• Published 21st Feb 2012
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Diary of a Ruler - Lamia



Thoughts of the sun princess.

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Entry 4511932 - Life

I can feel my time coming to an end, but I have my drive; no longer do I have worries to stifle my resolve. Attachments that I once had are not only fond memories, but experiences having a great meaning even now, still affecting me and my decisions after so very long. We see the regretful reminder of our mistakes each time we sleep, but my sister and I will not make those mistakes again. While we have failed those in the past, we will do what we can to prevent more of the same, to make up for what happened and ease our minds if only slightly. Observational paralysis and regret are what destroyed me, and in turn destroyed them due to my selfishness, so we must look to the future and make it better the next time by truly acting. We know now that we did not go through with our charges correctly, but we must not dwell on it. Starting anew is all we can do at this point.

The two of us have been occupied for a long time, learning all that we can in the infinite expanse so that our confidence in our ability as princesses would no longer be diminished. It is a gamble, our plans for what is coming, but we must try. Our inaction led us here and we have made the best of it, never forgetting what we have lost, lest we make the same errors in judgement. We have seen remarkable things, and despite my age and poor memory at times, I am able to recall all of such wonders since our departure. Summarizing it all will make everything easy to remember, so that I may relive it to remind myself of what we have learned.

As time became meaningless to Luna and I, we began to explore the vastness of the cosmos. We found that on other worlds, the sun and moon rise and fall by themselves, sometimes even being in the sky together. It was a rather surprising fact to learn after all of the time we spent at our home. Was it even necessary for us to control them, and if not, why were we given such a connection? Could it have been done so that such a tether would keep us and the ponies together? Endless questions plague our minds as we travel, but also give us an intriguing introspection.

Many times, there were worlds that had several moons, even a perpetual darkness due to a weak sun. The combination mystified Luna, who enjoys such features. I, too, saw the beauty of it all. A purple sky with glowing celestial objects of all colors and sizes radiated across our eyes. Violent waves of water with sounds and movements that could only add to the experience teased our ears. Cold scents filled the air that gave a tranquility to our minds and bodies. I had never imagined such amazing lands existed.

Several more worlds we visited were very large and only composed of eternally rushing, spiraling clouds of all colors and forms. The sight of the motion of the perpetually-covered surfaces were mesmerizing; they twist and turn in the winds forever like an immense ocean. We would sometimes frolic in the torrents to amuse ourselves, stirring their contents like a hot cup of tea and watching the unique shapes that unfold.

Large rocks pummeled the side of one world that we passed. We broke our path to investigate, observing the destructive force up close. Explosions pushed away the ground and created mountains, leaving craters so large that we could only see the sky from within the center. Earthquakes uncovered lava that turned everything it touched to ash. An enormous tidal wave flattened landscapes all around. Could this have been possible at our own lands? Were we so fragile?

Suns were littered about as we travelled, specks of light within this vast tapestry of darkness. They came in several different colors: red, orange, blue, even white. There were several that were enormous, and some that were minuscule in comparison. Did these suns also watch over the worlds they illuminated? Could any have had links to its rulers, like us?

There were some places that had suns that were very close together. We stared at them for long periods at a time, watching them spin. It was like a dance between sisters. My own sister, too, saw the familiarity in it. We danced together with a pair for years, basking in their warmth and brightness.

Enormous clouds we could see in deeper regions of the giant sun-disks. They moved much like normal clouds, but on a very different timeframe. On occasion, we would see the center of one collapse into itself, a shining light within. It was very rare to find more clouds that did the same, but when we did, it was a remarkable sight. In time, a newborn sun emerged, ready to give energy to life and brighten the universe with its glow. Is this how they came to be? The birth of a sun?

Once, and only once during our travels, did we come within close proximity of a very large sun. It was so large that when we decided to fly closer, it took years; we thought we might never reach the surface. As we examined its remarkable size, it suddenly disappeared, an enormous flash of light replacing it. We had never dreamed that something so shining and beautiful could be a part of this existence. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, the light faded -- and I felt an unknown sensation sweep past me, as if leaving the immediate area. The sun was gone as I opened my eyes. Was this the death of a sun? Was the flash its final moments of giving the universe its last shining glory before leaving this plane? Being able to see the lives of these objects is a unique experience.

For a short span of centuries, we experimented with forbidden magic related to conversion, a normally dangerous undertaking we did not perform at our original home. We had landed on an untouched world and began altering its contents on a different level; using our powerful magic, we were able to focus enough to change the properties of the earth, water, and the air. I could sense a sort of... 'piecing together' while I worked as if the makeup of the elements were a simple jigsaw puzzle. There was quite a lot to discover when it came to creation magic as well, converting pure magic into forms such as the aforementioned and even plants that breathed life. The potential seemed limitless, and we have taken an occasional detour in our travels to experiment further.

The mysteries of existence... All were around us as we looked. Luna and I observed other civilizations at times without their knowledge, in order to prevent disastrous meddling. We watched them as they built and destroyed themselves or each other. We saw them explore, finding truth and invention. We listened to their thoughts of both chaos and harmony. It is surprising how similar every culture is compared to another, even our own. All the while, we became interested in them for a time, but it was not quite satisfying. It never felt right, as though something was missing. We never stayed with the same one for long, most likely due to us having no connection with them.

In an uncountable length of time, Luna and I had seen all there was to be seen, experienced all that we thought we could make for ourselves, and came to an impasse. We had seen everything interesting in the universe, all of the way to the edges of nothingness. What more was there for us? What was the purpose of our life? For a time, we believed that we were cursed. Cursed to experience eternal boredom, having no place in the entirety of existence for all eternity is all we could see. My mind turned back to Discord. Was that our destiny, to create our own chaos to satiate our dwindling sanity amongst the stale and unchanging?

However, Luna came upon an epiphany as we hovered above an occupied world, her thoughts poring through my earliest diary entries. As she shared it with me, we could not help but feel foolish. All our lives, we have stared at it, living through it in the past and gazing at it in the future. My recorded experiences paved the way for us all this time, being right in front of us. I should not have so easily tossed them aside after writing, for they revealed something substantial.

What our true purpose was, our one calling is: guiding life. Watching them grow, observing their progress. Teaching and connecting with them, giving them meaning. Showing them what it meant to be alive, what to aspire to. Seeing them evolve on their own -- to overcome strife, conflict, even themselves with their inner will and valor. That is what we needed. To watch the lives among us become something greater than ourselves, to see them do all of those things with their own foals is what we live for.

This reminder and realization struck us deep within our hearts, and uncovered again the pain of our mistakes that we continue to bear, having squandered away our lives with self-important arrogance that ultimately made all others suffer. We were ungrateful, undeserving of our position, but no more will we feel this way; Luna and I must overcome in order to make everything right for us and those waiting for us. We needed our old lives again, the same as before, and we have decided to get back what we can, together. She looks at me silently with a smile as I write. I return it, the both of us knowing what we have to do, already speeding through the cosmos to our final destination.

As we once again pass amongst these seemingly endless amounts of light spheres and worlds, each with their own unique features, we realize our significance. Despite all of the importance placed onto our lives, we truly mean very little in the grand scheme of the one in control, whether an individual or simply nature taking its course. Even Luna and I, with our extraordinary power, are merely two lives out of the infinitesimal, quite meaningless in comparison to how many exist in truth. It all may give one pause, to cause one to question their value, their worth.

However, we make our own value, our own worth. All around us, we see, we touch, we feel as we live out our days either down to earth or within the sky. We are seen, we are touched, we are considered by the individuals around us, acknowledging our existence and affecting our lives in countless ways. Everything amalgamates to one fact: that one's life and meaning is what is around them and how they evolve because of it, whether one is aware of it or not. Actions define us more than anything, whether seeing or doing, and we must not forget.

Our purpose being clear to us now, we have realized that our experiences and guidance throughout our lifetime have made us who we are. We are leaders, the ones who guide others to their paths. I would not want to lead with anypony else but my sister, Luna, my eternal twin. I am truly grateful to have her in my life.

This is my final testament, the last diary entry of many throughout my long life. There is no need to write any more. We finally understand everything there was to learn about our purpose. Luna and I will return to our true home.