• Published 21st Feb 2012
  • 5,791 Views, 308 Comments

Diary of a Ruler - Lamia



Thoughts of the sun princess.

  • ...
16
 308
 5,791

Entry 451 - Fire

The funeral was closed. Only myself, Luna, and Spike were there to extend our farewells to... her. My tears are still fresh on my cheeks, but I must learn to suppress them. There is nothing I can do, so I have to move on.

With my return to Canterlot due to having no place in Ponyville any longer, I find myself at an inexplicable dilemma. Everything seems so... bleak. My perception has been affected in a way that causes me be not so caring for those around me. Unique events happen all of the time, but I pay them no mind. The days pass by and I do not even notice.

I walk about with my day-to-day responsibilities within the castle automatically, as if the multitude of lifetimes worth of experience drove my body by itself. Without thinking, I answer questions asked of me. Without consideration, I discuss situations with my politicians. Without deliberation, I make decisions affecting the entirety of the land. All is a monotony to me, moreso than any I have ever experienced.

I do try on occasion to visit the Everfree Forest again, to escape from it all. However, all that it results in are painful memories, and a worse feeling. I try to explore the world to ease my mind, but it only gives me an unending sufferage. The only way I seem to be able to deal with my life is to nonchalantly attend to my duties as princess.

My lack of interest for everything has been noticed. It is unlikely that the critical ponies will continue to let the makeshift explanations from my politicians get to them as usual; there is great unrest, causing much loss of faith with my rule. My decades-long absence that I only stopped after marriage has been a common argument to bring up, as well. I do not blame them. This is my charge, and I must deal with it on my own.

I talk to the populace, whose shunning only seems to increase with whatever I say. I feel as though they have forgotten what I have done for them over my long life. They do not realize my position, my responsibility. I worry about the ponies of the land, but at this point, one might say it is misplaced. They do not care or return my affections.

Visiting with other rulers, they seem to notice the most, my change in demeanor. I am unsure if their concern is legitimate, but I play along, as the saying goes. Their actions are still of selfishness, of greed. I want nothing to do with them. I make it apparent that I take their word as sarcasm, and their true faces show. They are repulsive. I can feel their burning hatred and envy as I turn away from them.

A few places have begun to take up arms, resuming their plans from early on. More follow suit as time continues, and it all escalates so quickly. The illusion of peace is one that I seem to have been blinded by. No longer must I wait for action to be taken, results to be seen. I must preserve the harmony that she worked so hard for by any means necessary. There are forbidden magics that all have used as threats and have not acted on, my own repository never having been tapped. Perhaps...

No. What am I thinking? I cannot concentrate. My mind is in a haze. My body feels as if it is being consumed by fire. I believe I need to rest. A nap sounds heavenly; I have not slept in over a year.

I feel that they may be right, that my current state is not so fit for a ruler. I must continue to do all I can, however. I made a promise.