Chapter Twenty-Two: Homeward Bound
We reached the outskirts of the city with exquisite timing, and once nightfall came, we stealthily descended upon the airport like shadows. Repeating the steps from Gatwick, Twilight and I entered the flight control tower with ease, where she quickly found a flight. Annoyingly there was a layover in Rio de Janeiro, but with no other option, we made it work.
Blu had chosen to stay with us; now a perfectly sapient being, he thirsted for an adventure beyond the jungle. Rightly promoting himself to our group’s pathfinder and reconnaissance unit, he decided that there was no nobler cause for a parrot than to aid in the saving of an entire planet. He also proved himself to be the perfect decoy, and had assisted us with infiltrating the tower. By fluttering around outside and tapping on the windows with his beak, Blu had distracted pretty much all the employees inside, giving me and Twilight more breathing room.
We were now on the second plane, and once the cargo hold was sealed, the lot of us flopped onto our backs and sighed in unison.
“We did it.” I breathed, stretching, “Next stop, England.”
“That was… stressful.” Fluttershy murmured.
Admitting that it was, I assured her that the worst part was over now, and in just seven hours, we would be back on British soil. Once we were in the air, Twilight cast her pressure bubble and gave us all a dose of Thermic Hide, and then we unanimously decided to take a nap. We came together to form a very exhausted pile in the middle of the bubble, and quickly drifted off together.
We were woken by some light turbulence, and we all slowly got unstuck from each other. Once we were properly awake, AJ distributed some snacks, and we got to talking about the next stage of our quest.
“So, when we’re ready to hunt down the next piece, will we be getting on another plane?” Rarity inquired, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s an efficient mode of transport, but surely there’s a better way of getting from place to place?”
Concurring, Fluttershy pointed out that although flying had reasonably got us into Brazil, the sheer walking distance it had put us from the Orb piece was far too drastic. Everyone agreed with that sentiment, myself included, and it irked me to think… Had we started with the layover, and gone straight to the Eduardo Gomes airport, we’d have acquired the fragment weeks ago. We would have never encountered Inigo, and we would have avoided all the horrors we’d suffered at his behest. Then, from within my mind, a thought sprung forth which I didn’t mean to conjure, in the same Scottish-esque accent as before, when I had first retrieved the Orb fragment.
{Aye, but then you’d have never started the riot. All those poor people would still be captives there. You and the girls may have suffered, yes, but the path you took led to the destruction of the cartel, and the monster running it. Silver linings, ey?}
“True…” I muttered quietly to myself.
I wasn’t quite sure why the thought had come to me with the accent, but then again, I did enjoy putting on different voices from time to time; I was quite a talented mimic, so doing impressions was an enjoyable pastime for me. Shrugging, I guessed that my inner monologue was just beginning to do the same.
“Well, don’t look at me.” I chuckled, returning to the present, “Hopping on a plane is the best I’ve got. I know it’s lengthy, but it works.”
“I suppose even human ingenuity has its limits.” Rarity teased.
“Well, alone, sure…” Pinkie said cryptically.
Craning our necks, we looked at the pink pony with confusion, and I gestured for her to elaborate.
“So, you know how Twilight’s magic can harness your electric signal thingies? Well, what if instead of just using them to find the next shard, why don’t we use them to take us there?”
Inhaling loudly and lighting up, Twilight looked at Pinkie with exuberance.
“You know, you might be onto something! If I knew where the next fragment was, and I could harness the right electrical frequency, then theoretically I could cast a teleportation spell, and let the signal transport it!”
“How does that work exactly?” I asked, now lost.
Dumbing it down for me, Twilight explained that the further a unicorn teleports, the more mana it costs. Even with her magic, going any further than a few hundred miles would be impossible, she would blue out immediately! But if Pinkie’s suggestion bore any weight to it, then instead of trying to teleport from one spot to another, she could instead, hone in on a man-made frequency, and try to teleport to its destination. Essentially, she could ride the signal, allowing her to travel incredibly long distances, without expending much mana at all.
Humming with disinclination, I pointed out that there were a lot of ‘what ifs’ surrounding this theory.
“I know that…” she replied, “But let’s say hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, it works. I could teleport myself to the next piece, or close to it at least. Then, once my magic’s recharged again, I could open a portal from my location to yours. It would be both easy, and foolproof!”
“How would you do that?” I argued, “How would you just ‘open a portal’ to our location, if you’re potentially on the other side of the bloody planet?”
Clapping back at me immediately, Twilight pointed out that she could deploy a portal node at our camp in England, which she could link back to, regardless of her position in the world.
“So, why didn’t you do that before we left for Brazil?”
“Because I didn’t know we were planning on returning to England, you dull creature!”
Immediately biting her bottom lip, Twilight acknowledged the harshness of her outburst, and gave me a look as if to say ‘I didn’t mean that’. Everyone looked at her sternly, and she cleared her throat.
“The point is… this could work.”
Nodding, I chose to overlook the incident. Rude as it had been, the conniption was clearly more of a slip of the tongue, which she had immediately regretted. I looked over to Pinkie and smirked, stroking at my chin as I did so.
“You know, if there’s one thing that the cartoon got right, it’s to trust in Pinkie and her hunches. So if she thinks this’ll work, then let’s do it.”
“Now that’s something we can agree on.” Twilight huffed with a half smile.
With the others also in agreement, the plan was set. Upon arriving at Gatwick, Twilight would use the airport’s frequencies to pinpoint the next Orb shard. She would then set up a portal node at our camp, at the end of my old home’s land. Then, she would attempt to teleport as close to the shard as possible. If successful, she would deploy a second node there and promptly open the portal, returning to us with her findings.
“Then, when we’re all ready,” she finalised, “we can go through together, and collect the next piece.”
“Now that is a good plan!” I declared, clapping my hands together.
“Hear hear!” Rarity agreed, sticking one hoof into the air.
The others whickered and cheered with accord and confidence, and it seemed that there was finally a sense of unity throughout our company. With all the important business out of the way, we delved into some more leisurely conversation, with the girls bringing up the shanty I had sung on the boat.
“I didn’t know you could sing.” said Fluttershy.
“Oh pfft… Nah, I can’t sing.” I scoffed, “Well, I can, but I choose not to.”
“Why ever not?” Rarity exclaimed, “Your voice is wonderful darling!”
Explaining that I was incredibly shy when it came to singing, and that I’d only broken into the shanty because it was spurred by the moment. Tentatively scooting closer to me, Fluttershy admitted that she could wholeheartedly relate to that.
“But, um, be that as it may… I, for one, would love to hear you sing again.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that, and from within me, came a small surge of confidence and self-worth. Then, taking a far less delicate approach, Pinkie zipped up to me and shouted directly into my face.
“Sing it again! The song had sugar in it!”
Rainbow Dash seized Pinkie and helped restrain her, while I chuckled away and promised to her that I’d sing it again at some point for sure. With the subject of music now in the air, Rainbow Dash pointed out that before getting captured, I had promised to let them hear songs on my phone. Rarity and Fluttershy sat bolt upright with excitement, remembering this as well.
“I don’t recall this?” said Applejack, frowning.
Emitting a nervous chuckle, Rainbow explained that it had just been something between the four of us, as we liked to stay up a little later at night. Wishing to be included, Pinkie and Applejack asked if they could hear some songs now, to which I gladly agreed upon. Digging through my bag and retrieving the earbuds, I let Pinkie listen to a song first. Scrolling through my wide variety of songs in search of something joyful and upbeat, I eventually settled on ‘Hey Ya!’ by Outkast. Within seconds, the pony was bobbing up and down and tapping her hooves to the beat, with an almighty grin on her face. About midway through, she stood up and broke into dance, shaking herself from head to tail and strutting her stuff. Then, quite unexpectedly, she began to aggressively thrust her hips in a very questionable manner.
“Oh yeah! A little bit of funk! A little bit of funk!” she grunted, grinning wickedly.
Averting my gaze, I looked to the others with wide eyes. Clearly, they were also mortified, as the majority of them were blushing and doing their best to keep a straight face.
“Does she, erm… not realise how that looks?” I asked through my teeth.
“Nope!” Dashie laughed, greatly amused by the display.
With a smirk on my face, I leaned against Rarity and looked back to Pinkie.
“I’m gonna tell her.”
With a gasp, Rarity frowned and gave me a firm shove.
“Don’t you dare!”
She got to her hooves and went over to settle Pinkie down, for the mare was now grinding against someone’s suitcase, sending Rainbow and Applejack both into a fit of hysterics. Staring at the scene before me, I slowly shook my head and mumbled to myself in disbelief.
“Somebody’s gotta tell her…”
When the song finished and the hilarity came to an end, I gave Applejack the earbuds. At first, I was going to select one of the more country-esque songs from the band Hey Ocean!, but then I remembered that their lead singer was none other than Ashleigh Ball. Being the voice actor for the cartoon versions of both Rainbow Dash, and Applejack herself, might have been a little too mind-boggling for the pony, so I played it safe with ‘Boondocks’, by Little Big Town. I certainly made the right choice, made clear by Applejack literally hugging me by the end of the song, declaring that no music had spoken to her like that before.
“Is there like… any way we could take some of your music back with us?” she asked.
“Hmm, I don’t think that’s out of the question…” I began, scratching my upper neck, “Perhaps at the end of all this, I could get my hands on a portable music player, like an iPod or a Walkman. Then I could download a bunch of songs to it for you, and you could take it back to remember me by.”
“Why, that’s a swell idea.” she replied, smiling warmly, “I’d like that very much!”
“As would we all, I reckon.” Rarity added, giving me a bright smile.
“Then I’ll see to it that you go home with one.” I declared, dipping my head.
We were disturbed by some more turbulence, which sent us sliding dangerously close to the edge of the pressure bubble. It only got worse from there, and the whole lot of us soon found ourselves tumbling around the cargo hold, desperately trying not to fall out of the bubble. Pinkie of course, made a game out of it, and laughed and squealed with delight whenever she was kicked up into the air, or sent sliding around. The rest of us however, were slightly less amused.
“This had better stop soon.” Applejack moaned, “I’m starting to feel nauseous.”
“I’m sure it’ll be over soon.” I assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a quick squeeze.
As though to spite me, the plane shook even harder, scattering us even more aggressively. Rainbow Dash was flung into Pinkie, and Twilight found herself cascading directly into my lap. I looked down at her and gave an awkward smile, raising my eyebrows with amusement.
“Look, I know you wanted to make amends Twilight, but at least take me on a date first.”
“Oh go fuck yourself.”
The two of us couldn’t stop ourselves from breaking into laughter, and I helped the unicorn right herself and clamber off me. As I placed a hand on her wrist, I frowned at her.
“Twilight, you’re freezing.”
Even through my own dose of Thermic Hide, the mare’s fur was noticeably cold to the touch. She yanked her foreleg away and got to her hooves, grimacing.
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve… Twilight, you’ve not cast Thermic Hide on yourself, have you?”
Breaking eye contact, she looked at the floor and I realised that she was shivering. Her lips looked dry as anything and her nose was visibly running. Overhearing what I’d said, Rarity came over and involved herself.
“I’m sorry, but did I just hear that correctly?”
Not wishing to confess, but also refraining from falsely outing me as a liar, Twilight receded into her shell even further, haunching her shoulders and closing her eyes, quivering from top to bottom. My heart sank, as I realised exactly what was happening here. Twilight was punishing herself…
“I’m j-just, s-saving some mana, f-for when we arrive.” she stuttered.
“Bollocks to that.” I told her, “Cast Thermic Hide, now.”
“I n-need, the mana.”
By now, everyone was beginning to crowd around, still wobbling to and fro at behest of the turbulence. Desperate not to have an audience, Twilight relented, and cast the spell upon herself, faintly glowing orange and letting out an almighty sigh of relief. Rarity ordered Fluttershy to check the unicorn over, to which she was given the all-clear.
“What the hell were you thinking!?” I growled, “What good is a little extra mana if you freeze to death, huh? You’re hardly any use if we have to drag your refrigerated carcass around, now are you!?”
Blinking rapidly and trying not to cry, Twilight mumbled under her breath, and I backed off. Angry as I was with her, mainly I was just worried. For all my ire towards her, and for all said and done, this kind of self-inflicted punishment wasn’t the way forward. Rainbow Dash clearly thought otherwise, as she looked at the unicorn without a shred of empathy and rolled her eyes. I sat beside the pegasus, which was when she kissed her teeth and looked at me.
“How come everyone’s just doting on her now?” she scoffed, “After the way Twilight’s been, she deserves to freeze.”
“Rainbow, come on…” I tutted, “She’s your friend.”
Looking down at her hooves, Rainbow Dash grumbled with annoyance.
“I know but, ugh… I’m just so mad at her!”
“We all are, Dashie. But even so, she’s your friend.”
Gently placing a hand on her head, I combed my fingers through her multicoloured mane.
“Deep down, the six of you adore each other and you know it. I promise you, once you’re back home, whatever this weird phase is with Twilight, it’ll pass.”
“Alright…” she huffed.
Things settled down after that; Twilight was given some space to think about her actions, and once the turbulence came to an end, Rarity prepared some tea for us.
“How’s your hand feeling?” asked Fluttershy, sipping from her cup.
“Itchy more than anything.” I replied, showing it to her, “It’s starting to get flaky now, and you have no idea how tempting it’s been to start picking at it.”
“Callum, that’s disgusting!” Rarity bleated, rolling her eyes.
The others laughed, and I went over all my other injuries. The croc bite was mostly healed, it was just a little pink and sensitive now. Most of my other wounds had fully recovered as well, only leaving behind some scar tissue here and there. The only thing that hadn’t completely healed was the deep laceration on my chest, left by Inigo’s machete. Rarity’s suturing had certainly helped, alongside a generous coating of Oozima, but that hadn’t stopped the gash from forming a very crooked red scar, which ached more often than it didn’t.
“On the upside, my fingernails are nearly all the way back.” I said, grinning.
Twilight shuddered, and I knew she had been reminded of the moment Inigo had pried them off and thrown them at her. I gave her a solemn expression, knowing exactly what she was thinking about, and that’s when a thought dawned on me.
{Maybe that’s why you let the clone feel pain?}
It was just a hunch, but it made a small semblance of sense to me. Twilight had no doubt been traumatised by what happened that day, it would be stupid to presume otherwise. She had been forced to sit and watch a person undergo literal physical torture, whilst being completely powerless, without so much as an iota of control. Now again, it was only a theory, but I speculated that Twilight had perhaps seen an opportunity to go back to that moment, and this time, be the one in control. Had her actions been a trauma response? Some way to cope? Some distorted method of self-therapy? As I pondered, it seemed more and more likely to me that she had tried to recreate the traumatic event, in an instance where she had all the power, and could lessen the impact that Inigo’s violent cruelty had on her, by taking his place as the torturer.
{You didn’t do it out of spite, or hatred…} I thought, glancing at the unicorn, {No… No, what you did was some twisted act of self-preservation!}
{I think you’re onto something there.} my Scottish-sounding conscience agreed, {It doesn’t excuse what she did, mind you… but aye, what she did wasn’t out of malice, not really.}
Nodding faintly, I looked away from Twilight and kept my thoughts to myself. I was still angry with her, and most irrefutably beyond being able to forgive her yet, if ever, but this had certainly given me a lot to think about…
The rest of the flight went without much issue, aside from a handful of us very much needing the bathroom. We heard the sound of the landing gear coming out, and prepared for touchdown, latching onto one another and tensing up at one side of the cargo hold. Against my ribs, I could feel Rainbow Dash’s wings, still wrapped tightly and useless. My heart sank, and I closed my eyes, now fighting against the bitterness within me.
Finally, the plane hit the tarmac, and we all jolted forward, with Pinkie Pie letting go and propelling forward with a squeal of delight.
“Weeeeeeee!”
She skidded to a halt and giggled loudly, while the rest of us broke form and prepared to move out. Twilight cast Invisipone on us, and Blu went to hide inside Fluttershy’s mane.
“Uh… buddy?” I chuckled, pointing at him, “That’s not going to work, we can still see you.”
“Cock and balls!” he squawked angrily, causing Fluttershy to gasp loudly, and sending Rainbow Dash into a fit of hysterics.
With that plan a bust, Blu quickly improvised. Displaying his intelligence with a stroke of genius, he hopped over to one of the less compacted duffle bags, which he opened with his beak and slipped inside.
“I’ll come out when the coast is clear! Caark!”
Giving him a thumbs up, not that he could see me, I joined the others as they gathered by the cargo door. It opened, and an airport worker clambered inside. Getting past him was a breeze, and speaking of breezes, we all let out merry hums upon reaching the ground.
“Oh British weather! How I missed you!” I sighed heavily, putting my arms out.
Being at the very tail-end of summer, the air was still quite warm, but compared to Brazil, it was like stepping into a refrigerator; just the way I liked it. The others seemed to agree, with both Applejack and Rarity commenting on how much easier to breathe it was, now that the air wasn’t quite so humid.
“Yeah-yeah, the weather’s great, I really need to pee!” Rainbow barked, dancing on the tips of her hooves.
“Me too!” Pinkie added, doing something similar.
“Oh goodness, me three!” gasped Rarity, suddenly noticing how urgently she needed to go as well.
“Me four!” I called out.
Realising that we were all about to bust, we hurriedly made our way off the runway, giggling to ourselves like children as we all desperately tried to hold our bladders. Quickly locating the small section of woodland from before, we found that the chain-link fence had been repaired, but that didn’t last long. Despite now having low mana, Twilight was far too desperate to care, and literally blasted the fence open at the middle, snapping the chain-link and making it seem as though a monster had torn its way through.
“You’re bloody lucky that you didn’t blue out just then!” I said to her as I clambered through the hole.
“It was either that or piss myself!” she shouted back.
All laughing, we reached the woodland and split up, charging off behind trees and bushes. In the distance, I heard Rainbow Dash emitting a dramatic, relieved moan, intentionally loud enough for us all to hear. Snickering to myself, I decided to rise to the occasion, and tilted my head upwards, where I let out the most ridiculous pleasured wail I could muster.
“Hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuooooooooooooohhh!!!”
Laughter from all six girls rang out through the woodland, and when we eventually came back together, we couldn’t help but break into a second wave of intense giggling.
“The two of you…” Rarity tutted, shaking her head, “You know, I don’t think either of you could be more immature if you tried!”
“Is that so?” I retorted, smirking.
“That was not an invitation for you to prove me wrong.”
With my face plastered with a grin, I gave the mare a sly wink, before settling down and taking a big breath.
“Alright ladies, let’s not stand on ceremony here. Let’s get a move on!”
“Quaark! Where to? Where to?” asked Blu, landing on Fluttershy’s back and looking at me.
Looking into the distance thoughtfully, it felt wrong to call it home, for I had forsaken my life and vowed never to return to it. Still, it was a place I knew, and aside from the ponies around me, it was the closest thing I could call home. So, looking at the bird, I called it just that, and he tilted his head with interest. Gripping my backpack straps and nodding to the girls, we took off with haste; nightfall was rapidly approaching, and we wanted to cover a little more ground before calling it a day.
We found a larger patch of woodland after a very cautious half-hour trek, and we set up for the night. The lot of us were very tired by this point, and after a quick bite, we all got to bed. Fluttershy and I were just drifting off, when we were both disturbed by the sound of someone loudly sniffling outside.
“Do you hear that?” I whispered.
“Yeah.” she replied, her ears twitching.
“Unless someone’s suddenly picked up a cold, it sounds like someone’s crying.”
Inhaling sharply, Fluttershy speculated that it was probably Rainbow Dash, whose mood had been fluctuating as of late. Ever since finding Blu, we had noticed the odd flash of jealousy in the pegasus’ eyes; despite not being his fault, he was a constant reminder of her inability to take to the air.
“Do you think we should go comfort her?” I asked.
Shaking her head, Flutters said that she would talk to Dashie tomorrow. Being the proud pony she was, being seen crying would only upset Rainbow further. I exhaled heavily through my nose, and said that I understood. Wrapping my arm back around Fluttershy, we reluctantly did nothing, and soon fell asleep.
The next day, the two of us were surprised to see that Rainbow was oddly quite chipper; perhaps a good cry by herself had done the mare some good. We had a quick breakfast, before taking off once again.
“I wonder what state your old home’s in…” Rarity pondered while we walked.
“Better than we left it in!” Dashie cackled, trotting along beside me and Applejack.
Chuckling, I thought back to the day we had practically obliterated the place. It was then that a thought dawned on me.
“So, Twilight…” I began with an awkward expression, “How exactly does the whole ‘cloning’ malarkey work? Like, say my family buried the body… does it decompose normally?”
Huffing sleepily, Twilight explained that clones were just magical constructs, and only simulated an organic being. Eventually, after just a few days, they would begin to break down, simply flaking and crumbling away into nothingness.
“I bet that gave the undertakers a fright!” I laughed.
“I’m sure.” she replied glumly, slowly plodding along at the back of the group.
{Well, someone didn’t sleep well.} I thought, rolling my eyes.
Rejoining the front, I merrily trudged beside Pinkie and Rarity, until we came across a familiar landmark.
“Ah!” I sang, “The River Mole.”
As deep and powerful as ever, the river flowed before us. Applejack asked how we were going to cross, which was when Rainbow Dash strutted forward with confidence.
“Uh, same as last time? Fluttershy can take all the bags, and I’ll just fly us… uh… ov-er…”
Looking all around, Dashie’s face quickly scrunched up, as it struck her harder than ever that she could not fly. Even with others present, she couldn’t stop herself from falling backwards onto her bottom, throwing her head up into the air and bursting into a soul-crushing howl.
“Oh Rainbow…” I breathed.
Everyone came over to comfort her, as the poor girl just sobbed and sobbed, unable to handle it any longer. She took to beating the ground with a hoof savagely, spraying dirt in all directions as she spluttered over and over again that it wasn’t fair.
“It’s alright Dashie…” Fluttershy cooed softly, “We’re here, okay?”
“Alright? Alright!?”
Arching her back and straining as hard as possible, the raw, fleshy remnants of her wings ruptured from the bandages. She splayed them out for us and glared into our faces.
“LOOK AT ME!”
And look at her we did, for it was impossible not to stare at the fleshy tendrils in horror as they quivered and swayed in the air. Gritting her teeth and hissing loudly, Rainbow took in a deep jagged breath, before mewling to us in a high-pitched, broken voice, no different from when Twilight had broken apart during her apology to me back at the lake.
“I’m… a freak!”
She collapsed onto her side, and we all watched hopelessly as Rainbow bawled her eyes out in front of us; I was almost brought to tears myself. I just wanted to fix it for her, I would have put her back together myself if I could, feather by feather. But fix her I could not, and the poor thing had no choice but to cry herself out, while Rarity and Twilight used their magic to carry our bags across the river; it went without saying that for Fluttershy to carry them across would have been insensitive beyond measure.
I knelt down in front of the mare and stroked at her neck and upper shoulders, firmly pressing my fingertips into the tense muscles, hoping to relax her. It worked to some degree, and the others left me to it. Still crying, Rainbow rolled onto her front, silently telling me that I was helping. I glanced a few times at her wings, and that’s when I noticed something.
“Oh my goodness… Rainbow, look!”
Looking up at me, snot hanging from her nose, Dashie followed my gaze and realised that I was gesturing to something on her right wing. Respectfully and delicately, I moved my hand to the plucked limb, and ran my index finger over the beginnings of a cyan plume. The crying came to a halt, as we both realised at the same time, that slowly but surely, some of her feathers were growing back.
“Do you know what this means?” I said to her.
She looked at me and blinked a few times, as I broke into a huge grin.
“You might be able to fly again one day.”
Her face strained once again, as she broke into another, far happier cry. Hope flushed through her being, and the mare lunged forward to hug me. I didn’t even care that she was getting snot on my shoulder, I just held her back and we squeezed each other tightly, until from behind us came the sound of someone clearing their throat. Turning around, I came face to face with Blu, who was waddling up to us. He hopped onto my shoulder and looked at Rainbow Dash, bowing his head. That’s when he stuck his beak into his own wing, and very nearly sent me into a state of tears, as he forcibly removed one of his feathers and offered it to the pegasus.
“I know it’s not the exactly same shade, but…”
Rainbow scooped up the bird in her hooves, and held him close to her chest, snivelling her thanks. Getting to my feet properly, I helped place the feather against her bare wing, and then draped some of the loose bandages over it, tying it tightly to keep it safe and secure. I received another hug, before we went over to the river’s edge, where we found the others somehow on the other side.
“How’d you do that!?” I blurted out.
Rarity and Twilight both lit up their horns, and Rainbow Dash was gradually lifted into the air. She then drifted weightlessly across the gap, before being lightly placed next to Fluttershy, who quickly got to work at reapplying some new bandages. I put my hands on my hips and reminded Twilight that she was supposed to be saving her mana and allowing it to replenish.
“That’s why I got Rarity to help!”
“Not that I was much help.” the white unicorn laughed awkwardly.
They were about to lift me too, when I shook my head, claiming that I could jump across. Scoffing, Applejack made the foolish mistake of telling me that I couldn’t make the jump, making me all the more stubborn to try.
“Place your bets now everypony!” I shouted over, chuckling.
Backing up by a fair amount, I looked at the point where I would need to jump from, and readied myself to sprint and spring.
{Maybe this isn’t such a good idea…} I thought to myself, taking in just how wide the gap was.
{Oh, you think?} my Scottish conscience deadpanned.
It was too late for that now, and so with a deep breath, I charged forward at full pelt, and jumped…
“So Callum, how much further do you think we have to go?” Rainbow Dash asked, snickering.
“Not too far now.” I grumbled through gritted teeth, with a face like thunder.
We had walked a good way now, and were very close to the field that bordered my family’s land. Twilight strode beside me with a spring in her step, her face plastered with a smirk. Refusing to look at her directly, I let out a quiet mutter of annoyance.
“Laugh it up, Purple Smart.” I spat.
Twilight attempted to stifle a chuckle and cleared her throat, I slowed my pace and allowed the others to take over, so that I could walk alongside Rarity. She levitated my shirt to me, having dried it as much as she could with her magic. I took it from her and put on the damp garment, and upon taking a moment to glance at my soaking wet hair, the unicorn began to giggle.
“Oh, you think it’s funny, do you?”
Before she could reply, I bent down and shook my head like a dog, showering the mare in river water. She squealed and ran away, to which I gave chase.
“No! Get away from me, you beast!” she yelped.
“Get your pearly rump back here right now! You need a shower!”
“I washed myself just this morning!”
“You missed a spot!”
Rarity screamed with fright and continued to run away. The two of us bolted past the rest of the group and made our way down the forest path. Eventually her stamina gave out, and she came sluggishly to a halt, turning to face me with terror.
“I beg of you sir, spare me!”
Unable to stop myself from bursting into a hearty laughter, I doubled over. The others caught up to us, all cackling and chortling at the scene.
“It’s… not… funny!” Rarity panted heavily, “It takes ages… to do my… mane!”
“We know!” everyone clapped back in unison.
Finally joining in on the laughter, Rarity shook her head, still trying to catch her breath. Once she was no longer wheezing like a bloody asthmatic, we pressed on for the final march; home was right around the corner. A good fifteen minutes later, we were there, at the tall seamless wooden fence that I had personally helped to build.
“We made it.” I sighed.
Taking off my bag and passing it to Pinkie, I jumped up and clambered over, so that I could unlock and open the side gate for the girls. The first thing I noticed was how much more overgrown the land was; cutting the lawn was usually my job, and it seemed that nobody had taken to picking up the slack. Sighing heavily, I briefly reminisced on the memories of playing with Archer and Chilli here…
When Archer was just a pup, he was even smaller than Chilli. Those two would chase each other all around this garden, and no matter how hard he tried, Chilli was always faster. But then he got bigger, so much bigger, until he was easily five times Chilli’s size, and then, she could never catch him. Nowadays, that dog was very nearly the same height as the girls, and could easily stand over six feet tall on his hind legs. I’d never forget those early mornings when I had to let the chickens out. Archer would always come with me, and if he spotted a deer, he was gone in a flash, thundering across the land at thirty miles an hour, and that was no exaggeration.
As for Chilli, I thought about how I used to hide at the end of the garden, beyond the apple orchard. There was a little den I had created, where I would cook the pigeons and squirrels I had shot with my air rifle. Chilli would always sit with me, and I’d share the meat with her. Oliver and I had taught her to be something of a gun-dog, and when either of us took a shot, she would charge forth in search of the quarry, fetching it for us, dead or alive.
Tightening my lips, I savoured the memories for a few seconds longer, before unbolting the gate and pushing it open for the girls. As soon as they were through, I closed it behind them and bolted it shut.
“Gosh, it’s weird being here again…” Applejack remarked.
“Isn’t it just?” I replied, shrugging.
Turning to the right, I directed the girls to follow me into the apple orchard, where I escorted them to my old hideaway. The trees and bushes here were incredibly thick, and would serve perfectly as the location for our hidden camp. Despite being a little run down, my old den was still intact, complete with a firepit, sitting log, and a lean-to, draped in moss and a camouflage tarpaulin.
“Huh, looks like someone else had the same idea.” Rainbow Dash remarked.
“Yeah, me.”
“Wait, you built this?”
Nodding, I explained that this was my own private camp, where I would often come with Chilli to get away from my family. Twilight noticed a few empty bottles by the lean-to and gave me a look, raising one of her eyebrows and gesturing to it. Chuckling awkwardly, I admitted that on a few rare occasions, I would steal some of my mum’s alcohol, and bring it here to get drunk and wallow.
“I’d have thought her behaviour would put you off alcohol?” Rarity stated, somewhat judgmentally.
“You’d think that.” I huffed back, “But no, I still relish in a drink. It’s being an arsehole I was put off of.”
My reply garnered a few laughs, and I chuckled along with them, before explaining that with how rough my life was prior to the girls showing up, I needed something to take the edge off every now and then. Applejack asked what kind of drinks I enjoyed, to which I answered honestly.
“If it has alcohol in it, I’ll drink it.”
Rolling her eyes with amusement, AJ went on to say that she would have brought me some cider from Sweet Apple Acres if she had known I was a drinker. Thanking her, I suggested that it was for the best that she hadn’t, as I would most likely end up wanting more.
“Can’t miss something you’ve never had.” I finalised.
“True, true…”
Moving on, we set up camp, and Twilight proposed that with how early in the afternoon it still was, she could go back to the airport and find out where the next piece of the Titans’ Orb was.
“Cor, you’re keen to get away, aren’t you?” I chuckled to her.
“Uh, yeah.” she replied bluntly.
Tutting, I insisted that she rested up for the day, and took off tomorrow at first light. Shrugging, she accepted the order, and helped Rarity with clearing away all the leaves, making the camp look a little neater. I complimented their fine work, and Rainbow Dash immediately chose to mock me.
“Ooh, fine work girls!” she sang out in a prissy, flamboyant tone.
“Hey, I know your hooves are ticklish, so watch yourself.” I warned her.
“If you touch my hooves, I’ll bury you alive.”
Scoffing, I teased that she wouldn’t even be able to get me to the ground, let alone beneath it. Seeing this as a challenge, Rainbow pounced at me, gripping me with her front legs and attempting to wrestle me to the dirt. Grinning, I decided to show the pegasus just how sturdy I could be. Resisting the mare’s valiant efforts to pin me down, I asked if she really wanted to embarrass herself.
“Oh shut up, I’ll get you on the ground, just watch me!”
Shoving into me with all her might, she desperately made futile attempts to knock me off my balance, until at last she grew impatient, and decided to play dirty. The girls gasped with shock as Rainbow Dash gripped my arms with her hooves, and then butted me in the face with her head.
“Rainbow!” Rarity barked.
“Oh, you asked for it.” I growled playfully.
“Uh oh.”
Scooping the pegasus up and into my arms, I easily flipped her over onto her side, where I descended upon her, kneeling down and squashing her to the earthy floor with my upper body. Gripping one of her back legs, I made my way for a hoof, which was when Dashie shrieked out in panic and was able to wriggle free. She launched herself at me, and now with adrenaline properly coursing through her, she was able to put up a decent fight.
“What did I say about touching my hooves!?”
“Hm, let me recall…” I grunted back, “It was uh, ‘something-something, I’m a little bitch!’”
Pinning the mare for a second time, I used my body weight to prevent her from wriggling, and squeal as she might, I was able to force her against the ground, powerless.
“Submit, or my fingers and your hooves are going to get to know one another real good!” I commanded.
“Okay-okay!” she cried out, relaxing.
I let her go and chuckled to myself, standing up and facing the others.
“And that… is how you subdue a pegasu-AAGH!”
From behind, Rainbow had leapt at me and gripped onto me with all four legs, using her front ones to wrap around my neck and strangle me.
“I didn’t tap out!” she hissed into my ear.
Try as I might to shake her off, her grip was too strong, and she choked me harder and harder, desperate to win.
“Now, you submit!”
“Oh, I’ve got you right where I want you.” I rasped through a strained breath.
Loosening her grip slightly, Rainbow let out a confused ‘huh?’, while I prepared to end this once and for all.
“Watch out… I like to squash ‘em!” I bellowed.
Springing into the air, I tucked my legs and flopped backwards. With our combined weight, poor Rainbow Dash was completely flattened into the ground. The force was so great that it drove the air out of the mare’s lungs and left her completely winded. She emitted an almighty groan and smacked the ground rapidly, begging me to get off. Rolling to the side and returning to my feet, I looked down at the defeated pony, gasping and moaning in pain, covered from head to hoof in dirt.
“So, as I was saying… That’s how you subdue a pegasus!” I puffed, grinning, “Please tell me you guys saw that?”
Turning to look at the others, I realised that they weren’t focused on us at all, they were looking off behind me, their eyes wide with terror. Quickly turning around, I realised what they were looking at.
Or rather, who they were looking at…
“What-up faggots?”
Gulping, I quickly recovered my composure. I dusted myself down and sniffed loudly, before dipping my head to him in a cautious greeting, clenching my jaw.
“Hello Oliver…”
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Oh sh**! Not him!!! At least Twilight was acting a little more tolerable this time around.
Awwww man I need moar!!!! Keep up den good werk
CAN YOU HEAR ME MAJOR TOM
also, cheeki breeki.
Excuse me while I blast this fucker with a 50.
6534962 get twilight to wile your at it
I have one suggestion: RUN!
7597435 I don't know what I've just watched.
But I loved every damn second of it.
Frozen!!!!!
7598248
Piemations Yeah!!!
9049215
Yay! Someone finally got that reference!
Actually Chernobyl isnt as bad off as we all think it is...hell theyve been doing some great work out there, and the tours are given by the longest-standing employee of the company
9092842
Later on in the series, it's revealed as to why Chernobyl IRL is different to the version in this story.