Celestia looked up at a sun that wasn’t hers, and for the first time in centuries knew fear.
Equestria is under siege and Celestia is nowhere to be found. Now it falls to Luna to hold the fractured nation together, while Twilight unravels the mystery of her mentor’s disappearance, and everypony prepares for war. Meanwhile Celestia, stranded on a foreign plane, must come to terms with the fact she may never see Equestria again.
A Magic: The Gathering crossover, though probably not like one you've read before. Explicitly written for those with zero knowledge of MTG.
Thanks to my prereaders/editors, to whom I am greatly indebted.
happybirthdaygummy, EldritchSpires, FanOfMostEverything, BladedThesis, SpaceCommie, and Kobalstromo
FOME was especially helpful in his knoweldge of the MTG universe. If you like that kind of stuff (believe me, you do) check out his epic epic Elementals of Harmony.
The picture I used in the cover image is by Cosmic Unicorn
The vectors of Celestia's, and Twilight's cutie marks are by blackgryph0n
The vector of Luna's cutie mark is by Hawk9mm
And thanks to GhostOfHeraclitus for graciously allowing me to use his OC: Dotted Line. Dotted is the star of perhaps my favorite piece of fiction on the site: Whom The Princesses Would Destroy... which is a must read. (My story does not in any way shape or for reflect the universe of Ghost's Celestial Bureaucracy. If it did, it would have been a better story.)
Comrade, you need to tell me these things. As it stands I have to be awake in four hours to board a plane. I should be able to read this on the plane, though.
I mean really, not even a message saying you finally published it! The nerve of somebronies
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Figured you'd be at the con, and this would pop up in your feed for when you had a free moment. I'd rather not get into the habit of badgering the people I'm lucky enough to be friends with. Hope you enjoy it~ and have fun at the con.
dis gon b gud
Yikes, Phyrexian oil? That can't be good, Mirrodin didn't stand a chance against the Phyrexians, and it had a population that was far tougher than the average pony.
Hopefully a few planeswalkers will show up in Equs, or else they'd pretty much be fucked.
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My thoughts exactly.
It begins...
I'm glad I've been such help thus far. Not sure how I feel about something of mine being described as an "epic epic," but I certainly won't begrudge the praise. I look forward to aiding you with future installments.
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Which plane? Dominaria? Ravnica? Theros?
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At 100,000 words, I think that it could classify as such. If you take the rest of the derivative fics set in the Elementals universe it is over 200,000 words. I've seen people bite off more than that in scope, but other than perhaps FO:E, I've never seen one of them get that far. Take your praise like a man, private twinkle toes!
Congratulations; this story has good enough grammar to be added to the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive directory of grammatically correct stories on FIMFiction.
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Proper grammar brings glory to the motherland, Comrade!
Well, shit, did Celestia just get corrupted?
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I suppse we'll just have to wait and see, won't we
?
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Your comments are everywhere!
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I lurk everywhere, my comments are in less places. I think it just seems that way because I'm such a big fan of yours~
Ah, Dotted Line, that name summons fond memories of reading ... and re-reading, several times ... the fic he comes from. I do hope you keep him around. *ahem*
That aside, you have a pretty interesting start here and it certainly has me intrigued and wanting for more. The political situation alone is going to be a delight to follow - with Celestia gone, unknown enemies pressing in through the Everfree, Gryphons eying the northern border and the not-quite-caught-up Luna at the helm, Equestria is in for some dark times. On the upside, should Luna pull the country through this crisis, I think it's safe to assume she will have redeemed her position in the eyes of all. Not to mention that if she was the one responsible for Equestria's military in the past, this situation might make her feel in more familiar waters than trying to navigate Day Court.
Though I do feel sorry for Luna - I can only imagine how much she will beat herself up the next morning, when her sister's Sun doesn't come up and she is forced to bring it up herself. If she hadn't opposed to deploying their military along the Everfree, who knows how things might have turned out ... now though, I imagine it won't take long before the armies are sent down there. Though hopefully she won't send them to combing the forest - from the looks of those things that attacked, they thrive on ambush and shock & awe tactics, which a dense and dark forest is the perfect stage for. Regardless, Canterlot is going to be in chaos (unless Luna keeps Celestia's disappearance a secret), and Twi better get there fast - Luna is going to need all the help she can get, especially in the early stages of her newfound reign.
And I'm certainly looking towards learning more about the horrors the Zebras unleashed in their Lord of the Rings referenced mining session. Can those things infect others as well, or can only the black mist do that? If they can ... then Equestria is in trouble, as the army that will be sent to defend Everfree may well turn out to be the source of a new scourge, unless they catch on quickly and start burning the dead and infected.
Regardless, fun times ahead ... looking towards the next chapter with anticipation.
Ah, took me long enough. I appreciate you writing this for those not Magic inclined. I apologize for not having any critiques, Comrade, but I didn't read it withthe intent to find one.
allow me to have the pleasure to reclaim the first cry of more in this story
MOAR!
there it goes
needless to say i will be following this story close and eagerly await for more chapters
P.S. you had to do it didn't you, why did it had to end in a cliffhanger?
Hello there Comrade! Thanks for allowing me the pleasure of reading through this story.
I must say that if I could sum up my experience, this would be it:
3005232
So yes, you get a
because you are teasing us about he next chapter.
<----- you.
)
Anyways as lots of other people have also enjoyed the story let me be
a douchea critic and point out a few tiny things that I thought could use some improvement:1.[dialogue] It's... well it's a little formal maybe? I just had a hard time seeing the characters actually saying some lines.
2.[development] While the prologue was fun and paced well, I thought that the first chapter was taking a long time to get started and then when it did we (the reader) go cut off from the action.
However these things did not detract too much from my overall experience and I definitely look forward to seeing where this goes in the future.
(Oh boy I'd love to see more Luna and Twilight trying to get their shit together. Also MTG stuff. Yay phyrexia!
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First off: oh man. Your post was number 3006000 exactly.
Secondly:
And lastly on your critiques, they were done on purpose. Luna clings towards an archaic focus on formality, and it shows in her speech patters; it's more than just being "hard to change", she consciously prefers to use such construction as it is part of her past, her history, which as I mention in the first chapter, has a special meaning for her. Celestia, conversely, is much more casual to an extent. She still is very formal, as is expected of her station. She maintains this facade to play into the expectations of the ponies she leads. I chose my syntax very carefully for both characters, I think the reason why you had trouble, perhaps, is because both characters use non-typical sentence construction, and they are two of my three main characters.
As far as the pacing goes, I packed the entire chapter full of characterization, foreshadowing, and setting up the plot. If I took anything out, I'd think it would go by far too quickly. The next chapter begins things in earnest.
-Comrade
(Oh, and as far as chapter pacing goes, what do you guys think of the length of the first chapter? I personally like between 6k and 9k word updates, as they give me time to be deliberate with my pacing, as well as giving you guys a nice chunk of words to chew through. Thoughts?)
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In that case I can't wait for more.
i158.photobucket.com/albums/t112/Ankhari/brainstormCMC.jpg
Around 6K sounds like a good amount. That way you could read a chapter a night if you wanted to.
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I like 5k+ for stories with a non episodic story. 10k+ can also work, but I think your current length hit the sweet spot for this.
liking things so far. Prologue and first chapter both did exactly what a prologue and first chapter should do. Looking forward to an excellent fic.
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I'm very glad you've enjoyed it thus far
!
I'm actually quite pleased with how the chapter structure came through. My advice to anyone who wants to write a fic of their own: try outlining! It let's you play around with the big ideas before you get bogged down in the minutia.
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It always, always, ALWAYS shows when the extra effort of research, outlining, etc. is put into a story.
I find this quite interesting.
Do you have plans to continue the story?
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Yes! I do, in fact. I have the majority of the next chapter done. I've just been frankly swamped with editing. Glad to hear the story has piqued your interest! I'll redouble my efforts to get the chapter out.
Half a book, and it's just a chapter...
The first snippet reminded me somewhat of Dwarf Fortress. ''Follow that abnormally large crystalline ore vein til it gets hollow, and you better be ready for a ride.'' Props for "dug too deep".
A metal plague? I haven't seen this before, and the closest I have would probably be Tiberium.
I'm leaning toward some eldritch horror that exchanges creatures of one dimension with those of another, though incompletely. So Eqqus gets metallic-half-ponies and the other world gets filled with fleshy-half-machines. (Plus, the otherness of the new plane's inhabitants would probably make the insurgents go berserk on any 'xenos' they found.)
Anyway, solid basis and excellent execution, I'm definitely looking forward to the rest.
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Some people think I went too fast, others too slow
. All I know is that I set out to establish a lot of things in the first chapter, and I think I managed to
.
Very glad you enjoyed it
! I'm 70~% done with the next chapter—I haven't forgotten this or anything. The next chapter will be a bit shorter, I'm looking about about 4.5-5k words. I don't want to set another date only to risk missing it again
, so you'll just have to believe that I'm working on it. Being an editor causes me to be a very slow and methodical writer, and I often have trouble balancing the two
.
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)
By all means, take as long as you want!
(Well, actually, don't. I want to read it sometime, after all.
I really don't care about the pacing of a story chapter-wise as long as it isn't rushed/doesn't drag writing-wise. By that regard, what you have so far falls well within acceptable bounds. The material and world-building so far set the stage for a great story, and I have confidence you'll follow up.
As stated, I'm looking forward to that update.
You ever going to finish this someday? It's been a while, and this story is really good.
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Yes! Actually finishing up drafting the chapter now. Sorry it's taken so long. I'm not actually a writer, just an editor playing at writing. I have less than 1k words left to write. I'm just kind of slammed right now as far as editing goes, so I'm having trouble finding the time and inclination to toil away and finish it.
Thanks for taking the time to remind me! I appreciate it
Well now. This is fascinating.
Something's up with the zebras...
Can't wait to see where this goes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
So far, so good.
Luna's being played quite well, if a bit... Jarring.
I'm curious to see who the mystery enemy is.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I give this story a +1 to Shiny!
OFF TO ADVENTURE!
UPDATE!
If the plane Celestia's on is what I think it is, then she's in a lot more trouble than she imagined.
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Didn't think it'd actually happen, did you? Sorry it took exactly four months.
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Given her situation, I'm certain there will be few times when she won't be in trouble.
More Errant Sun! And I helped a little! Huzzah!
Eagerly looking forward to more.
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Twisty trees, strange ruins, permafrost traps, a chapter named "Landfall"...
Yeah, Jund sucks.
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I hope for Celestia's sake this set doesn't take place after Rise of the Eldrazi.
Hmm, this is interesting.
More please