Will You Holler At The Moon?
“Oh, what a trick that was!” The draconequus cheered as he skipped down the path. “Helping ponies fall in love, realizing their destiny, now I know why The White Queen enjoys playing with her pawns so much.” A dark chuckle came from his lips when he was done.
“Why, that was so grand, I do believe I deserve a pat on the back.” And he proceeded to do just that. Discord patted himself on the back with his paw, the appendage firmly gripped within his claw. He pushed the arm back into place with a satisfying pop when he was done.
“Oh, but what now? I could be done for the day; six ponies down with four problems solved… nah, those numbers are too round and even. I need to end on an odd note.” Putting the tip of his claw to the end of his long face, the Mad God leaned back, looking into the sky as he thought. His back, however, continued to bend until his head was flat against the ground, his hooves still firmly in place.
That’s when he saw it.
A familiar meadow filled with a few familiar ponies and chalk full of a very familiar, and admittedly delectable, fruit beckoned. Everything about it he had seen before, tasted before, felt before, and even thought of before.
He couldn’t think of a better place to help next.
“Why, I can even see it now,” the Mad God spoke as he looked left and right through the field. “I’m sure they could do with a bit of a variation in their crops. Maybe trees that water themselves! Oh, the possibilities for helping out here are endless!”
“But ya ain’t gonna do a single one, ya filthy varmint!”
Discord couldn’t stop the grin that broke his face-- not that he tried. He was stuck catching a few pieces of his face that fell off. Breaking the mold was nothing he was against, but he did have to contain himself. Sliding the pieces of his cheeks and jaw back into place, the draconequus turned around to see the pony that had addressed him so viciously.
Truth be told, he was hoping to find the enigmatic Applejack. Instead, he came face to face with the scowling form of her grandmother, Granny Smith.
“Why hello Mrs. Grand Apple,” the draconequus mockingly addressed with a low bow, the hairs of his goatee mixing with the grass as he did so. “It is a pleasure to finally have a conversation with you. I have had so many with your granddaughter.”
“And the lass has told me ‘bout every one of yer dirty tricks,” the old pony bit back with a raised snout, glaring viciously at the copiously compiled creature. “You’ve gone and done two bits more harm ta Applejack than I thought any rowdy stallion could ever try.”
“Why my good madam,” Discord spoke easily, his smile unhidden, as was his joy. It was so rare to find ponies who weren’t afraid of him. Even of those outright challenged him. He loved every second of the encounter. “I assure you from the bottom of my many hearts, I am a changed god, and I have a friend of a friend to thank for that.”
“Yeah, Ah’ve heard that song more than once,” she snarled at nothing, turning her head away from the mad god as she continued to speak. “Darn stallions, never takin’ a hint even when it’s buck wide in their face.” Something in those words struck an odd chord with Discord. Those were his favorite kind.
“Pardon me--if I may ask-- what is it you think I intend to do?” He chuckled lowly as he though of his next line. “Because I assure you, whatever you assume I have planned for you, it will be far different from what you expect.”
“Ya just don’t get it, do ya?” The old pony spoke, letting her weak leg fall to the ground in what Discord assumed was a stomp. “It don’t matter to me what you plan on doin’, just where ya think yer gonna get with it.”
“And where do you think I’m going to go? My horizons are rather wide, and most likely in the opposite direction from where you’re looking.” As if to prove his point, the mad God twisted his body one hundred and eighty degrees, flipping his upper torso easily. When he curled his head back to look at elder mare, however, he didn’t see a look of disgust, but bitter resentment. Not totally unfounded, but not what he was expecting.
And here he thought the elderly were the easiest to confuse.
“Ya wanna know what Ah’m getting’ at? Well let me lay it out like a skinned rug for ya.” Discord was right. He was really enjoying this mare.
“Yer here ta make a move on mah grand daughter, jus’ like last time!”
Discord didn’t turn ponies to stone, but this once, he felt himself go rigid as a statue.
Not moving a muscle or hair on his body, he stared at the ancient mare that was less than a tenth of his own age. She stared up at him with a determined, and by no means mocking, glare. Discord looked hard and long into her eyes, foregoing movement for the sole purpose of studying every strand of an idea that was ghosting or drifting through her mind. He saw nothing but honesty in her words, much like her granddaughter.
He started to fall to pieces, literally.
Parts of his claws and paws fell off in chunks, crumbling into colorful dust along the grass. The decaying effect rolled up his appendages until it reached his thin slytherin torso. Then his scales started to fall off in chunks. It wasn’t long until his head fell to the ground with a heavy thud, mismatched red eyes rolling off the head until they looked up at the elder mare.
His legs fell over long before they began to decay, though they too joined the rest of the draconequus as chunks of dust scattered along the green grass. Granny Smith didn’t bat an eye at the act, or at the horrifically dismembered body staring up at her.
“Ya do that every time yer caught?” The wrinkled pony accused, pouting her lips as she spoke. “Proves there ain’t a honest bone in yer body.”
Discord was wrong. He didn’t just like this mare, he loved her.
“You truly have given me a talking to I’ve never had before,” Discord’s misplaced lips spoke with a grin that was hard to place. Without his eyes above them, it might as well have been a frown, though the mare found that unlikely.
With a pop of magic, the dust and pieces of the draconequus disappeared. Granny Smith raised a brow, trying to place where the Mad God had gone. Another pop behind her was all the sign she needed, though the elbow leaning on her head did help.
“Tell you what, I’m making it a personal goal of mine today to help out the ponies that I think need a little… shall we say, “a helping hoof”.” He snickered at the comment, something the elder pony did not do. “I can see that you have enough brains, brawn, and wit to not even need a single flick of my wrist, though my wrist is capable of doing a lot, if you catch my drift.” Once more, the draconequus’s laughter was made alone.
“Just what are ya tryin’ ta pull at?” The mare asked accusingly. Before he answered, Discord raised his claw to his lips, lightly beating the talons against them in thought. It was only when a crooked grin had formed across his face that his forelimb fell back to his side.
“Why, I’d like to help you out in an extra special way, as Fluttershy would likely put it. And,” he finished with a wag of a furred digit of his paw in the air. “I think I know just what to do. I can even promise it won’t involve me having to come close to your… lovely granddaughter.”
Granny Smith’s lips scrunched over face. Her eyes individually closed as her cheeks flexed, thinking about the offer from a creature she hardly trusted. Her wrinkles deepened and her face scrunched, caught in a deep thought she refused to speak. Discord stayed patient as she continued to maintain her voluntary taciturnity.
“Ya promise there ain’t a thought in yer head ‘bout getting close ta Applejack?” The mare snake eyed the draconequus, leaning onto the tips of her hooves as she spoke. “Cause if anything ya do is supposed ta patch up that moldy old blanket, Ah’ll feed ya ta the crows!”
Discord wasn’t just in love, he was infatuated!
“From the bottom of my multi-purposed heart, I swear I won’t do a thing to the mare. I’ll even keep myself away from the loopholes; and believe me, I can find loopholes.” He watched Granny Smith slowly nod, eyes rolling in thought. Then, with a small spit to the side, she looked back up at the Mad God.
“Alrighty, Ah’ll take yer word. Better be worth something, too.” She snorted, turning around till she was muzzle to muzzle with Discord. He continued to lean on empty air. “Just what do ya think ya’ll can do to help out an old mare an’ her farm?”
It was a good thing Discord had already broken to pieces before. He was able to stop himself from doing it a second time.
“Oh no Angel, please, I don’t need anymore salad.” A small giggle rolled from Fluttershy, asleep and unaware on a spare pillow in Twilight’s home. She curled into the soft material, snuggling it as her wings adjusted themselves on her back. Her breathing fell back into a peaceful rhythm.
Twilight and Rainbow watched her, leaning on one another with their wings intertwined. A tired sigh left the lavender alicorn.
“How did we get into this mess?” The question left the pegasus’s lips as she lifted her head up, staring at the wooden ceiling. She felt Twilight snuggle under her muzzle as she did so. It felt nice, warm and tingly, three things Dash couldn’t imagine herself ever enjoying with another mare until now.
“Sense of justice, personal morals, Discord…” Twilight listed the reasons in between her brushes against Dash’s skin, savoring the electric touch and smooth feeling of the pegasus’s coat. It was so different from hers, weathered from the mare’s frequent flights, but scented with rain, dust, and sweat. It felt odd to be so attracted to such a thing. Yet the alicorn could think of few complaints.
“So the usual. Good to know.” Another sigh left the mare’s lips. “What are we gonna do now, Twi?” The groan in her voice was unmistakable.
“I’m… I’m not sure.” The alicorn let out another tentative breath, her mind moving far faster than her lips. Still, she couldn’t seem to cease the desire to be close to Rainbow Dash. “Confronting Discord once didn’t help us much, aside from putting us in our current… predicament.”
“Yeah.” Twilight felt Dash rap one of her hooves over her back, just above her wing. “But we can’t exactly reverse everything he’s done. I’m no genius, but I have enough of a memory to know you have hard time undoing his spells. Stupid cotton candy clouds.”
“I know, I know,” the alicorn responded. Her head lightly shook as if to jostle an idea from her mind. She must have been moving it rather quickly, as a moan of discomfort came from Fluttershy as she did so.
Both mare looked up from their avoiding gazes to see their canary coated friend turning on her bed, adjusting herself over the fluff and cotton material. Her wings individually flexed and extended as they were given access to the air and not pressed beneath the lithe mare’s weight and the pillow. When they were done, Fluttershy’s back curled and extended like a cat. Both Twilight and Rainbow Dash had seen Rarity’s cat do much the same after one of its frequent naps.
Then, with a light groan, the pegasus opened her eyes. Her blue eyes looked around her surroundings in a light fog, her mane hanging from her head and drifting over the pillow as she turned left and right. It didn’t take too long for the panic to set in.
“Fluttershy,” Twilight spoke quickly, but carefully. It earned the pegasus’s immediate attention. Her pupils were constricted and her chest moved semi-rapidly. Not fast enough to a be a health hazard, but far faster than normal breathing required. “It’s alright Fluttershy, you’re with us, in my house, in Ponyville.”
“O-Oh,” the timid pegasus began, her form slightly relaxing with the news. “Oh, okay. I was, um, worried for a moment. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s alright,” Dash began to talk to her friend. She unwrapped her wing and forehoof from Twilight, much to the alicorn’s chagrin, and walked towards Fluttershy. Twilight was barely a hoofstep behind. “We… We just kinda gave you a scare and you, well… okay you fainted straight on the spot. So Twi and I brought you back here. Hope you don’t mind.”
What the shy and timorous mare usually would have done was quickly accept the apology with a small but heart stopping smile. Instead, she looked from her childhood friend to her recent one with a quick gaze. Twilight had a suspicion what was coming next.
“You… Y-You mean that I didn’t… It wasn’t… O-Oh my, oh dear, oh, oh.” The pegasus’ hoof lifted towards her head, her body already swaying.
“Fluttershy, please hold on.” Twilight extended a hoof and touched the canary coat of her friend. She could feel the fibers of her fur sticking up with goose bumps underneath. “We are seriously trying to correct this, we are. But in order to do so, we need Discord’s… help, I guess you could call it.”
“Help? That’s what he tried to do.” Dash snorted next to Twilight, but the alicorn didn’t think a thing of it. She just kept her attention solely focused on Fluttershy.
“We need him to reverse the spell he cast on us and the better part of Ponyville.” The comment, instead of earning the usual sputter of denial and refusal, earned only a cocked head, bent ears, and scrunched eyes.
“Fix Ponyville?” The mare questioned. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what’s wrong with it.”
“Relax Twi, I got this one.” Dash interrupted the alicorn before she could say word. Still, Twilight had no objections to the two hooves that wrapped around her, in order to move her slight away from Rainbow Dash to have room.
“Fluttershy, Discord has gone crazy, again.” The pegasus lightly raised and dropped her hooves as she spoke, emphasizing her words. “He basically kidnapped Pip, made all the food and pastries in Sugarcube Corner come to life, moved Zecora’s hut to the center of Ponyville, and now, to really top it all off, he made Twilight and I fall in love with each other.”
“Infatuation is probably the more accurate word,” Twilight lightly interjected. “There is no spell to make ponies fall in love. Only potions.”
“Right, that, whatever,” Dash wiped her eyes with her hoof, lightly sighing as she spoke. “The point is, if Discord’s is trying to help, he has a pretty poor idea of how to do it.”
“Oh… oh dear,” For the second time Fluttershy spoke. “Are… are you certain it was him?” Those were not the greatest words to say to a stressed prismatic pegasus.
“Yes!” She barked loudly. “Yes I’m sure the draconequus that forced me and Twilight share a big heavy kiss was the one and only Discord that previously had all of acting like our polar opposites!” The timid Fluttershy instantly fell into a heap over the pillow, quivering beneath the yelling pegasus. It took only a lavender hoof on the shoulder of Dash to calm her down.
“Rainbow,” Twilight gently spoke. “It’s not Fluttershy’s fault.” The alicorn turned her kind gaze the quivering pegasus before she spoke again. “Discord was, most likely, trying to help out ponies like Fluttershy asked, but he doesn’t know how to help ponies. He’s so used to just doing what he wants that… well, it’s normal for him to act this way.”
“Yeah, like anything from that freak is normal.” Rainbow scoffed at her own comment, but neither pony spoke a word for or against her.
“Look, Fluttershy,” Twilight began again. “We have to get Discord to stop and reverse what he’s done. Right now, he’s the only one that can do it. And to make him do it, you’re the only mare that can, well, convince him to do it.”
Fluttershy nervously played with one of her wings. It was an action not unnoticed by either lavender or cyan mare.
“I know it can be… difficult for you to try and convince others. But Fluttershy, you’re the only one that can at least talk to Discord. He trusts you and actually listens to you. All he does for everypony else is…” her voice trailed off as she felt a wing wrap around her back. Twilight loved the sensation. “Trick them.”
“R-Really?” Fluttersy spoke tentatively. “I-I’m the only one? Oh, oh dear,” the timid pegasus turned her head, curling into the pillow like a small ball. “That’s… Oh, that’s an awful lot of pressure.”
“C’mon Fluttershy, I know you can handle it,” Rainbow Dash spoke with a cheer in her voice, grinning just as confidently as if she were speaking of herself. “I mean, you’re the only one who was able to treat Discord like any other pony. I’m sure you can just give him a good talking to and he’ll listen to you no problem.”
“You… Y-You think he will?” Fluttershy asked with a nervous stutter in her voice, wide eyes looking up at her childhood friend. Dash only nodded eagerly down at her.
“Of course he will!” The cyan pegasus replied eagerly. “I mean, he reversed all his spells before for you, didn’t he? I’m sure all you gotta do is just tell him he’s doing it wrong and he’ll turn everything back. Easy as bucking a cloud.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I can kick a cloud. That just sounds mean.” Twilight heard Dash groan at the same time as she felt the strong wing wrapped around her fall. Clearing her throat, the alicorn took over.
“Fluttershy,” she began patiently. “You are the only one that Discord will listen to. He’s caused a lot of trouble recently, and not just between me and Dash. All we need is for you to talk to him, please.”
Fluttershy didn’t respond-- not immediately. Instead, she let her form tighten into a ball, shivering slightly as she did so. Neither Dash nor Twilight spoke or moved to interact with her. They had been friends with the timid pegasus for years, and in that time, had learned to recognize when she needed to be alone with her thoughts.
“Alright,” the answer came meekly from the canary coated ball. As the word was subtly spoken, the pegasus began to unwrap herself. She slowly came to a stand on top of her pillow, long pink hairs hanging down her body.
“Alright?” Dash spoke the word as a question, tilting her head as she leaned towards the mare. Fluttershy understood what her fellow pegasus was asking.
“I’ll talk to Discord.” The words let a wave of relief flow through the lavender alicorn and cyan pegasus. “I’m sure that he’s just a little confused. He’s so used to helping himself he probably just doesn’t understand how to help other ponies. Oh, I know he means well, he just needs to be shown how.”
“Well… yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Dash hesitantly spoke as one of her forehooves rubbed the back of her head. “He isn’t exactly… great at playing by the rules.”
“Right, alright.” Twilight nodded as she spoke, mind working as she spoke. “So… then all we have to do is find out where he is now.” Turning her head, she looked from the cyan mare holding her at wings length to her timid friend standing on the cotton pillow.
“Any idea where he could be?”
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Love this chapter, especially Granny Smith's lines!
Paradichlorobenzene
3214229 Gesundheit.
Anyone else think that a shotgun wedding would be a hilarious end to this story?
Great chapter.
I think Discord isn't just chaotic as usual... maybe he DOES help them. At least Twilight and Rainbow. I'd like to see them keep their feelings for each other because Discord never put a spell on them and rather granted them a wish they didn't know they had.
I have an idea on what Discord is going to do to help Granny Smith...
Discord achieves maximum troll level by making a move on Big Mac instead, just to see Granny Smith's face :P
I can't wait till the next chapter. This fic is so fantastically written. I just love it. Also Discord is so fun and hilarious my heart would explode from laughter. If i had a heart left. I so wanna see how Discord's magic helps ole Granny Smith.
Very nice. I wonder if he returned to Granny Smith her youth? That could actually be one gift that he actually succeeded in giving if it was the case. XD
OH NO! He's going to make Granny Smith young and hot again!...
What was my problem with that again? (That'd be the best thing in my opinion. No one's ever done that before.)
You know what? Why put a song when a short clip will do just as nicely.
3214769
He promised to not use loopholes ;-).
3215284
It'd be pretty amusing to have Granny Smith and Apple Bloom the same age, though for her purposes it'd be more useful to be Applejack's age.
3216621 Agreed. Having her become AJ's age would be hilarious. XD
3215922
That's no loophole, he said that he would not go near Applejack, I feel like something more along the lines of either him dating Granny Smith or making zap apples all year long.
Shipping Discord and Granny Smith?
Seems legit.
ya
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