which had recently been used. Twilight was unsurprisingly the most eager to know what was going on, and begged him to divulge his experiment.
“Right, firstly…” he began, rubbing his hands together, “I needed to see if your ooze stuff would respond to other compounds. In other words, could it be combined with other medical products?”
“And could it?” Twilight asked.
Nodding, he continued.
“It could indeed, but only after being activated, and then it quickly needs to be mixed with the other compounds before it solidifies.”
“But, um…” Fluttershy began, “Oozima only activates when it makes contact with, um…”
“Damaged tissue!” Oliver finished for her, donning an open-mouthed smile.
Rolling up his sleeve, he revealed two small cuts on his wrist. One of them had some hardened Oozima stuck to it, while the other had naturally formed a scab. We all looked at him as though he had three heads, except for Twilight, of whom was far more concerned with the science than the ethics. Continuing to explain his findings, Oliver divulged to us that it wasn’t the tissue itself that triggered the Oozima to activate, it was blood, or more specifically, the platelets in the blood.
“Oh of course!” Twilight exclaimed, clapping her hooves together, “The thrombocytes’ primary function is to contribute to haemostasis, so by their very nature, they serve as the red flag that tells the Oozima that there’s an injury present!”
“Yeah, that.” Oliver replied blankly, before breaking into a small chuckle, “Well anyway, after getting it to activate, it mixed perfectly! It absorbed all the other stuff without a single lump to be seen, all it took was a little stirring.”
“What stuff have you mixed it with exactly?” Rarity inquired, frowning.
Looking to Rarity, my brother switched on a slightly more serious demeanour, and gestured over to where the chicken coop would be through the wall.
“Those dumb chickens outside give me free eggs nearly every day, so I like to take care of them. Now, shortly after Callum buggered off with you lot, one of them got attacked by a fox, and loads of its feathers got ripped out. Being the merciful god I am, I went and ordered some feather growth medicine for the little blighter. There’s a packet of pills, along with some special feed, pumped with protein, vitamins, minerals, oils, all that shite.”
My mouth fell open, as did Rarity’s and Fluttershy’s. We realised what he had done. Merrily continuing, Oliver explained that it had done the trick, and within just two months, the bald patches on the bird had begun sporting new feathers. Turning his attention to Rainbow Dash, my brother smiled warmly and lowered his head before continuing.
“Now, I know you’re not a chicken, so I can’t exactly feed it to you. But the stuff works, so I thought about combining it with that healing ooze of yours. Maybe that way, it could seep into your skin or something, you know? I’ve been mashing away with the mortar for the past hour to turn the stuff into a powder. There’s enough for a whole bottle, but again, it needs blood to activate, and then it needs putting on before it dries. If you’re up for donating some of your life juice, I could make enough to cover both your wings from tip to base.”
Inhaling sharply, Dashie’s eyes quickly began welling up with tears.
“You mean… y-you could… fix me?”
“Well, they’re not suddenly going to sprout feathers like a gay man’s wardrobe!” Oliver laughed, “But over the course of a few months or something? Yeah, you’ll get your wings back.”
Slowly breaking into happy tears, Rainbow grinned widely and lunged forward, enveloping my brother in a tight hug. She bleated her thanks to him over and over again, to which he smirked.
“As I said, I’m a merciful god.” he declared, “Now stop crying on me, this is a happy thing.”
Stepping back and wiping her nose, Dashie continued to smile harder than ever before, her eyes still leaking. The rest of us found it hard not to join the waterworks too, touched by the scene, and the sheer gravity of Oliver’s selfless efforts. Fluttershy went off to get her bag, where she retrieved the adequate tools to extract some blood from the pegasus. Just like me, Rainbow hated needles, but she was far too excited about this new development to care. After finding a vein in her foreleg, a small cup of blood was taken, which Oliver added along with the powdered mix to a large glass beaker.
“There’s a few vitamin D tablets in there too just for good measure.” he told us.
“Can’t hurt, I guess.” I hummed.
Oliver added the Oozima and stirred the mix together, with Twilight thirstily breathing down his neck, intently watching the process. Meanwhile, Fluttershy and I got to tentatively unwrapping Dashie’s wings. The poor thing clamped her eyes shut during the whole ordeal, uncomfortable beyond belief. I made sure to keep Blu’s donated feather safe, placing it on one of the shelves.
The concoction was finally ready, and with the addition of the blood, the usual pale pus-green colour of the Oozima was now a reddish orange salmon. Passing me some rubber gloves, Oliver suggested I be the one to apply it, and respectfully left the shed. Rainbow shakily asked if the others could do the same, utterly mortified by her current predicament. Dipping their heads, I was left alone with her, with Fluttershy leaving some fresh bandages behind for when I was finished. Once they were gone, I bent down and spoke softly into her ear.
“You don’t need to be ashamed, you know?”
“Dude, I know you’re trying to say something nice, but can you please just get on with this?” she requested, “I don’t want these disgusting things on show for any longer than they need to be.”
“Rainbow, how can you say that? These are your wings!”
Whipping around to glare at me, Rainbow bared her teeth.
“Not without my feathers they’re not!” she growled, “Until they come back, I’ve just got these ugly lumps of meat stuck to my body, and I don’t want anyone to see them, not even me!”
Closing my eyes and dipping my head, I was hurt to know she felt this way. Of course, the state of her wings were shocking to behold, but they weren’t ugly, not to me at least. But this wasn’t about me, and so I held my tongue and got to work. As quickly as I could, I took handfuls of the orangey gloop and slathered it along the pale limbs, ensuring every facet of them were covered, from the thick muscular base, to the tips of the thinner, finger-like phalanges. It was curious to note that despite being feathered, the anatomy was more akin to a bat’s wing than it was a bird’s; not by way of any webbing, but the additional digits beyond the pinion joints were most unlike the wings of any conventional bird. I theorised that this made them stronger, allowing pegasi to comfortably take off in spite of their weight. Come to think of it, it was also probably to give them some degree of prehensile capabilities, as pegasus ponies would often use their wings to grip things. Keeping my thoughts to myself and shrugging, I continued in silence.
Once every inch of the wings were coated, I began wrapping them in the bandages, not forgetting to put Blu’s feather back as I did so. Knowing these needed to stay on for a long time, I made sure to wrap them twice over, securing the ends with a firm knot.
“There we are, all done.” I breathed in a low, soft tone.
Rainbow Dash breathed out heavily, before turning to me and giving a weak smile.
“Thank you…”
Simply responding by dipping my head, we made our way out into the garden, where I found Oliver and Fluttershy playing with Chilli and Archer. The others were casually sitting out in the afternoon sunshine, enjoying the light before it was gone. Not wanting to make Dashie feel too awkward, nobody approached, instead letting us come to them. Oliver stopped playing and greeted us, briefly glancing at my handiwork and giving me a discreet nod of approval.
“So, what shall we do now?” I said.
“Well, the egghead wants to be out of here soon.” he explained, “So how about I start whipping up dinner for the other lot, drive her to Gatwick, and then pick up a curry for us on the way back?”
I gave him two thumbs up, which was when Applejack interjected.
“Oh, I can cook!” she volunteered.
“Good for you, cuzzie.” Oliver clapped back, “However, I’m the host, and it would be most impolite if I allowed my guests to prepare their own food whilst visiting my humble abode.”
I pointed out that this was our mum’s abode and not his, to which he slapped me in the forehead to shut me up. With an amused chortle, Applejack insisted that she didn’t mind, but my brother would hear nothing of it. Eventually she backed down, and Oliver went into the kitchen to start cooking. He threw together a mushroom stroganoff, and then put it in the oven on a low heat to keep it warm.
“Alright, you ready to go?” he called to Twilight.
Responding with actions instead of words, the unicorn got to her hooves and went outside. Before getting back into the car, she went to the side of the garden shed, where the old camp used to be. With a flash of her horn, a swirling mass of magenta light flickered into existence, before fizzling out again.
“The portal node is set.” she told us, “Let’s go.”
Everyone waved Twilight goodbye as she hopped into the back of the Land Rover. Oliver gave me a salute and got into the driver’s seat. Just before closing the door, he asked what food I wanted from the Indian place, to which I requested a chicken tikka masala, with some pilau rice and a side of onion bhajis.
“Cracking choice! Cheerio!”
Slamming his door shut, Oliver took off, and I closed the gate behind him. Inhaling deeply, I silently prayed that Pinkie was right. Not that I was willing to share with the group, but I was internally dreading this going wrong, and Twilight finding herself stranded, or possibly injured. Still, I trusted in our lovable lunatic, and went back inside, sitting in the lounge with the others, where we engaged in plenty of small talk, along with deciding what films we wanted to watch during our upcoming marathon. The demands came at a bit of an impasse, as Fluttershy and Pinkie wanted to watch something more family friendly, while Applejack and Rainbow Dash were thirsting for something grittier and more mature. Rarity wasn’t too fussed either way, so long as the content wasn’t animated.
By the time Oliver returned, we had come up with a viewing list, and a decent compromise. Just as a cinema had multiple screens, we too decided to have multiple as well. Downstairs in the living room, the more family-oriented films would be played. Meanwhile, up in Oliver’s bedroom, camped out on his super-king-size bed, we would watch the more mature films for the hardier members of the group. Not wanting to be apart during dinner at least, we stuck together for the first feature, tucking into our meals to the first Pirates of the Caribbean. After that, we split off, with Fluttershy and Pinkie watching The Emperor’s New Groove downstairs, and the rest of us watching Troy in Oliver’s room. I was a bit nervous for the girls to watch a film with so much violence, but aside from Rarity covering her eyes during the bloody battles, they quite surprisingly enjoyed the film from start to finish; it was the sight of earthly horses and humans riding them that had disturbed them more than anything.
Eventually, we all had our fill of cinema for one night, and upon realising it was almost two o’clock in the morning, we very promptly made our way to bed.
Three days passed, and we found ourselves getting more and more worried about Twilight. She had been gone for far too long, and we had all started to imagine various gnarly scenarios, from her simply teleporting to the wrong place, to her accidentally arriving inside the nuclear reactor itself and dying from radiation poisoning. Fears that she may have blued out again also came to mind, leaving her trapped far away, unable to return. Despite our collective anxiety, Pinkie assured us through and through that Twilight would be fine, and any day now, she would return to us.
“You’d better be right.” I muttered over some afternoon tea.
“I know I am.” she replied with a grin, “Come on, you know my hunches are never wrong!”
“Yeah, you’re right…” I sighed, shrugging.
Admittedly, a part of the anxiety was over the fact my mother was due back in just a couple of days now. Everyone wanted to be gone before her return, as she was certainly someone that we couldn’t trust with the knowledge of the ponies’ existence. Hoping to raise my spirits, Oliver suggested that we play some Xbox together like we used to before Dad left. I couldn’t have said yes faster, and soon enough, the girls were watching the two of us blitz through the Special Ops game mode in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Two. After returning from a bathroom break, I found everyone staring in sheer disbelief at Pinkie Pie, who was staring at the TV screen with a psychotic smile, and somehow annihilating my brother in the game’s one-on-one multiplayer.
“Um, how is… how is she doing that?” I murmured slowly, pointing at the mare.
Rainbow Dash, in stitches of laughter, explained how Pinkie had taken my controller while I was in the bathroom, and had stuffed into her mane. Before I could even begin to ask how that made sense, Rarity caught my eye and gave me a look, as if to say ‘don’t even bother, it’s Pinkie’. Sighing with dumbfounded perplexity, I watched as Pinkie was able to kill my brother enough times in-game to call in a tactical nuke.
“Oh boy!” she squealed, “The Orbital Friendship Cannon is ready!”
The bomb was dropped, immediately ending the game and declaring Pinkie as the undisputed winner. Giggling to herself like an idiot, Pinkie rolled over onto her back and insisted that we needed to do this again sometime. She then clamped her eyes shut and began to strain her face. And then, slowly but surely, my Xbox controller was mysteriously pushed out of her mane, until it plopped out onto Oliver’s bed. Without missing a beat, Blu hopped over to it and spread his wings.
“The miracle of childbirth, ladies and gentlemen!”
Every single one of us erupted into fits of laughter, and the bird jumped up and down with satisfaction. The laughs were then brought to a halt, as we all heard the sound of a door slamming downstairs. Chilli started barking and Oliver quickly grabbed her to prevent her from charging off. It was then that Pinkie raised her head and began sniffing the air loudly.
“Ooh, I smell zombies!”
We all looked at her, and Oliver shook his head with a heavy sigh.
“Fuck me… you really are a special breed of window licker, aren’t you?”
Stifling a laugh, I tightened my lips and looked away. Then with a gasp, Rarity pointed out that it might have been Twilight, finally back from Ukraine. Offering to go and check, I picked myself up and made my way downstairs. There was nothing in the entryway, nor in the living room. After a moment, Applejack called down to me, asking if it was her or not.
“I uh… I’m not sure!” I shouted back up to her, “There’s no one down here!”
That was when I heard a smattering of faint taps from behind me and whipped around, and all I could do was open my mouth and widen my eyes. Emerging from the downstairs bathroom, the sight before me was nothing short of horrendous, and sparked mixed feelings within me of both revulsion and great sympathy.
“Welcome back, Twilight.” I uttered softly, “You look like hammered shit.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.045 seconds
Total duration
922 users online
1,125,088 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nuclear fallout has made twilight even LESS friendly to humans. LOVELY.
6465500 At least I think she's getting a little bit better she still is a bitch though
6465706 she threatened him with a knife.
6465780 yeah...she's gotten worse, she's a total bitch
6465908 All in favor of killing it with fire, say 'I am a little teapot'.
6465925 I am a little Teapot xD
Why am I so hooked on this story, I'm so impatient and just can't wait for the next chapter.
6466205
This comment string has just made my day...
You people, are the reason I WRITE this damn thing!
Damn!
Hmmmm..... what joke to use..... a The Grater Good or a
https://m.Spanish Inquisition...... oh the choices....... eh, fuck it, por que não ambos/¿Por qué no tenemos los dos, i have no idea what language that lil Cutie of a girl speaks, but i know it’s either Spanish, Brazilian, or Portuguese, also thanks Google Translate, :P....... you gotta be butt-fucking-kidding me, oke, she’s MEXICAN, (sorry guys,)and it’s a fucking commercial from the 1980’s,
she may be an evolved “beast of nature” but facto is Rainbow is still an Animal, of cause Trauma like Brazil’s gonna stick with her “primitive” brain a lot longer and harder then Humans,
*sigh* She's having PTSD.