Diary of a Ruler

by Lamia

Entry 195 - Idol

I have been preoccupied with thoughts of Twilight Sparkle as per usual. While I realize I feel attracted to her, I wonder if there could possibly be something more that I yearn for. Whether or not I do, I believe that my time of confession will be coming shortly. I have it all planned out; I will invite her to the forest once more, under the guise of another lesson. However, she will find a classical picnic instead. I will try and ease the confession in after feeding her, looking into her sparkling eyes, and hopefully...

No matter. I have more bothersome thoughts to cast away into this diary at this time. It has come to my notice many times that ponies all over the world have an irresistible need for the idolization of another. When one pony looks at those who are well-known, celebrities, do they not wish to be like them? Foals are most notably susceptible, finding their place in the world and earning their cutie marks. They desire the attention, the skill, the mystique.

Although, what can it mean when it is all one does? There are many ponies out there that make it their hobby, their entire life, simply looking upon others and yearning for such lives. Unfortunately, the ponies in question never act on making it a reality, despite their wishes. It becomes a vicious cycle of demotivation, one of envy. Not to say it is not healthy, however. They could provide a kind of goal, or something to surpass for yourself.

I could not hope to understand their plight. As far as I know, other than Discord, I am the most powerful entity in the world. I excel at all manners of magic, performance, hobby, appearance... The list goes on. Just about everypony across the land idolizes me, but as I continue to remind myself, it only makes me more uncomfortable over that fact. As it is all I know, I wish for something more, or simply something different in my life.

I do believe I envy them in return, in a sense. I may have written about it before, but I desire to have lives such as theirs. To see ponies having somepony as an ideal is a sentimental memory of what once was, for me. I no longer have a true, singular idol since Mother left.

I suppose all that I can do is continue on, finding loved ones such as Twilight Sparkle, her personality having so many endearing traits. The beloved and wonderful friends are all I can hope for in the way of respect and those to look up to; or down, in the literal sense for me. I can admit to myself that I feel jealous in her presence. She has so much to learn in her life, while I have very little to look forward to. There is a whole world out there for her to explore, and I will be there with her until...

There is little time to waste. I must toss away my logic and act on my feelings, tomorrow.

Comments

[derFisch]

A topic of idolizing...
I sense possible foreshadowing, yes.

[The Incredible Werekitty]

Why do I think the next entry is going to be about Lesson Zero?

[Arkaine Deao]

Thank you for this. This chapter.

However, I fear that I cannot take the advice you are trying to provide. At least not right now...