Monday
The cry of the rooster early in the morning was usually considered a nice wake-up call. The noise will ring out across a farm, signaling the beginning of a new day. In Butterscotch's cottage, however, the noise came from several different rooms and was subsequently followed by other animal cries. For the butter yellow pegasus, however, he yawned loudly and sat upright on his bed, as if this was normal for him. In quick succession, a small group of squirrels, three songbirds and a bear trudged by his door, each more cranky than the last. Any other pony would assume one of two things: either their home had been broken into or they had thrown one wild party last night. For Butterscotch, however, he just rubbed his eyes and got out of bed.
A typical morning for him consisted of a set schedule: get up, make his bed before the dogs ran in, get to the bathroom to shower while avoiding the herd of bunnies from the next room, argue with the bear about who needs the shower first, wait for the bear to finish by feeding the other animals, remove hairballs from drain, take shower, dry off while listening to the chipmunks argue with the field mice about the acorns. After all of that happened, Butterscotch felt his day was ready to begin, and by begin, I mean having his best friend Rainbow Blitz come in through the window, scaring the squirrels into jumping onto him. After a short rodeo for the squirrels, Butterscotch eventually got them to get off of his friend, who yelled some colorful words after them.
"Rainbow," the yellow doormat pleaded, "Please stop yelling. You'll upset Barry again."
"And good riddance, you dumb, little furballs!" the cyan pegasus yelled at the group of fluffy tails scampering away. His lightning bolt shaped eyebrows were furled above his blazing magenta eyes, making his gaze intimidating. Blitz's prismatic mane spiked up at random intervals, accentuated by his stringy tail and lightning bolt cutie mark. He shook a hoof after the group, but stopped as soon as they rounded the corner of the den.
Turning to Butterscotch, Blitz pulled his nose back in disgust and said, "Jeez, Scotch, how can you keep those little pests?"
"They're not so bad, Blitz," the yellow pegasus mumbled back, "If you'd stop yelling so much..."
"What was that?!" Blitz yelled back, his back to Butterscotch as he trotted into the kitchen.
Butterscotch trotted after his friend, who found him with his head buried inside his fridge.
"I said, you really should be nicer..." he mumbled again.
"What?!" Blitz hollered, not removing his head from the interior of his friend's refrigerator. The sound of food being chewed followed quickly.
"Blitz, could you please stop..."
"Can't hear ya!" the cyan pegasus shouted, pulling his head back. His cheeks were bigger than his eyes as he chewed slowly, flecks of red and brown dotting around his lips at random intervals.
"Thss rlly gud," he mouthed between bites.
Butterscotch sighed heavily and lowered his head, defeated.
"Was that the plate with the note asking you to not eat it?" he asked timidly. Looking up, he saw Blitz picking his teeth with the aforementioned note. The pony gave him a blank stare before uttering a single syllable.
"Uh..." he stated lamely.
Two hours (and thirty two bits worth of food) later, Blitz flapped his wings as he flew around in the sky, practicing his aerial maneuvers in his quest to join the Wonderbolts. He performed barrel-roll after barrel-roll, spinning so fast he became a rainbow-colored blur. Sitting on the hill below him was Butterscotch, watching the performance with mild interest. Next to him was a very familiar orange earth pony sporting a weather-beaten brown hat.
"What the hay is he doin' now?" he asked, clearly unimpressed. His green eyes watched lazily as Blitz switched to jack-knifes without losing a second.
"Practicing," Butterscotch stated plainly.
"Eeyup," came another voice, causing both ponies to turn their heads with a start.
Standing next to the stallions was a bright red earth pony mare with a dark orange mane and tail. Her own accessory, a faded yoke, hung around her neck as she slowly chewed on a stalk of hay. Butterscotch's face immediately turned bright red as he regarded the mare, turning away as quickly as he could.
"How long ya been there, Gala?" AJ asked with a hint of surprise in his voice.
The mare didn't answer, but just stood there as still as the trees surrounding them. Silence pervaded the hilltop once again as AJ looked back up to Blitz's performance along with Gala. Butterscotch, however, sat on his rump and stared at the ground, trying to rally what little courage he had to say something to the red mare next to him. He was always timid around mares, but Gala was something else. Ever since he had moved to Ponyville years ago, he had dealt with a crush on Gala since he first saw her. She was tall, pretty and nice to him, fueling his crush for years.
"H-hey Gala," he mumbled to her, still blushing.
He was sure he hadn't said it loud enough for her to hear, but to his amazement, the red mare turned to look at him and smiled.
"Hi there, Buttah-scotch," she replied.
Butterscotch was sure he was going to melt under her gaze, so he tentatively shook his head, trying to hide his eyes from the mare. He was only partially successful, but he could see her chuckle at him. His cheeks burned even more as he shied away again, but he wanted to say something else to her. As he tried to rally his courage again, Blitz finished performing his training routine and landed with a solid thump on his hooves. The sound was enough to cause Butterscotch to shriek in surprise and he darted away behind the nearest large object, which ironically was Gala.
"Hey there, Gala," Blitz flirted, his voice utterly full of himself, "Enjoy watching the show?"
Butterscotch peeked around behind Gala to see Blitz flash his well rehearsed smile and winked at the mass of red in front of him, causing AJ to yell at him. Ignoring his actions, Gala spun her head around and smiled gently to Butterscotch as he backed away, pushing himself back while he sat on his rump. She turned around and followed him as the yellow pegasus eventually stopped against a tree, blushing furiously as the red mare approached him. His mind raced with things to say, but all he managed to do was squeak.
"Ya okay over there?" Gala asked, still smiling sincerely at him.
*Squeak!* came Butterscotch again. He tried to look at the mare before him and locked eyes with her, still blushing.
Gala laughed at him, her musical laugh stopping the ambient noise of the two ponies yelling behind her. She put a hoof to her mouth and smiled again at him before speaking.
"Take care then, Buttah-scotch," she said before walking off into the trees, leaving a madly blushing pegasus to face his friends.
AJ sighed and shook head as Blitz crossed his forehooves and pouted, now hovering in the air.
"How the hay does he get Gala to pay attention to him and I don't?" Blitz grumbled.
"Maybe if ya stopped bein' such an air-headed showoff fer once," AJ started, turning a scowl to the pegasus, "She may act-ally want ta talk to ya."
Blitz harumphed at that, but ignored it.
"Must be some secret cologne he uses," he muttered to himself, "Or some kind of special pegasus magic I don't know about."
"Yeah, it's called Kindness, Blitz," AJ replied unhappily, "He is tha bearer of that element."
"So?!" Blitz shouted, rounding on AJ, "I'm the Element of Loyalty! That should mean something to the mares of this town!"
"Like what?" AJ goaded.
"Well, for starters I won't cheat on them!"
"Ah'm the Element of Honesty," AJ replied, "What is that supposed ta mean to a mare?"
"You'll tell them if they look fat," Blitz spoke as he grinned widely, "What mare wouldn't want that?"
"Why you little!" AJ shouted as he leaped up and tackled Blitz out of the air. Butterscotch, who had said nothing during that whole banter, gave another defeated sigh as the two ponies rolled around on the hill, both shouting and kicking at each other.
The yellow pegasus stood up, his legs wobbly after being so close to Gala. He was a weak willed pony and he knew it, but after listening to his friends' conversation, he wondered if it was indeed his element that made him and mares mesh when his friends, and most other stallions in Ponyville, couldn't.
"Fine!" came a shout from Blitz, "I'll show you you're wrong!"
"This is highly unorthodox, you guys," a purple unicorn stallion said to three pastel colored ponies. His sparkling purple eyes darted from one to another as his horn glowed with magic, holding aloft an ornate blue and gold box.
"Oh come on, egghead!" the familiar voice of Rainbow Blitz rang out, "It's not going to hurt us!"
"I don't know what will happen, though!" the unicorn replied worriedly.
"Dusk, wha's the worst that can happen?" the orange pony, AJ, asked.
"I just said I don't know!" Dusk Shine answered, "Any number of things could happen! You could have your personality altered, or even your body! Some rip in space and time could occur, changing us into something outrageous, like parasprites or mares! Or we could even--!"
"Dusk, ya been reading those fake magicky books again, haven't ya?" AJ asked with an unimpressed tone.
"Maybe, but so what if I have?!" Dusk replied, "Those sci-fi books are rooted in some truth!"
"Dusk!" Blitz shouted, "It's not gonna hurt us to wear one of the Elements for a day!"
"But it's not your Element!" Dusk pleaded, "You are Loyalty, not Kindness! I don't know what would happen if you wore the wrong one for even a second!"
"Oh, for the love of, just give me the bucking Element!" Blitz angrily said as he dove at Dusk Shine. The two wound up rolling around on the floor, Blitz with his hooves wrapped around the box while Dusk's magic still held it. They shouted and kicked, resembling the fight between Blitz and AJ earlier. Butterscotch just stood there silently, wishing he was somewhere else.
Eventually, Blitz managed to wrestle the box away from Dusk and hastily pulled out a golden leg band with a large, pink butterfly shaped gem embedded in it.
"Blitz, I'm serious!" Dusk shouted, a little bit of fear lacing his voice, "Don't!"
He didn't manage to finish before Blitz slipped the band around his forehoof. It stopped at his ankle, just above his hoof and sat there. The ponies each waited for something to happen, but the band remained still.
"Well, this is dumb!" Blitz shouted, "It's not doing anythi--!"
A sudden clap of thunder shook the library the ponies sat in. A large ball of white light enveloped Blitz and the Element of Kindness before a blur of cyan shot upwards at insane speed, busting through the roof and flying away. Butterscotch dove for cover behind a table as the light faded and peeked out, shivering like it was the middle of winter. Dusk coughed heavily as he picked himself up from the floor and looked around.
"Blitz?! AJ?! Butterscotch?!" he asked frantically.
"Ah'm over here," came a weak voice from underneath a pile of books. An orange hoof poked its way out of the pile and waved to the purple unicorn as Dusk looked around.
"P-P-Present!" came the terrified voice of Butterscotch.
"Blitz? Blitz?! Blitz!" Dusk shouted in fear. His eyes looked up to the hole in the roof and he screamed like a filly before darting out the door. AJ pulled himself out of the pile of books and took off after him with Butterscotch following him after shutting the door gently.
It took the three stallions the better part of half an hour, but eventually they found their prismatic friend dizzy in a tree.
"Blitz!" Dusk shouted for the eleventh hundred time, "Are you okay?!"
"Can ya'll hear us?!" AJ called up to him.
"Please don't be a mare!" Butterscotch weakly said.
The cyan stallion slowly shook his head and looked down at his friends.
"That... was... AWESOME!" he shouted.
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OH BOY HERE WE GO~
2997733
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDEvMDYvMjNfMzJfNDVfNDQzXzIwNDcwOV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfcHJpbmNlc3NfY2VsZXN0aWFfaW1hZ2VfbWFjcm9fcmVhY3Rpb25faW1hZ2VfaXRfYmVnaW5zLmpwZy5qcGciXV0/204709__safe_princess%2Bcelestia_image%2Bmacro_reaction%2Bimage_the%2Bcutie%2Bmark%2Bchronicles_it%2Bbegins.jpg
Alright boys! Are you ready a helluva ride!?
Let's do this!
FOR THE EMPEROR!!1!
Is the wrong first impression 'oh this cant end well'
I'm rather curious to see how you build this little world.
His eyes glowed a sickly, eldritch green while writhing violet wisps of dark magic began to stream from the corners. Inky black smoke coalesced around his body. Blitz opened his mouth and spoke in an unequine voice overlaid with the chorus of the damned in Tartarus.
"Ċ̡̱̖ͅR̞͡Y̲͚̠̊͛ͩ̒ͅS͍͇̻̠̱̝̈́ͩ͠ͅT̬̰̞̪̱̪ͩͦ̂̉̊͞A̔̓ͫ͋̽ͥ̚͏͎̱̤ḼͤṠ̒!!"
Butterscotch gave a quiet "Eeep!" and cowered behind Dusk Shine.
Dusk simply sighed and facehoofed.
"Not again. Solaris banish it!"
I can alresdy see where this is going
I have one reaction, and one reaction only.
FUCK YEAH!!
I see what you did there...
And I like it!
Look, as long as I get more Red Gala I'll be happy.
I think i will hop on board with this one
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQfC7TO4zwzppWTBqZj2S4Db_aadX8jDKRo7i95qtsQrRbNhvNE
Yeah....
Can I have some MOAR?
Wow thats TWO pony related Beatles references I've seen.
Already loved A Day in the Life, and then I wake up to see this.
Now to survive the work day for this.
I don't remember Rainbow ever being THAT much of a dick, man. Tone that down, please.
do you know how much i've wanted this?
do you?
I will read this, because it is probably why TGA Part 2 too so long.
Honk
So... Is this a side fic to On A Cross And Arrow?
So this has been bugging me and I want to get it out there...
It's very well written, both this and the prequel. And I think it's a very accurate sense of what a R63, male dominated equestria would be like.
And as a brony, I gotta say... I hate male dominated Equestria.
Rainbow Blitz bugs the crap out of me. Rarity's version also drives me up the wall. Berry seems like the worst kind of frat guy. Only Dusk and Buttershop are okay, and even then, the fact that the mares constantly feel under attack.... I hate it.
But would I change a thing about these stories? No. I think that's how it would go down.
Basically, these stories have made me realize how much I prefer Equestria just the way it is. I will keep reading because of the skill on display, and because Big Gala and Butterscotch are an oddly affecting pair, but man, am I glad the show is not like this.
Rainbow Blitz is like the guy in the polo shirt who makes all my female friends life hell on a regular basis.
3001063
I kind of agree. While this is written very well and is a pretty good story, I'm glad that they set up Equestria the way they did. Honestly this seems like it would be an accurate representation of gender-swapped Equestria.
3000083
I don't think it's that Dash is such a dick, but that Blitz is a huge dick, since it's a gender-swapped Equestria, and that mixing Dash with Testosterone would result in a massive douchebag.
3001063 Disclaimer #1: I haven't yet read the first story in this series.
Disclaimer #2: I ask to understand you, not to change you.
Why do you accept Dash and reject Blitz? Both are showboating athletes with inflated egos. The only difference I have seen so far is that Blitz uses it to flirt; Dash would probably be doing the same if MLP wasn't a kid's show, with similar results.
Why do you accept Rarity and reject (IDon'tRememberTheR63Name)? Is the flamboyant designer stereotype more offensive when applied to males than when applied to females? I should note here that I cannot relate to Rarity, but I find an equal disconnection in almost every character that uses the word "fabulous" to describe clothing.
Why accept Applejack and reject AJ?
And finally, Pinkie/Berry. I realize that the author has probably added alcohol to Equestria, which would permit a fratboy. With that in mind:
If Berry threw non-alcoholic parties, would you still reject his behavior? If so, why not reject Pinkie?
If Pinkie threw alcoholic parties, would you reject her behavior? If not, why reject Berry?
HAH! Classic last line there. I wonder what actually happened, then? Ooooh, the suspense is killing me!
Dammit Comet, now I have to fav ANOTHER one of your stories! I have to say that these two have been done very well. It's exactly how I think an R63 Equestria would work. I find it funny how the stallions fight with each other all the time. Guy friends to the end!
Although, Cross and Arrow was also fairly convincing...perhaps a middle ground between the two. I feel like there are a few cases where the stallions act just a bit too crazy.
3000083 I have to agree with 3001235 on this one.
3001357
Fair is fair- these elements are much more present in the earlier story. Each mare gets harassed in particularly icky ways from one if not all of the stallions mentioned. And Blitz is just awful to scotch. I read the first story in full before getting to te new story, and I may be carrying over things that aren't as present in the new story.
I guess it's the constant desire to impress/dominate/own all the mares that Blitz sees that makes him so unlovable. Also the fact that with Dash, there is a loyalty core that appears to be nothing but lip service from Blitz. Dash is many things, but not a bully that leaves Flutturshy behind and takes her lunch money. Blitz does both to Scotch.
Bizarro Rarity- his compliments are all just to get laid. Again, this is more present in the prequel, but it makes all of his geneorsity seem like a sham.
Berry- there seems to be a general lack of acknowledgment for any other ponies feelings. Pinkie wants to party, but wants everypony to have a good time at her parties. Berry just wants to party, it seems like, and other ponies are irrelevant.
Note: I forgot about AJ. No real problems with AJ.
3001063>>3001357
1. R63 Rarity's name is Elusive. th08.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/i/2011/120/2/b/profile_elusive_by_trotsworth-d3f8q5s.png
2. Dash does this all the time to Fluttershy, just in a not so aggressive way. (Sonic Rainboom, May the Best Pet Win, Dragonshy, Hearth Warming Eve, ect.)
3. I haven't introduced Bubble Berry yet, and in my previous story he's not a frat boy.
4. The mares in my R63-verse scare the stallions more than they are oppressed by them.
EDIT: My previous story was focused on the mares of the town, not the stallions. This story will address the Mane 6 directly instead of them annoying the inhabitants of Ponyville as side characters. Blitz and Elusive would have some very callous personalities if they existed for two reasons: 1. They are both show-offs and 2. They are the most confrontational. Dash and AJ compete at everything and Rarity has a very precarious relationship with Sweetie Belle. Translate that from girls to guys and you would get something like how I tried to portray them.
3001489
1) I think you're doing a really good job with these stories. I don't think you should change anything.
2) I think a lot of this is coming from the previous story, which bubbled over into this one. I should have commented on the previous story. Sorry.
3) I also didn't mean to say that Berry was ACTUALLY a frat boy, that was just the vibe I got. Pardon my poor choice of words. As for Dash/Blitz and Scotch/Shy, reasonable minds can disagree, but I've yet to see Blitz do one nice thing for Butterscotch, and Dash does care about Fluttershy.
However:
Disagree? The feeling I got from your previous story is that it's like this (and by this I mean specifically how Sugarcube was treated) day in, day out... like they're on display to be gawked at by Stallions.
Yes, the stallions were scared by Gala's rampage, but in general it felt like the mares were being beset by all sides, especially since there were many more stallions than mares. Tension and anxiety everywhere.
But whether you meant to or not, the world you've painted for me is one that I'm very, very glad isn't in the show, because it's not a happy place for a mare to be. (At least not recently, there is some mention that things have gotten more flirty and harrasy in recent times.)
Maybe that's how the stallions feel in the show, as they are outnumbered? Unlikely, given that the mares aren't constantly treating them like pieces of meat, but possible.
Just one guy's opinion. I like your style very much, as well as your command of character.
3001468 Thank-you. That clears everything (except Rarity/Elusive) up, and makes me quite glad I included the disclaimers. I had assumed that the conversion was as faithful in the Berry/Elusive/Blitz cases as it was in the Dusk/Scotch/AJ cases.
Even with the differences in the ways that some guys express friendship (casual insults, the occasional scuffle), Blitz's behavior seems unacceptable.
Your description of Berry also indicates that something got lost in trans
lationgender.I still don't see too much difference between Rarity/Elusive. Were MLP not a kid's show, I can easily see Rarity doing the same. (Eg. Acquiring asparagus in "Putting Your Hoof Down". Put that same behavior toward acquiring romance, and...)
EDIT: Reading the older story, the "takes her lunch money" bit may be out of context. Blitz tries to demonstrate (to AJ) that Scotch is a pushover by telling him to give 5 bits; this is followed by a groan when Scotch acquiesces. I think this is reason enough to assume that the money was either summarily rejected or returned, and thus this action would easily be something that Dash might do.
Keep in mind that it is not generally considered mean to say "Did you know that someone wrote 'gullible' on the ceiling?"
EDIT #2: Hmm. I now see why you have problems with the Elusive translation. Something does seem to have been lost. There also does seem to be a "male vs. female" mentality throughout the previous work. I suspect, however, that it's more the writer and his attempt to create such a world than the characters themselves.
3001538
Everybody has their own one.
Eh, I'm not upset by your opinion.
What I did with the previous story (last comment about it!) was just goof around with the mares of the R63-verse. The idea was to have three very different reactions to the world around them. Sugarsnap's (Caramel's) story was me just playing around with how a mare might react to a male dominated world while making Elusive, Dusk and Bubble look silly.
Wake up and find out that "A day in life" has a sequel
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Also I guess Rainbow is more of a dick now since...he has more dick
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Okay sorry..I couldnt resist...
3002016
Dude...fix your shit...
ANYWAYS
This has good potential, and I now must go read the original!
The way you wrote how an Element bearer putting on another Element would result in that Element rejecting its holder is really interesting.
Too bad it can only happen to Element bearers and not other creatures. Otherwise, I wonder what would've happened to Spike when Twilight put the Element of Loyalty on him.
Interesting
Yes. Yes for the story, the writing, the grammar, and the rest of my yes for... Whatever awesome stuff I didn't mention. (That means the rest of the story.)
Shouldn't there be a romance tag? It certainly seems odd at this point. The description even makes it sound like a romance, which would seem odd to people just stumbling onto the story.
3001489 I'll disagree with assessment of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's relationship, but that's a conversation for a different thread.
I do like your take on the mane six as males though. I could see them having much the same feelings about each other, but expressed in much more aggressive ways. They're not really grown men yet, after all.
Rainbow Blitz is such a jerk!
I guess Butterscotch can only say one thing; "I hate Mondays".
Me too, buddy, me too.
I LOVE THIS STORY!!! Please write more! I'll gratefully oblige.
-CS
It's soundly written, but I hate the story, sorry.
Mechanically speaking, the opening paragraphs up to Blitz' arrival are completely unnecessary. It could be shaved down to a single paragraph and we wouldn't miss anything. It's dead wood and not really needed for the flow of the story. Remember, most readers have an attention span of about five sentences. Your opening paragraph needs to drag them in and make them read more. (character) getting out of bed and going about their morning routine isn't very interesting.
Blitz is... well, a frat boy. He breaks and enters, steals food, swears like a preteen, and just doesn't strike me as a likeable character. It was borderline assault whenever he interacted with Butterscotch or Dusk Shine. There's a fine line between a powerful personality and a complete asshole, and he's more than crossed it.
I also felt that we spent too long focusing on colors. Whenever a new character showed up, the first couple of sentences became "a pony with (fur color) and (mane color). While that is important, it became repetative and mechanical. Think about posture, body shape, facial expression, and other things. Names more than make up for something as simple as colors. Remember, show, don't tell.
Keep writing!