Now, as one can imagine, there are certain steps that one must take so they can go from magical neophyte to somebody who can change another pony's destiny back to what it should be, on top of reverting my own species back to a unique one in the Equestrian world. I had to do all of that while having just barely mastered levitation, and rule an entire nation, which included day court.
I had my work cut out for me.
I couldn't exactly worry about that right now, though. I had my first session in day court today. I pitied my poor snarcasti-guard, who were trying to corral what must have been three or four hundred ponies who wanted to see me into an organized line. I could hear the deafening chatter outside of my throne room, and I began shifting nervously on my seat. Thankfully Twilight, who had sat in on some court sessions while a protégé of Celestia's, was sitting beside me. She had agreed to be my consigliere for the day.
Yes, I said consigliere. Not adviser, seneschal, pony who whispers advice into my ear, nothing like that. My favorite movie was the combo of the first two Godfather films, and if I wanted to be TD and make Twilight my consigliere then by golly I was going to.
There was an added bonus in that Celestia figured that it was a mischievous reference on my part, but she didn't say anything because it was my court.
I shifted on my cushion and fluttered my wings nervously as I listened to the din outside of my throne room. Twilight gave me a small smile before adjusting her consigliere hat and re-arranging her writing materials.
Oh, didn't I say? My consigliere gets a consigliere hat. It's a dark blue baseball hat with the word 'consigliere' emblazoned on the front in orange letters. I had originally pitched it as a joke, but Twilight had shrugged and said that she'd be okay with it. Half an hour later: consigliere hat.
Anyway, I turned my attention to Twilight and leaned in next to her. "You ever been this involved in official court before?" I whispered.
She shook her head. "No. Celestia just let me sit in every once in a while. I didn't really get to say anything either." Her smile turned reassuring. "Don't worry: I took plenty of notes and did a lot of studying with them. I think I know how this works."
"As long as one of us does," I muttered. I took another deep breath and looked down at Captain Blaze. "Is everything in readiness?"
He snorted. "I should really be asking you that, Princess."
"Fair enough." I looked up at the door, and became acutely aware that it was the only thing between me and a throng of ponies who wanted to see me. No going back now, though.
"Okay. Send them in one case at a time."
Captain Blaze saluted me and motioned to the two guards by the door. They saluted in turn and pulled the double doors to my throne room open, letting two ponies, an earth pony mare and a unicorn stallion, inside. They were glaring daggers at each other as they walked up to the throne, so I knew that it was going to be good.
The two of them stopped about fifteen feet from my throne and bowed low to me, saying my name in unison. Lieutenant Rapids, who was standing beside them, saluted me. "This is the case of Wheat Thrasher vs. Daisy Fields. Ms. Fields is accused of damaging a bushel of wheat grown by Mr. Thrasher."
"I see." I wait until Twilight has finished writing that down before looking at them. "So... you feel that a damaged bushel of wheat is a matter for one of the highest courts in the land?"
Whatever the two of them had wanted to say died in their throats as they realized how stupid of a problem this was. I mean really, Cheerilee's foals fought over things more worth my time than this. Still, they were here, so I sighed and waved my hoof. "Mr. Thrasher, you may begin."
Wheat Thrasher blinked once, but seemed to realize that I had given him permission to get going. He glared at Daisy Fields once before clearing his throat and stepping forwards. "Princess Antares. Last Tuesday morning, I was walking down the street with a bushel of wheat on my back. I was transporting it to a client who had ordered it for the purpose of bread-making, and as such I was transporting it through town. Ms. Fields..." He nearly spat out the name. "Was careless, and she knocked the wheat off of my back into a mud puddle!"
"Careless? You ran into me!" Daisy Fields snapped. "I was putting some of my wares in my saddlebag, and the next thing that I know, I'm being flattened out of nowhere!"
Sigh.
"Uh... quick question." The two ponies, whose arguing I knew was going to get worse if I didn't do something soon, turned their attention to me. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. "Do I... do I look like your mother?"
They both frowned at me, and Daisy Fields cocked her head. "I don't understand what you mean."
"I mean just what I said." I opened my eyes. "Do I look like your mother?"
"O-of course not," said Wheat Thrasher. He exchanged a glance with his opponent. "I fail to see the relevance of you not having given birth to me."
I sighed. "I thought not." I shook my head and got to my hooves. "Basically my point is is that the two of you are bickering like foals about something that I believe that you can settle between you like grown freaking adults." I rolled my eyes and their bewildered expressions, and let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, so so some wheat was knocked off of your back. What if that's nobody's fault? What if it was just a tragic mistake?" My eyes narrowed, and I took a step towards them. "Mr. Thrasher, what was the value of the wheat you lost?"
Wheat Thrasher had to take a few seconds to realize that he was being addressed, but he quickly snapped out of his shock. "Oh... er... well, I think it was about twenty bits."
I facehooved so hard that I think the waiting ponies outside could have heard. "That's it? Twenty. Freaking. Bits?!" I made a show of walking back to my throne, sitting back down, and double facehooving. "Twenty bits. I don't believe..." I deeply exhaled and looked at my subjects. "You do know that I am one of the most powerful ponies ever, right?" They nodded. "Good. So you know that maybe, just maybe, a matter of twenty bits isn't something that I need to waste my time with? I mean, refresh my memory on why you couldn't handle it between yourselves like adults?"
Silence.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." I turned my attention to Twilight, who had been taking down notes. "Twilight, are there minor courts around Equestria? Places where ponies can come to when they have small issues like this."
Twilight continued writing, but nodded. "Yeah, we do. I won't say that we have a ton of them across Equestria, but they're definitely there."
I returned her nod. "Good. I'm going to be making some new laws and decrees about what kind of thing can be sent a princess' way. I'm also going to be considering increasing the amount of small courthouses in Equestria. Ponyville doesn't have one, correct?" Twilight nodded again. "Good. I'm going to begin commissioning them in key locations around Equestria so that more ponies have more access to them, and the closest legal authority isn't the highest one in the land."
With that settled, it was time to deal with my two bickering subjects, both of whom were looking at the ground with their ears flattened as if they thought that they were in huge trouble. Well, they weren't, but I wasn't exactly pleased with them at the moment.
"So. You two." They raised their heads. "I'm not furious with you. Don't worry, I'm not locking you in the dungeons. However, I would like it if the two of you worked the issue of twenty bits out between each other to a point where you are both satisfied, then send a report to me. Deal?" The two ponies bowed low to me with a mumble of 'yes, your majesty,' and I dismissed them.
When the door closed behind them, I turned to Twilight with a smirk. "I think that went well, don't you?"
Twilight shrugged and put her quill down. "Well, I have to admit that it reveals the difference in ruling styles between you and Princess Celestia. I think that Princess Celestia would have had them work it out before her with her as a sort of moderator between the two of them, but you just told them to work it out amongst themselves and then give you a letter about it later. It was very..." She smirked at me. "It was very TD of you. You're not really the kind of guy who would be open for that kind of thing."
I shook my head. "Not on your life. I grew up with a sister, and trust me: there is nothing I would rather do less than hear them bicker like siblings over an accident."
Twilight nodded and turned back to her notes with a sigh. "I will say that you're nothing if not ambitious in your attempts at solving that problem, though. More small-claims courthouses in more cities is something that isn't going to happen overnight, so don't expect cases like theirs to just disappear."
I shrugged. "Eh, they wouldn't anyway. Hopefully the new courts will lessen the load, though. Make me less bogged down." I took a deep breath and straightened up. "Well, prepare a copy of those notes to send to Celestia and Luna, I guess. Let me know when they respond." I turned to Captain Blaze. "Next case, please."
He saluted me, and he motioned for the doors to be opened again. They were, and in walked a pony I never expected to see next to another I didn't know.
"Prince Blueblood."
Blueblood and his fellow stopped in front of my throne and bowed low. "Princess Human TD," Blueblood replied.
Ah. So he wasn't here to follow his aunt's orders to leave me alone and not antagonize me.
Excellent.
I glanced over at Twilight who was conspicuously staring straight ahead at the parchment. She knew what was about to go down, and she didn't want any part of it. I, on the other hand, wanted all part in it, and I think that my guards did too. I smiled serenely down at my arch-nemesis. "Hello, Blueblood. What can I do for you?"
Blueblood's smile was oddly smug, which didn't have me worried for a single moment. If I thought that the guy could outwit me, I would chop my wings off with a fork. He was only digging his own grave here.
"I am here because I have been studying some laws, Princess Antares." Blueblood motioned over to his companion. "This is Fast Talker. He has been my family lawyer for many years." Blueblood ignited his horn and took a scroll from Fast Talker. "Basically, we have been collaborating, and I realized that when you hit me with a pie at the Gala, you physically assaulted me. It is my wish to punish you to the full extent of the law." Blueblood chuckled and rolled the scroll back up. "Unless, of course, you feel that you are above the law. My lawyer assures me that princesses are not."
I gave Blueblood an exaggerated nod with a mocking look of seriousness. "Well, that is serious. Very serious indeed. I am going to take it seriously, because it is a very serious matter that deserves to be taken seriously. Seriously, do you get that I'm taking it seriously?" Blueblood's eye twitched, as he realized that he was being mocked, but I didn't let him do anything about it. I instead turned to Captain Blaze. "Captain Blaze, because I am so seriously taking this super seriously, would you please escort Prince Blueblood and his cronie... uh, I mean 'lawyer' to a private guest room? I think you can guess which one. Lieutenant Rapids may escort you as well, because he is a high-profile guest, and I am taking this seriously. Feel free to converse with him at your leisure. That goes for the rest of his and your natural born existences."
Captain Blaze saluted, but it was a tribute to the legendary guard stoicism that he didn't immediately begin rubbing his hooves together and cackling like a Bond villain. I know I probably would have. Instead, he motioned for Blueblood and his toadie to follow him.
"Please come this way, Prince Blueblood. Princess Antares wishes for me to tell you that she takes this, and you, very, very seriously."
Beautiful.
I amused myself for a minute or so with the image of Blueblood being escorted to one of my less complete, but obviously still livable, rooms by two of the most sarcastic ponies in Equestria. Whoever created sarcasm had ponies like him in mind when they did.
Of course I knew that it meant war, but it was a war that I was more than willing to wage.
I chuckled and shook my head before looking back over at Twilight who was blankly staring at an empty scroll. I applaud her stoicism, but I didn't doubt that Celestia would be getting wind of this whole thing one way or another. Eh, let her. This is my court. Not Celestia's. If Blueblood wanted to humiliate me by suing me or trying to have me arrested in front of the nation right after I was coronated, I was going to fight back to the best of my abilities.
A few minutes later, Captain Blaze walked back into the throne room, stood stoically by my side, and, in a perfect deadpan, said, "Prince Blueblood finds his living quarters inadequate."
"I'll take it into consideration," I replied. "Send in the next pony."
The doors opened again, and, to my surprise, a pegasus filly who was probably a little younger than the Crusaders walked in, escorted by Lieutenant Rapids who was smiling fondly down at her. A similar smile crossed my face as the filly stopped in front of my throne and bowed.
"Uh... P-Princess Antares. M-my name is Berry Bloom. I... uh, I wanted to come see you because my class is putting on a play f-for school, and I heard my teacher talking, and we don't know if we can because we don't have enough money to do it." Berry Bloom flattened her ears and began shrinking back. "I-if you don't think that's a good idea, I understand and all, I was just wondering."
I exchanged a glance with Twilight, and I think she understood that I'd do what I wanted here even if it wasn't the best option. I was the princess of foal services, after all. I stood up off of my throne, walked up to the filly, and sat down in front of her. "Your name is Berry Bloom?" She nodded shyly. "Cool name. Way better than silly old 'Antares.'
Berry Bloom's eyes went as wide as dinner plates, and she vigorously shook her head. "Nuh-uh, you're a princess! Your name isn't silly! It's way better than mine."
I shook my head. "Nah, yours is pretty cool. If you think mine is, then yours has to be at least as good." I gently patted her head. "So, you want money for a school play, huh? What's it about?"
"Uh..." Berry's gaze slowly trailed behind me, and I had to turn to see what she was looking at. "I-it's about her an’ Nightmare Moon."
Twilight's eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open slightly. "M-me? You're doing a school play about me?"
Berry flinched back again. "Yeah. Ms. Knowledge thought it would be a good idea, since it's a big part of pony history now."
"Well I think it's a really cool idea for a play." I levitated a piece of Twilight's parchment and one of her quills over. "How much do you need and when is it?"
Berry Bloom's eyes somehow went even wider than when I told her that her name was better than mine, and I had to stifle a laugh at just how adorable it was. "Y-you wanna give us money for it?"
I nodded. "For sure. I can't promise a ton of money, but I'll definitely be sure to give you enough that you can do it. How does two hundred bits sound?"
"Th-that's r-really good!" All trace of nervousness was gone from her. It made my ornery old heart melt. This was why I was the princess of foal services. I have no doubt that Celestia would have done something similar, but I wanted to make sure that they got their play.
"Sounds good. Now, when is it?" I jotted down a few notes. "I'd like to attend."
I was going to give this filly a heart attack if I kept surpassing her wildest dreams like I was doing. She was staring at me in open-mouthed shock, and I kind of began to wonder if I had broken her brain a little bit. I would have thought so if she hadn't begun talking. "Y-you wanna come?"
"Sure I do. It sounds like it'll be really good."
"I..." She blinked once. "I-it's three weeks and two days from now. It's at Baltimare Elementary. Six o'clock"
"Awesome. Consider me there." I turned to Twilight. "Be sure to make a note of it. I want my schedule cleared so that I can attend." I turned back to Berry Bloom, who had a gigantic grin on her face, which only widened my smile. I extended my hoof. "Hoof-bump."
Berry giggled and tapped my hoof with her own. Boy would she be the talk of the school playground for the next long while, I'm going to tell you that. She got a princess to not only fund, but attend the school play then hoof bump her? Yeah, I think that'd be the greatest thing ever at that age.
I said goodbye to Berry, who practically bounced out of the courtroom, and went back to my throne. I saw Twilight beaming at me in a way that I hadn't seen in a while.
"What?"
"You, TD." She adjusted her consigliere hat again. "You are one of the most unique ponies I have ever met. You scheme and plan with Blueblood, but then you somehow are really good with foals. I never pegged a guy as ornery and snarcastic as you to be great with foals, but the evidence is before me."
I shrugged. "Well, you know that I wanted to teach kids back on Earth. It's what I was going to school for. Being the princess of foal services isn't that much of a stretch, right?"
Twilight returned my shrug, and we went back to court.
* * * *
Well, the rest of the court was pretty simple, much like the start. A fair amount of the cases were ruled the same way as the first one: with the two or three ponies told to work it out amongst themselves then send me a report on how they had handled it. I think it worked, because it set the precedent once and for all that I wasn't going to deal with any petty crap in my court.
Ever.
If Celestia and Luna wanted to, that was up to them, but I wouldn't be sullying an already iffy situation by watching entitled morons act like children. No offense to the children. Of course, now that court was over for the day, which meant two things: flying and magic lessons.
I had already gotten a few more pointers from Twilight, so my levitation magic was getting better all the time to the point where it was just as easy as breathing. I stood up and had Twilight follow me to my room, where my stash of magic books was. We were just about to go through one on some more complex spells, so we would have to get started on that before Rainbow Dash came for my flying lesson.
The two of us walked towards my room, chatting about the court and how it had gone. Twilight admitted that it was quite different from the way Celestia ran court, but not necessarily in a bad way. It certainly reflected my personality, that's for sure. I think it went rather well, myself.
In a few minutes, we reached the doors to my room. "Just let me get inside and I'll get the books," I said. "Shouldn't take more than a second."
"Oh, go ahead," said Twilight. "We'll go back to the throne room to practice when you--
SPLAT
The atmosphere was sucked out of the air as I tried to think of just why I now found myself with an apple pie in my face. All I knew was that I had opened the door and then a pie went into my face. That's not how it usually works. I slowly reached up and wiped the pie off of and looked inside my room. It turned out that a sort of mechanism had been set up so that whoever opened the door would get a nice surprise. Well, anybody who was exactly my height, anyways.
The culprit's identity only took half of said culprit's brain power to discern. I admit that I was foolish to leave Blueblood in the castle left to his own devices. I nodded once and turned to Twilight, whose jaw was on the floor.
"Of course you know that this means war. From this moment forth, Prince Blueblood and I are engaged in a war that will last his entire wretched life. This I swear to you."
Twilight could only gulp.
First time I've ever made a comment...
probably should be had in the context of the sentence.
Few others, but its' really late where I am and just wanted to have something helpful beyond
'This was hilarious and you are awesome' no matter how true that is.
Hope things turn out well with your job, though as you said it looks like it won't.
THIS will BE AWESOME
Blueblood is so screwed...
Poor Blueblood.
....
What am I saying?
He deserves every pranks!
Well Blueblood is doomed. Im actually surprised that he had the balls to use a pie back at TD.
Now, as the princess of pastries and other baked goods, TD could notify Blueblood that as of 30 minutes ago, in response to his serious claim, TD made pie throwing a capital offence punishable by whatever Princess Antares deems appropriate.
BlooBloooooood just "assulted" royalty...
TO THE DUNGEONS!
Did... did Blueblood declare a prank war against TD aka the Princess of Sarcasm In.Her.Own.Castle?!
Oh, Well. Too bad for him, and too good for us. Bring the popcorn!
t.qkme.me/3t1ky4.jpg
I love the smell of apple pie in the evening.
Curiously, it doesn't smell like revenge to me. It smells like the start of respect, and eventually friendship.
Why the heck do I smell that?
Is the G in consigliere actually pronounced? I always thought it was, so this is good to see, cheers
Oh! also, a great chapter, well done
I swear this story only gets better by the chapter. No matter what species or situation he is in TD is awesome. Although since everyone knows that he is TD, why is he still called antares? I mean I know because of "its part of his princess image", but still...
Ooooh, dis gon b gud.
Am I the only one who read that last bit in Yosemite Sam's voice?
hey wadda-ya know? me too!
The thing about being a prankster is that it's like being a magician. You've got to be the smartest one in the room if you want to succeed. So this pretty much means Blueblood was never in the running.
Ah, this chapter was wonderful.
Is it weird that instead of reading this as TD I read this as Buttons Mom.
... *slow, evil smile*
Let the chaos.... REIGN!
You know whaz wouldn't surprise me? TD asking Discord to aid him in pranking the shit out if BlueBitch. Also: dis is gunna b awesome!
3260826
TD and Discord pranking together... I'd pay to see that... from far away... in an underground bunker...
Because, well, let's face it. This is going to be remarkable.
I almost expected TD to just laugh at the pie, because what more could he want but an excuse to go all-out on Blueblood?
That pie should have been like christmas for him.
Delightful chapter. I could read about TD dealing with childish fools and cool/cute kids all day. A pity it was only a single example of each of those things, but I understand that the storyline must keep going.
3260878 x) there is only one thing i can put which reflects my feelings from your statement my friend
It's going to be the battleof appleoosa all over again lol
3261046
My thoughts exactly.
Blueblood will rue this day.
IT. IS. ON. BRO.
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31100000/S-t-got-real-regular-show-31159926-1134-556.png
3260890 I think this is more accurate:
Wait, if this is set in the same universe as TD's Little Rarity, when did TD have time to throw the pie in Blueblood's face. In the main story it happened because he couldn't be sent home, Blueblood pissed him off, and then pie. But if this is in the LR'verse that didn't happen. What, did TD get invited to ANOTHER gala after being brought back and pied Blueblood there?
Blueblood assaulted alicorn royalty?
3261316 Dang it. I forgot that. Hmm...
3261396 Want to just go with what I said?
3261406 No, I'll just make it not TD's Little Rarity. That was a stretch anyway.
I think you meant "in said court"
A simple misspelling of "readiness". The letter "y" is weird, isn't it?
Plus the two errors from the very first post 3260512
Besides that, all I have to say is "Blueblood's in so much trouble right about now."
3260704 Me three!
wonderful chapter but i have one question.... why is the next chapter not out yet >.< i mean ummmmmm nvm xD
Eh, I dunno. I don't see that self-important, stuffed up ponce resorting to something as whimsical as a pie-in-the-face prank. He's the type who has an opinion of himself so high you can't even see it without a telescope; he'd consider it beneath his dignity.
Oh well, prank war on TDs home turf: this is going to be carnage.
3261595 It's not whimsical, it's tit-for-tat. TD did it to him, and so Blueblood's getting revenge.
Even with how much of an entitled moron with a superiority complex Prince Blueblood is how did he even think that was a good idea? One: if TD hitting him with a pie is assault, I am pretty sure what he did is a higher charge because TD is a Princess now (assault on noble is pretty much guaranteed to be lower than a ruler) Two: Given One now Blueblood can't use the law on his side. Three: TD has waaayyyy more resources than Blueblood, even he has got to see that.
Honestly this prank war is most likely gonna be one-sided and can't wait to see how horrible it gets for Blueblood.
3261653
I didn't know that, since I haven't read the other stories yet. Still, it seems a bit out of character. For all his essential childishness, Blueblood is the type who always wants to appear very above it all. Maybe he just figured no one would ever be able to pin it on him.
On a different note, I'd like to say I completely d'aaawwwwed at the little filly. So adorable.
3261786 Nobody ever called Blueblood smart in this universe.
3261790
Precisely.
3261823
Considering It's TD's private quarters that only she is allowed to enter, unless she invites somepony, I belive TD now has the right to imprison Blue Blood
Also if TD as a human throwing a pie at Blue Blood is considered assault. Then Blue Blood striking Princess TD with a pie could be considered attempted Coup d'état.
Indeed. How exactly did Blueblood get into TD's room. One would think that his room is something akin to a bunker. Not easy to get into.
And trespassing into said room would be a huge crime on itself.
It's like breaking in at a military base. You wouldn't get out without some serious punishment.
3262035 And TD will provide.
*Blueblood walks in* SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN! *doesn't find out what happened to Blueblood* Aaaaaaaaah. *that last bit + author's not* SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN!
Right. I expect at least one magical slenderman prank following Blueblood for a day. I will accept nothing less. That is the epitome of pranks, no matter what. Besides, seeing Blueballs- sorry, blueblood, shit his non-existent pants while seeming to go crazy in front of the guards would be hilarious!
"Guard, HELP! This monster is chasing me, it's right there!"
"there is nothing there, sir."
"GAAH, YOUR IN ON IT TOO!!!"
Boy, I sure hope that the school play won't be starring the actual reborn Nightmare Moon as Nightmare Moon. That would suck.
Welp
Time to get the hair removal cream and replace all his lotions, shampoos, and conditioners
3262560 Turn BB into a mare.
I, for some reason, feel this is a possible outcome.