"Everything scared me. The thunder, the twisted trees, and the darkness. The darkness was the worst. Everywhere I ran, it followed. No matter how fast or in what direction it was there....I cried out for my mother, but there was no response. Every cry was ignored, until she came."
While on her way back to Canterlot, Princess Celestia must stop in Ponyville for the night while a storm blows over. She finds a young colt crying for his mother in the Everfree Forest. He only remembers some basic spells and his age. She takes him back to Ponyville, only to learn that no one has even seen him before. The Princess takes him back to Canterlot and tries to find him a home, but something happens that changes all of that.
This is my first story so please be honest with me and help me become a better writer.
Featured on 7/2/2014 and 10/17/2014 and 6/17/2015 WE DID IT! Thanks to everyone who's been reading since the beginning and to everyone who has even glanced at the story.
barely.
we'll.
Should be a semicolon, not a comma.
I look forward to more.
Sincerely, Omega
recommendation: put this through MSWord first and fix spelling and grammar.
2983432
Thanks for the tip. I just did it and made the changes.
nice history... I will be waiting for more
Why is it tagged anthro when there's a picture of Celestia as a human?
Humanized Celestia for cover, and an anthro tag. Either you are just using a very misleading picture on purpose, or you are confused. In case it is the latter let me just tell you that humanized is not the same as anthro.
Could be fleshed out more, and does seem to be moving a tad too fast. Still, a very nice premise and good start.
The word you should be using is reposition
...Hmmm potential for sure, a bit fast and I must ask is then Anthro really necessary?
2984657 Author couldn't find an anthro picture of celestia. Or one that is sfw.
2984675
They're out there, just got to know where to look.
Love it but please take your time.
2984657
It's Anthro because I struggled with them as actual ponies. There was just something that I couldn't get down, so I made them anthro.
2984747
Ah... ok then... about the cover art, are you having trouble finding a anthro Celestia picture?
2984765
YES! Everywhere I look it's either NSFW or it doesn't capture her compassion. I would be grateful if you could fine me one.
2984776
Ok then, Since I am unsure to what extent the anthropomorphism of the ponies go I can give you a site that has SFW Anthro!Celestia. Protect Celestia and ProtectPonyPrincesses. The first one has a pretty good size collection but you will have to sort through nonAntro images, and the second it all four of the princesses. Hope it helps
2984433>>2984418 In the author's defense do you know how hard it is to find a Picture of Anthro Celestia that's SFW or doesn't have her tits threatening to fall out of the bikini she's wearing. The only decent one I could find was fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/021/2/d/mep__princess_celestia_by_ryuukiba-d4n6jgv.jpg I actually had to turn Safesearch on to help me find one
This will go in my read later. I look forward to looking through it.
I really do enjoy this story - However I kinda forgot that it was 'antro' and assumed that it was 'pony' until I got to the part with "four fingers" and looked in the comments realizing it was antro.
Also have you considered requesting a cover art? Its seems as if some negativity has swelled up about it's current cover art depicting a human and not an anthro.(however, It doesn't bother me any bit at all)
2984830
What about this?
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDMvMjYvMDBfMTBfMzhfMzE5XzI3OTUxN19fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfcHJpbmNlc3NfY2VsZXN0aWFfYW50aHJvX21hZ2ljX21hY3JvXzUwZGViNzZjYTRjNzJkNTMxMzAwMTI0OV9jcmVhdGlvbl81MTUwZTc3Y2E0YzcyZDY1YWEwMDBlMGQuanBnIl1d/279517.jpg
2985173
I don't know anyone that is willing to do it for free.
okay... im surprised i like this story, i usually hate Celestia
. good work
2985754 Well some folks manage to link you some cover art for your story. Hopefully you manage to use one of them.
(/Jontron) this gon be a good story.
'twas good, could be improved upon in ways of writing style.
In the prologue there are a buckton of errors, but this one seems to be fine. More details would be nice, though. I will be examining this closely. *sips wine*
nice and i can't wait for more chapters to come out
I do believe prologue could have used an editing... Celestia is visiting Ponyville. The least she could do (especially if she's willing to go wander Everfree alone) is visit Twilight. And probably stay with her for the night. Twilight would be panicking/ecstatic.
Only problem I have are the spelling errors. In the dining hall, you said "severed" instead of "served". Also, it jumps around a lot. Some more detail and transitions would be nice.
Break up the text please, while it's not everything lump together having a space between each paragraph makes it easier to read
Only some of them noticed the two little fillies that followed the princess. I thought he was a colt?
so far not a bad fic could be a use a little more character description, other then that I really love this fic and can't wait for more,
There is some minor contradiction with canon, you see, Cadence was born as a pegasus and became an alicorn later on, if she´s shorter than Golden Shield she is too young to be an alicorn yet.
Except for this, i haven´t found anything
I can't help but be a bit confused about the switch between 1st and 2nd person towards the beginning. Was that intentional?
2990369
This is taking place when Cadence is about four, so Twilight hasn't been born yet. Trust me, she is going to come in later.
2991563
I don't want this to follow that cannon closely. I think that it limits me too much and one of the things I hated when I wrote for a class was being too limited.
2990527
I know. I made the mistake of copy and pasting from Word, but I will go back and space it out.
2993681
I did it because I want the story from Golden Shield's point of view, but I felt like that I need a reason for Celestia to be near the Everfree Forest, but he's not there when Celestia is in the VIP room. Obviously, Golden can't be both in the room and in the forest at the same time, so I made the prologue third person.
Also, so you don't make the same mistake:
First: I Me We
Second: You Your
Third: He She His
2993901
fine with me
awesome :D
So if Celestia takes custody of Golden Shield (which we know she will. It's called 'Mother Celestia' for a reason.), then what'll change in the main timeline to incorporate Celestia's son into the picture? Will he go with Twilight andSpike to Ponyville and be some sort of hidden seventh element of harmony? Will he go instead of Twilight?
Will he have a love interest?!
Princess Celestia sent a maid to but clothes for me yesterday.
Lil' error right there
nvm don't answer that question because i want to fine out bye myself when you put that in this story and i love it and i can't wait to see more chapters of this story come out
s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/family_guy_thats_nasty1.jpg
s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/family_guy_thats_nasty1.jpg
This prologue needs an editor pronto.
Still, it's a nice chapter
2998221
I know it does. I just wanted to get out those last two chapters because I just felt inspired. I'm going through it right now and fix the errors.
it seems to be a bit rushed but its awesome
She could have been saying how much she hates me.
I lol'd.
Pacing is abit fast, but no biggie.
Pacing has improved but it still a bit rushed. Overall another wonderful chapter.